Dear Diary, “Every time I open myself up for a relationship I get kicked in the teeth. Why do we need relationships? Why should take the risk of being hurt again?” If you are like me you have been hurt and betrayed by someone you thought was your friend. These experiences really cause us to question whether or not we should risk forming relationships. Here’s the problem, relationships require us to open ourselves up and become vulnerable. Since we have all been burnt in the past, we are really cautious and slow to pour ourselves into a relationship. Here’s the truth, the more deeply someone knows us the more ammunition they have if they ever chose to turn their backs on us. So at all costs we strive to protect ourselves from being hurt once again. Paul Simon spoke for many of us when he penned the words of his song “I am A Rock.”
I’ve built walls
A fortress deep and mighty
That none may penetrate
I have no need of friendship
Friendship causes pain
It’s laughter and it’s loving I disdain
I am a rock. I am an island.
And a rock feels no pain.
And an island never cries.
These words express a deep pain that we all have felt at some time in our lives. The problem is that God has created us to need and desire relationships. To grow emotionally and spiritually we need relationships because they can provide encouragement and accountability. Solomon in our text provides some deep insights into the importance of relationships. Today, let’s work our way through this entry of Solomon’s diary to find out why relationships are worth the risks.
I. Individualism causes divisions and weakens effectiveness.
A. Solomon’s life was a tremendous example of individualism.
1. I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my labor, and this was the reward for all my toil. (Ecclesiastes 2:10—NIV 2011)
2. Solomon was self absorbed; he sought to fulfill all the desires in his life.
3. One would think that Solomon would have many friends due to his position and wealth. However, more often than not the exact opposite is true.
4. Wealth and power tend to separate people from others causing them to be isolated and lonely.
a. Wealth and power often makes one suspicious of others?
b. Wealth causes one to desire more and more.
5. One has to wonder if Solomon as he pens these words felt regret for not allowing himself to develop close relationships.
6. Perhaps Solomon found it meaningless because he had successfully missed out on the really important things of life.
B. The culture that we live in promotes individualism.
1. The main philosophy of this culture is self promotion. How many times have we heard the words, “Look out for number one”?
2. We are busy people and we allow what we perceive as being urgent to crowd out relationships.
3. Our culture thrives in the social media world; we have Facebook friends and followers on Twitter. The main problem is, deep relationships that go beyond surface chat are harder to come by.
4. A recent study found that those who seek to form relationships via the internet are much lonelier than those who seek relationships through more traditional means.
5. Everything is about me; this complicates the development of deep relationships because they require us not to be in a hurry and willing to put ourselves second to others.
C. Relationships do not flourish where individualism does.
1. How many people have successfully thrown marriages and close friendships under the bus because of the desire to pursue their own happiness?
2. According to a recent study more than twenty percent of the American population feels lonely.
3. Perhaps this is the reason that there are so many lonely people in the world. The culture applauds the self-made man and the one who doesn’t need anyone else.
4. Max Lucado in his book “It’s Not About Me” sums this all up. “We’ve been demanding our way since day one…I want a spouse that makes me happy and co-workers that always asks my opinion. I want weather that suits me and traffic that helps me and a government that serves me. Self-promotion, self-preservation, self-centeredness…it’s all about me.”
II. Relationships provide support during difficult times.
A. One is left to wonder if Solomon had someone he could always count on.
1. If his chariot broke down or if some other crisis came into his life, who would Solomon have called.
2. His father David had Jonathan early on and then Nathan the prophet throughout the remainder of his life. However, as we study Solomon’s life no such deep relationships are mentioned.
3. Solomon even missed out on the true deepness of the marriage relationship. When you have 700 wives how deep can the relationships really be?
4. Solomon’s life was all about Solomon and apparently there was no room for deep relationships to develop. Is it any wonder that we hear the regret in his words?
B. Life’s difficulties are more bearable when there is someone who has your back.
1. An English publication offered a prize for the best definition of a friend, and among the thousands of answers received here are the best:
a. One who multiples joys and halves grief’s.
b. One who understand our silence.
c. A watch that beats true for all time and never runs down.
d. The definition that won the prize: ‘a friend is the one who walks in when the whole world has walked out.’
2. Psychologists have recently found that over twelve percent of the population does not have a person with who to spend time with or discuss important matters with.
3. The problem is that God has wired us to desire others to share life with. That is way many of the greatest minds down through the centuries have tried to tackle the problem of loneliness.
4. Socrates wrote, “There is no possession more valuable than a good and faithful friend.”
5. Chuck Swindoll makes this observation, “The neighborhood bar is possibly the best counterfeit that there is to the fellowship Christ wants us to give his church. It’s an imitation, dispensing liquor instead of grace, escape rather than reality – but it is a permissive, accepting and inclusive fellowship. It is unshockable. It is democratic. You can tell people secrets, and they usually don’t tell others or even want to. The bar flourishes not because most people are alcoholics, but because God has put into the human heart the desire to know and be known, to love and be loved, and so many seek a counterfeit at the price of a few beers.”
III. Relationships provide us with the ability to stand in the face of an attack.
A. Solomon became easy prey for spiritual decay by living a life of individualism.
1. Solomon more than likely was warned that the pursuit of pleasure and possessions could cause his heart to be turned away from God.
2. Perhaps Solomon thought that his great wisdom would prevent him from getting off track.
3. As we read Solomon’s life there doesn’t seem to be anyone that came along side him and said, “Hey, I think you are getting off track.”
4. His wisdom may have kept him from getting off track all at once but it did not prevent his character from eroding a little bit at a time.
5. When left all alone we will find that we are not any match for the attacks that Satan hurls at us.
B. Spiritual growth happens more readily in the context of growing relationships.
1. As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17—NIV 2011)
2. The best investment that can be made in life is not a financial one but an investment in the development of deep relationships. This will bring dividends for us both emotionally and spiritually.
3. Friends can lovingly point out those spiritual blind spots and help keep us from getting off track.
4. A true friend will confront us with the truth to keep us from turning our lives into a train wreck.
C. The accountability provided by relationships allows us to stand strong against temptation.
1. Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. (Proverbs 27:5-6—NIV 2011)
2. If you have a friend who has a drinking problem, or is cheating on his wife, or is drifting away from church, you are not a "true" friend, if you let it happen because you don’t want to offend him or endanger the relationship - it would be less than loving for you to let "a friend" destroy his life without saying a word.
3. Many a Christian has given into a temptation because they tried to go at it alone but more than likely they would have withstood the test if there would have been someone to help and support them.
4. Solomon shows that two people together are great but three is even better. Three is often used to represent completion and perfection.
5. The bottom line is that God has designed us for community and he knows that we cannot reach our full potential on our own.
Closing:
An Aseop fable teaches a powerful lesson in regard to the need for strong relationships.
Three Bulls were grazing in a meadow, and were watched by a Lion, who longed to capture and devour them, but who felt that he was no match for the three so long as they kept together. So he began by false whispers and malicious hints to foment jealousies and distrust among them. This strategy succeeded so well that ere long the Bulls grew cold and unfriendly, and finally avoided each other and fed each one by himself apart. No sooner did the Lion see this than he fell upon them one by one and killed them in turn.
Moral: The quarrels of friends are the opportunities of foes.
