Knowing Different Kinds of Love
Once again I want to let people know that this message applies to everyone. In order to love the way we should we need to know what love is. I want to teach you a little this morning.
Are there different kinds of love? The world would tell you there are different kinds of love. Before I get into the heart of love, let us look at the world view of love and I will then differentiate them.
The first kind of love is #1 Platonic love
Platonic love is the simplest of all types of love. There are no strings attached and no sexual intentions either. It’s pure, friendly, and something we experience from a very young age. The kind of relationships you share with siblings, close childhood friends and even a few grownup friends can fall right here. Do you remember the first time you ever missed a friend? That was probably your first platonic love moment. It’s pure, just about all of us have people in our lives that we really care about. I have a couple.
CP: (Christian Perspective) This kind of love is necessary in all relationships if you care about anyone. Yes, this love must be present even in elevated relationships; that means more serious. It has to start at the bottom. If you say you love someone, love starts at the bottom and fills the glass up. This kind of love is really the glass itself.
#2 Limerence and crushes
Ever had a crush on someone? Of course you have! The first crush is a memorable experience, one that’s filled with confusing jolts in the stomach, sudden urges to throw up and a stupid sense of grinning satisfaction each time you see your crush. It’s a beautiful experience even if it did feel like your life depended on it at that time. It’s that warm and fuzzy feeling you get, it’s that I can’t wait to talk to that person feeling.
CP: In more serious of elevated relationships such as marriage, there still should be some degree of this going on. It’s NOT going to be as intense but there still should be a little warm and fuzzy when you are around that certain person. You know what I mean and let me just say, it does fizzle the older you get but in those relationships where there has been long term love, you will hear comments such as, you remember when we were sneaking out of the house, I know that was 25 years ago but you understand.
Limerence, on the other hand, is rather close to a crush but much more intense and “weird”. Have you ever liked someone madly, but didn’t ever want to express your love for them, it is that person you really do not want anyone to know about, especially that special one. Sometimes, you may have an intense infatuation for someone, but yet, you wouldn’t want to spoil the happy thoughts by doing anything about it. Ever been there? This type of love has happened to most all of us already. I have seen it happen with adults but rarely. Most adults know time is short so they express their love faster. You will see this in young relationships.
CP: This love should not exist in a healthy relationship. We should be able to always express our love and happy thoughts with that person. If we cannot or do not have those feelings, especially after a long period of time, you need to start rebuilding the fire. Maybe you need to share the weirdness you once had.
#3 Unrequited love
The world says there is Unrequited love, a love filled with heartbreaks and one that almost all of us have experienced. It’s the dreaded one sided love, where you like someone and you know that person will never liked you back. They may be in a relationship, or they may just use you. You find yourself falling more in love with each passing day, even though you know you’ll never get any happiness out of this type of love. This is the type of love that gives love a bad name. But you know what, it also helps you understand the real value of reciprocal love.
CP: If I were addressing just teenagers this morning, I would say expect this but guard your heart as not to allow this. As adults there are marriages in trouble because it has become a one-sided affair. I have counseled people who really did not want to get married in the beginning and this love leads to disaster and in elevated relationships, this should never exist, if it does you need more help than my pay grade. If you do not receive reciprocal love, then it’s not the love mentioned in the Bible.
#4 Obsessive love
The world mentions obsessive love. Are you an obsessive lover or someone who’s addicted to their partner? Do you feel helpless and lonely without that special someone in your arm? Are you sure you’re not bordering on being clingy? If you’ve ever been an obsessive lover, there’s a good chance you’ve sucked the life out of your partner. Obsessive love is usually experienced by the novices who experience love for the first time, probably after having to deal with the scary unrequited love. Obsessive lovers are scared, insecure, and obviously obsessive about the relationship. Now you may have been one or may have dated someone like this. It’s a stage that many experience when we’re afraid of losing someone we love. This is a dangerous kind of love. This kind of love is not a biblical kind of love. If your partner makes you so insecure you smother them, something is wrong. Now before I get into the Bible, lets look at other types of love.
#5 Selfish love
Now listen to this. The world mentions Selfish love and says selfish love is smart. And though it involves two people to create that relationship, selfish love also involves two people who are in love with one person. Your partner loves you. You love you. Selfish love is a narcissistic love where you don’t care about your partner or their happiness. You only care about yourself. If you ever find yourself getting into a relationship just for the heck of it without really falling in love with the other person, chances are, you’re a selfish lover. Selfish lovers are clever, scheming foxes who only get into a relationship to see what they can get out of it.
CP: I see this in marital relationships. That person was never in love, it was always all about them. Here is something else you probably didn’t know. Christian marriages are full of selfish love. It’s not all about you. Love in general is not about you. The greatest example of love is Christ. When I do a wedding, I mention that wifes are to love their husbands but husbands are to love their wifes as Christ did the church. What did he do, he unselfishly died for the church. It is not always about your needs, this goes on both sides of the relationship. If your partners needs are always first, you will never fail.
#6 Awww love
Awww… that’s so cute. This type of love is the most spontaneous and yet, the one you’ll forget the soonest. It lasts for a few seconds, sometimes even less and some other times, a lot longer. Do you love cats, dogs, goats… any animals at all? Or perhaps, a car or a tree? Sometimes, all of us feel an overwhelming sense of love for something or the other, and it doesn’t have to be a person. It’s love at first sight, and yet, it’s not something you’d want to sleep at night with (mostly). We’ve all experienced the heart melting awww when we look at vacation photos or a tiny kitten or a pup on youtube. Been there and done that, and yes, you’ve experienced another type of love.
CP: This was a world view of love and that’s all I got to say about that. (Forrest Gump-Style)
#7 BFF Love
Ever felt an intense burst of happiness when you see your best friend. You just love this person, and you either have a man crush or a girl crush on this friend of yours. This is a normal kind of love.
CP: The CP on this is simple, in elevated and martial relationships, this kind of love must exist. I can tell you my wife is my best friend. I’m going to tell you this as well, there should be nothing you tell any friend including your BFF that you would not tell your spouse or a person in an elevated relationship. Let me tell you this as well, you should have greater feelings or that burst of excitement when your with your spouse.
#8 Lusty love
The world says Lusty love is a type of love that evolves around sexual experiences and urges.
CP: The CP on this is easy, this is not a love at all. Love is much deeper than sexual experiences. Picture your cup filling with each level of love we have gone through. This Lusty love is not the Biblical love of the Bible. Now I’m going to tell you there is a romance type of lusty love found in the book of Song of Solomon. It is a hot romantic book and has sexual content but sex itself is not classified as love. If that is all your partner is interested in than I would say your in trouble.
#9 Romantic love
Butterflies, bliss and Louis Armstrong’s ‘what a wonderful’ is all you need to think of when you experience romantic love. It’s beautiful, sappy love at its best. You feel the flutter of butterflies in your stomach, the world looks so much more beautiful and you can’t hold that grin back no matter what you do. You want to be with your sweetheart all the time, and even when you’re not together, you can’t help wanting to be together. You’re happy. Your spouse is happy. The world’s happy for you. And you’re having the time of your life!
CP: Is this reality? The answer is in a healthy relationship, there should be times that you experience this type of love. It’s not all peaches and cream but without it, you don’t have a dessert.
#10 Unconditional love
The world views definition could not even screw this one up. They say Blessed are the lovers who experience this special type of love for each other. It’s not easy and it’s definitely not something most people even want to try. But if you do ever take a leap of faith, you’d see what true love really feels like. Do you love someone more than you love yourself? Do you care about your partner more than you care about anything else is the world? If so Chances are, you may be experiencing unconditional love. Unconditional love is the stuff fairy tales and romance novels are made of. If both of you care about each other and love each other selflessly, you’re in the middle of a special type of love that few ever experience, but spend all their lives looking for.
CP: This is the way we should love everybody especially those we are the closest to. We should always put our spouse and partner first, but not only them, but everyone, we should love everyone, selflessly.
Now you heard the world’s types of love and you have heard from this pastor hopefully a Christian perspective. Now let’s look at one of God’s definitions of love. This one summarize love period.
Corinthians 13:4-8
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.
What does this say, well it says love is pure, love is not abusive, love is not lusty, love is not selfish as the world says, love is not one sided, I have already knocked out some of the world views already. Love is unconditional, it bears all things, the good, the bad, the ugly, in sickness and in health, and is always doing what is right. That means you honor your commitments, you keep your promise, you do what is right even when you just don’t want to. Love never ends. What was this last part trying to say, it’s saying some things will change, prophecies will pass, tongues will cease, but love never ends. Church what we have been taught by the world is a lie from the pit of hell. You never stop loving, you never give up, you endure to the end, if we will believe that, our marriages, our homes, our work, our friends, everything in our life will be different.
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