As we take up the 5th commandment today, I realize we’re highlighting the ideal here. There’s the ideal, and then there’s real deal where most of us live.
• Like the Prov. 31 lady. Don’t you love her, ladies? Here’s this lady - she’s a combination of any of the good qualities of Martha Stewart, Mother Theresa, and Jennifer Aniston! So, she’s described there and, OK, Moms and wives, be like that! Right!
• Dads and husbands really don’t have it much better: Men, see what kind of father God is? See how Jesus relates to the Church as the perfect Husband? Do that!
• It’s not much easier for kids: Children, as you learn to relate to God, the way you respect Him and love Him and don’t question His wisdom – that’s the way you should relate to your parents!
So, how are we all doing? Before you pack up and leave, let me shine a few rays of hope.
• If you’re just starting out in all this “Leave It to Beaver” perfect family stuff, remember, God starts with where you are. No matter how messed up you are or your home is, no matter what has happened that can’t be changed, if you’re willing to start with His ways today, God starts with you where you are.
• If you’ve known and tried these things but wandered off and now you’re coming back to try again, God starts with where you are too.
• If you’ve been trying all along, with some success, it’s the same for you too. God takes where you are this morning and says, “Let’s go. Let’s press toward this ideal picture I’m drawing for you.”
Exodus 20:12
Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
My goal as we look at this 5th command is to take our family “success-o-meter” and move the needle somewhere closer to the optimum range; to somehow get us moved closer to that ideal that the Lord lays out in front of us for a reason.
Clearly, this command is for people who have parents. So, how many of you had or have parents? Good. But on top of this, command #5 is overflowing with our need to make family a priority – all of us. People of character make family a priority.
I know that this command seems especially aimed at younger people. This morning, please don’t look at the 5th commandment and write it off as information for someone else. Let’s work to keep it personal along the way. Let’s be looking for how we can all make this happen, and I challenge you to do that by putting it in first person and to practice speaking to your parents with these words: I honor you…
I. I Honor You Because…
1. The family Unit Needs it.
God designed the basic social and spiritual unit to be the family. Society depends on it.
Quote – Barbara Bush – “Success does not depend on what happens at the White House, but what happens at your house.
Our current culture makes this harder than it used to be. In fact, it even directly challenges the idea that our culture needs the family. Militant Homosexuality. Divorce. Schedules that are too full. Media that downplays it. Open movement from the top of government to take over parenting our children. And in a more subtle way, there has been a shift of dependence. No longer is there an “interdependence” that holds families together out of necessity. No longer do we have to have each other for food, clothing, transportation, and things like that. That’s all being farmed out to the service industry, to specialists, to consumerism. Right or wrong, that’s where we’re at as a society, and it creates a special challenge for us. We look at our families and it no longer appears that making them a priority is necessary. Still, God tells me in Ephesians 5:21 “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” In other words, there ought to be an interdependence in our homes.
No matter how much our current time is denying it, history verifies the necessity of the family unit. In societies that formed and flourished then floundered and fell, the clearly identifiable common factor of their collapse was the loss of the family unit as the basic building block of society. I believe God knew what He was doing when He designed that!
Hear this command this morning – the 1st command that comes with a promise attached: Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you. That’s true for the kid whose parents tell him, “Jimmy, don’t put your hand inside the neighbors’ piranha tank!” so he doesn’t do it. He lives longer! But it sounds to me like the promise is more a matter of cultural survival. “Keep this design for your homes, and you, nation of Israel, will live longer as a nation.” Why? Because the family unit is the basic building block of society.
It’s a spiritual unit as well.
Ill - It was another newsmaker 11 years ago. You hear the 10 second blurb on the radio, and it makes you sick in the stomach. Santana High School, CA. 15 students shot. 2 killed. One press release had this to say about it. “Charles "Andy" Williams bears a striking resemblance to the classic profile of the "classroom avenger" -- a boy who inexplicably explodes in violence at school. …telling indicators were present in Williams' life and behavior before Monday's shooting at Santana High School.
The pattern Williams fits, based on a study of 15 school shootings since the early 1990s, includes the following characteristics: A white male between 11 and 18 years old, of average intelligence from a middle-class background. A broken home.…”
Another boy needed a solid home – a home where a mother and father are parenting together and are honored by their children. We can only guess whether or not that would have made the difference, but I can tell you: there’s a boy who needed it.
The family unit needs a lot of things to be the ideal. It needs a father who’s a spiritual leader – who loves his wife like Christ loved the church; who disciplines and loves his children, but doesn’t exasperate them. It needs a woman who willingly places herself under the leadership of her husband, just like the church does to Jesus. And, in all that, it needs children who willingly, deliberately honor their parents’ authority. Take away that honor, and the family moves farther away from the ideal.
Young people, say it today to your parents: “I honor you because our family needs that.“
And then add this to it:
2. I honor you because I owe you a debt of gratitude
Proverbs 23:22 (TEV) “When your mother is old, show her your appreciation.”
Ill - I’ve run across the figures of what it costs to raise one child to the age where they move out. I would have collected those and tried to share them with you, but I’m afraid I’d end up crying!
Even if you could put a finger on the financial price tag of raising kids, you couldn’t begin to total up the cost emotionally, physically, and time-wise.
Once I became a parent, I began to understand this better, and over time I began to appreciate just what I owe my parents for what they gave to me.
1 Timothy 5:4 But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God.
I know that some of you are looking back on a less-than-stellar job of parenting this morning, and this doesn’t apply to you as well as to others. Your parents let you down. You’ll need to rely on the other reasons for honoring parents. But for most of you, whose parents poured their lives out for you, you know you owe it – you owe them honor as the debt of gratitude.
3. I honor you because I need your advice
-Proverbs 13:1 “A wise son heeds his father's instruction, but a mocker does not listen to rebuke.”
Ill - My dad was in full-time preaching ministry for some 45 years. He learned a few things along the way. And more than once I would seek Dad’s advice about issues I was facing. That’s after I had kids of my own! Before that, all during my formative years, I had a mother and father who were wise, Christian parents, and I needed what they knew. I needed their wisdom and experience in my life. And now, from time to time, I find myself saying what some of you find yourselves saying when I face certain struggles or decisions: “Man, I wish Dad were still around.” Or I find myself sharing with Mom over the phone about what’s going on in my life because I know that she’s going to keep sharing her wisdom with me, even now, and I value it.
Young people, I know that from the day you turned 12 or so, your parents suddenly lost most of their intelligence. And as the next 6-8 years go by, it gets even worse. But you know what? Their parents went through the same thing! Don’t panic! It comes back! Some bright day in the future, when you’re trying to figure out what to do with your colicky baby, or whether you should rent or buy a house, or how to invest for retirement, or how to cook a turkey, you’ll find yourself going back to those people to whom God has miraculously restored intelligence once again. Honor them, because you need them and will need them.
4. I honor you because you need my care
I’m speaking now to those of you whose parents are older. While command #5 certainly is directed to kids, where are they going to hear this command? It may be written primarily to adults.
There’s a cycle of love that must be fulfilled in our families. It’s part of the way God has designed families to function.
It’s in the context of taking care of a widowed mother that Paul writes: 1 Timothy 5:8 “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
-Ill – For the major part of my life, until a certain point, even though they were aging, I had always regarded my parents as the ones who took care of me. I let them call the shots. I looked to them to lead. But there’s a time in every family when the caregiver and receiver relationship reverses.
I’ve heard others speak about it, and I remember when the phenomenon first occurred in my life. Dad and Mom had retired to FL. My dad had an emergency surgery. Normally, it wasn’t too serious, but his had some complications, and we 6 children all ended up taking a week at a time to visit and help our parents. I was the first one there. It dawned on me as I drove those 960 miles: I had never visited my parents in the name of just helping them before.
Dad was a big, able-bodied man. He had the personality of a lion. He liked to call the shots. But when I arrived to help my parents, something had changed. Dad was in the sick bed. Dad wasn’t thinking too clearly. Dad needed a hand to do the simplest of things, and he needed a strong hand to tell him to do some things. Mom was tired from it all. Mom needed someone to drive her around, to open doors for her, to give her a hand up the curbs because she was on a 2nd knee replacement now. In just one week, Jan. 1st, 1998, my entire relationship with my parents had shifted from being the one they lovingly raised to being the one who was taking care of them. They not only deserved it, they needed it.
Jesus rebuked the Pharisees because they had made legal loopholes to avoid providing for aged parents. They needed their children’s care. That hasn’t changed today. What’s your best evidence this morning that you’re honoring your parents? What have you done or are you doing that shows you are keeping this command?
Say it this morning, “I honor you because you need my care.” And you’ll honor God in this way.
Those are the reasons. There are also results. When parents are honored, things happen. So, in the 1st person, you could say it this way today: Here’s what happens…
II. When I Honor You…
1. Order is Maintained
Joke – A teenager, chafing under the domination of his mother, wrote this letter to Ann Landers: “I am 15 years old and my biggest problem is my mother. All she does is nag, nag, nag. From morning till night. It is, turn off the TV. Do your homework. Wash your neck. Stand up straight. Go clean up your room. How can I get her off my case? (signed) Pick, Pick, Pick.
“Dear Picky: Turn off the TV. Do your homework. Wash your neck. Stand up straight. Go clean up your room.”
How could Ann Landers be so cruel? Simple. She recognizes that when children honor their parents’ role, home’s a better place to live. It’s the only way, in fact, there can be order in the home
Israel was commanded to take pretty radical action against rebellious children. It wasn’t just a family problem. It was a community problem.
Exodus 21:15 "Anyone who attacks his father or his mother must be put to death.
Exodus 21:17 "Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death.
Deuteronomy 21:18-21 If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him…all the men of his town shall stone him to death.
What would happen if the church today took the same sort of collective responsibility concerning our children?! Well, not stoning them, but the same concern that parents must be honored not just for the sake of that individual home, but also for the sake of the community.
Ill - It wasn’t out of anything other than this need for order that Jesus submitted Himself to His earthly parents. Think this through: He’d known them from their birth! Yet for the sake of that family, Luke 2:51 “Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them.”
When parents are honored, there’s order at home.
2. Security is Provided
God’s ways work. When a husband loves his wife in the right way, she finds it much easier to place herself under his mantle of leadership. And when a wife supports and trusts her husband with such a position, he’s inspired to love her even more.
When children honor their parents, those parents are encouraged to be the best, most caring parents they can be.
Quote – Tony Evans “My father would tell me, "I want you home at 10:00 p.m. That's not 10:01. You be in here at 10:00, or it's fire!" I would get upset and say, "Why do I have to be in here at 10:00? My friends are making fun of me. They can stay out until 2:00 and 3:00 in the morning." And Dad would say, "Well, maybe their parents don't care. But I care. Be in here at 10:00." When I go back to Baltimore where I grew up, guess where many of those guys are? Still hanging out on the corner until 2:00 and 3:00 in the morning.
It’s a fact that kids who push the line are actually seeking to see it drawn clearly. There’s a lot of security for them in that. When Dad is supported in his role as leader and parent, the family is able to face life’s uncertainties with greater security.
3. Health is Protected
Living long in the land sounds like a good thing to me. That’s one of the promises of this command. I don’t have time to go into the way loving, forgiving, and caring for our parents relieves us of the health problems associated with carrying a grudge. It’s not just the health of a nation; it’s also your personal and spiritual health that’s protected when you honor your parents.
To conclude this morning, I just want to review practical ways we can do this thing. So, in the 1st person again, let’s make commandment #5 a reality starting today by doing these practical things:
III. I Honor You By…
1. Respecting Your role
There’s a passage that summarizes God’s idea of parents real well:
Psalm 78:5-7 He decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which he commanded our forefathers to teach their children, so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children. Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands.
If I’m going to enable my parents to do that, I’m going to have to be teachable. I’m going to have to learn the role from them. I’m going to have to teach my children the same.
2. Valuing Your Advice
Proverbs 23:22 “Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.”
If you’re going to honor your parents’ advice, you’re going to have to hear it first. And then, you’re going to have to be able to swallow your pride and follow it from time to time.
Joke – Little Sheldon had made it clear he didn’t want to go to kindergarten. So his mother was prepared for the worst when he came home from his first day at school. "So how did you enjoy kindergarten?"
He said, "Well, I enjoyed it more than I wanted to."
We’ll need to value parents’ advice more than we want to sometimes.
3. Meeting Your Needs
Ill – In Hillsboro, the church decided to take care of a past minister – Paul Jones. Paul had served there some 27 years. He never married, and the church made the commitment to see to his needs until he died. Several of us would take turns taking Paul out to lunch and supper every day. One of those who helped a lot with Paul was Bob Hudson, the senior minister when I first started there. I remember the patience and kindness Bob showed toward Paul. Paul wasn’t always kind – his mind was changing. But Bob just kept treating him like gold. I mentioned it to Bob one day: “You sure go the extra mile with Paul, even when he’s being a handful toward you.” Bob said, “I guess I just hope that someday, when I’m old, someone will be as kind to me.” Philippians 2:14 says to “Do everything without complaining or arguing.” How well are we accomplishing this when it comes to caring for parents who need it?
There are a lot of practical ways to meet the needs of tired parents, old parents, needy parents.
4. Affirming Your Efforts
Why not, this morning, if you’re a young person, let your mom or dad know that you appreciate their efforts? The business of parenting isn’t an easy task. Even the very best of parents have made mistakes along the way. And even the very best of parents needs encouragement from time to time. Don’t wait till Father’s or Mother’s Day. Tell them today that all the work they poured into you was worth it.
Ill - If your parents are older, here’s a great way to affirm their efforts. “Hey, Mom, hey, Dad, just look at me! Look at what a great job you did! Every morning, when I look in the mirror, I think about what a great job you did!”
Or maybe what you could do is spy out a single parent, one of those parents who needs encouragement 3X more. Take that person aside and tell him or her that you know they’re in a tough spot in life, but that you’ve been praying for her / him, and you know that the Lord will bless what they’re doing.
Conclusion:
Jews grouped this 5th commandment with the first 4, saying that it had to do with the way we relate to God. They figured, if parents were authorized by God to be His spokesmen on earth, disrespecting parents was the same as disrespecting God. Honoring parents was part of honoring God
It’s in that relationship of child to parent that we’re first supposed to learn to honor God.
This morning, we’ve ridden that horse quite a bit. Bottom line is, if you haven’t made God your Father yet, you’re not being the best son or daughter you could be. Parents need to be honored by sons and daughters who are interested in honoring God with their lives. And if you’re a parent, and you haven’t made God your Father yet, you’re not being the best parent you could be. You need to become a child of God. Are you wanting to become one this morning?
