I had the opportunity, recently, to perform an audit and balance the books of the department where I work. I'm still not quite sure what I did wrong to have earned that very special blessing. There are few things I enjoy less on this earth than working with numbers. There is a reason that I married a math professor! We have a great relationship. I don't worry about balancing the checkbook and she doesn't worry about the eschatological implications of Paul's ecclesiology. It's a good system we have. I tried to explain it to my boss, but he didn't quite see it my way. I told him that if, out of a whole department of chaplains, I'm the one he wants to balance the books, then I have no doubt that he believes in salvation by grace through faith; I'm just not sure he understands that Paul was talking about salvation in a much more generalized fashion.
...God bless the bean-counters, the list-makers, and the number-crunchers! They make our lives run on time, keep us grounded, and have helped to engineer and preserve most of the conveniences of our modern world. They are logical, practical, and absolutely essential to any successful endeavor...unless that endeavor is directly related to one's spiritual life. When it comes to spiritual things...our relationships with God and one another, finding meaning in life, and developing devotion towards that which is good and right and true...when it comes to these things, the accounting skills that are so helpful in most of life become a distraction at best, and, at worst, may only serve to suck the life right out of our souls.
Not everything can or should be quantified, analyzed, and classified. Its a nice bag of tricks to have handy when you're dealing with mere things: numbers, widgets, and the like. But when relationships are involved its best to stay as far away from that kind of precision as possible. Misunderstanding and/or not appreciating this truth has resulted in the death toll for no telling how many romances, marriages, partnerships, and communities. The very moment we begin to analyze our happiness, peace, love, commitment, and/or joy is the moment that they begin to fade. Looking too deeply into one's ability to worship and pray is a sure way to destroy that ability altogether. The roots of our intuition, our emotions and our values seldom bear direct scrutiny or prolonged analysis.
Do you remember your first real kiss? Maybe your first several real kisses? I do. I remember the sweaty palms, my heart banging in my chest, and the constant worry that maybe I was doing something wrong...which usually meant that I was, in fact, doing something wrong. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to be good at kissing while thinking about how to be good at kissing?
--I agree with the little green guy from Star Wars on this one; when it comes to kissing, or courtship, or friendship, or any other kind of making or expressing love and affection, "Try not. Do or do not; there is no try." Trying, in this sense, involves thinking things through and attempting to apply one's reasoning to the situation at hand...and it is a disaster for relationships, because it turns loving into manipulation and relating into acting. It is, quite literally, a "put on," and, no matter how innocently concieved or well intentioned, it is a lie because your thinking masks or redirects your feeling. The perfect kiss just happens; it is raw, primal, unsophisticated and innocent.
Which takes us to the heart of the conflict between Judas and Mary in this morning’s reading from the gospel of John (12:1-11). In what I imagine was a moment of impassioned gratitude and love, Mary takes an outrageously expensive amount of perfume and begins to wash Jesus’ feet. To the outside observer, this was a public display of affection bordering on the obscene. At least, that’s how Judas saw it: obscene, not necessarily for any overtly sexual connotation, but because of its excess.
•Mary saw the opportunity to symbolically pour out her affection, while Judas saw a year’s salary going down the drain.
•Mary was overcome with joy for the Lord, while Judas was overwrought with anxiety about the waste.
•While Mary was lost in the ecstasy of worship, Judas was busy doing the math.
The writer of John seems to think that Judas’ problem was greed, and that must certainly have been a major issue. But Judas’ main problem was much more subtle and, therefore, far more dangerous. Judas’ main problem was not what he may or may not have wanted to spend the value of a pint of expensive perfume on. Judas’ main problem is that he did the calculation in the first place. In that moment of extravagant worship, a little bit of God’s glory began to shine through the dark web of time and space and Judas, instead of participating in or simply enjoying the moment, was over in his metaphorical corner murmuring to himself:
“Now let’s see…that’s about a pound of spikenard and, last I checked, spikenard was going for about 19 denarii for an ounce…so that’s 19 times 16 equals…” Who does that? Seriously?
The truth is…probably far too many of us.
Probably far too many of us, on far too wide an array of issues, want to be able to calculate, conspire, and formulate an exacting plan…but real life doesn’t work like that very often. I realize that that’s how an entire industry of self-help books are written and how a whole host of sermons are preached, but life is seldom handled in 1, 2, 3, a, b, c simple sequential steps…especially the life of the heart: the soul.
--Now hear me carefully, I’m not saying that those books and sermons don’t have valuable insights and important things to consider; they almost certainly do. The problem is that many of us begin to think that life really operates according to clearly defined rules, like calculus. Seriously! And like calculus, many of us believe that, even though we don’t have a clue what they are, there must be rational principles that make everything work.
Consider the following scenario
•Bought the flowers? Check!
•Made reservations at a nice restaurant?Check!
•Put on a clean shirt? Check!
•Didn’t overdo the cologne? Check!
•Complimented her shoes?
•Asked about her day?
•At least, pretended to act interested? Check, check, and check!
You do and say all the right things. It’s going to be a perfect evening, right?
…said no truly experienced man ever!
Relationships don’t work that way. Life doesn’t work that way.
God, most certainly, doesn’t work that way. …but so many people make the mistake of thinking that he does. They think if they say the right prayers, or do the right rituals then God will be obliged or compelled to answer their prayers, or forgive their sin, or grant their wish. These people read the Bible as though it were a math book or a cookbook or “Life for Dummies” where all you have to do is follow the directions and everything will turn out fine. Bless their pea-pickin’ bean-countin’ little hearts! They are way over thinking things. And, consequently, under-appreciating them as well.
Faith, regardless of what some may argue, is not irrational, but it is non-rational. It operates in a different sphere. This is, by the way, one of the main reasons why there is no inherent conflict between science and faith. Science has served to make the modern world possible; faith serves to make the modern world bearable. Science helps us understand the facts of our existence, while faith helps us understand the significance of our existence. To have life and not be able to discern or make any meaning out of it is to not really have a life at all.
In the worship of Mary, time and space had to expand in order to make room for the glory of the Lord that is revealed. If we had been there with her, we might have said that we “felt the earth move,” or “time stand still,” or that we were “moved to tears.”
Or…would we have stood with Judas, been slightly embarrassed, concerned about the waste, and certain that things weren’t being done the way they should have been?
•There are innumerable little rules, both written and unwritten, that are regularly used to defame one another, make us angry and afraid, and attempt to define what God can and cannot, or will and will not do.
Seriously?
• These are who Jesus was talking about when he said that they “strain out a gnat, but swallow a camel.” (Matthew 23:24)
•They are the ones that Isaiah and Jesus spoke of saying, “These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is based on merely human rules they have been taught.” (Isaiah 29:13 and Matthew 15:8-9)
It’s sad and it’s silly…acting like the Author of the Universe comes with operating instructions or that our relationship with God could be defined by a few basic rules when even our relationships with one another are not that simple.
It’s sad, and it’s silly, and it’s oh-so dangerous! It’s dangerous because it makes so much sense. …it’s perfectly rational. Honestly now, when you think about it, how many of you can agree with where Judas was coming from? I know he’s the bad guy and everything, and we aren’t ever supposed to agree with him, but… a whole year’s wages? How many meals would that make for the hungry? How many bills would it pay for the poor? How much good could we do with that money? I mean, when you stop and think about it, didn’t Judas have a point?
And there it is! There is the danger! Did you see it? Did you hear it? It was right there!! Seven little sad, silly, dangerous words: when-you-stop-and-think-about-it.
--They’re sad and silly and dangerous, because, in the name of thinking, we are often tempted to out-think the direction and intention of God…which is absolutely thoughtless!!
How many of us would have gone through with the truly wonderful, amazing, inspiring things that end up defining our lives if we had taken more time to “stop and think about it?” Or, how many of us can say that those decisions were logical or rational?
•Is that why we get married or stay married? …because it’s the rational thing to do? If that’s what you think, I suggest you keep that our little secret…
•Is having children the logical thing to do? Is that why we put up with all the pain and bills and anxiety? …because it’s logical?
•You’re best experiences in life…your good times…were they the logical outcome of reasoned processes, or did they just…happen?
•Starting a business, beginning a relationship, making a moment, doing anything that is truly sacrificial, good, and/or great is almost never the direct result of cool, dispassionate reasoning, but a giving in to the heat of a passion. They come from saying “no” to all of the many rational reasons for quitting or never getting started, and “yes” to the almost magical allure of one’s dreams.
Do you honestly think that Mary would have used a $40,000.00 jar perfume for foot shampoo, if she had stopped to think about it? I’m willing to bet that there were days, later on, when she herself was tempted to wonder whether it was really worth it.
The prophet Isaiah said the cure for too much logic, too many rules and rigid standards that honor what is right outwardly but miss the mark inwardly is for God to , “astound these people with wonder upon wonder; the wisdom of the wise will perish, the intelligence of the intelligent will vanish.” (Is. 29:14)
We often approach our spiritual and relational problems from the perspective that the solutions are to be found with just a little more knowledge and proper analysis. What if, instead, these were actually at the root of our problems? What if all of the time and effort we spend trying to consider all the angles and make the best decision only works to enlarge the problem?
It’s like the couple with marriage issues who are counseled to consider all of the things that make their marriage worthwhile, and end up more angry and further apart than when they began.
What if the answers we are looking for are only available by attempting the astounding and working towards the wonderful?
I don’t think that most of us are greedy, or lazy, or overly self-centered.
I think that most of us wait just long enough to let Fear begin to whisper poison into our potential. God calls us to attempt some great, astounding, wonderful thing and, just as quickly, when we “stop-and-think-about-it” Fear has enough time to ask any number of “what if” questions:
-What if our friends and family don’t understand?
-What if we run out of money?
-What if people say bad things about us?
-What if we fail? These are all perfectly acceptable, reasonable, logical questions to ask…if we want to live the best kind of life that we can. Smart people pay attention to their fears.
The point is, if you want to live a life that’s big enough for God’s Spirit of wonder and joy and beauty and grace, then you’re going to have to go beyond what’s reasonable. God’s people pay attention to the Holy Spirit.
Mary had an amazing moment with Jesus…so amazing that it has been recorded in Scripture for all of history.
…But she didn’t do the rational thing, the logical thing, or the socially acceptable thing.
She took a risk. She made the most of the moment. She followed her passion. She entered into the “abundant life” of God. (John 10:10)
And she was astounding. And she was wonderful.
Wouldn’t it be great to have that kind of passion and joy and selflessness?
I mean…when you stop to think about it?
So…? What are you waiting for?
