"Training Tips"
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Train up a child. We will train them whether we realize it or not. They will learn things from mom and dad and other people. They are like sponges and they will copy something that they see and hear in us, good or bad.
ILL.- Someone said, "Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories."
ILL.- That's like the young student of child behavior who frequently delivered a lecture called "Ten Commandments for Parents." He married and became a father. The title of the lecture was altered to "Ten Hints for Parents." Another child arrived. The lecture became "Some Suggestions for Parents." A third child was born. The lecturer stopped lecturing.
But what are the things are really important when we think about training our children/grandchildren? I'd like to suggest 6 things:
I. Your aim is important
To train a child the right way is to train according to God's way. The earlier the training begins the better. Two things stand out when speaking about our aim as parents. First, we need a goal, a target, a mark to shot for. Zig Ziglar said "if you aim at nothing you will hit it every time." What is our goal, our responsibility as parents? It is to train our children!!!! What is the second thing? It is to have the right goal. Parents today have it all wrong. Millions of parents and sadly this would include many Christian parents, are under the false impression that their purpose in life is to make their child happy and they will go to any length to achieve this goal. They fill their schedules with ballgames, gymnastics, dance class, and every other thing under the sun thinking that this will produce a happy child. The truth is that children have never been more unhappy, and that's because we've got it all backwards. My goal as a parent (grandparents too since many of us are raising our grand's) is to produce children who are holy, who are Christ like, who are like Jesus! The truth is that if we strive to produce holy kids that they will invariably be happy kids.
II. Your authenticity is important
Since we will re-produce what we are it is vital that parents be authentic! It is a well-worn clique but we must "...practice what we preach!" Where you children are concerned there is truth to the statement, "I'd rather see a sermon than hear one." Children may not remember what you say, but they are impacted for life by what you do. If we are to train up our children in the way (literally God's way) that they should go then we must be sure that we are going that way ourselves! I read a story about an epitaph a few years ago that goes like this:
"Farewell my friends,
as you pass by
As you are now,
so once was I,
As I am now
so must you be,
so prepare to die
and follow me."
Usually followed by the wisecrack:
"To follow you
I'm not content,
Until I know
which way you went!"
For good or bad our children generally follow our example. Paul wrote a young Timothy:
1 Timothy 4:12 Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.
III. Your attitude is important
If our children develop a grateful heart it will be due by and large to an attitude of gratitude on our part or lack thereof. If we are bitter, resentful, complaining and negative then we will most likely produce children that do the same things. Some folks are like the fellow who prayed:
Dear God,
So far today, I've done all right.
I haven't gossiped, and I haven't lost my temper.
I haven't been grumpy, nasty or selfish.
But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed and that is when I'm going to need a lot of help.
THIS IS GOOD
The story is told of a king in Africa who had a close friend with whom he grew up. The friend had a habit of looking at every situation that ever occurred in his life (positive or negative) and remarking, "This is good!"
One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns for the king. The friend had apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the gun from his friend, the king fired it and his thumb was blown off. Examining the situation, the friend remarked as usual, "This is good!" To which the king replied, "No, this is not good!" and proceeded to send his friend to jail.
About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured him and took him to their village. They tied his hands, stacked some wood, set up a stake and bound him to the stake. As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the king was missing a thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone who was less than whole. So untying the king, they sent him on his way.
As he returned home, he was reminded of the event that had taken his thumb and felt remorse for his treatment of his friend. He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend. "You were right," he said, "it was good that my thumb was blown off." And he proceeded to tell the friend all that had just happened. "And so, I am very sorry for sending you to jail for so long. It was bad for me to do this."
"No," his friend replied, "This is good!"
"What do you mean, 'This is good'? How could it be good that I sent my friend to jail for a year?"
"If I had not been in jail, I would have been with you."
(Source: from a sermon by Robert Tallent, "Close Don't Count" 7/19/08)
IV. Your affection is important
There are many reasons why your children need affection. First, if they don't receive it they will never learn to give it. Second, when they are hurt they need it no matter how old they get. Third, they need the touch of another human being. It is important for their physical health. It's the way God made us.
ILL - In the thirteenth century, King Frederick II conducted an experiment with fifty infants to determine what language they would speak if never permitted to hear the spoken word. So he assigned foster mothers to bathe and suckle the children but forbade them to fondle pet, or talk to their charges. The experiment failed because all fifty infants died. We learned hundreds of years later that babies who aren't touched and cuddled often fail to thrive.
The world has recently been exposed to yet another example of neglected and abused children. Mary Carlson, a researcher from Harvard Medical School, observed an overcrowded Romanian orphanage, where row upon row of babies lay neglected in their cribs. The staff was hopelessly overworked, so the babies were rarely touched even at mealtime. What struck Carlson was the silence in the nursery. There was no crying, no babbling, not even a whimper. Upon physical examinations given at age two, Carlson found that the babies had unusually high amounts of a stress hormone in the blood called cortisol, which is known to damage the brain. Growth was stunted, and the children acted half their age.
It isn't sufficient to feed, clothe, and care for the physical needs of children. It is now clear that touching and nurturance are critical to their survival.
Dr. James Dobson, Coming Home, Timeless Wisdom for Families, (Tyndale House Publishers, Wheaton; 1998), pp. 194-195
V. Your attention is important
Ephesians 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Bringing children up "in the nurture and admonition of the Lord" is not going to happen by accident. We parents need to do our best to train our children in the ways of right living and to know the Lord. This won't happen without hard work, discipline and a tremendous amount of love.
ILL - The Vancouver Province reports the story of a New York "mad mother." Mrs. William Morris paid a $55 traffic fine for her 18-year-old son, then drew back her right hand and gave him a resounding smack.
Magistrate Charles Solomon appeared startled at first, but quickly recovered himself and broke into a grin. "Madam," he said, "that calls, for a $10 reduction in the fine." "That's nothing," replied Mrs. Morris, "wait till I get him home."
Not many mothers or fathers will smack their 18 year-old for wrongdoing. I believe that discipline starts much earlier in life. In fact, if it doesn't start early on, it's almost a lost cause and you will have to deal with the pain of a lost child.
ILL.- There was a farmer who sold a mule to another person down the road. He explained carefully: "This old mule is a good mule, but you must be gentle with him, ever so gentle."
The next day about ten o'clock, the purchaser appeared at the door of the seller, most irate, demanding his money back. "What's wrong?" the seller asked. "That mule is sitting in the middle of the barn and will not move. I have been ever so gentle..." "Oh, let me help you."
They went down to the mule, the seller got a big stick and hit the mule as hard as he could on its rear and the mule got up. "But I thought you said to be ever so gentle." "Yes, but first you got to get his attention."
Does this tell you anything about training children?
ILL - Homer Phillips said, "The time to start correcting the children is before they start correcting you." Scripture is clear on this subject.
VI. Your affirmation is important
What is affirmation? It would be easier for to tell what it is not!
ILL - A young man was visiting his brother and sister-in-law and was surprised to find his young nephew, Timmy, helping them bake the cupcakes. After they were done, his sister-in-law allowed Timmy to put the icing on the cupcakes. When he had finished, he brought them to the table.
"The cupcakes look delicious, Tim," his uncle said. And he took a bite while looking at the other cupcakes. "Timmy these are so good."
As he finished one and took another he again complimented his little nephew. "The cupcakes look beautiful, Tim," his uncle said. "How did you get them iced so evenly?"
And he took a large bite while waiting for the answer. His nephew replied, "I licked them."
Children need both loving discipline and loving affirmation.
If a child lives with criticism,
He learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
He learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
He learns to be shy.
If a child lives with tolerance,
He learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement,
He learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise,
He learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness,
He learns justice.
If a child lives with security,
He learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval,
He learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
He learns to find love.
ILL.- Benjamin West, British artist, first became aware of his own artistic skills one day when his mother went out, leaving him to baby-sit his sister, Sally. In her absence he discovered some bottles of colored ink. To amuse Sally, he began to paint her portrait. In doing so, he made a real mess of things. When his mother returned, she deliberately looked beyond the mess, picked up the piece of paper, and smiling, looked deep into his eyes and said, "Why, it's Sally!" Benjamin West would say for the rest of his life, "My mother's kiss made me an artist."
That's loving affirmation. We can never love our children too much in that way.
ILL.- One preacher wrote, "When my sons learned to mow the grass I found myself saying, "You missed over there." While we were alone one day, my wife said to me, "When are you going to learn, honey, you have them mowing the grass for you? You could go over there and do that quick little spot. They're mowing most of the yard!" She was right. I got to where I would say instead, "What a great job! Terrific!"
That's positive affirmation, but we are often slow to give it. We are much quicker to criticize than to commend. Children need commendation and affirmation just like everybody else and perhaps more.
Let's review what we've learned that is important about training our children.
Our: Aim is important
Authenticity is important
Attitude is important
Affection is important
Attention is important
Affirmation is important
Finally, there is a translation of Proverbs 22:6 that says, "...train up a child in His way (God's way) and when he is older he will not get lost..." God help us as adults to train up our children to love the Lord and to serve Him as long as they live!
