Selfishness
Philippians 2:3-4
If you look around, you see endless examples of selfishness. We often lament their existence: We lash out at the pork spending of politicians for their constituents. We despise the self-serving culture of corporate greed. We protest the selfish motives of many wars and ruling parties. We cry out against the injustice of unnecessary poverty and hunger in an age where the 1% live ostentatious, selfish lives focused on themselves. It is so easy to judge and condemn the perceived selfishness of others. But rarely do we turn that discerning eye and critical judgment toward ourselves leaving our personal selfishness virtually unchallenged. Recognizing selfishness in others is easy. But claiming our own selfishness is more difficult to accomplish. It is, after all, far more painful to admit.
Selfishness is being concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself: seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others. Selfishness is putting our goals, priorities and needs before everyone else even those who are really in need. In our scripture passage today, Paul compares selfishness to “empty conceit”—a term that could be translated “vanity” or “arrogance.” It refers to an overly high opinion of oneself. Selfishness, then, is akin to narcissism. It is often expressed by building up oneself by tearing down others. Galatians 5:20 calls it one of the “works of the flesh.” James 3:16 says it leads to “disorder and every evil practice.” Selfishness caused the children of Israel to “willfully put God to the test by demanding the food they craved.” Psalm 78:18. Selfishness caused the rich young ruler to turn his back on Jesus. Matt. 19:21-22. Selfishness ruins friendships (Proverbs 18:1) and it hinders prayer (James 4:3).
Are you selfish? To find out, take this short quiz. How would you answer these questions: I rarely let others borrow anything.
I don't lend things out unless I get something as a deposit.
Sometimes I think I ask too much of the people around me.
I don't always let the guest get first pick.
I don’t want to hear about your problems. It's not MY problem.
I’ll do anyone a favor, but expect one in return.
I take credit for things, even if it is a team’s work
I have a negative reaction when someone asks me for a donation for a charity.
The fact is we are all selfish at times. There are various degrees of selfishness, but the general traits are the same: putting yourself first, only caring about your needs and wants, being unable to see another’s perspective, and being uncaring of others. There are times we all have been guilty of one or all of those traits, but what sets self-centered people apart is that they behave that way all the time.
But are humans naturally selfish? Professor Jay Hoffman of The College of New Jersey writes, “If you don't think most of humanity is selfish, try going shopping early on Black Friday…Or try yelling "Fire" in a crowded theater. And driving anywhere these days one sees a horrific display of selfishness. Drivers are aggressively competing to get ahead of each other…”
The opposite of selfishness is altruism, the selfless concern for the well-being of others, and our inclination toward it is supported in research. Studies of 18-month-old toddlers show that they will almost always try to help an adult who is visibly struggling with a task, without being asked to do so: if the adult is reaching for something, the toddler will try to hand it to them, or if they see an adult drop something accidentally, they will pick it up. Another study found that 3- to 5-year-olds tend to give a greater share of a reward (stickers, in this case) to a partner who has done more work on a task — again, without being asked — even if it means they get to keep less for themselves. Fundamental tendencies toward altruism aren’t only seen in children, either. Worldwide, the aftermath of natural disasters are typically characterized by heroism and a sharing of resources both within the affected community and by others outside. During the terrorist attacks of 9/11, there were no accounts of people being trampled rushing out of the World Trade Center towers; rather, those who needed assistance descending were cared for. The same occurred after the earthquake, tsunami and nuclear meltdown in Japan in 2011. And in the aftermath of Katrina and Sandy, the nation pulled together to donate millions of dollars and tens of thousands of people volunteered and sacrificed to come help rebuild.
So if we aren’t innately selfish, what causes selfishness in us and others? First is the culture we live in. An article for New Scientist Magazine on self-centered cultures states that cultures which emphasize individualism, such as America, fail at being able to take on another person’s perspective. Cultures that emphasize interdependence, on the other hand, like those in Asia, are easily able to put themselves in the shoes of others and be more empathetic. Our American culture not only supports but pushes individuals to put themselves and their own happiness first. Sociologists have noted that people take pride in being self-centered and for caring only about their needs and wants. Ayn Rand has written a book entitled Atlas Shrugged in which she argues that being selfish is actually a viture.
Second is our context or circumstances. Professor Jay Hoffman says that he believes that selfishness is a context-related behavior because the same people who appear to be trying to run me off the road in order to get ahead of me, might act quite differently if they were to accidentally bump into me in church. The charity of corporations, as well as that of individuals, is usually predicated on context...” In other words, people aren’t naturally selfish but rather selfish behavior is caused by our circumstances where it is approved of or at least allowed without any repercussions.
Third is a fear of loss of control. Most of us are under the illusion that we are in control of our lives. Many people believe that if they give to others they will lose that control because they’re afraid that making such a sacrifice will mean being inundated with requests for assistance and help. Fourth is narcissism, the belief that we are better than others around us and thus more deserving. That gives us permission to hold onto what we have rather than share it. Fifth is believing what’s mine is mine. I worked hard for it, I bought it and it’s in mine so I can do with it what I please. Sixth is unmet personal goals. All of us have dreams and goals which make us feel insecure and the result is being afraid to give anything away but some of us believe that they might not be able to reach them and that’s why they save all of their resources to themselves just to ease some of the insecurity they’re feeling.
But doesn’t Jesus call us to something more than selfish lives? For Jesus said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” How do we avoid being selfish? First, determine what causes you to be selfish. Take a look over the causes just mentioned and identify which plays a role when you act selfishly. Then take those to God and ask him to change your attitude and approach to life and your time, talents and treasures. Psalm 119:36-37 “Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain. Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word.”
Second, take on a servant attitude. In our Scripture today, it says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” Philippians 2.3-4 (NLT)
Third, declutter. We mentioned this step in the sermon on materialism too but it bears repeating. Donate all of the stuff you don’t want any more or absolutely need or. It’s a gratifying process, and at the same time, it makes you realize how useless all our consumer shopping is. When you do this, you may be less likely to buy more stuff, freeing up resources to share with others. On that note, don’t just add it to the landfill, give some of your useful stuff to someone who really needs it.
Fourth, seek to please an audience of one. The NLT says, “Don’t be selfish; don’t live to make a good impression on others.” One of our most basic motivations is to protect, preserve and promote our own self above everyone else. We do that we’re seen by others doing good acts. Then they will either think better of us and praise us. The problem is that when we do, we are playing to the wrong crowd. Too many of us have been trying to please the world seeking its approval rather than realizing we were created to serve an audience of one. Our purpose in life is to give honor and glory by serving and pleasing our Creator and Redeemer.
Fifth, become a steward. In the Parable of the Talents, a Master asks his servants to care for his belongings while he is out of town. To the first steward, he gives 5 talents. Scholars believe that a talent was worth 6000 days worth of wages and so for simplicity sake, let’s just say a talent is worth a million dollars. To the second, he gives 3 talents and to the third, he gives one talent. When he returns, he checks to see what they have done with what was entrusted to them. The first two invested their potion and the Master praises them. The third held onto his portion for himself and did nothing with it and he not only received the wrath of the Master but is cast out. The implication is clear: to be a steward means to be a caretaker, not owner, of what we have and to fulfill the Master’s will by using it for the sake of others. You can’t take it with you when you die, so you might as well use it to the glory of God by sharing and meeting the needs of others.
Tim Hansel writes, “Selflessness is an art. By nature none of us are really into it nor do we really aim to master it. It requires a change in us, something that puts away the old nature of selfishness and takes on a new nature of selflessness. Our nature is to keep “us” for us….To truly deny oneself, to die to oneself, requires an all or nothing effort.” Then he tells the story of Angus McGillivray. a Scottish prisoner of war who was in the camp which built the infamous Bridge over the River Kwai. The camp had become an ugly situation. A dog-eat-dog mentality had set in. Allies would literally steal from each other and cheat each other; men would sleep on their packs and yet have them stolen from under their heads. Survival was everything. The law of the jungle prevailed...until the news of Angus McGillivray’s death spread throughout the camp. No one could believe big Angus had succumbed. He was strong, one of those whom they had expected to be the last to die. Actually, it wasn’t the fact of his death that shocked the men, but the reason he died.
Scottish soldiers were each given a buddy to look after called a “mucker,” and literally make sure their “mucker” survived. Angus’s mucker, though, was dying, and everyone had given up on him, except Angus. He had made up his mind that his friend would not die. Someone had stolen his mucker’s blanket. So Angus gave him his own, telling his mucker that he had “just come across an extra one.” Likewise, every mealtime, Angus would give his ration to his mucker, stand over him and force him to eat them, again stating that he was able to get “extra food.” As a result, Angus’s mucker began to recover, but Angus collapsed and died. The doctors discovered that he had died of starvation complicated by exhaustion. He had been giving of his own food and shelter. He had given everything he had -- even his very life.
The ramifications of his acts of love and unselfishness had a startling impact on the prison camp. As word circulated of the reason for Angus McGillivray’s death, the feel of the camp began to change. Suddenly, men began to focus on others rather than themselves. They began giving themself away rather than hoading. They began to pool their talents -- one was a violin maker, another an orchestra leader, another a cabinet maker, another a professor. Soon the camp had an orchestra full of homemade instruments and a church called the “Church Without Walls” that was so powerful, so compelling, that even the Japanese guards attended. The men began a university, a hospital, and a library system. The place was transformed; an all but smothered love revived, all because one man named Angus gave all he had for his friend. For many of those men, this turnaround meant survival. The power of selflessness not only changed their lives but the lives of those around them. “Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:12). Amen
