I read a story recently about three ladies who were sitting around and bragging about their children. The first one said, "You know my son, he graduated first in his class from Stanford, he’s now a doctor making $250,000 a year in Chicago."
The second woman said, "You know my son, he graduated first in his class from Harvard, he’s now a lawyer making half a million dollars a year and he lives in Los Angeles."
The last woman said, "You know my son, he never did too well in school, he never went to any university but he now makes 1 million dollars a year in New York working as a sports repairman."
The other two women ask "What is a sports repairman?"
She replied, "He fixes hockey games, football games, baseball games..."
Obviously parents want their kids to succeed. We want our kids to grow up to be responsible self-sufficient adults who are capable of taking care of themselves. I jokingly tell my kids all the time that I don’t have a retirement plan because they are my retirement plan. We want our kids to be successful. And this desire we have as parents raises a question. What is success? How do I measure success as a parent? The answer you have for this question this morning is the evidence of how you are raising your kids.
Think about this way. If you want your kids to be comfortable in life, to make enough money that they don’t have to worry about paying bills, or worrying about their future, you will more than likely emphasize a quality education. You want your kids to get good grades, and the reason you tell your kids they need to get good grades is so that they’ll have a comfortable life. So they won’t suffer from a lack of income when they’re raising their family. So then when your kids get good grades you reward them, when they graduate from high school and go to a prestigious school you’re very proud, and you might even push them to consider law, medicine, business or some other career that will provide a comfortable income. If you participated in the not a fan small group, Eric’s dad, Bill would be the poster dad for this measure of success. The quote in the movie that gave me the impression he feels like a failure as a dad, is when Bill says to Eric, “I didn’t raise you and spend all that money on your education, just so you could throw it all away.”
Or maybe you have other priorities as parents. Maybe the most important thing for you is for your kids to be happy. So you give them stuff and you feel good when you give to your kids. You say something like, “I just want my kids to have things I couldn’t have when I was their age.” You feel good as a parent when your kids are happy. When they go to school you want them to get good grades, but, the more important value to you might be that they enjoy their school experience. So if they want to try extra-curricular activities you do everything you can to make sure they enjoy as much as possible. When they are old enough to talk about a career you stress that they consider a job they will enjoy doing. And if your kids seem well adjusted and happy as adults you feel good as a parent, because this is how you measure success.
These are just a couple of examples of how parents will make decisions, how they will spend money, how they will structure their family life based on how they want their kids to live, behave and function as adults.
But what if we measured our success as parents not by how much money they might make, or how educated they will be, or even by how happy they are. What if we considered the ultimate success as our children living out lives as sold out followers of Jesus. What if everything we did as parents, the money we spent, the time we invested, the way we structured our family life was for this one purpose. To raise kids who are more in love with Jesus than they are with anything else.
I think it's important to first point out that this isn't about how to raise your kids. I don't think that I'm a perfect parent. And I don't want to tell someone else how to raise their children. There are three things that preachers are always intimidated to talk about. Sex, money, and raising kids. Because these things are deeply personal and intimate we don't like other people sticking their nose in what we consider our business. So, I want to be sensitive to that, so don't consider that I'm getting nosy, or pushy or telling you what to do, because this is not my intent.
My purpose is to share what the Bible says and then to share some basic Biblical principles that all of us can use, whether we are parents or not.
First let’s take a look at where in the Bible these principles are.
Deuteronomy 6 says that as parents we are to be wholeheartedly committed to this command, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.” This basically means that you love God more than you love anything, or anyone else. The first question we ask as parents if we want to raise kids who are followers, is this, “Do I love God more than anyone or anything else?” If you don’t know the answer to that question, or maybe feel uncomfortable asking it, I can guarantee you one thing. Your kids know the answer. Even if you don’t have kids, or your kids are grown, and you think this is all irrelevant to you, then consider the relationships in your life.
The primary responsibility of a follower of Jesus is to do everything we can to show who Jesus is, to talk about who Jesus is, and to live for Jesus in every facet of our life. Simply because we love God. When followers live for Jesus, the world around them takes notice. So ask yourself again, “Do I love God more than anyone or anything else?” Regardless of whether you have kids at home or not, people who need Jesus are taking notice.
Jesus confirms this greatest command and then adds to it in Matthew 22. Jesus said, “a second command is equally important, to love others”
Based on these two Bible verses here are two principles that I believe are necessary to raise kids who are followers of Jesus.
Your home is the church - Deuteronomy 6:7; Ephesians 6:1-4
In Deuteronomy 6:7 God makes it clear that parents have the responsibility of teaching the Bible to their kids. In a very real way, that makes dad and mom the pastors of their home. Paul in Ephesians 6 says that Dad’s are the primary teachers. Unfortunately, today, even in homes where there is a mom and dad, and both are Christians, dad’s are not the primary teacher anymore.
I believe the single greatest challenge for modern church leaders is to mentor young dads to be the Spiritual hero in their home. Most of our leadership teams know we have a problem. They understand that there is minimal mentoring and training taking place in the church, but, there is a lot of activity. Some of these leaders believe they can just tweak the activity, they can just make a couple of minor changes to programs to encourage some relationship building.
I don't think anyone can manage multiple programs and build meaningful relationships at the same time, yet, this is exactly what many churches demand of their ministers. I've concluded that I'm going to invest the majority of my time in building relationships with people with the purpose of leading them to be Spiritual leaders in their home.
And I’m convinced this is what its going to take to raise our kids as a church to be followers of Jesus; for guys like me and our elders and leadership team to personally invest in young families. Paul tells Titus, “The older teach the younger.” It just doesn’t get any clearer than that.
I don’t know why the church seems to buy into the idea that everything we need to accomplish in the Spiritual development of people must happen in the four walls of a church building. I have found the opposite to be true. The most significant spiritual development I’ve experienced is always while I’m doing life as a follower of Jesus. I’ve fallen more in love with Jesus and with his mission when I’m participating in his mission, when I’m loving people in his name. This is when I discover who Jesus really is.
There’s no place on earth where I spend more time in the mission of loving others in the name of Jesus than in my home. Paul teaches in 1 Corinthians 6 that my body is the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit. Do you really think that Jesus died and went through all that for a building? We are the church. So the Bible teaches when we’re home, then that’s where church is.
Here’s the thing though, church leaders, and parents, including myself, we all feel inadequate, sometimes. We don't know if we have enough Bible knowledge to teach our kids. And that’s why I need you to hear this, please. This isn't about knowing more; the greatest command is to love God with all your heart, soul, strength and mind and to love others. The Biblical concept that your home is the church is more about how you live than what you know.
The Bible isn't a book only to be studied, The Word of God is life to be experienced - Deuteronomy 6:5-6; Colossians 3:16-17
If the greatest commandment is to love God with all your heart, soul, strength and mind, and the second is to love others, then how do you obey this command in your home? How do you love God? The way you do this as a parent is going to teach your child more than a thousand Bible studies. Your child is going to watch you love God. They will emulate how you love God. They will watch how you love others. How you serve the "least of these" However you love God and love others your children will more than likely emulate. If you approach the Bible as a book that you have to read, a bunch of rules that you have to memorize, then that is how your kids will approach it, too.
Now, I’ve already said that it’s not my intent to tell you how to raise your kids. I don’t want to give you a bunch of rules, that would kind of defeat the point. You are on your own journey. I’m hoping that if I provide these two Biblical principles for you, then you’ll prayerfully consider your own journey as a parent and take inventory of your priorities and make changes where you need to.
So, while I don’t want to tell you what to do, I’ll take a minute to share an example with you, because it’s what I know. Kristi and I decided early on in our marriage that one of our priorities raising our kids was to make sure that, as much as possible, we shared our ministry with them.
So, if I go on a visit, if it’s appropriate, I’ll take one or two of the kids. If we’re going on a mission trip, we want to take our kids. We want our kids to experience our life in Jesus as we’re experiencing it. We want our home to be a place of mission. Obviously, with Jared’s cancer treatments last year, we had to change the way we did life, and I have to tell you, this was not an easy thing for us. Our heart and passion is to share the love of Jesus with people as a family, because the way Kristi and I measure success as parents is for our kids to love Jesus and his mission more than anything else.
There was a night that Jared was really sick. As I reflect on our experience with Jared’s cancer this last year, I believe it was the most difficult night. Jared was in intense pain. We had called the IWK and they told us to wait a couple of hours before we went to the emergency room in Yarmouth because Jared didn’t have a fever, so they thought the pain would pass with some meds. But the meds weren’t working because Jared kept throwing them up. I was frustrated, even angry, because I couldn’t do anything. I felt the most helpless and worthless as a dad, I’ve ever felt in my life. Kristi was worried, Jared was throwing up, moaning and crying and we were a mess. Jared even cried out in the middle of all this that he felt like he was dying.
I was pacing and wringing my hands and repeating “what can we do, what are we going to do?” over and over again. In the middle of all this chaos Jared said through his moans, “Alex, just pray.” I wish I could tell you that I was the one who thought of that. Duh. While Alex prayed Jared’s hands went from clutching his stomach to straight up to heaven, he was reaching up with his hands like a toddler would do when he wants to be held by his daddy. And when Alex finished, Jared sighed and said, “That’s better.” Within a couple of minutes, Kristi gave him another med, and this time, Jared didn’t throw it up.
We experienced a miracle that night. And the miracle wasn’t that Jared was healed from his cancer, or even that the pain went away completely, the miracle was that Jared had his own experience with God. Did Jared know to pray because we had serious Bible studies on prayer? NO. You might be surprised by this, but, Kristi and I have always struggled to have daily formal Bible studies with our kids. We just struggle to find the time to do that. I believe that studying the Bible is vital. But I also know that I can’t study the Bible for my kids. They need to study for themselves, and more importantly, they must want to. They won’t want to study the Bible if I make it a rule; If I make it like it homework. Who likes homework?
We didn’t have a Bible study on prayer. But as a family we experienced prayer together many times. We pray together most every night before we go to bed. We’ve done this for years. Our kids have been on the frontline of watching God answer prayer their whole life. So, for Jared it was a natural response, not because of what he knew about prayer, but, because he’s had plenty of his own prayer experiences.
The point is that everyone has to experience life in Jesus for themselves. A parent can’t be a follower of Jesus for their kid. And I’m not going to promise that my kids will continue to be sold out followers of Jesus. They will have to make their own decisions and choices. But I’m convinced of this. My kids will more than likely grow up to be sold out Jesus followers if they grow up experiencing Jesus for themselves. I believe that once a person discovers Jesus for real, they won’t ever leave that relationship.
Jesus said he was the "Bread of Life". The Bible isn't meant to just be read, the Word of God is meant to be experienced in life everyday. Can you really get enough of the "Bread of Life"? Don't you find yourself always hungry for more of God?
Kristi and I have always paid attention to parents who have raised preachers, elders, missionaries, and sold out followers of Jesus. Since Alex was born we have emulated the practices of parents who raised kids who were the kind of followers of Jesus as adults we wanted our kids to be. We asked them how they did it. These two concepts were what Kristi and I found in common with these families we wanted to be like. Your home is the church and the Word of God is life to be experienced. We want our kids to go to heaven. We want them to know Jesus.
Last week I heard someone say that two minutes in heaven is better than one. I can’t imagine how awesome heaven is, I wish I had just a few seconds to take a peek, don’t you? Can you imagine an eternity in heaven? The only way for us to spend our eternity with God is for Jesus to know us intimately and for us to know him.
I hope and pray that if you’re a parent with kids at home, you’ll consider ultimate success as your kids growing up as sold out followers of Jesus.
