EXTREME HOME MAKEOVER HPC EDITION
Finding God’s Will For Marriage
Various
INTRODUCTION
llustration: A flight attendant spent a week’s vacation in the Rockies. She was captivated by the mountain peaks, the clear blue skies, and the sweet smelling pines. But she also was charmed by a very eligible bachelor who owned and operated a cattle ranch and lived in a log cabin. At the end of this week, Mr. Wonderful proposed. But it had all happened so quickly that the woman decided to return home and to her job, feeling that she would somehow be guided to make the right decision. The next day, in flight, she found herself wondering what to do. To perk up, she stopped in the rest room and splashed some cool water on her face. There was some turbulence and a sign in the rest room lit up: PLEASE RETURN TO THE CABIN. She did--to the cabin back in the mountains (Reader’s Digest [1/81], p. 118)
This story does not demonstrate the best way to make decisions in life, but this story does reveal a common dilemma that many people, including Christians, often face. The dilemma I am referring to is the problem of being sure that God is guiding us. In other words, how can you and I be certain that we are in God’s will and that the decisions we are making are the right ones?
You and I face decisions every day. Some of them mundane like what color socks am I going to wear, or will I have salad or fries with that cheeseburger. Other decisions have a more long term, even eternal significance.
The Five Most Important Decisions of Life:
1) Your relationship with God.
2) Vocational choice.
3) Where you go to school.
4) Where you will live.
5) Who you will marry.
Decision #1 is the most important decision by far. It is the one with eternal consequences. The other four decisions may vary in their order depending on the individual and their circumstances.
I believe those five decisions will affect your happiness in life more than any other decisions you will ever make. Today, I want to talk to you about choosing a life partner.
Some of you may think, well that doesn’t apply to me? I am married or I am single and have no intention of ever getting married. That’s all fine.
I would hope that whether you are a parent or grandparent, that you would take a prayerful role at least in the decisions your children and grand children will be making.
If you are married, God’s will also applies to you as we will discover in two weeks, when I share Becoming God’s will in marriage.
There are three decisions which I am so grateful I made in life. They are
1) Saying yes to Jesus Christ as my personal Savior.
2) Saying yes to God’s call into the ministry.
3) Saying yes to Sue when she asked me to marry her.
Those three yeses have changed my life forever!
First, I want to say that when seeking Gods will in marriage that, YES IT IS GOD’S WILL THAT YOU MARRY.
The question that young couples are asking today is not should we get married, rather is it time to live together. The world gives some seeming logical reasons for a couple to live together before getting married;
Reason#1 – It’s financially responsible. In Havelock or Peterborough an apartment can run you somewhere between $700 and $1400 per month plus utilities. Dropping an extra $1000/month seems like throwing your money down the drain. If you’re a particularly “committed co-habitor” you might even be building up equity in a home you’ve bought together. Saving for retirement, paying off student loans, or who knows, maybe even giving it to charity all sound like considerably more responsible things to do with your money than pay double rent (not to mention utilities).
Reason #2 – You spend all your time together anyways. Like wasting money with rent, wasting time is equally frustrating. You drive to each other’s places many times during the week. You help each other with cooking and cleaning and laundry and bills.
Traveling back and forth, virtually living in two places, is kind of like the inconvenience of living out of a bag on a business trip. It’s annoying. If you want to be together, why all the running around?
Reason #3 – It seems like a good next step in the relationship. Consumers that we are in North America, everything exists with a try it before you buy it clause. Every infomercial promises that you can try it and return it in 30 days for a full refund. And the bigger the purchase, the more you want to make sure it’s just right. What kind of fool would buy a car before thorough inspection and testing? Thankfully, marriage in our society today does, to a degree, maintain some semblance of “a big deal”. Couples don’t want to rush into that.
Well, what about a “30 day money-back” transition period to see if this relationship truly feels right? These test periods make sense in every other aspect of our lives, why not our relationships?
Reason #4 – It’s so common. By definition, nothing will make something seem like “not a big deal” faster than commonality. I guarantee you know couples that are living together outside of marriage. In fact, many of you, especially if you tend towards the younger generations, might know more couples that are living together than not. It’s the age old, after-school-special argument of “How can it be that bad if everybody’s doing it?”
Reason #5 – We love each other. Love is a funny word. It’s a fascinating biblical word. When a young couple chooses to live together because they love one another, I have no doubts that they truly do feel very, very strongly about one another. I feel very strongly about many things in my life. I love black coffee. I drink it all the time. I love good movies. In fact, I love a good star trek or James Bond film. But I am not about to commit myself to flying into space or becoming a spy. ( Sue then might just have me committed)
I’ve only professed lifelong commitment to one person in my life. Lifelong commitment would seem to indicate a greater love. I have no doubt that many of the couples living together sincerely love one another. I don’t doubt that they would even be willing to die for their partner. It makes good sense to be with someone you love. However, in a very non-committal world, if a couple is not willing to commit to a lifelong love in marriage, they either are misunderstanding what relational love truly is designed to be, or they don’t have it to the degree that they profess. Moving in together might seem like a greater step in commitment, but young couples also need to recognize what it’s not – a statement that I’m willing to commit to love you for the rest of this life.
I’ve heard all of these and many more as logical reasons for couples to live together. I’ll admit, rationally speaking, I can see where they’re coming from. However, I’d like to throw in just one better reason NOT to live together.
Living in sin paves a road to personal pain and eternal destruction.
Hebrews 13:4- Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. (NIV)
If that is not clear enough, then listen to the same verse translated in the
MESSAGE- Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex.
Listen to those word, ‘the sacredness of sexual intimacy’. I bet you never gave much thought to how God views your sexuality. It is holy. Sacred. It is a relationship God says is to be devoted to the marriage of husband and wife.
God’s will is for you as a follower of Jesus to build a Christian home and marriage in the will of God means loyalty and purity. Sex outside of marriage is not only contrary to God’s will it is destructive emotionally, physically and spiritually.
The world’s version of safe sex is: “if you can’t be good, then be careful”.
God’s version of safe sex is abstinence until marriage, Sex within the protective bonds of marriage is both enriching and glorifying to God.
I know that Biblical morality is laughed at, belittled, called archaic, and old-fashioned.
Rarely in daytime TV will you see lovers who are married to each other. (evening sit coms as well) If it’s not pre-marital sex it’s extra-marital sex…
Is God down on fun and pleasure?! God’s word does not say that.
Genesis 2:25- Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.
Proverbs 5:18-19- Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.
Proverbs 12:4- A worthy wife is a crown for her husband,
Proverbs 18:22- The man who finds a wife finds a treasure and he receives favor from the LORD.
Proverbs 30:18-19- "There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not
understand: the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship on
the high seas, and the way of a man with a young woman.
Proverbs 31:10- A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
Deuteronomy 24:5- If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other
duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife
he has married.
1 Cor.7:1-4- Now for the matters you wrote about: "It is good for a man not to have sexual
relations with a woman." But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual
relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill
his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have
authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does
not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.
God’s word is clear and straight forward. He is not down on pleasure, love or even sex. The reason that God gave marriage is in order that a man and a woman could learn to love each other without restrictions and without guilt.
It is God’s will that you marry, but in addition….
Second, it is God’s will that you marry IN THE LORD.
I have heard all the reasonsings for marrying someone who is not a believer.
1. I will win them to the Lord
2. They treat me better than the Christian guys/girls.
3. I LOVE HIM/HER
4. There is no one else around who will have me.
The word of God is quite clear in this area.
1 Corinthians 7:39- 39 iA wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only jin the Lord.
2 Corinthians 6:14- Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For awhat partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or bwhat fellowship has light with darkness?
The concept of the “unequal yoke” comes from Deu_22:10, “Do not plow with an ox and a
donkey yoked together. .” The ox was a clean animal to the Jews, but the donkey was not
and it would be wrong to yoke them together. Furthermore, they have two
opposite natures and would not even work well together. It would be cruel to bind them to
each other. In the same way, it is wrong for believers to be yoked together with unbelievers.
Visualize what would happen if a farmer yoked together, say, an ox and a donkey. The heavy wooden yoke, designed to harness the strength of the team, would be askew, as the animals are of different heights, weights, walk at different speeds and with different gaits. The yoke, instead of harnessing the power of the team to complete the task, would rub and chafe BOTH animals, since the load would be distributed unequally. An unequal marriage is not just unwise for the Christian, it is also unfair to the non-Christian, and will end up being a trial for them both.
There are only three ways an unequal marriage can turn out, (and by unequal I am willing to stretch a point and include genuine, warm Christians who want to marry an in-name-only Christian, or someone very, very far behind them in Christian experience and growth):
1. In order to be more in sync with your spouse, the Christian will have to push Christ to the margins of his or her life. This may not involve actually repudiating the faith, but in matters such as devotional life, hospitality to believers (small group meetings, emergency hosting of people in need), missionary support, tithing, raising children in the faith, fellowship with other believers---those things will have to be minimized or avoided in order to preserve peace in the home.
2. Alternatively, if the believer in the marriage holds on to a robust Christian life and practice, the non-believing PARTNER will have to be marginalized. If he or she can't understand the point of Bible study and prayer, or missions trips, or hospitality, then he or she can't or won't participate alongside the believing spouse in those activities. The deep unity and oneness of a marriage cannot flourish when one partner cannot fully participate in the other person's most important commitments.
3. So either the marriage experiences stress and breaks up; or it experiences stress and stays together, achieving some kind of truce that involves one spouse or the other capitulating in some areas, but which leaves both parties feeling lonely and unhappy.
Does this sound like the kind of marriage you want? One that strangles your growth in Christ or strangles your growth as a couple, or does both?
Some young people exclaim, but I am getting so old. I am already 20, what am I going to do? Why is God making me wait?
God’s will is that you wait as He prepares you for His will.
Look with me at one more passage In Genesis 2:18-24
The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for
him
We might expect the next verse to say something like, “So God created Eve.” Instead of immediately making a marriage match, God puts Adam to work on a big zoology project. God sees the need for Adam to have a helper but he delays in deed in order for Adam to see his need. Have you ever noticed that God often makes us wait so that we’ll appreciate what it is that He wants to give us? While we wait God is doing something wonderful. He is indeed preparing us for that special; man or woman we will spend the rest of our days with loving and being loved.
In verses 19-20, we see that Adam is told to give names to all the animals. As he gives each one a name, God is putting him through some premarital preparation. God is teaching Adam to be a leader since the power to name is the power of authority as stated in Genesis 1:28: “…Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.” As he named the animals it gave him a sense of order as he put them in different categories.
As each of the animals parade in front of Adam little does he realize that God was also training Adam to be a lover.
As Adam surveyed all the animals he saw Mr. Aardvark and Mrs. Aardvark and at the end of the day, when he finally named Mr. and Mrs. Zebra, he was probably feeling pretty lonely.
Everyone had a partner, but where was his? God was creating within Adam a gnawing hunger for a life mate, a need God would soon meet in the creation of Eve.
Look at the end of verse 20: “…But for Adam no suitable helper was found.” Adam discovers for himself in verse 20 what God already knew in verse 18. He is living in paradise where he has everything his heart could want – a bunch of pet animals, a good job, and a sinless relationship with God. But this day seemed like it would never end. God is about to do something that will literally blow him away.
Why does God have you wait for marriage? He is peparing you for His will. During this period of waiting the Lord has also given you work to fulfill, a ministry to accomplish. If you want to be ready for Gods will then get busy now fulfilling what God has called you to do.
Don’t fret, don’t rush, don’t worry.
I cannot tell you when the Lord will bring someone to you. I cannot tell you who it will be. I can tell you if you take the step of faith and trust Him, as you faithfully serve the Lord, when the time is right God will bring someone who will blow you away because it will be His best.
TESTIMONY- Sue
Today whether you are single, married, if you want to know Gods plan I want to leave you with four guiding principles for determining Gods will.
1. The first principle for receiving God’s guidance is knowing God’s Word.
We must have a thorough knowledge of God’s will and purposes to help direct our actions and decisions. That knowledge of God’s will comes first and foremost from God’s Word. God’s Word reveals God’s plan, principles and purposes. Knowledge of these is essential to even beginning to receive God’s guidance.
Psalm 119:9 reminds us , How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By
Living according to your word.
2. The second principle for receiving God’s guidance is commitment to God’s will.
It is one thing to know what God’s will is through His Word and another thing completely to be committed to doing His will without compromise. God guides us when we are committed to His will and not our own, no matter how difficult it sometimes is to do God’s will.
Read Proverbs 3:6 (In the New Living Translation this verse is translated as “Seek His will in all you do, and (then) He (The Lord) will direct your paths.”)
Many times people find themselves out of God’s perfect will because when it comes right down to it they are not fully committed to His plan for their life. They may pray, quote the Bible, and talk about seeking God’s will but in reality they are seeking God’s approval of their plan. God will work supernaturally in your life to bring about His plans, as He did Isaac and Rebekah, but only when your purpose and total commitment is to do His will!
1. The first principle for receiving God’s guidance is knowing God’s Word.
2. The second principle for receiving God’s guidance is commitment to God’s Will.
3. The third principle for receiving God’s guidance is trusting in God’s Ways.
Trust is absolutely essential if you are to be led by God because you will never maintain your commitment to obeying Him and waiting on Him unless you really trust in Him. You must trust that He will provide everything necessary to fulfill His will for your life in His own way. This trust is essential to being directed by God as this story attest and the Bible also says in Proverbs.
Read Proverbs 3:5-,
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
You will not be directed by God unless you are committed to Him and trust in Him to provide for His will to be fulfilled in you life. Whether the issue is marriage, ministry, or some other life issue, we must trust God to supernaturally and providentially arrange the circumstances at the right time and in the right way.
1. The first principle for receiving God’s guidance is knowing God’s Word.
2. The second principle for receiving God’s guidance is commitment to God’s Will.
3. The third principle for receiving God’s guidance is trusting in God’s Ways.
Now for the fourth principle.
4. The fourth principle for receiving God’s guidance is to pray for God’s Wisdom.
I believe that God will direct our circumstances so that His will is successfully fulfilled in our lives if we do our part of knowing His Word, committing to His Will, Trusting His Ways, and Pray for His Wisdom.
Read James 1:5
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding
fault, and it will be given to you.
Many Christians today miss God’s guidance and divine opportunities because they do not pray. Often we go through life just making decisions based on our own wisdom. We need to recognize that we do not have the wisdom to direct our own paths or to make right choices; we need to pray for God’s wisdom if we are to receive His guidance.
Conclusion
I am sure there will be some who will feel like you did not choose well in the past. Please understand that this morning’s message is not meant to brow-beat anyone or cause you to feel inferior or embarrassed in any way.
I am glad that God does not base His love for me based on my past. His plans and purpose are constantly being worked out. Howe can I know them.
RESOURCES
Sermoncentral,
Choosing A Mate by Steve Greene
Four Principles For Receiving God?s Guidance by Larry Sarver
Expository Commentary on the New testament, Warren weirsbe
Full Life commentary on th New Testament
