By relative standards, I’m still considered a newlywed, even though Ken and I have been married about two and a half years now. Whether you consider that really newlywed or not, it’s still new enough to merit the question every now and again from a friend, “So how’s married life?” I got asked that very question just this week, and as I responded, “It’s good!” I chuckled. On my mind was the fact that as joyful and wonderful married life is, it’s not all wine and roses. Really, that’s just a fact of family life. If you live with someone for long enough, you’re bound to disagree eventually, or perhaps even regularly! Families fight. It’s simply a fact of life. We see it most often in sibling rivalries and arguments over toys, but if we’re all honest, we will admit that we get mad at our family members sometimes. It could be as complicated as an ideological debate, or as simple as deciding which channel to put the TV on. Really, there’s nothing wrong with arguing and fighting with your family; in fact, it can even be healthy sometimes. It’s when that fighting causes permanent rifts in relationships that there is cause for concern.
As we come again this morning to Jesus’ final words as he hung on the cross, we focus in with Jesus on a family issue. Hanging on the cross, Jesus is surrounded not only by Roman soldiers and mocking crowds, but also the people who love him most; his mother, his aunt, the beloved disciple, and his friend Mary Magdalene. Seeing what was sure to have been a pained expression on his mother’s face, Jesus turned to her and said, “Woman, here is your son.” Then he turned to the beloved disciple and said to him, “Here is your mother.” Now remember, as Jesus hung on the cross, it would have been incredibly painful for him to speak. So he says in these final hours is vitally important.
Popular tradition holds that in this instance, Jesus was simply looking out for his mother’s well-being. We haven’t heard anything of Joseph since Jesus’ time in the Temple when he was twelve, and it’s probably safe to assume that Joseph had died sometime before Jesus began his public ministry. Jesus knows that with his father gone, and him gone, there would be no one left to care for his mother. And so he turns to the beloved disciple and declares that he is now the “son” of this woman, and she his mother. People say this is Jesus honoring the fifth commandment to “honor your father and mother.” And I think this is a fair assessment, but I also think there is more going on in this interaction with Mary and John than just holding up the fifth commandment and looking out for his mother’s well-being.
You see, Jesus’ death on the cross was all about redemption. At the very moment Jesus was, through his suffering, repairing and redeeming the brokenness of human existence—our broken relationship with God, with ourselves, with one another, and with creation—Jesus was also repairing the specific brokenness that existed between his birth family and his disciples; his old family and his new family.
It is very telling, I believe, that Jesus did not appear to choose anyone from the first thirty years of his life to be a part of his public ministry team. Almost all of his disciples seem to have been chosen after Jesus’ encounter with John the Baptist. And none of Jesus’ disciples were from Nazareth. Perhaps you’ve never given it much thought, but doesn’t that seem kind of strange? I mean, think back to those old playground games. When you got chosen to be a captain, you wanted the people on your team who were you friends, and the ones you knew would play well and help you win. But Jesus doesn’t pick the people he knows. He finds others. Either Jesus lived a life of complete solitude until his public ministry began, or he had no friends left.
We can sense Jesus’ problems with his family most obviously in his anti-family statements. Early on in his ministry, the gospels tell us that Jesus’ family came to find him and stop his “crazy” preaching and teaching. As he taught, his family appeared and sent word to him. “Look,” the people said, “Your mother, brothers, and sisters are outside looking for you.” Jesus responded in this way, “Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?” And it didn’t even stop there. Do you remember what happened when Jesus returned to his hometown of Nazareth with his disciples? People in his own hometown refused to recognize Jesus for who he was. They even deemed his claims crazy, and some wanted to conduct an honor killing in order to protect the reputation of their town. Jesus’ family and friends didn’t like these things he was teaching and doing around Galilee, and so this rift developed between Jesus’ birth family and friends and his new family—his disciples and followers.
And now, in his waning moments, it is important to Jesus to close that divide; to repair the rift, to reconcile his family. Whether Mary and the apostle whom Jesus loved wanted to be together or not, Jesus gave them to each other as family. And the feud between Jesus’ two families was settled in that moment when John agreed to take care of Jesus’ mother as his own and join her family, and Mary agreed to receive John as one of her own. And we see yet again that the family that Jesus establishes transcends blood or marital ties. This is church; even as Jesus hangs on the cross, he brings his disparate families together as one.
Here we have this beautiful moment where Jesus redefines the meaning of family, and I think it’s incredibly important for us to consider for ourselves the implication of what Jesus is doing here on the cross. Indeed, he is looking after the well-being of his mother, but he is also establishing his church family. Jesus knows that after he is gone, it is extremely important for his followers to work together as a single, cohesive unit. So he looks at these two people who he loves so much, and who have disagreed for so long, and he says, “You are family. Take care of one another. Love each other as mother and son.”
And isn’t that what family is all about? Sadly, in our modern western culture, I believe, we have lost touch with the true significance of family. In Jesus’ day, extended families still lived together, or at least in the same compound; all together there would be parents, children, grandparents, aunts and uncles. They needed one another and relied upon one another. Now, when our children have graduated from high school or college, they often take off to another part of the country. They find jobs and establish relationships and families in places completely different from where their parents and brothers and sisters may be. My family is a good example, I think. My parents live in Knoxville, my sister and her family in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, and I’m here in Chattanooga. Ken’s parents and one sister are in Cincinnati, and his other sister and her family in upstate New York. We still love our family, we communicate with them regularly, and visit occasionally. But I don’t think the bond is nearly as strong as it would be if we all lived together in the same community. Still, family is so vitally important.
Do you know what people consider the greatest source of pleasure in their lives? According to a 1989 study, the overwhelming answer is “family.” Sixty-three percent of those responding to the survey said that their family was the greatest source of pleasure in their life. Trailing far behind with eight percent of the vote was religious involvement, and six percent for friends. In interpreting this data, one doctor simply stated the obvious: “Most Americans think of their families as the most important things in their lives.” Family matters; family is important, and that’s what Jesus wants us to understand.
Jesus’ declaration to his mother and the beloved disciple is a declaration to us as well. As Christ-followers, we are united as mothers and fathers, sons and daughters, brothers and sisters. We are called to love each other, even when we may disagree. We are charged to work together for a common cause—serving Jesus as one. Jesus calls upon each of us to take care of our family in need: widows, orphans, the poor, sick, and imprisoned. Jesus calls upon us to join together as a cohesive whole that together shares the good news of his love in every corner of the world. This means that we have to get over our selfish, independent ways and see ourselves as a part of something much larger. We must overlook the disagreements that so often rend relationships, and learn to love each other unconditionally.
My friends, Christians in this country and around the world are deeply divided today; perhaps more so than at any point in our history. That’s why Jesus’ words to Mary and John are more important than ever. “Woman, here is your son…[John], here is your mother.” This is the joining of an old family and a new family. This is the reconciling of a rift between the followers of Jesus. And above all, this is a calling to be united as the body of Christ, continuing Christ’s work in the world, for the sake of all of God’s children.
Today, we celebrate Holy Communion. Among so many other things, this meal is a symbol of our relationship with our Christian family around the world. I pray as each of us comes and receives this meal of grace this morning, that we will take time consider the relationships in our lives that need to be reconciled. And I pray each of us will contemplate how can all work together as Easter approaches this year to share the good news of God’s redeeming love to all the world.
Come to the table and let us share as one.
