This is How We Overcome…Rejection!
With Easter just a few weeks away, it’s the time of year we focus our attention on the suffering and death of our beloved Savior Jesus Christ. The Christian Church’s annual commemoration of Lent, the time leading up to Easter, gives opportunity to rethink, rehash, and remember what Jesus really did on the cross that day, and our celebration of Easter gives opportunity to recommit to memory what really happened in the tomb that day and afterwards. We are then able to realistically and honestly consider how we live this day and let God refresh and rejuvenate our faith in Jesus who overcame so that we might overcome.
The story is told of a young man, Michael who felt the call of God on his life so went to college and then seminary. Before heading to his first church after graduation he went home for a visit with family, stopping by his church to talk with the Pastor who invited him to preach that Sunday. He was honored and took the Pastor up on his invitation. After days of preparation Sunday came and Michael stepped behind the pulpit, looked out at the congregation of friends and relatives and began to expound on Scripture, even impressing himself with his vast array of knowledge. After awhile, his six-year old niece, Katie, stepped out into the aisle with her hands on her hips, left foot in front of the other, head cocked to one side, and interrupting the sermon she said in a very loud and clear voice, “Uncle Michael, you don’t know what you’re talking about!”
Rejection hurts! It’s hard to handle coming from anybody, but from your six-year old sweet niece? That’s painful! Yet rejection at the hands of loved ones is common. Jesus was rejected in His home town by relatives. That hurt! In fact, Jesus’ entire ministry was marked by rejection; He was put off more than pampered; cast aside more often than coddled; turned down more often than taken in; abandoned more often than accepted; forsaken more than favored, and rejected more than received. Rejection reached its climax on the cross of Calvary when He died for the very people who rejected Him.
When we think of the suffering of Jesus we most often gravitate to the severe scourging, beating, and tearing of His flesh; this physical torture is beyond our comprehension. But the emotional suffering, which included rejection, was every bit as severe; inducing hurt and pain to the same degree as the physical torture. Maybe you’ve heard the phrase “Rejection hurts”! It turns out that couldn’t be more true! In fact, a 2011 study at the University of Michigan found through MRI scans that the same identical regions of the brain are activated when we experience physical pain and when we feel rejection. In other words, our brains react the same way whether a cup of hot coffee is spilled on us or we “get burned” through rejection; It hurts!
Rejection does a number on people because it makes us feel unwanted, unneeded, unnecessary, and unworthy; basic needs in life. It can really mess with our identity especially if it is ingrained early in life! But, the good news is, like anything else, when it happens we have a choice; we can accept or reject rejection, be dominated by our feelings or by faith, rise above or sink below, overcome or be overcome rejection. Naturally all of this is easier said than done, but no less necessary.
I grew up feeling rejected; thinking I could never measure up, never fit it, never do or say enough to prove my worth whether at home, school, on the job, or church. It wasn’t any one person’s fault it was every person’s fault. THEY hurt, belittled, and rejected me. They, not me! At least that’s what I thought. But these thoughts fed my false identity, perceiving any negativity as rejection and living as a victim.
One experience took the cake however! I was in year four as Head Volleyball Coach at a high school in a small farming community in northern Minnesota. I inherited a losing program where there was little motivation and skill and most everyone thought volleyball was just a recreational activity. Instilling a work ethic was tough because everything took precedence over practices during the season and off-season conditioning and camps were unheard of. Yet I was expected to make the girls winners on the court. So I went about my business teaching correct techniques, improving coaching at the lower levels, setting up camps, and developing off-season training programs the girls could do at home. By the end of this fourth season we were at least competing; which only meant we didn’t lose as fast as we used to!
But don’t ever say “winning isn’t everything” to a bunch of parents who are tired of losing. At the year-end banquet I had a hunch parents weren’t happy, I just didn’t know how UNHAPPY they were until the athletic director and principal called me into the school the following week. They handed me a signed, sealed, and delivered petition from the parents to have me fired as volleyball coach. A little extreme I think? The accusations about my inability to effectively coach demeaned and humiliated me! To make matters worse the initiators of the petition were the parents of my best player. I went out of my way to help their older daughter with her coaching internship that same season, taking up more of my time and energy. And this is what I got in return?
The AD and principal stood by me and begged me to fight the petition and parents, defending myself before the school board. I remember standing in their office with heart racing, petition in hand, looking back and forth between the signatures and the two men; humiliated, embarrassed and completely unsure of what to do next. I wanted and needed to cry but that wasn’t in my nature. I wanted to run but that wasn’t in my nature either. So I stood there paralyzed, in shock the parents were questioning my concern for their daughters, appalled at the attack on my ability as a coach, and hurt by the criticism to my overall character and conduct. I left without saying anything, wept uncontrollably in my car and then again when I shared the news with Pastor Mark at home.
Though I had a history of rejection, never had it seemed so blatant and personal; never had it affected me like this. When other coaches called to offer support and encourage me to fight the petition; when the A.D. called and asked me to stay; when the principle called to assure me I was doing a great job, in fact, had the third best winning record in volleyball school history, all I could say is I didn’t have any fight in me. The rejection took its toll; I resigned and walked away from coaching.
Maybe you have a similar story or maybe many stories. Maybe you’ve been rejected by a friend, husband/wife, or parent. Maybe you’ve been rejected for a promotion or job. Maybe you’ve felt rejected when you didn’t make a team or get a place in a club or other group. Maybe you felt rejected when you weren’t included in a party or outing with friends. Feelings of rejection range from minor exclusions to blatant “get out of my face or out of my life” actions on the part of others. Even the perception of rejection can leave us feeling wounded and betrayed.
So how do we overcome the devastating effects of rejection? The same way Jesus did! Let’s see how He did it!
1. Be familiar with His suffering! Jesus was well acquainted with the grief which accompanies rejection. Isaiah 53:3 “He is despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And we hid, as it were our faces from Him; He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.” Jesus is not uncaring about the potential damage rejection poses to us because He experienced it Himself! The Father cares too; so much so that He replaced rejection of His Son with acceptance.
Father God longs to do the same for us! We are accepted! We “feel” His acceptance when we receive His unconditional love drawing us into our true belonging in Him! But it is through our familiarity with His suffering that we can rejoice and appreciate more fully the power of His resurrection. We get familiar with His suffering when we see our own suffering, including rejection through Him! Jesus’ life is a beaming example of overcoming rejection but more than that; it is our pattern. This is how we overcome rejection!
2. Don’t defend! Isaiah 53:7 “He went on like a lamb led to slaughter, and as a sheep before its shearers is silent, so He opened not His mouth.” Amy Wilson Carmichael, India missionary wrote: “If I am perturbed by the reproach and misunderstanding that may follow action taken for the good of souls for whom I must give account; if I cannot commit the matter and go on in peace and in silence, remembering Gethsemane and the Cross, then I know nothing of Calvary love.”
When people reject us even when we mean to do them good, we don’t need to defend ourselves; it won’t do any good anyway and will probably do more damage. Better to get our eyes on our great Shepherd; to feel the love and acceptance we have in Him; then go on peacefully and silently. Not hopeless but hope-filled, trusting in Jesus who overcame; not defending ourselves. This is how we overcome rejection!
3. Know our true identity and purpose! Jesus knew who He was along with His purpose; He was passionate to be Himself and fulfill His Father’s plans for the sake of all people. In fact, this was the premise on which He performed every action; fully aware people would not only oppose Him, but reject Him. Consider the man at the pool of Bethesda Jesus healed on the Sabbath Day. The Jews persecuted Jesus and sought to kill Him. Now that’s rejection! But Jesus simply told them His Father had been working and He was working. This enraged the Jews even more because He said God was His Father, making Himself equal with God. Jesus responded to their outrage with these words, “Most assuredly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He sees the Father do; for whatever He does, the Son also does in like manner.” John 5:19
When we know our true identity in Christ; when we know we are precious in His sight; the ones who He died for; we then live with His purpose and passion to fulfill the plans our heavenly Father has for us; we live fully aware people will not only oppose but reject us. We build on the premise we can do nothing of ourselves; we can only do what we see our Father doing. We build our foundation on Christ and then stand on the Solid Rock so when the tumultuous storms of life including rejection hit, we are solid! This is how we overcome rejection!
4. Know rejection happens! Jesus wasn’t surprised. He knew He would be rejected! Luke 9:22 “He said… ‘The Son of Man must suffer many things, and be rejected by the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and be raised the third day.”
If we walk through life thinking acceptance is the norm, giving no thought to the possibility we can or will be rejected, we are even more shocked when it happens. Knowing it happens isn’t going to make us feel any better when it does but at least we won’t be caught off guard. I was caught off-guard that day the petition came. I never thought of the possibility people would reject me. Knowing rejection happens, remembering we must suffer many things in this world; this is how we overcome rejection!
5. Prepare for rejection! (Luke 9:22 again) I’m not talking about having a fatalistic outlook to life; just realistic. Because Jesus knew He would be rejected, He prepared for it AND He prepared others for it as well. Jesus told His disciples He must suffer and be rejected so they could see past the rejection to the inherent hope found in it and not try to stop it from happening.
Amy Wilson Carmichael said; “If I refuse to allow one who is dear to me to suffer for the sake of Christ, if I do not see such suffering as the greatest honor that can be offered to any follower of the Crucified, then I know nothing of Calvary love.”
We cannot stop people from rejecting us or our loved ones but we can stop letting it define us! We cannot stop the emotional suffering coming at the hands of rejection but we can suffer righteously for Christ’s sake and not let rejection take root!
When Pastor Mark heard of my rejection, of course he hurt for me! But instead of trying to stop it, he let me struggle through the emotions, encouraging me by affirming my acceptance to him, our children, our church, and most importantly to God. He didn’t attack the people who rejected me, didn’t go fight my battle for me, and didn’t give me false hope that it wouldn’t happen again. Without even knowing it at the time, he knew rejection was part of life and right then, walking away was all I could do. He prepared to suffer and stand with me!
When Jesus told His disciples He must suffer many things and be rejected He was literally saying those who should have approved of Him would disapprove; those who should have accepted Him would reject Him; those who should have acknowledged Him as Savior would renounce, deny, and disown Him. How did He keep from going down into a pit of despair? He knew Who He was and He was prepared!
Friends, it hurts to be rejected; to receive the disapproval of men; to be renounced, denied or disowned by people. But it turns out rejection might be among the best things that can ever happen to us because then we are alive to the approval and acceptance of God who has overcome. Experiencing continual acceptance by men makes life pretty cushy. We must be like Jesus: prepare and be heaven bent on following Father, letting Him define our lives, not men! This is how we overcome rejection!
After Jesus prepared His disciples for His rejection He told them how they would overcome His rejection and theirs as well! Luke 9:23 “Then He said to them all, ‘If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up the cross daily, and follow Me.’” See this is important! We can easily get off track not only when we are rejected but when our loved ones are rejected! Jesus knew the disciples would get pretty upset when He was rejected and He didn’t need them getting themselves all worked up trying to stop people from rejecting Him. This is how we overcome…
Desire Jesus! Nurturing the right desires is critical! When our desire is to go after Jesus, to seek Him with our whole heart, to know Him, His will, and His ways, our desire for personal approval, acceptance and acknowledgement by others disappears. Rejection will hurt but not harm us! Our flesh and mind still hurt when rejection hits but it bounces off and leaves no scars. Desire to go after God and leave rejection far behind…this is how we overcome…
Deny ourselves! This means stop thinking about “us” constantly! Be willing to deny ourselves, ourselves! Amy Wilson Carmichael said: “If I myself dominate myself, if my thoughts revolve around myself; if I am so occupied with myself I rarely have “a heart at leisure from itself,” then I know nothing of Calvary love.” Rejection can’t take the same toll on us if we deny ourselves the rights we think we have rights to: such as offense, hurt, un-forgiveness and revenge. Instead, deny ourselves; stop thinking how to protect us and loved ones from rejection…this is how we overcome…
Take up the cross every day! Have you ever thought about how heavy the cross was which Jesus carried to Calvary? The Bible doesn’t tell us the actual physical weight but history tells us the entire cross would have exceeded 300 pounds. It was common for the victim to carry just the crossbar, which still weighed between 75 and 125 pounds. Whether Jesus carried the full cross or the bar, it was still an incredible burden on top of the undeserved suffering and pain caused by humiliation, rejection, and physical torture.
Isaiah 53 says Jesus bore our griefs, carried our sorrows, was wounded and struck for our transgressions, bruised for our iniquities, chastised so we could have peace, whipped so we could be healed, and the iniquity of us all was LAID on Him. He was oppressed and afflicted for all men of all time. That’s the cross He carried to Golgotha!
We are told to carry our cross every day, including rejection. Jesus carried His cross to Calvary. We carry ours to Calvary as well! The difference: He carried everything on the cross for us so we can carry everything on our cross to Him! He died for our sins so we can die to our sins! When we take up our cross we bring it to Jesus and let Him do His thing… this is how we overcome rejection!
Follow Jesus! The simplicity in the word “follow” is dramatic! When we follow Him we are unwavering in the footsteps of the One who has made a way and continues to lead the way EVEN when rejection is flung at us! We don’t look to the right or the left; we follow in His footsteps, closely, one step at a time! Rejection will be smashed under His feet, under our feet, or under us both! It all depends how closely we follow and whether or not we leave room for rejection to “step in” between us! Friends, follow Jesus very closely…this is how we overcome rejection!
There is even more great news! Rejection results in resurrection! Through the onslaught of continual rejection, Jesus was crucified! Then, through His death He was catapulted to a new level of resurrection power. He was rejected by this world; He was resurrected for this world!
Friends, rejection can’t destroy us and it doesn’t define us; our resurrection in Jesus Christ is proof of this truth! Our identity is in Christ alone! Yes, rejection hurts! But we can be familiar with it and its’ effects! We can choose not to waste time defending ourselves. We know it’s going to happen so we purpose to live in His purpose, experiencing more rejection because of it! We prepare for rejection and don’t try to make it stop when it comes! Instead, we desire to go after Jesus, deny ourselves, take up our crosses, and follow Him every day, all day!
As we prepare to celebrate Jesus’ resurrection in three weeks, let’s take the time to acknowledge and identify with the suffering He endured and overcame so we can confidently boast:This is how we overcome rejection; by faith in our God who overcame!
