THE PROBLEM OF ALONENESS
Gen 2:18-25
Judges 14:1-3
One of the biggest issue that believers have is how to deal with the season when they believe that they are ready for marriage and they are not yet married and have to deal with certain physical needs that they have. These needs actually begins to show up as soon as they get to puberty and really becomes full blown when they get to adolescence. They suddenly start to have a strong urge for companionship from a physical perspective. The error that we make is that we often liken this feeling of loneliness with the feeling of aloneness, and we erroneously attempt to resolve them in identical manner.
The state of aloneness is a spiritually recognized situation, compelled by heaven to enable procreation in the proper environment that will ensure the raising of godly seed and engender the true concept of godly family. This implies that the condition of being alone is deeper than being lonely. Loneliness is actually a physical condition, or a temporary yearning of the flesh and can never be fully resolved by physical gratification. It is the futility of satisfying this yearning that the bible was referring to in Prov 39:14 there is a generation whose teeth are as swords and their jaw teeth as knives, to devour the poor from off the earth a d the needy from among men.
15 the horse leach has two daughters crying, give, give. There are thee things that are never satisfied, yea four things say not it is enough.
16 the grave and the barren womb. The earth that is not filled with water and the fire says not, it is enough.
Another thing is physical craving. It can only be filled for a season and you will desire another. That is why when people confront the issue of aloneness like they deal with loneliness, you always see them lusting for other women as soon as they get married. Aloneness can never be loneliness, because you can have people all around you and be involved with several girlfriends and enjoying physical intimacy and still fill that void. That is why so many are even married and they still fill alone and they say that the person they got married to is not their wife or husband. That is not to say that the person has any idea who the spouse should be.
Most often we confuse aloneness with loneliness. In fact most singles believe that marriage is all about having sex and satisfying their sexual needs and when they are considering who they will marry, they only consider physical endowment. I have seen single sisters seriously argue that they must have sex with the man before they get married so that they will be sure that they are sexually compatible. So my question is, how many testing will you do to get convinced if the first ten men you meet are not sexually compatible with you?
Aloneness is a spiritual condition which is permitted by heaven to ensure that you enter into marriage with your true companion. It is not a vacuum that can be filled anyhow. It is something that can only be handled by God who ensures that you actually get married to the bone of your bones. However, most singles allow this subject of seeking the right marriage partner is often beclouded with carnality, and many fail to get married even when the proper time has come and the right person is available for them. Every brother and sister in this church who are ready for marriage have all it takes to get married within the next couple of months. I hold the brothers responsible for the sisters in this church who are ready for marriage and nothing has happened to them yet. You bulk at making the decision at the proper time and when you get to old age you start looking for a younger girl to get married to. Who then will marry your age mates?
The challenge is that we often try to solve the problem of aloneness from the carnal point of view, as though it was merely an issue of loneliness. This implies preferring a temporary solution mentality for something that requires a solo solution. You now see many of us entering into a compromised relationship and all it's trappings and complication in order to resolve it, including premarital sex, live in relationship and of recent we now have what is called, partners. All these are what I call the devil's alternatives and only lead to complication.
1 Cor 7 talks about marriage and the issue of fornication. People had written to Paul to ask him concerning living a life of celibacy and he replied them in verse 1 that it is good, but to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Verse 8 concerning the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry for it is better to marry than to burn.
Verse 36 says if any man think that he behaves uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age and will need so require, let him do what he will, he sins not. Let them marry.
1 Tim 5:11 prescribed for younger women to marry when they begin to act wantonly. Verse 14 says that I prefer for young women to marry, bear children, guide their house and give no occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
The issue of aloneness was again looked into in Eccl 4:9 when it says two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall the one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him that is alone when he falleth for he hath not another to help him up. It is here talking of someone that has gotten to the age of marriage but is not yet married, and this can never be resolved by the fact that you have a funny relationship with a girl.
Verse 11 says if two lie together, then they have heat, but how can one be warm alone? This is a type of heat and comfort that can only be provided by the bone of your bones. When they brought all the animals to Adam he gave them their name but he found not a help meet for him. The threefold cord can only be provided when you are married and can never come when you are just living with someone that is not your husband.
Often when the singles get to their age of marriage and they ought to be calm to make the most important decision of their lives, they allow themselves to be distracted with satanic offerings that are often very destructive in a bid to satisfy a physical craving. That was what happened in the life of Samson that ultimately destroyed a wonderful ministry. He was involved with three key women in his life and in all he was merely trying to satisfy a physical craving of loneliness and never sought to deal with the problem of aloneness. He got involved with the first woman in Judges 14:1. She was called the woman at Timnath, the daughter of the Philistine. By virtue of his calling, he was not supposed to get married to a Philistine woman and his mother warned him that much. He told them in verse 3, get her for me, for she pleases me well. He was only trying to satisfy his physical craving. We have often read verse 4 to imply that he did the right thing. God used it as occasion, because all things work together for good for those called of God. But he will still have to pay the price of the disobedience. That scripture should rather be applied as a basis to support that proposition that you cannot walk out of a marriage simply because you believe that you married in disobedience to God. Once the marriage is sealed, it receives the approval of heaven and can not be breached. Verse 15 shows that as soon as they got married, the young men of the Philistine decided to use her to solve her husband's riddle. The implication of this was that she had an inappropriate relationship with the young men, and this is not different from adultery. When they told him, Samson said, if you had not plowed with my heifer, ye had not found out my riddle. He then left for his father's house, and she was immediately given to his companion. At the end she was killed by her kinsmen. The fact that God did not approve of this relationship was revealed by the fact that this marriage was not even consummated.
The second woman was the harlot at Gaza. This was purely a physical relationship, seeking to solve a physical craving. This place became a place of attack against his life. At night the man at Gaza waited for him at the gate of the city hoping to kill when he came out in the morning exhausted. But he arose at midnight and took the gate of the city and the two posts and went away with them, bar and all and carried it to the top of the hill that is before Hebron. This would indicate to them that he was not going to be easy to kill. He took the defenses of the city and made them vulnerable to attacking invaders. God was still helping him. It shows that the gift and the calling of God is without repentance. However, we are not allowed to take it in vain.
All this while, grace was working for him, until he met Delilah, the third woman. If you fail to properly deal with the problem of aloneness, you will end up with a Delilah. You may even end up marrying your Delilah. Judges 16:5 says the lord of the Philistines offered her 1100 pieces of silver each if she can get the secret of Samson from him. They knew that Samson deeply loved her. The truth is that you have no business having physical intimacy with anyone that is not your spouse. He was overwhelmed by his love for her that it beclouded his sense of judgment and completely eroded his spirituality. At the end of the day he was arrested, blinded and locked up like a common criminal.
The solution to the problem of aloneness is so simple. Aloneness is indicative that God is speaking specifically to you concerning marriage. Stop considering the views of men and the expectations of society. Also when you now get married, it will take the blessing of God for the marriage to effectively resolve the true issues of aloneness.
