INTRO: “I don’t get mad, I get even” isn’t merely a harmless bumper sticker that makes us all smile. It is a strong statement of painful reality among our culture. How else can we explain the abundance of lawsuits, the short fuses of drivers, or the explosive and sometimes deadly reactions of those who feel they’ve been wronged?
Then, when you consider the day and age in which we live, add to that rampant immorality from Hollywood to the church house. Think about the shameful lack of character and integrity in our world today. How many politicians have we seen rise to some of the highest offices in the land, all without possessing a shred of honesty and character?
I am asking you to think for a moment about all the things that are wrong with the world. From the unchurched and unsaved to the saved churchgoer – it leaves a lot to be desired. I am talking about the conditions of our society that make us sit on our front porch and wonder, “What is going on here?” There is no more character, integrity and common decency in the world. It’s enough to make you depressed!
Thankfully, there are exceptions. Every once in a while we stumble upon a life that boldly represents a contrast to the lowest common denominator of today’s majority opinion. And we are stunned that such a person exists.
We are going to take a detour from studying a book of the Bible and look at the life of a man in the book of Genesis. Joseph was a man of character and integrity. Listen to me, regardless of how he was treated, in spite of unfair and false accusations, even though he was rejected, abandoned, abused, and forgotten, he refused to become resentful or seek revenge or succumb to bitterness. In fact, nothing bad is ever reported about Joseph. He seems almost too good to be true. One-fourth of the book of Genesis is devoted to his story. And his story of patience, purity, and promotion will amaze you.
As with any story, there’s always the background information that is important to know as well. This makes the character of Joseph stand out even more – knowing the kind of home in which he was raised and his very passive father named Jacob.
I. Passive parenting leads to a dysfunctional family.
– Jacob’s name means “deceiver” and that was an appropriate name for him since that had been his nature from the time he was a young man. It is not surprising then how much deception was a part of the ongoing family problems later in life.
– Parents who are passive in their home are also deceived. They are deceived if they think that anyone else is going to raise their kids. It is not the job of the church, the pastor, the youth group, the school, the boy scouts, the daycare, or the after-school clubs to raise their kids. God gave them to you to be the parent.
– Don’t be deceived, don’t be passive, get involved or you’ll have a dysfunctional family.
– I don’t want to take it for granted that all of you remember the story of Jacob when it comes to him finding a wife. Here is a brief synopsis:
– As a young man, Jacob fell in love with Rachel, the beautiful daughter of a man named Laban. Jacob promised to work for 7 years for Laban if he could marry Rachel. So he did, but on his wedding day, Laban tricked the trickster himself and pulled a switch and Jacob ended up marrying Leah, Rachel’s older and less attractive sister.
– When Jacob realized what happened, he promised to work 7 more years for Rachel. Obviously, this was the woman he loved! So he married Rachel but the family was clearly not off to a good start.
– Leah bore children but Rachel was barren. Leah bore Jacob 7 children – 6 sons and 1 daughter. Because Rachel was barren, she told Jacob to lie with her handmaid so he could have children. Leah, who was temporarily barren, offered him her handmaid as well. So, as a result of Leah and Rachel’s competition for Jacob’s affection and for motherhood, he also bore 4 sons by his wives’ handmaids. Sounds like a bad soap opera, doesn’t it?
– During all this, Rachel pleaded with God to open her womb, to give her a child. Finally, God remembered her and gave them Joseph. By now, Jacob had worked 20 long years for his father-in-law and was eager to take his large family to Canaan.
– On the way to Canaan, they stopped in the city of Shechem and tragedy occurred. Dinah, Jacob’s daughter by Leah was raped. But she was surrounded by brothers who loved her so they devised a plan and deceived the Hivites into falling into their trap. They slaughtered all the men of the city and carried off the wealth, women, and children (Genesis 34).
– When Jacob heard what had happened, he was angry, but not about his daughter or what the sons had done in revenge – What Jacob was most upset about, if you can believe it, was that his public relations image with the rest of the people of the land was damaged.
– The second tragedy involved Rachel. God had given them another son. During one travel day, Rachel went into labor and delivered Benjamin, but Rachel died in childbirth. What a sad day that must have been for Jacob!
– While he was still grieving for her, his son Reuben went and lay with Bilhah, Jacob’s concubine and mother of two of Reuben’s half-brothers.
– Jacob was such a passive father that when he had heard what his son had done, he did absolutely nothing! Heard about the rape of his daughter – nothing. Learned that his sons killed men of Shechem – nothing. Discovered that his son committed incest – nothing.
– Thanks for staying with me through those historical details. I went into all that background for a reason – so that you and I would see the deception, immorality, anger, rebellion, rivalry, and out-of-control jealousy that was rampant in the ranks of Jacob’s boys. All those characteristics had been displayed by their father as well.
– They were just doing what they saw their dad do. The sins of the father were being passed down the generations. Listen, the “do as I say, not as I do” mentality doesn’t work with our children. We have got to model something for them to emulate and copy for their own lives.
– Illus: Heard about a mom telling a friend of hers as she puffed on a cigarette, “I caught my son smoking the other day – boy, I wore him out!” Doesn’t work.
– So you hear about Jacob’s family and what they did, and it kind of makes you want to go take a bath. What a mess it was!
– But get this and don’t miss it – This was the kind of home into which Joseph was born. This was the environment he grew up in. It makes the account of his character and integrity even more amazing when you realize what he had to overcome.
II. Passive parents favor the easy children.
– From the time of his birth, Joseph was his father’s favorite. He was the firstborn of Jacob’s favorite wife. Joseph was drastically different from his brothers in character and attitude.
– Not only did he love him, but he unwisely showed him great favoritism. And Jacob’s other sons were not stupid. It would only be a matter of time before they would unleash their anger toward the pet of the family.
– Get this: Passive parents tend to favor the child who is easiest to raise. It’s difficult to deal with a child who is hard to raise. That’s why they are hard to raise! So a passive father or mother will tend to favor the one or ones who aren’t as difficult. Since Jacob had 11 who were hard to handle, he favored the one who was a delight to his heart.
– Jacob did nothing to hide his favoritism for Joseph. He gave Joseph a multicolored tunic, or a coat of many colors. This was a richly ornamented robe that had long sleeves and extended to the ankles. The style of the coat suggests that Joseph, as a favored son, did not have to work like his brothers did. You can’t work in a robe like that. It would be like sending a welder to a construction site wearing a full-length mink coat. In Joseph’s day, the working garb was a short, sleeveless tunic. So, Jacob was implying that Joseph didn’t have to work like his other sons did.
– As we will see later in this series, all these things about Jacob’s favoritism of Joseph led to mounting hatred of Joseph. They were on the verge of a giant family explosion.
– So is the family where mom and dad favor the good kids and are passive about the bad ones. Don’t make the mistake of ignoring obvious signs that there is a problem with your home.
– Passive parents miss the obvious. We will see later how Jacob keeps sending Joseph out on long journeys to check on and report on the other boys. What was Jacob thinking? Didn’t he see the obvious hostility in his home? Was he totally oblivious to what was going on? The brothers had murder on their minds! And Jacob carries on like nothing is wrong.
– Parents! Investigate your kids. Assess the situation. Honestly evaluate the condition of your home. Don’t miss the obvious problems by being passive!
III. God can bless in spite of passive parents.
– The whole account of Joseph is a testimony of God’s amazing grace. We have stressed how terribly unspiritual this home was and yet one of the most godly young men in history emerged from this home.
– I’ll tell you what this does...it kicks to the curb B.F. Skinner’s idea called Behaviorism. The idea is that the environment conditions a person to behave in certain ways. This concept was made popular by Skinner. It is also called Behaviorism. It tells you the lie that you are the result of the environment that you have grown up in.
– Well, if anyone grew up in the original dysfunctional home, it was Joseph! If what Skinner taught was true, then Joseph would have been a prime candidate for years of psycho-therapy. But, because of God’s grace, Joseph emerged in spite of the environment in which he was raised.
– Changing the environment does not automatically change the person. A perfect environment does not make a perfect person. Just ask Adam and Eve. What about the Prodigal Son in Luke 15? He wanted to change his environment but it didn’t change him.
– There is tremendous encouragement here for parents! God can use even my bad parenting for His glory. This is because the grace of God is always active. I am not a perfect person or a perfect parent, and I am going to make mistakes and be passive when I should be passionate. But God can work in my kids’ lives even through my bad parenting!
– Because of the grace of God, even though there might be some things in your life or your past that resemble Jacob and his family – you can still have a kid like Joseph! You can have a diamond in the rough!
– Jacob had a son who turned out to be more spiritual than he was. That’s what I want. I want my kids to surpass me in spirituality. I want my kids to have more holiness in their lives than I have. I want them to love God more with all their heart.
– Guess what else – this means that those of you who had unsaved or unspiritual parents need to stop using that as an excuse for where you are at in your walk with God. Joseph didn’t buy into the excuses, but he could have. Be challenged by his example. It is possible to you and I to be men and women of character and integrity even though that is a dying breed in our culture today.
– What an encouragement, that God can raise up godly people from less than perfect environments.
– Think about Joseph’s background, and what a man of God he turned out to be. Let’s not be passive about raising the next generation for the Lord.
