In the United States it is quite common for those in power to make the headlines for all the wrong reasons. There’s nothing that seems to catch our attention like a good political scandal. There are several of these scandals that are forever etched in our minds. We were brought “Watergate” in 1974, the “Iran Contra Affair” in 1985 and in 1998 we were brought the “Clinton-Lewinsky Affair”. The popularity of TV dramas shows that many Americans are drawn to stories that contain intrigue, scandal and cover-ups. Today, we come to a story of a son’s bitterness and a family’s dysfunction that leads to rebellion and revenge. The story has everything that catches our attention; sex, murder, cover-up and a struggle for power. In fact, if we did not know that Absalom’s story was from the Bible we would be sure that it was straight out of one of these TV dramas. Like with political leaders today, the lives of the Royal family in ancient Israel were on public display. So even the slightest whisper of scandal spread like an out of control wild fire. Contained within these six chapters, there are enough plots and subplots to make several seasons of TV dramas. The main characters in our drama are David the greatest king in Israel’s history and his bitter son Absalom. Today our goal is to examine Absalom’s story and see what principles we can take away from it for our own lives.
I. Absalom was raised in a home that was far from ideal.
A. A snapshot of David’s family.
1. David had eight wives that are named in the Bible; however there are hints that he may have had several more not including concubines.
2. With the eight wives that are listed, David fathered nineteen sons and one daughter.
3. There is some evidence that David may have fathered other children with some of his concubines.
4. The mother of Absalom and his sister Tamar was Maachah.
B. The best adjectives that can be used to describe David’s family are fragmented and dysfunctional.
1. David’s polygamy made it next to impossible for him to be able to spend any quality time with his wives and children.
2. While we admire David and all of his exploits, Absalom had a front row seat to view all his father’s inconsistencies.
a. There was rivalry between the sons as they positioned themselves to succeed their father.
b. David’s involvement with Bathsheba and the ensuing cover-up.
3. Absalom witnessed many things during his formative years that undoubtedly scarred him and caused bitterness to form.
4. There are two choices for living our lives. We can choose to live in a way where cover-up is necessary or in a way that cover-up is not needed.
5. We know the choice that David made and his family paid dearly for that choice.
II. The factors that fueled all of Absalom’s bitterness.
A. Absalom’s father was always too busy for him.
1. David was spread so thin there was no possible way for him to be an effective father or husband.
2. Chapters three through twelve cover a span of twenty years and no mention is made of Absalom.
3. Perhaps Absalom was overlooked by his father much like he is overlooked by the Biblical writer.
4. Undoubtedly the pressures of being king were draining which would have made it easy for David to overlook the little things.
5. Here lies the problem: Things that we view as being little are important to someone else.
B. The effects of Amnon’s rape of Absalom’s sister Tamar.
1. Amnon was David’s oldest son and heir apparent to the throne of Israel.
2. Over time Amnon became obsessed with Tamar to the point that he didn’t care about anything else.
3. Amnon’s cousin Jonadab was very shrewd and unscrupulous, so he helps Amnon come up with way to be alone with Tamar.
4. The plan works and despite the protests of Tamar, Amnon has his way with her resulting in him hating Tamar more than he desired her.
5. When David hears about it, we are told he was angry but he failed to do anything about it which further fueled Absalom’s bitterness toward his father.
C. Absalom’s bitterness and desire for revenge will simmer under the surface for nearly two years.
1. Absalom comforts Tamar the best he could after the ordeal but on the inside he is boiling and plotting how to get even with Amnon.
2. At sheep shearing time great celebrations often took place, so Absalom uses this time of celebration to seek revenge against Amnon.
3. One has to wonder why David would allow this situation to happen.
a. David declines to accept Absalom’s invitation.
b. Absalom requests Amnon’s presence despite some apparent suspicion, David sends him along with his other sons.
c. Perhaps David felt that everything had blown over.
4. Absalom prepares to carry out his plan by enlisting his servants to kill Amnon when the order was given.
5. After Amnon’s murder the rest of the king’s sons waste no time in getting out of there and Absalom leaves the country and hides out for three years with his grandfather Talmai, the king of Geshur.
6. The three years seems to begin to remove the edge of the bitter feelings over Amnon’s death for David but Absalom’s bitterness toward his father is still simmering.
III. The factors that made Absalom’s power grab possible.
A. Absalom had the good looks of a model or movie star.
1. Absalom was good looking and he knew it. His outward beauty attracted a following.
2. Absalom unlike Samson went to the barber shop once a year when his hair got too heavy. The hair that got cut off normally weighed just a little bit over two pounds.
3. Absalom apparently had no scars or any other physical defect that would take away from his looks,
4. The best adjectives to describe Absalom would be vain and arrogant as seen in his actions.
B. Absalom’s disdain for his father grew during the two years David would not see him after he was brought back to Jerusalem.
1. Absalom did everything possible to get his father to acknowledge him and visit with him.
2. Undoubtedly with each failed attempt Absalom grew more and more bitter toward his father.
3. In a last ditch effort he burns Joab’s field to get him to go to David and intervene on his behalf.
4. When the king finally agrees to see Absalom it has all the appearance of a touching scene of reconciliation.
a. Absalom falling prostrate was simply protocol.
b. David kissing Absalom on the cheek was protocol as well.
c. So the two men apparently remained cold and unforgiving.
C. Absalom uses his popularity to take the throne from his father by winning the hearts of the people.
1. After the visit with his father that apparently accomplished nothing Absalom begins carrying out his plan to take the throne.
2. Absalom is obviously a natural leader as we see by the way he laid the foundation for his revolt.
a. He got some horses and a cool chariot to impress the people as he drove around town.
b. He got together some PR people to build up a desire among the people to put Absalom on the throne.
c. Absalom got out among the people, talking with them and listening to them.
d. He worked to build up his credibility with the people while discrediting his father.
3. After four years of preparation, Absalom has stolen the hearts of the people and he is ready to put the revolt in high gear.
4. When David finally realized what was happening under his nose it was too late and he had to leave the country to save his life.
5. Absalom’s advisers told him to sleep with his father’s concubines in public due to the message it would send.
a. It would be a public claim to the throne.
b. It would show the revolt could not be reversed.
c. This was an act of disloyalty that would strengthen the resolve of those who chose to follow him.
6. Absalom’s actions have now reached the point of no return; it is all or nothing.
D. All of Absalom’s bitterness and plotting for revenge will ultimately cost him his life.
1. Absalom makes a major miscalculation that will cause his plan to unravel and ultimately cost him his life.
a. David was an experienced and wise warrior.
b. The troops that remained loyal to David were seasoned veterans.
c. This makes Absalom’s troops no match for David’s.
2. As the battle rages, David’s men quickly dismantle Absalom’s forces causing Absalom to flee.
3. In the process of fleeing Absalom’s hair gets caught in the branches of a tree and he is left hanging there helplessly.
4. Coming across Absalom hanging in a tree the captain of David’s forces kills Absalom right there.
5. Despite having this great threat removed David still greatly mourns the loss of Absalom.
IV. Lessons that we can take away from Absalom’s tragic story.
A. Fragmented and dysfunctional homes result in unbalanced children.
1. In all areas of life we truly reap what we sow, you will always reap the fruit of the seed that you plant.
2. The seeds that we plant in our homes will more often than not determine the paths that our children and grandchildren choose.
3. There is one other principle we should take note of if you plant no seeds, only weeds will sprout and grow.
4. If we want our children and grandchildren to choose the right path we must be willing to make an investment in their lives making sure that the right seeds are being planted and nourished.
B. A family where there is no discipline will cause resentment and insecurity to form in the lives of the children.
1. There is no record in Scripture of David ever disciplining his children, as we see evidenced by the incident of Amnon violating his sister Tamar.
2. To have happy and secure children you must set boundaries and enforce those boundaries.
a. Children need some freedom but that freedom should only be given within the areas of the boundaries that have been set.
b. If the children go beyond these boundaries they must be held accountable and disciplined.
3. Children left to run wild with no boundaries are children who will often doubt the love of their parents.
4. Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them. (Proverbs 13:24—NIV 2011)
C. Unreconciled relationships cause deep wounds that never seem to completely heal.
1. Unresolved conflicts and unforgiveness have the ability to damage our emotional, spiritual and physical health.
2. Many times even if the person we have failed to be reconciled with dies, that unforgiveness still has the ability to continue to haunt us.
3. The only possible way for us to be reconciled with another is through forgiveness.
4. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:31-32—NIV 2011)
Closing:
A woman in Chattanooga, TN provides us with an excellent example of the dangers associated with the failure to forgive. A judge there ordered that the eighty-four-year-old’s telephone be padlocked to keep her from continuing to harass the man she has harassed for the last forty-five years. The trouble began when her dog jumped from behind the hedges of her yard and bit her paper boy. He reported the incident to the Humane Society. The dog was picked up and kept under observation for a few days, then returned to its owner.
Shortly after this her campaign began. Every day, up to ten times a day, the demented woman called the teenage paper boy. She kept it up after he was married. She kept it up after his children were born. The situation was so bad that he and his wife had to prevent the children from answering the phone so they would not be subject to her profanity. She was initially sent to the county penal farm for a year, however; when she was released she picked up right where she left off making ten calls a day. The judge now says if the padlock doesn’t work she will be sent back to the penal farm. For forty-five years she has allowed this little offense to consume her with bitterness resulting in her robbing someone else of their peace.
