[Resolving Life Issues Series] EPHESIANS 4: 26-31
ALTERING YOUR ANGER
Anger is an intense emotional reaction sometimes expressed in open behavior and sometimes remaining mostly an unexpressed feeling. Anger is not only emotional it is biochemical as well. Anger triggers the human bodies defensive system. Adrenalin is pumped into the blood stream and sets off the flight or fight response. Blood pressure increases, eyes are dilated for better peripheral vision, and the muscles are supplied with a sudden burst of energy. It is an emotional and physical readiness to be aggressive.[That highly alert state of chemical arousal can be addictive. It gives more energy and attentiveness that caffeine and can be accompanied by a sense of strength.]
Anger is a universal human experience that is found in varying degrees in any personality and temperament - shy or extroverted, perfectionist or laid-back and it can be expressed in many ways. What makes anger so elusive and so incredibly dangerous is that it flares suddenly, powerfully, and often irrationally. It is caused, trained, and maintained by learned reactions or interactions with life. Though a state of arousal can be bio-chemical in nature what we do with our aroused state is a conditioned response. Anger is a choice that becomes shaped by one’s responses to life (CIM).
Today people’s fuze between anger that explodes into rage is short. Forces loose in our culture have driven anger to new levels. People now live angry lives. Exploding with horn, hand jester, or tongue readily. Everyone knows that explosive substances are dangerous, not only to the targets, but to those who set them off, as well as innocent bystanders. Anger is an acid that harms the vessel in which it is stored more than the person on whom it is poured. Angry people are even more dangerous to themselves than to others.
We need to turn to God’s Word to deliver us from the anger epidemic of our age. So let’s learn today how to Alienate our Anger from us.
I. RECOGNIZING SINLESS ANGER, 26a.
This section of Ephesians give some specific directions for living the new life Christ has given us. This involves putting away certain things, and beginning to act and relate in certain ways. The new ways of acting and relating are signs of our new life in Christ. The exhortation in verse 26 is toward controlling anger. “Be angry and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger and do not give the Devil an opportunity.”
Not everything that is identified under the heading of anger (such as frustrations, irritability, annoyance, embarrassment, rejection, or blowing off steam), are violations of God’s law. Yet when we are anger or dealing with its cousins we are far more likely to sin that when we are not. The word “anger” is just one letter short of “danger.” A Chinese proverb says, “Anger is the wind that blows out the lamp of the mind.”
Anger itself though is not a bad thing. There is such a thing as righteous anger or indignation. Remember that Jesus Himself could be angry (Mk. 3:5). Jesus was angry about people preventing God’s Word from being freely shared (Mt. 18:6). When He overturned tables in the temple, He was not angry because His feelings were hurt, or because He felt ignored. He was angry when people were being hindered from worshiping the Father in His house (Jn. 2:14-15). Christ was angry because people opposed the issues about which God cares [Mt. 23:13-36]. His righteous anger was directed at injustice against people and sin against God. His anger was not about things done to Him, but about God. [Jeremiah, David. Slaying the Giants in Your Life. W Publishing. Nashville, TN. 2002. P. 109]
Sadly our anger is about personal issues not about issues that promote sin against God. We feel little emotion for starving or homeless children, child abuse, abortion of infants, persecution of Christians abroad, or people dying without hearing the Gospel. Righteous anger is never about ourselves, it is forgetful of self. Appropriate anger is disciplined into the service of Christ and our fellow man. It is utterly pure and selfless and is one of the great dynamic forces in the world. It stands against oppression and cruelty and is a catalyst for change.
Aristotle said “a man who is angry on the right grounds, against the right persons, in the right manner, at the right moment and for the right length of time, deserves praise.” This is the anger Jesus embodied.
II. RESOLVE / RESTRICT OUR ANGER, 26b.
We are also warned here to RESOLVE OUR ANGER before it takes control of us. We are not to let the sun go down on our anger. God does not want us to repress it, but to resolve our anger without improperly venting it or blasting away. Release this aroused energy in useful ways instead of harmful ways.
In order to rid ourselves of anger we must not continue to rehearse or give voice to the cause of our anger. We must not dwell on what provoked us. We must not nurse it up, or let it become part of us. We must get our anger under control quickly. When deal with our anger quickly, the damage it does is minimized.
When the sun went down in that culture it was a new day. The Bible is saying we must not let anger spill over into another day. It is to be resolved, and all accounts are to be clear. We must enforce a limit on feelings of resentment and wipe them away just as God wipes our own sins clean. So if your husband, wife, children or other have made you angry, you need to deal with it, resolve it and not carry it into the next day.
HOW TO HANDLE YOU ANGER
1) Take a walk. Exercise burns off excess adrenaline better than stewing. It also helps you think more clearly and handle things in a way you won't regret later. Listen to Proverbs 14: 17: “A quick-tempered man does foolish things.”
2) Accept your limits. Recognize the things you can't control, like other people's actions and attitudes, or unforeseen events such as canceled flights and traffic jams. And count your blessings, especially the fact that you've got God, your health; your family, your job, and a car to get you to it!
3) Be careful where you vent. It's one thing to be angry; it's another to sound off at the wrong time. Remember Proverbs 29:11: “A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.” Only share your feelings with those you trust, and who are not targets of your anger. Otherwise it can come back to haunt you.
4) Don't hang out with angry people. Like happiness and gratitude, anger's contagious. Proverbs 22:24 is good advice, if we will take it. “Don't hang out with angry people.” [Saturday Aug 28. ]
III. RELEASE YOUR ANGER, 27.
The reason to deal with our anger is that the devil would like use it, to intensify a Christian’s righteous anger against sin, causing it to become sin itself. So we’re also not to RETAIN, RESERVE or Relish OUR ANGER.
When we don’t daily wipe our provocations away verse 27 says that we give the Devil a place. Anger is one of Satan’s strategies for getting you out of the will of God. The word translated “place” or foothold can mean possibility or opportunity. This place gives the devil an opportunity for leading that Christian into sin. Anger begins to control the believer rather than the believer controlling his anger.
Holding on to anger gives the Devil room to work in your life. Even the best motivated anger can sour, so we are to daily put it away from us before it becomes the means of helping the Devil do his work in our life then through our life.
Choosing to drop your anger is far different from suppressing it. Suppression represents phoniness or denial. Releasing or dropping anger represents a commitment to godliness. The person who chooses to let go of the anger is fully aware that grudges are an option, but he or she instead opts for a cleaner life, uncluttered by inter turmoil, bitterness and dissension.
IV. REDIRECT / REDEEM YOUR ANGER, 29-30.
We’re also not to CONVERSE OUR ANGER but to redirect anger’s energy to build others up as verse 29 states. “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. (30) Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.”
Believers are not to speak unwholesome words, but helpful [agathos, “good, beneficial”] words for the purpose of edification. Good words benefit [ lit., “give grace” or enablement to] the hearers. The word unwholesome (sapros, “rotten”) or corrupt (KJV) carries the idea of cutting - do not let any cutting remarks escape you. Unfortunately, cutting down people is almost a national past-time.
It’s a cynical, smart-mouth age we live in, haven’t you noticed? We spend plenty of time cutting the boss, the teacher, the policeman, the pastor, the children, the parents, the neighbors - the list, of course, is limited only by the number of acquaintance we have. Some modern folk even make cutting remarks in public about their spouses. As widespread as sarcasm is, there’s no place for it in the Christian vocabulary - not if we’re to hold the New Testament as our authority.
David Jeremiah, Pastor of Shadow Mountain, a Southern Baptist Church in San Diego, CA., had a friend who was a master of the cutting comment. He kept his blade plenty sharp. They’d have a lunch date, and he would begin cutting into Dr. Jeremiah. He took it with good humor, because that’s the way it was meant. As a matter of fact, Jeremiah decided he might as well fight fire with fire. He began to cut him right back - all in fun. But time went on, and this mock-adversarial exchange became the pattern for their relationship, and finally he began to sense a change in his friend’s spirit. One day Dr. Jeremiah noticed the friend didn’t seem to want any part of him; he wouldn’t even look him in the eye. He was now too busy for the lunches. Finally Dr. Jeremiah confronted him about it.
His friend immediately pointed him to a conversation he’d completely forgotten. Dr. Jeremiah had make some joking observation of him without meaning it at all. But it hit a nerve. He took it very personally, nurtured it in his heart, and developed a spirit of bitterness. The remark, innocent as it was on Dr. Jeremiah’s part, had poisoned their friendship.
On that day Dr. Jeremiah vowed before God that, as much as it was possible on his end, he’d clean that brand of conversation right out of his life. Words are too powerful to be used carelessly. From then on Dr. Jeremiah began to use words to say what he really meant - nothing more, nothing less. When it comes to words and you fight fire with fire, someone always ends up getting burned.
I’m grateful there’s something better for us. According to Ephesians 4:29, our alternative is to say “what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.” That sounds much more attractive, doesn’t it? Rather than running down people, we can spend the same time edifying or building them up. The tongue is intended to be a vessel of grace. That’s one of the marks of the Christian. [Jeremiah, p. 113.]
We also need to keep in mind that conversation is infectious. If you hang out with a sarcastic crowd, that spirit will seep into you sooner or later. That’s what Proverbs 22: 24-25 is trying to tell us: “Make no friendship with an angry man, and with a furious man do not go, lest you learn his ways and set a snare for your soul.” Have you ever considered this? The relationships you choose may be setting a soul-trap. One’s words are to be true and pure and also are to contribute to benefitting others.
[V. REDEEM YOUR ANGER, 30.
Besides one’s conscience, the Holy Spirit also helps guard a believer’s speech. The fact that the Holy Spirit may be grieved points to His personality. His seal of a believer remains until the day of redemption, the time that a believer receives his new body (1:14; Phil. 3:20-21). Walvoord, John & Zuck, Roy: The Bible Knowledge Commentary. Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1983, S. 637]
My bitterness, my anger, my speaking evil of someone or losing my temper with someone grieves the Spirit. Why? It’s not that God says, “Anger and evil speaking cause My ears to burn,” or, “Bitterness and wrath are offensive to Me.” That’s not the idea. There’s not a curse word God hasn’t heard. There is nothing that shocks Him. God is not grieved by how our speech, anger, or malice affects Him, but by how it affects us. He’s grieved not because He can’t handle our sin, but because it hinders Him from doing His work in, through, and for us. [Courson, Jon: Jon Courson's Application Commentary. Nashville, TN : Thomas Nelson, 2003, S. 1253.]
V. REMOVE YOUR ANGER, [31].
Verse 31 warns us not to RETAIN or NURSE our anger. “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.”
If our anger is not kept under the restraint of the Spirit of Christ, our anger can turn into bitterness, hatred and malice. If we harbor it, it can become seething bitterness or issue in wrathful action. So we’re given a list of things that need to be removed from the believers life.
Believers are to get rid of the six vices. The word all indicates “every, or any trace of.” Bitterness is the spite that harbors resentment and keeps a score of wrongs. Aristotle defined the bitter as those “hard to be reconciled.” Rage or wrath (thymos - boiling up) is what flows from bitterness in an outburst of uncontrolled frustration or disappointment. Anger (orge -swelling- like rise of blood pressure) signifies an unjustifiable human emotion that manifests itself in loud clamor or assertiveness. [Krauge lit. means shouting, clamor, brawling -like voices raised in quarrel.] Slander (blasphēmia) denotes insulting speech of all kinds, abusive speech. Malice (kakia) is a hateful feeling that directs ill-will or evil toward another.
When we lose our self-control and give way to temper we bring a great deal of unhappiness into many daily situations. All these are to be put away from the Christian. Let them be removed and have no more to do with them.
VI. REVERSE YOU ANGER, (32).
Verse 32 reverses from qualities that are to be repudiated to qualities to be sought. “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”
These qualities are to govern inter-personal the relationships of believers. Being kind to one another [chrēstoi, lit., “what is suitable or fitting to a need”) is not a heroic virtue but in the ordinary day-by-day life nothing is more important. Kindness smooths the path of life and makes for helpful social exchange. It should always characterize Christians, whoever and wherever they may be.
I like the story of a LECTURER who pinned to a board a large sheet of white paper with a black dot in the middle of it and then asked his class what they saw. With variations in the way they put it, they all told him that they could see a black dot. In the end he asked plaintively, “Doesn’t anybody see a large white square?” It is a curious feature of human nature that we mostly are better at seeing black dots in our neighbors than large white areas. Paul is counseling kindness, not criticism.
Tender-hearted [εσπλαγχυοι- good + entrails or insides “inner emotions of affection”] is a deeply moved person, one who is compassionate. Those in the flesh are deeply moved by anger but Christians are to be deeply moved by compassion.
The word be forgiving [charizomenoi, lit., “being gracious”] includes the word from which grace is derived. We are to graciously give forgiveness as an unmerited favor.
Forgiveness is not a burden God places upon us, but rather a safeguard for our mental health and emotional stability. So we are reminded that the forgiveness we have received imposes on us the obligation to be forgiving in return. They are to forgive each other. How are Christians to forgive? Even as God in Christ has forgiven you. It must not be half-hearted begrudgingly given forgiveness. Realize that no offense by another person could possibly equal our guilt before God, yet He has forgiven us. Are we not then obligated to show the same mercy to others?
In CLOSING
Anger is a state of alertness or arousal that is directed by one’s experience or practice. This arousal response to can be retrained and redirected into acts of compassion, affection, or even humor. Christians have this capacity if they will but let God re-train their patterns of response that lead to ungodly anger. Energy can be re-channeled from unacceptable impulses into acceptable and even creative actions.
“The idea that you can choose your attitude and your response to anger may be new to you. You may have never realized before that you can make choices in the management of anger. But you will find, as you gain more insight and your emotions become less mysterious to you, that your anger will gradually lose its control over you. Instead you will be in control of your anger.” [Minirth, Meier & Afterburn. The Complete Life Encyclopedia. 1995. Thomas Nelson. Nashville, TN, p. 69]
The emotion of anger can be restored, if we will release to God and let Him redirect it. Others have done it, so can you. One day, many years ago, A MAN WAS BEATEN AND TORTURED. He was spat upon and robbed. He endured every insult imaginable, then He was nailed to a cross. Hanging there in darkness and mockery, blood flowing from nearly every part of His body, He might have yelled out curses to all His killers. As a matter of fact, He might have done much more than that. Awesome power was in His grasp.
But Jesus reversed the evil. He took it all within His aching body and offered a prayer of forgiveness. “ Father forgive them for they know not what they do,” He cried.. And isn’t that almost always true when we’ve been wronged? Angry people may not know what they do.
When Jesus chose the reversal reaction of forgiveness, the greatest of all miracles occurred. Sin wasn’t ignored; it was healed. Death itself was destroyed. A long chain of evil dating all the way from creation was broken. And even more - a new pattern was established. You and I are to live out that pattern (Rom. 12:20). Good for evil. Blessings for curses. Compassion for aggression. The day we do this, the miracles begin. The day we determine do this, we’re liberated from a self-imposed prison of anger and granted the freedom to live in peace and joy. [Jeremiah, pp. 117-118.]
Are you angry? Re-train your anger by releasing it to God. Learn from Jesus and see what miraculous thing can be wrought from it. Accept God’s love for you. Release your right to bitter anger and learn to respond to others with greater compassion and sensitivity.
