Peacemakers of the Heart
Guarding our Huddle Time
Introduction:
1. We are commanded to pursue peace (Psalm 34:14; 1 Peter 3:10-11). God intended for His children to live a peaceful and sane lifestyle. 1 Timothy 2:2
• Read Psalm 23
2. But if this is to become a reality, we must put in place a solid root system that will sustain us when the storms of life blow. We have already examined two of these roots:
• Our quiet time with God
• Our quiet time of rest and relaxation
3. Let’s explore the third peacemaker – our quiet time with our spouse.
• Illustration of a football team that huddles: They do this so that everybody is on the same page, so they don’t end up in disarray with everybody blaming each other.
4. When we get married, the honeymoon is like a peaceful lake. But it isn’t long before the hurricane hits, and life gets crazy. This is why a husband and wife must protect their regular huddle time, no matter how busy they are playing the game.
• This uncompromised time with our spouse is a peacemaker that is too precious to neglect.
5. When a married couple has this regular huddle time, they can handle the day’s pressures with calm and confidence. Why is this?
First, because God created us with this built-in need
1. It began with Adam. You would think he had it made. He had the easy life.
• His address was paradise.
• He was in charge of the entire operation.
• He was friends with God.
• But, in spite of all this, Adam was “alone.” Genesis 2:18
2. He was missing the companionship and partnership of a peer.
3. That need was met by one of God’s most dramatic creative acts. Genesis 2:21-24
4. What does this tell us? We are designed to live in active partnership with someone we love. Life lived alone is sometimes too big to handle. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
5. Because of this, a husband and wife are designed to experience the deepest form of friendship. For many couples, their friendship has turned to frustration.
6. The promise of intimacy and communication is buried under the pressures and demands that have smothered it.
Second, because without this quiet time our lives begin to unravel
1. The wife will feel unloved.
• Our quiet time with the Lord is the time to listen to the most important voice in heaven, but our quiet time with our spouse is a time to listen to the most important voice on earth.
• Men are commanded to love their wives (Ephesians 5:25). But if a wife consistently feels unheard, she will eventually feel unloved – guaranteed. She craves that oneness that can only be built through daily debriefings.
• Ephesians 5:29 teaches that a man should cherish his wife. This carries the idea of delighting in each other’s company and holding each other dear.
• When a man wonders how he ended up married to a nag, the mirror might be the first place to look for an answer. A woman who feels unheard will talk louder, longer, and more often. She is beating on the door to his heart. He didn’t answer when she knocked gently.
• Sometimes it is her fault. When he does try to talk, she interrupts, criticizes, acts bored, uses what he says as ammunition later, and violates his confidences. He stops talking.
2. The husband will begin to misplace his priorities.
• Without this quiet time, the husband just fills up his life with other things. Thus, it takes him longer to notice what they both have lost.
• Ephesians 5:31 teaches that a husband and wife are one flesh. This teaching makes it clear where the husband’s priorities should be.
• But if a husband keeps missing his quiet time with his wife, he will fill that void with the boys, the blond, the bartender, or the business. But in so doing, he will sow the seeds of his own destruction. It is a wise man who protects time to share with his wife. She can see things he may never see.
• Illustration: When on a trip, the man never likes to admit that he is lost.
3. Built up frustration eventually erupts.
• The make-up of the male features a trait that keeps him out of the huddle.
• He avoids situations where he does not feel competent. A man is sure of himself in his work, but he is unsure of his skills in deeply personal relationships.
• Men tend to base their relationships on activities – sports, job, fishing, hunting, etc.
• Women tend to base their relationships on personal feelings, an area most men are uncomfortable discussing. So men keep running when there is serious talking to do. “I have to provide for my family; that’s why I’m never home.” Proverbs 17:1
• But if the husband keeps avoiding this huddle time, it begins a build up in the wife and will one day blow like a volcano (Proverbs 29:22). Sometimes we wonder why our wife is so disagreeable and out of sorts all the time. It could be inner anger which leads to strife. This is not excusing her anger, but simply trying to explain it.
• Illustration: If you keep pumping air into a tire, it will eventually blow. Regular quiet time is like a pressure release valve. It is extremely important.
Third, because it provides opportunity for three essentials
1. Praying with each other
• This is the ultimate priority. 1 Peter 3:7
• It isn’t primarily about “bless the missionaries” or “help the building fund,” but you kneel together and turn over burdens and fears and get God’s perspective on your circumstances.
• One word of warning: Don’t preach while you pray. “Lord, open George’s eyes to how stubborn he is.”
2. Planning with each other - 1 Peter 3:7
• Get out the datebook and calendar and review each other’s commitments.
• A lot of stressful surprises can be headed off that way.
3. Providing a harbor for each other
• It is a safe place to laugh, cry, express pain and frustration, and work out any grudges. While you should not take pain out on your spouse, you should feel liberty to let it out there.
• It is a safe harbor of love with no fear of rejection.
In Conclusion:
1. Together time with your spouse is an investment. The dividends are generous.
• Close parents have confident kids.
• Huddling marriage partners are cuddling marriage partners.
• The greatest dividend is that you have that intimate friendship and that very deep sense of being loved.
2. In the security of that relationship you can handle high tides, joys are doubled, and burdens are halved. Proverbs 18:22
