Welcome everyone and thank guests for joining us. I want to warn all of you right up front that my message today is a little longer than usual so I pray you will settle in and let God speak to you.
Do you believe God is sovereign? That He knows all things? I believe He does...I believe He knew last week who would be here this week. I believe that not a single person in this room is here by accident. You're here, and God has a message He wants you to hear. But not only that...He has a work that He wants to accomplish in your life.
You know one of the complaints I hear in church and about churches is that we are too often just going through the motions...that we aren't real or genuine, maybe that we're not really honest. I don't know if you hear that or not, but I think I can speak for all of us when I say that we want to be all of those things. We want to be a church that is real. We want to be a church that is genuine and honest. I think we want to be a people who deal biblically with real life issues for the glory of God.
If we're going to be honest today, we have to admit that in some ways we are not a healthy church. I appreciate Sherry Hamby standing up and saying that a few Sundays ago. I love our church family and believe that God is doing something great among us. I love a lot of things about our church, so I don't want to give you the impression that I'm fault finding or nit picking, and I don't want to give any of you who are visiting with us the impression that we're so messed up and you ought to go find someplace else.
Not at all...do you know why churches can be unhealthy? Because they are made up of families that are unhealthy...and our families are made up of people who are unhealthy. If you ever find a perfect church don't join it because you'll mess it up -- there are no perfect churches because there are no perfect people. But we serve and worship a perfect Creator and Savior who calls us to surrender our lives to Him daily so that we might be conformed to His image. Do you want that? Is that your heart's desire? To be recreated in the image of God? To be cleansed and made whole? To deal honestly with the sin in your life and allow God by His grace and through the work of the Holy Spirit to change you?
I hope so...because today I want to deal with a subject that every one of us deals with...but that we don't really deal with or even think that much about, and that is the sin of our resentments. For some of you this might be a difficult message to hear...but stick it out and hear it anyway.
I suppose you could categorize your resentments into two types. One would be the petty resentments. I resent having to drive to Dallas for pants. I resent my dog for stealing the sheets last night, or whatever. The other type is more serious -- and that's the resentments that we harbor toward other people and even toward God. Both are dangerous -- because left unchecked they spread like a cancer through our lives and attitudes and spoil us.
I know about resentment.
* I have resented how people have sabotaged the good relationship I used to have with my oldest daughter
* I have resented the fact that my seminary degree is from an unaccredited seminary
* I have resented that I didn't get the opportunities others have had that put them in better positions in life
* I have resented the group of men who cut my ministry short in Denison
* I have resented friends who will only talk to me after I have something to offer them
* I have resented being 43 and having so little to my name after how long and hard I have worked
* I have resented God for having a ruptured disk in my back since I was 30
I can keep going...some of these are so petty, but they are real. I resented having big feet, not being able to buy normal clothes, not being raised a certain way, and so forth. But some are much more serious....I can resent my family, my wife and even God for a variety of things.
Now don't sit there and look at me like I'm on crack -- you do it too. The question is...what or who is it that you resent? Where is it in your life that you deal with resentment? Is it at home or work? Is it toward people you love or just life in general?
* You resent your parents for being too strict or for treating another kid better or different than you
* You resent your boss for giving the promotion to somebody else
* You resent your spouse because you missed an opportunity or because of the mess you're in
* You resent your ex because he walked out and now you're working 2 jobs and don't have time for your kids
* You resent your family because you work and slave and none of them care
* It's the pastor who resents his church for not following
* The widow that resents her dead husband for not planning better
* Some of you resent other people right here in this room
* The widower who resents not having his wife around
* Do you resent others who have more money, a better life, more power, better jobs?
* Do you resent your body? You can't lose weight, you're not as muscular as you wanted to be, don't have the nice body parts you wanted, you're too short, too tall, your hair and freckles and OMG that face!
* Do you resent life in a wheelchair?
* Resent losing a child?
* Resent not having the relationship you dream of?
* Resent your parents for dragging your family through a divorce?
* Resent your step parents for taking your mom or dad away?
Have I missed anyone? Now you might be that blessed person who never resents anything -- and to you I say you're either delusional or extremely blessed. If that's you, then while you're listening today pray for those who do struggle with resentment. For the rest of you, are you with me today? Is resentment real in your life? Have you identified what those resentments are?
I want to ask you to do something today that might make you a little uncomfortable...would you write that resentment down? What are the things you resent? Who are the people you resent? Just make a quick note -- it doesn't have to be detailed or anything -- just so you know what or who it is and hold on to it.
Now if you have been honest before God and with yourself you know that resentment can easily be part of your life if it isn't right now. But the good news is that we're not alone. Resentment has been around as long as there has been sin. Think about some accounts from the Bible...
* Cain and Abel
* Jonah and Ninevah
* Absolom and Amnon
* David and Absolom
* The prodigal son and his brother
* Daniel
* Joseph's brothers
* Joseph
What is resentment anyway? The dictionary says it is to take badly, to consider as an injury or an affront. But it's more than that. It's when you are offended by someone or something in life and you allow that hurt to germinate in your heart. It's characterized by an unforgiving spirit, negative, critical attitudes, and a slow, seething, abiding kind of anger.
As I study the Bible there are two realities we must face about resentment.
1. Resentment is a sin that must be eliminated from our lives. Anger is not always a sin, but when we refuse to let go of it and we let it stew in our hearts and it stays there paralyzing us and causing us to stumble and we refuse to love or forgive or cooperate then it is sinful. Now don't say to me, "I don't believe resentment is a sin -- show me in the Bible where it says that." The Bible doesn't say in those exact words that resentment is a sin, but neither does it say that checking your email and Facebook during the sermon are either but I think you know it's wrong. And I resent that any of you would do that!
The word resentment is not there -- but the word has a close cousin that is and it's called bitterness. Listen to what Scripture says about bitterness in Ephesians 4:30-32.
"Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malic. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
2. We have to accept responsibility for our lives and choices and attitudes. Others we can't control. Us we can. Paul said in Romans 12:21,
"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."
Listen we've got to give up these victim mentalities that we carry around -- Paul tells us that we can choose not to be overcome by evil...by the resentments and anger and bitterness that creep into our hearts and minds. It's a choice we make in the power and leading of the Holy Spirit. He wrote to the Philippian church in Philippians 4:8,
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."
Paul wrote that from a cold, wet, nasty jail cell where he was imprisoned for doing what God told him to do. He could have been angry and resentful -- he had given his life to Christ and this is what he gets? Verse 4 said, "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice."
I gain a lot of wisdom from those in the Bible who faced horrible circumstances. Daniel and his three friends could have held resentment -- but they seem to have accepted their fate and served their enemy captors for the glory of God and God used them mightily. But the one who really inspires me is Joseph -- hated by his brothers, sold into slavery, raised to great influence, only to be framed for attempted rape, put in prison and forgotten, then raised to great fame again. When confronted by his brothers about all of this they expected a man who would hate and punish them for what they had done to him, but here is what he says to his brothers in Genesis 45,
"Do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life...it was not you who sent me here, but God."
Listen, you've got to quit blaming everybody else for what's wrong in your life or for where you are. You've got to quit looking at your situation and holding people hostage and trust that God has you here for this time for His glory. You'll never be able to live for the glory of God and be of any good to the people around you so long as you're filled with resentment toward those who got you here.
Think of all the time and energy we spend with our resentments. How much money do we spend every year trying to fix the things we resent about our bodies? Now I'm not saying you ought not get your teeth fixed and that sort of thing. I'm talking about something more sinister in our hearts that drives us away from God. God made you that way -- instead of standing in the mirror complaining about it rejoice that He's given you another day to live and breathe and love. Stop wasting so much energy resenting the people around you and instead consider that God has you right where you are for His glory and His purposes.
Now, all of this is good and fine looking forward...in dealing with resentments in general. It's sin, we have to root it out of our lives and we have to see that God is in control, but what about the resentments you have and are holding on to right now? You know that resentment you feel toward your spouse? Toward God? Toward someone else right here in this room? It's the resentment you wrote down...the ones you know are stewing in your heart and mind even now.
That resentment isn't going you any good -- it's not healthy, not productive, it distorts your perspective, you're acting in self-defeating ways, it's offensive toward God, and now for the hard part...you have to forgive.
* Forgive that person
* Forgive them
* Forgive your husband for whatever it is you feel toward him
* Forgive your wife
* You're angry at someone who has left you -- forgive them
* You're angry at someone who has passed on - forgive them
* You resent your boss -- forgive him
* That church member you resent right now -- forgive him or her
* You're angry at God for that thing -- we don't talk about this much, but you need to forgive God. In other words, let it go and quit holding Him hostage.
I believe with every fiber of my being that God is about to ignite something great in our church and in our community and in our families. But there is this sin that stands in our way and we have to deal with it first. It's time to let it go and move on because we've been called to something greater. Listen to how Paul addressed this in Colossians 3,
"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful."
I dream of families and a church that looks like that. I dream about what God could do if we let our resentments go and really loved one another and treated one another with grace and compassion and kindness. Of what marriages could be like without resentment. Of how we could work together to accomplish God's purpose for our church if we didn't have resentments toward one another.
But some of you might be thinking to yourselves...I just can't. I can't do it. I can't forgive that person for what they did. They don't feel sorry for it. They need to pay for what they did. They need to apologize or change or let me know I can trust them.
Can I tell you something if that's you today? I am thankful Jesus didn't think of you and me that way. He could have easily resented going to the cross for a people like us who really didn't deserve what He did. We are sorry and pathetic and we wallow in the sins that He died to set us free from. We spit on His grace and we refuse His forgiveness and every day countless people go to Hell because they couldn't accept what Jesus did. He could have resented us for that.
But the Bible says that "God so loved the world." It says that "God extended His love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." It says that "for the joy set before Him, He endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself..."
How can we who have been given so much harbor so many resentments in our hearts? We have to forgive. We have to let it go. And if you will today, you're going to find freedom. God is going to set you free -- because you see, you're really not holding the other person hostage so much as your resentment holds you hostage.
So here's what I'm going to ask you to do. Let it go. Give your resentment to God. Forgive the one you resent. Forgive God. If you wrote a resentment down earlier I'm going to ask you to bring it to the altar as a symbol of your willingness to leave it with God and let it go. Do it now. Bring it down here and leave it. But don't do it if you're not willing to really leave it with God.
You might even go a step further and get the person you have resentment toward and come together. Forgive them. Ask for their forgiveness, and ask for God's forgiveness.
I told you at the beginning that it's time to stop playing the church game and let's be real before God and one another. I never said this would be pleasant, but it will be healing.
