Matthew 18:15-20
Shining Shoes for Christ
When Brennan Manning, an evangelical Catholic, was waiting to catch a plane in the Atlanta airport, he sat down in one of the many places where usually black men shine white men’s shoes. And an elderly black man began to shine Brennan’s shoes. And Brennan had this feeling inside that after he was done, he should pay him and tip him and then reverse the roles.
When he was finished, he stood up and looked at the black man and said, "Now, sir, I would like to shine your shoes." And the black man recoiled and stepped back and said, "You’re going to do what?" Manning said, "I’d like to shine your shoes. Come on. You sit down here. How would you like them done?" And the black man began to cry, and he said, "No white man ever talked to me like this before." And the story ends with the white Catholic with arms around a black Atlanta man, and they’ve only just met, tears flowing, reconciliation taking place. -- Brian Buhler, "The Ultimate Community," Preaching Today, Tape No. 146.
What an amazing story. When reconciliation happens, life is returned to the individual. Have you experienced reconciliation in your life? Not only have you experienced reconciliation, but have you experienced the joy, the exhiliration of being reconciled to someone who was against you and you were against them?
Our vision for reconciliation comes from the reconciling work that Jesus did for us on the cross. His death leads us into a new relationship with God. We become adopted children of the King, the Wonderful Lord, we are His and He is ours.
Reconciliation within the church is something to strive for. Because when we reconcile with one another, those small moments in time are really “Jesus Moments.” They are times when we are making the love of Jesus a reality. It’s not always easy to do. Sometimes we have a difficult time coming up to another person and saying, “Hey, would you forgive me.”
When I was in junior high my dad had a poster he cut out of a magazine. It had the most important sentence with one word, the least important sentence with one word, up to the most important sentence with six words. By the way, the most important one word sentence was “WE”, while the least important was “I”. But the sentence with the 6 most important words was “I ADMIT I MADE A MISTAKE.” It’s not easy to admit, but that is where humility comes in. Can you admit, even to those who seem to be against you, ‘I’m sorry, I made a mistake, would you forgive me?’
Yet, why do those outside of the church label us as a place filled with angry unforgiving people. Why are there sayings like, ‘if you’re feeling bad, don’t go to the church, they’ll only make it worse?’ Or ‘The church shoots its own wounded.’
Why is it that we are supposed to be a people who are filled with the Holy Spirit, we are supposed to be people who have experienced the greatest gift ever, the gift of life, joy, grace and forgiveness through Jesus, yet we do not offer that same grace to others?
Why is it we don’t look for the good things about people, the positive attributes; but we seek to tear down, instead of building up. The church is supposed to be a place of encouragement, but is it? Now I’m talking about the church universal and I am also talking about our church.
Hebrews 3:13 — “Encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.”
If we believe in Jesus, then the Holy Spirit dwells in us, then we should be filled with the fruits of the Spirit. The fruits of the Spirit are ~~ “Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness & self-control.” Galatians 5:22-23
I don’t see bitterness and complaining in that list. Maybe it’s a matter of us really, really accepting the Holy Spirit. Nothing can change us like the Holy Spirit, so as we begin this last section of Matthew 18:15, let me ask you . . . Is the Spirit of God alive in you or have you killed the Spirit?
I had this on my heart, and it’s been weighing me down all week. I am not here to condemn anyone, but to push us to the next level of our walk with Christ.
For the past 2 weeks we were looking at what to do if we have a conflict with someone else, whether it is a sin issue or just a matter of disagreement. We know we are to go to that person and only that person first. The Bible is clear on that issue.
Now today we look at what happens if the person will not listen to us and has no desire to reconcile. At this point you have two choices, you can determine that the issue is not that vital in your life and you with the help of the Holy Spirit can seek to forgive them, drop the issue and move on in life. Of course, if the two of you are involved in the church then you need to decide if you can work side by side.
Otherwise the next step is to bring 2 or 3 trustworthy objective people to meet together. The purpose is for these witnesses to confirm what they are hearing and quite possibly to open the eyes of the two who are at odds. The ultimate goal is that conflict can be resolved and there would be reconciliation.
Some might interpret this as a gang tackle or numbers play, but it’s actually nothing of the sort. Jesus wants us to meet privately first. But the temptation is usually to involve others from the beginning instead of meeting privately.
So maybe we go to a trusted member and say: “You know what Nadine did to me? That crazy woman has a real problem. You need to talk to her.”
And the response they should give is not -- “OOOOh, she did what? Tell me more.” They should say, “That sounds like a difficult situation. Have you talked to her. If she refuses to discuss it with you, then let’s consider the both of us getting together with her to talk it through, but first let’s pray about it.”
Church becomes a very unsafe place when we involve others in our conflicts for the sole purpose of ranting and raving about the other person. Of course, we need to have people who are our confidants, people we can talk to about what our situation is, people who can be objective and help us through difficult times, but to discuss conflict with the entire church. . . that is going overboard. When other people are brought into the situation – their opinion of someone else may be tainted, when really you might have misinterpreted the person’s words or actions. And that is how long term damage is done. Satan loves it when we do this. Somehow he convinces us to air our conflicts with anyone but the person involved.
If we are like most churches, we have some room to grow in this area. But we’ll only grow when each of us makes a firm commitment to rely on the Holy Spirit for courage to handle our conflicts one on one rather than complaining to someone else.
In a safe church we would stop our friends in the midst of a conversation and say, “As much as I’d like to listen and help you with this, I need to ask you, “have you gone directly to this person and told them how their actions made you feel?” And if the answer is no, we’d say, “Let’s pray together for courage and draw up a plan for how you might contact that person for a face to face conversation."
That’s a safe church. Does that describe how you would handle the situation? Or would you get sucked in and listen to only one side of the story, and condemn the other person?
PASTORAL RELATIONS TEAM
Jesus has a couple of other steps to be used only in the most extreme cases.
STEP 3 is to go to the church for resolution. What I believe Jesus has in mind at this point is continuing, confirmed, and unconfessed sin. For instance if a person’s spouse is having an affair with another person in the church. A private conversation brought about no change. So a couple of church leaders meet with the person and the person’s spouse. Yet there is still no desire for repentance or reconciliation. What then? Jesus says, “Tell the church.”
He doesn’t specifically say, “Make a formal announcement from the pulpit during a worship service.” Though perhaps some extreme cases may call for that. I believe what Jesus means is, “If one on one doesn’t work, and the person is not convinced by the presence of a few witnesses, then enlist a larger group to pray, and to encourage. Remember, the goal is reconciliation, so at this point involve other reliable leaders in the church who will also work with you toward that goal.”
Then, what if reconciliation still doesn’t come? That brings us to STEP 4 —
You are to treat them as if they were a non-Christian. Of course, you are to treat them with love and grace, but they are now to be considered outside the church. Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 5:5 and in 1 Timothy 1:20 that an unrepentant sinner should be turned over to satan. It sounds strange and cruel, yet, the hope is that the person will get so low in their life that the only way out is for them to repent and turn to Jesus. It does not mean we wish them harm, injury or disease, we do not pray for satan to ravage their bodies, instead, we no longer fellowship with them.
Remember Jesus commanded his followers to love pagans and tax collectors. Love them and seek to win them over with your love. If all this doesn’t bring reconciliation, then start from square one. Yet, we are to always love them.
More than likely, if a person refuses to be reconciled through the first three steps, they have already removed themselves from the life and participation of the church body. So we start loving them as a person who needs to know Jesus.
Questions to ask ourselves if someone refuses to be reconciled to us:
Does my heart long for reconciliation?
Have I honestly done all I can?
Do I still act lovingly toward the person?
Do I mourn for the harm the person is doing to toward their
soul, to me and to others?
If so, we are displaying the kind of heart that has no desire to live at odds with someone.
Finally, when we go through conflict, and we rely on the spiritual resources God makes available to us . . . WE ENJOY THE RESULTING ATMOSPHERE
God’s goal is always reconciliation. God’s goal is community! A safe loving place where no one stands alone. Church is a place where people are being molded by the Holy Spirit. A key to reconciling is to see that people change. Don’t dwell on what they were, but on who they are becoming.
Conflict cannot be completely avoided. Not even in the church. We’re imperfect people. We have to admit our brokenness to start our journey with Jesus.
The secret not everyone knows is that having gone through it, we can actually forge deeper dependencies on the Holy Spirit. Each of us contributes to the overall safety of this church.
One night in a church service a young woman felt the tug of God at her heart. She accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior. The young woman had a very rough past; alcohol, drugs, and prostitution. But, the change was evident. As time went on she became a member of the church and became involved in teaching the children.
It was not very long until this faithful young woman caught the eye and heart of the pastor's son. They eventually were engaged and began to make wedding plans. This is when the problems began. ½ the church didn’t think a woman with a past like hers was suitable for a pastor's son. The church began to argue and fight.
So they decided to have a meeting. The people made their arguments and tensions increased, the meeting was getting completely out of hand.
The young woman became very upset about all the things being brought up about her past. As she began to cry the pastor's son stood to speak. He said: "My fiancee's past is not what is on trial here. What you are questioning is the ability of the blood of Jesus to wash away sin. Today you have put the blood of Jesus on trial. So, does it wash away sin or not?" The church began to weep as they realized they had been slandering the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ.
Too often, even as Christians, we bring up the past and use it as a weapon against our brothers and sisters. Forgiveness is a very foundational part of the Gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ. If the blood of Jesus does not completely cleanse the other person then it cannot completely cleanse us. If that is the case, we’re all in a lot of trouble. What can wash away my sins, nothing but the blood of Jesus!
The goal of these sermons was to follow what Paul said in Ephesians 4:28-32 ~~
Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, so that your words may give grace to those who hear. [30] And do not bring sorrow to God's Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, the Holy Spirit is the one who has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. [31] Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. [32] Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
