Bullying: Far From Harmless
Healing for the Wounded; Forgiveness for the Those Who Wound
3/10/2013 Chester First Baptist Church, Chester, IL Dr. Mike Fogerson
Introduction:
13 Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead,14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Phil 3:13-14 (NASB)
I The Wounded Has to Make A Decision to Have a New Attitude.
A Paul knew he wasn’t perfect: he knew what team he was a member of.
1 Paul was satisfied with Jesus but he wasn’t satisfied in his Christian life. (Sanctified dissatisfaction).
a He knew he wasn’t perfect, but he didn’t come to that conclusion because he compared himself to other people; but rather because he compared himself to Jesus Christ.
aa They key mark of Paul’s maturity was that he knew he wasn’t perfect, the best.
bb An honest/mature Christian honestly evaluates him/herself & strives to do better.
b When we evaluate ourselves we tend to err in two directions: judge ourselves better than we are or worse than we are.
2 Examine ourselves falsely is warned against in Scripture.
a The church at Sardis had a name that they lived but were dead.
1 "To the angel of the church in Sardis write: He who has the seven Spirits of God and the seven stars, says this: 'I know your deeds, that you have a name that you are alive, but you are dead. Rev 3:1 (NASB)
aa They had a reputation without reality.
bb They had everything going for them, but nothing going on in the inside.
b The church at Laodicea boasted they rich, but in God’s eyes they were “wretched and miserable, and poor and blind, and naked.”
17 'Because you say, "I am rich, and have become wealthy, and have need of nothing," and you do not know that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked, Rev 3:17 (NASB)
c Smyrna thought they were poor when they were really rich!
9 'I know your tribulation and your poverty (but you are rich), and the blasphemy by those who say they are Jews and are not, but are a synagogue of Satan. Rev 2:9 (NASB)
d Jud. 16.20; Samson thought he still had his old power, but in reality it had departed him.
20 She said, "The Philistines are upon you, Samson!" And he awoke from his sleep and said, "I will go out as at other times and shake myself free." But he did not know that the Lord had departed from him. Judges 16:20 (NASB)
3 Paul was still reaching to better in the Spirit!
a Not to impress friends, teachers, associates, youth pastors, pastor, parents . . . but to get what Jesus had for him!
b He kept wanting to impress God, please God, measure up to God’s best & blessing.
aa 1 As the deer pants for the water brooks, So my soul pants for You, O God.2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God; When shall I come and appear before God? Psalms 42:1-2 (NASB)
B All of us have been touched by bullying (because nobody’s perfect!)
1 If you’re wounded, you’re not alone (Don’t roll your eyes!)
a People come in all shapes, sizes, different abilities & disabilities.
aa Some are handsome & ugly; strong & week, dorky, nerdy.
bb God made each of us! (He made the jock & dork, Valedictorian & drop out.)
b Because were all created by God, we’re each one special!
aa He makes no two snowflakes, trees, blades of grass, identical!
bb All of have something (or lack something) that makes us a target to somebody else.
2 Everybody has something they wish they could change about themselves.
a If you’ve ever discovered some “defect” - - - welcome to the human race!
aa Think you’re ugly, cystic hygroma, cereble palsy, muscular dystrophy, polio, freckles, too tall, too skinny, . . . to much of anything . . . YOU ARE A MEMBER!
bb You feel left out because you are too smart, physically/mentally challenged? YOU ARE A MEMBER!
cc Raped? Molested? Yep, you are still a member!
b What happened to you, shouldn’t have happened to you;
What was said to you, shouldn’t have been said to you;
What was done to you, shouldn’t have been done to you.
aa Nobody deserves to be abused, wounded so don’t blame yourself.
bb Any fool can criticize and all fools do, so don’t blame yourself.
3 It isn’t your fault you’re picked last, can’t throw, can’t run fast,
a You have the right to be imperfect, flawed, & it’s okay.
b I don’t chose to be fat, slow? I can’t take off this “fat” suit.
aa If anybody wants to make an issue of your imperfections, they are ones in the wrong, not you.
bb We are precious in His sight, should be precious to each other & don’t let anybody, not even ourselves tell you otherwise.
c The most common mistake made by victims of bullying is that for some unknown reason we tend to see ourselves through eyes of our tormentors.
aa we’re called “wide-load”, slut?, stupid? retarded? . . . we believe them.
bb Your bully doesn’t have the final word in your life!
4 God calls you . . .
a Saint (Eph. 1.18)
18 I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, Eph 1:18 (NASB)
b New creation (2 Cor. 5.17)
17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 2 Cor 5:17 (NKJV)
c Temple of the Holy Spirit (Eph. 2.22)
22 in whom you also are being built together into a dwelling of God in the Spirit. Eph 2:22 (NASB)
d Member of His body (1 Cor. 12.27)
27 Now you are Christ's body, and individually members of it. 1 Cor 12:27 (NASB)
e Adopted as His child (Eph. 1.5)
5 He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, Eph 1:5 (NASB)
f Delivered (Col. 1.13)
13 He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, Col 1:13 (NKJV)
g Christ’s friend (Jn. 15.15)
15 No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you. John 15:15 (NKJV)
h Chosen & dearly loved (Col. 3.12)
12 So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience Col 3:12 (NASB)
i Blameless (1 Cor. 1.8)
8 who will also confirm you to the end, that you may be blameless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Cor 1:8 (NKJV)
j I am included (Eph. 1.13)
13 In Him , you also, after listening to the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation—having also believed , you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of promise, Eph 1:13 (NASB)
k Protected (Jn. 10.28)
28 And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand. John 10:28 (NKJV)
l The righteousness of God (2 Cor. 5.21)
21 For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. 2 Cor 5:21 (NKJV)
m I belong to God (1 Cor. 6.20)
20 For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's. 1 Cor 6:20 (NKJV)
n I can be strong (Eph. 6.10)
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Eph 6:10 (NASB)
o I can forgive others (Eph. 4.23)
23 and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, Eph 4:23 (NASB)
5 My boys will come to Ms. Pam for permission do this or that, and sometimes Momma will tell them, “Go ask your daddy.”
a YOUR BULLY DOESN’T HAVE THE FINAL WORD.
b YOUR DADDY DOES!
c The only one you have to please is your Creator!
C Phil. 3.13, “Forgetting” in Scripture doesn’t mean “to fail to remember.”
13 Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, Phil 3:13 (NASB)
1 I wish would God would give us spiritual amnesia, erase certain events from our hard drives.
a Apart from brain damage or senility, no matter how much you want to “forget”, no mature person can forget what has happened in the past.
b The bible “to forget” means we no longer are influenced by or affected by “the past event, abuse, attack, slander.”
2 We break the power of the past by living for the future.
a We can’t change the past, but we can change the meaning of the past to us.
b Many churches are filled with Christians who are spiritually paralyzed, crippled by the grudges, bitterness, sins, & tragedies of the past.
c Forget what lies behind!
D One of the most important things you can take towards healing your wounded Spirit is to forgive.
1 If you don’t let go of the hurt in your past, bitterness will eat you alive & rob you of a peaceful future.
a I find myself letting those who have injured, slandered, attacked my ministry/integrity make me feel rotten and they’re not even here. (I’m letting go!)
b Do you know what God had to have to forgive you? Grace!
c When you decided to forgive your tormentors, God will give you the grace you need to forgive them.
2 Your wounded Spirit does not need to be terminal/permanent. (It’s never to late to make things better!)
a Especially if your young, right now is not in cement.
aa As we grow, mature, we change, our circumstances change, find ourselves in different places/situations.
bb 2 out of 10 teenagers have considered suicide; 1.5 out of 10 have made plans to carry it out.
b Students, your bullying, peer preasure, break-ups are not worthy of you taking your life!
aa Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
bb Forget it, forgive them, forge ahead.
3 You don’t have to put up with bullying.
a Nobody in charge of your assembly line, shift, class, bus line, cafeteria school should expect you to put up with abuse/bullying.
aa You’re there to make a living, get an education.
bb Bosses, teachers, principals are there to help care for you— if anyone causes you trouble let them know!
b If these people in authority don’t care — wrong attitude.
aa If you are being abused & refuse to let them know . . . you have a wrong attitude?
bb If these people in authority don’t care . . . they have the wrong attitude.
c You’ve got to forget about that foolish childhood code of silence!
aa Speak up, let someone know what’s going on.
bb You have my permission to tell the person over you, what’s bugging you! Get help!
II There is hope for those who wound.
A Your character is not measured by how many home runs you hit, touchdowns or baskets you score, how much you can bench press, but by the depth of your nobility. . . it’s time to grace these latter days with noble deeds.
1 Wake up & realize what you’ve done to what you may be doing.
a Confess (admit) your sins honestly to God, ask Him to forgive.
b Then declare your bullying & malicious teasing days are over.
2 Go to God for cleansing.
a As God to bring folks to your mind you’ve hurt.
b Apologize to God in prayer, apologize to them, & ask God to grant each person the grace to forgive me & find healing in their lives.
3 Ask God to change your heart & make you like Jesus. (Matt. 12.20)
20 "A battered reed He will not break off, And a smoldering wick He will not put out, until He leads justice to victory. Matt 12:20 (NASB)
a Jesus never took cruel advantage of anyone’s disadvantage, the bruised He helped.
b That’s what I want you to do, too!
B Start using what God has given you for God.
1 Protect the weaker, guard over them, stand on the wall!
2 Nobody’s gonna hurt you on my watch!
Conclusion:
A Religion Professor named Dr. Christianson taught a required survey of Christianity course at small college. Every freshman was required to take the course regardless of his or her major. Although he tried hard to communicate the gospel, students viewed the class as nothing more than a waste of time.
One particular year Dr. Christianson had a student named Steve. Steve was the Center for the college football team and also a strong Christian who intended on going to Seminary. One day Dr. Christianson had an idea and he asked Steve to stay after class. "How many push ups can you do?" He asked. Steve said, "I do 200 every night." The professor asked Steve if he could do 300. "I have never done 300 before" Steve said, "but I think I can do it." "Good," the professor said, and he proceeded to tell his plan to Steve.
Friday came and Steve got to class early. Dr. Christianson came in with a large box of fluffy, cream filled doughnuts. The class was excited, it was Friday the last class of the day, and they could start their weekend early. Dr. Christianson went to the first girl in the row and asked, "Cynthia would you like a donut?" "Yes," she said. Dr. Christianson then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve would you do ten push-ups so that Cynthia can have a donut?" "Sure." Steve jumped down out of his desk and counted off ten push ups. Dr. Christianson laid the donut on Cynthia’s desk. Joe was next. He asked Joe the same question and Joe said "yes." Steve did 10 more pushups and the professor laid the doughnut on Joe’s desk. And so it went all the way down the first row and half way down the second until it came to Scott. He was a basketball player and friendly to female companionship. Scott replied to the professor’s question by saying, "I want the doughnut if I can do my own push ups." Dr. Christianson said, "No Steve has to do the pushups." Then Scott said, "Well I don’t want one if I can’t do my own." Dr. Christian turned around and asked, "Steve, would you do ten push ups so Scoot can have a donut he doesn’t want." Scott said, "hey! I said I didn’t want one!" Dr. Christianson said, "Look, this is my classroom, my class, my desks, and these are my donuts, Just leave it on the desk if you don’t want it." And he put the donut on Scott’s desk.
Steve had begun to slow down a little and sweat had began to form on his cheeks. Dr. Christianson started down the third row. Students were beginning to get a little angry. Dr. Christianson asked Jenny, "Jenny, do you want a donut?" Sternly, Jenny said, "NO!" Then Dr. Christianson asked, "Steve, would you do ten more push ups so Jenny can have a donut that she doesn’t want?" Steve did ten-Jenny got a doughnut.
By now a sense of uneasiness had filled the room. The students were all beginning to say "no." There were uneaten donuts on every desk. Steve was now putting forth a lot of extra effort to get the pushups done for each doughnut. A small pool of sweat was on the floor, his face was red, and you could see the sweat soaking through his shirt.
Dr. Christianson asked Robert, the most vocal unbeliever in class, to watch to make sure Steve did the full ten. Dr. Christianson started down the forth row. Students from other classes had came in and were sitting along the side of the room watching on. When the professor saw them he counted and saw that there were now 34 people in the room. He was worried about Steve, "Could he do that many push ups?" Jason, a recent transfer student, didn’t know what was going on and came in to see. The class yelled, "Go away! Don’t come in!" Steve picked up his head and said, "let him come in." Jason was asked and he said "yes." "Steve will you do ten push ups so Jason can have a donut?" Steve did ten pushups very slowly and with great struggle. Jason, confused, was handed a donut and he sat down. Dr. Christianson then finished the fourth row and began on the visitors. Steves arms were shaking uncontrolably with each push up. By this time sweat was pouring off of his face and arms. The very last two students were cheerleaders. "Linda, do you want a donut?" Linda cried and said, "no thank you." Professor turned to Steve, "Steve would you do ten push ups so Linda can have a donut she doesn’t want?" Grunting from the effort, Steve did ten very slow push ups for Linda. The last girl was Susan. "Susan would you like a donut?" Susan was full of tears and did not answer. "Steve would you do ten push ups so Susan can have a donut?" Susan asked, "Dr. Christianson why can’t I help him?" Dr. Christianson had tears in his eyes also and replied, "I have given him this task and he is in charge of seeing that everyone has an opportunity for a donut whether they want it or not. When I decided to have a party I looked at the grade book and found that Steve was the only person with a perfect grade. All of you had failed a test, skipped class, or turned in inferior work. Steve told me that in football practice, when a player messes up he must do push ups. I told Steve that none of you could come to my party unless he paid the price by doing your push ups. He and I made a deal for your sakes."
Steve slowly got up off the floor, he had done 350 push ups, his arms buckled beneath him as he started to get up. Two students helped Steve up off the floor and to a seat, physically exhausted, but wearing a thin smile. "Well done good and faithful servant", said the professor, "not all sermons are preached in words class." Turning the the students the professor said, "My wish is that you may fully comprehend all the riches of grace and mercy that have been given to you through the sacrifice of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. God did not spare His only Son but gave him up for all of us. Whether or not we accept His gift is our choice. The price has been paid. Wouldn’t you be foolish and ungrateful to leave it lying on the desk?
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