As a consumer, I say, “how can I make my life most bearable” NOT “how can I build into my
kids.” The reason why I was a stickler for getting kids to bed wasn’t necessarily building into
them but making my life bearable.
The goal of parenting is maturity. For the knock-off version, the goal is happiness. The kids’
happiness and the parent’s happiness in having a manageable life.
And, God’s goal is spiritual maturity. That is what he is trying to do.
My Most Important Learnings…
1) Enjoy every phase
“I hope it ends soon.”
2) You are the MVP
One of the things I admire about my parents is their handling of money. They have never
had any debt except for a mortgage. They have had adequate savings to buy a brand new
car with cash and then run it for 10 years. They are in retirement and not needing to bum
money off of me. That is a good thing.
But when I was younger I didn’t appreciate this at all. One of the costs of them being wise
financially is that I always got the knock-off brands. I’m old enough that I remember when
Nike first came out. The cheaper big box retailers at the time had tennis shoes that looked
like Nike except the swoosh went down. Instead of and argyle shirt with the little crocodile,
mine had a lion in the same color and proportions.
There is a beautiful original product of marriage, being single and Parenting kids. Our
default is to use society’s rules for marriage, being single or parenting and regardless of
whether those principles work or not, we miss the transcendent depth of the real thing.
They were motivated to this out of a higher goal of financial responsibility. However, most
of us have knock-offs in areas of our life that are much deeper in importance than clothing
and shoes. In fact, we don’t’ even realize we possess the knock-off an there is a deeper and
richer original that was conceived in the mind of God.
3) Build their confidence in every stage
It is never too late to be a great Dad because everyone wants one right now.
The goal is for your kid to be on your level. I will never be on God’s level but His goal is to
Jake Peeing on Me
I Thessalonians 2:7
We were gentle among you, just as a nursing mother cherishes her own children.
But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a
weaned child is my soul within me.
Having children doesn’t make you a parent anymore than having a car makes you a
mechanic. To be a mechanic you must work on your car and to be a parent you must work
on your kid.
“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and chastises every son whom he receives.”
7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For
what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 8 If you are left without
discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and
not sons. 9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we
respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and
When you come out of the Nurse phase, No goo goo voices with your kids. There is a very
obvious sign that is time to move from nurse to King: Open Defiance.
Little princesses need to be dethroned.
Kids are “less than…”
Ephesians 6:1-4 (TNIV)
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and
mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well
with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” 4 Fathers, do not exasperate
your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Acknowldege that this is counter culture…
• “Let your child express themselves.” “Don’t say, the word, ‘no.’”
• “I am my kid’s best friend.”
• “help them understand their choices.”
Understand your choices? Your choice is do this now, or you will be in pain!
1) Only spank to teach, never to vent.
2) Calmly remind the child what they have done wrong
3) Use a neutral object, not your hand.
4) Hug your child and give reinforcement and positive verbal affirmation.
Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die.
Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.
One of the things that you realize when you read the Bible is that it isn't
just a bunch of lofty spiritual ideals. There are some deep hard to understand truths yet at
the same time there is blunt practicality. Here is
one such instance. How is one way to set a boundary? Physical punishment. The writer of
this Proverb knows exactly where all of us are going. We are thinking, "Oh no. I can't hurt
my child." In response to our thoughts he poignantly and almost humorously says, "He's
not gonna die!"
I couldn't begin to count how many times I was appropriately spanked as a
little kid. You know what? It hurt. I can still feel the long skinny building
block on the back of my left cheek. I thought I could get away with hiding it and then my
Mom wouldn't be able to spank me. Bad idea. She got mad and realized I hid it. This made
her even more angry and then I couldn't remember where I hid it. I think she ended up
using a ball-peen hammer on me.
This didn't effect my love for her. This didn't effect my respect for her.
This didn't make me a violent person. This was never a barrier in any way
shape or form in our relationship.
Lena with Gold fish
The Father is the best one to spank
As a coach, I would tell you that your biggest assignment over the next 7 days is to get in a
Have you thought about how far you are going to go? What are your standards? How can I
Moriah and Sexualization
Time August 6, “Please send tweets. Camps find new ways to placate obsessive kids – and
parents” One camp posts 80,000 photos a day. Another has a webcam on the flagpole. Another
in the mess hall so parents can see their kid put their fork to their mouth.
1) Allow for Decision Making
2) Encourage Good Decision
3) Discipline Bad Decision
1 Thessalonians 2:11-12 (TNIV)
For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, 12
encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into
his kingdom and glory.
Katherine Ortega was the 38th Treasurer of the United States.
"My signature appears on $60 billion of US currency. More importantly, however,
is the signature that appears on my life - the strong, proud, assertive handwriting
of a loving mother and father." --Katherine D Ortega, Former US Treasurer
Friend but still a backstop
John 15:14-15 (TNIV)
You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because
servants do not know their master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for
everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.
“I brought you into this world, and I’ll take you out.” “I can make another one of you just
What I wish I knew Now…
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man
who fills his quiver with them!
Arrows in a quiver. As a parent, you are prepping your kid to be a weapon. Not keeping your kid
from danger. And, this is what God is prepping you do be.