SISTER, YOU CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN
Prov 18:22
Ruth 3:1-11
With modernization and the women having more voice in society, many are contesting the truth in the assertion and our practice that it is the man who must approach the woman or raise the issue of marriage with the pastor first, and not the woman. The argument has always been that Prov 18:22 simply refers to the man as being the one that finds the wife. We are also aware that scripturally the man is the head of the wife and accordingly must take the lead or play the leading role in initiating the union.
I have also looked throughout the bible and you will observe that in all cases it was the man who initiated discussions concerning marriage as revealed in the case of Ruth and Boaz.
But some may argue that times have changed tremendously since bible times. These days we have women playing more active and prominent role in society, and many believe that this process is outmoded and no more fashionable. A lot of sisters are saying that this accounts for why sisters in the church appear to be shortchanged in the area of marriage as against those in the world who are taking more pragmatic steps to get married. I have also taken time to ponder if it remains right to expect the sisters to continue to take a passive role in the initiation of marriage relationship.
One thing that time cannot change is the principle of the word of God. The man remains the head of the family, even if the woman is the main provider in the house. At all times she is expected to be submissive to her husband. Eph 5:22 says wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord,
23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, and he is the savior of the body.
The wife is expected to be submissive to her husband in everything. The bible also teaches us how this duty of submissiveness operates without its being oppressive, and manipulatory. 1 Pet 3:1-7 is also very instructive on the details of the marriage relationship and the place of the man and the wife. Col 3:18-21. If everyone understands his role and walks in it there will be no problem and all will be greatly blessed. These things cannot be changed by modern practices, but are applicable in this present environment to ensure that we get the best from life.
The marriage relationship is very complex and can best be handled within the context of the word of God. Many of us are putting the ark upon brand new carts hoping that it will produce better results. David should have known better, that God never needs our help to come through for us. Uzzah should have known better that this was the same ark that protected itself for years in the hands of the Philistines. He was struck dead because he tried to stop the ark from falling when the oxen shook in 2 Sam 6:1-7.
God will always use men of God to give us instructions on how we shall go about specific areas of our Christian experience. It is the manner of God, so that we can remain under the leadership of his servants. There are some things about your life that you will never know unless it is explained to you by a man of God. Ps 103:7 while God made his ways known unto Moses, the children of Israel were only made familiar with his acts.
Amos 3:7 Surely the Lord God will do nothing, but he reveals his secrets unto his servants the prophets.
Those instructions may not even make sense to us, but God expects us to be obedient to them, as long as it does not require you to commit a sin. God permits it because there must be order in the house of God and when we are allowed to do things in our own ways it allows for disorder and that is the terrain of the devil. When David became king of Israel, one of the things that he did was to bring order to the way God was worshipped in the temple and put the organized the manner of functioning of the Levites and the priests. 1 Chr 23-26.
Ezekiel 44:23 says it is the responsibility of the priest to teach the people the difference between the holy and the profane, and cause them to discern between the unclean and the clean
If women begin to take the initiative, there are things that will happen in the course of the marriage that will put that process to question. In most cases where a marriage breaks it is usually the man as the dominant partner who takes a walk and not the woman. A lot of times the obligation brought about by the fact that they initiated the process will keep them in the marriage. There is also the need for the man to begin to be in charge of the marriage from the onset so that it will be easier for the wife to be submissive. Especially these days, it is getting more difficult for women to submit because of their growing influence.
Is the woman now without any role to play? Should she then fold her hands and just pray about it? That is where most of us make our mistakes. This is true of all aspects of blessings that we expect from God. Jere 33:3 Call unto me and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things that you knowest not.
You must understand what God is saying to you at all times concerning marriage and begin to position yourself. It was not an accident that the servant of Abraham met Rebekah at the well after he prayed to God concerning the wife for Isaac. She must have been there on the instruction of her father or her mother which she could have chosen to disobey that day. Gen 24. The problem that the church has these days is that we do not have disciples any longer, people who have trained themselves to be obedient to those placed over them. When the servant asked her for water to drink, she hasted to bring down her water and gave to him. She was already on her way home having fetched her water, and yet she stopped. She now offered to fetch water for his camels until they were done drinking. It was not a normal action because verse 20 says she hasted and emptied her pitcher in the trough and ran again unto the well to draw water. And drew for all his camel. Verse 21 says and he wondering at her held his peace. As at this point in time he did not know who she was, but he took a golden earring of half a shekel weight and two bracelets of ten shekels weight of gold and gave to her. She reminded me of the virtuous woman by her deed. One shekel is equivalent to about 11.3 grams of gold. We are here talking of about 226 grams of gold worth of jewelry. At a present rate of $40 per gram of 18k gold, we are looking at a total value of about $9000.00. This shows how overwhelmed he was by her action.
Everyone wants to marry a virtuous woman. That is why we do teachings like this for brothers to know the kind of sister to marry and stop looking at outward appearance. Prov 19:14 houses and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the Lord.
When he asked her whose daughter she was, she said that she was the daughter of Bethuel, the son of Milcah, and she was emphatic that there was food and bed in her father's house. This spoke volumes for her. It meant that she knew where she was coming from and was proud of it. It also meant that she was not a rebel or a stranger in her father's house. She had the confidence of a true daughter. Any woman who has no respect for her family and for her church will never have respect for you.
Throughout the process, you will see that her opinion was taken with high esteem in her father's house. This must have been because of the responsible way that she must have always conducted herself. When they arrived at the place where Isaac was, verse 64 says that when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel and when they told her that she was her husband, she took her veil and covered herself. This was a mark of humility and submission to her husband.
It is clear for this story that you do not get married by hiding in the house, but by putting in display your true quality by the life of service and sacrifice that you live. You are actually the one that makes it happen. We have a tradition that is completely opposed to this position and that is what many of us are practicing in church. They tell you that you are like a commodity on display on the shelve waiting for some rich buyer to come and buy. You will note that all this while, Rebekah did not even know what kind of business her husband was engaged in.
In the case of Ruth, when she set out that day, all her mother in law told was that I want you to have rest. There was nothing that suggested that the husband must be Boaz. We are often more interested in what he is doing and how much does he have and how good looking is he, rather than locating the will of God for you. Her mother in law knew that there was no way she would get married by staying in the house, praying and waiting for her husband. But also, the assignment that day was not to search for a husband, it was to bring rest to her by seeking for a kinsman redeemer. As long as the debt of her husband had not been repaid she would have no inheritance and would not be better than her slave, along with any child that she may have. This was a young woman with a lot of future ahead of her and needed such issues to be settled in her life.
Boaz was not just a wealthy man he was also very influential and a judge in the land. This means that he would have a role in determining who would be her kinsman redeemer and demand him to act on her behalf.
The act of uncovering the feet and lying at the feet is a great form of humility which women often do when they make a request from a man of prominence. Jesus spoke about the wicked judge in Luke 18 who was wearied by the importunate widow who demanded that he avenged her of her adversaries. The posture of her approach was of a women who sat at his feet beckoning on him to help her. Jesus had his own experiences with people like the Syrophoenician woman or the Gentile woman in Matt 15:21. I can imagine her positioned at the feet of the master asking for his intervention in her situation.
The most dramatic of the experiences of Jesus is the woman with the alabaster box of ointment in Jn 12:1. Mary, the sister of Martha took an alabaster box of ointment and anointed the feet of Jesus wiping his feet with her hair. It was a very emotional action that attracted the attention of many, but her humility was not lost on Jesus who asked them to leave her alone.
It was the same Mary who sat at the feet of Jesus in Luke 10:39 when Jesus went visiting to her house. Jesus said, she had Mary had chosen the better part which shall not be taken from her. In Matt 15:30 a great multitude came into Jesus in the mountain, having with them those that were lame, blind, dumb, maimed, and many others, and cast themselves at the feet of Jesus and he healed them.
Being positioned at the feet of someone is an act of vulnerability. That is the most powerful posture of the woman. It is the same posture that we take in the place of worship and that is why it is your most powerful period. That was what happened when the three Hebrew youths were thrown into the fire, they landed in a prostrate position and they were in a state of worship. The fire just could not burn them and the Lord had no option but to show up in the fire.
When Boaz woke up and saw the position of Ruth, a posture of humility, he had no option but to do her bidding. He said, I will do all that you require for all the city know that you are a virtuous woman. Verse 15 shows that at all times she had a veil cast upon her which is a mark of chastity. He proceeded to the gate of the city and commenced the process for the settlement of the issues surrounding Ruth and ended up marrying her. Out of nowhere she got the most valued bachelor in town. That is why I am sure that my daughters will get married and they will get top quality suitors.
