All The Little Foxes - Song of Songs 2:14-15 - November 18, 2012
Series: After The Honeymoon #8
Well this morning we return, after a long hiatus, to our series on marriage entitled, “After the Honeymoon.” And again, our desire through this series is that good marriages would become great, that hurting marriages would find healing, and that whether we are married or not, that the Word of God would be allowed to inform, shape, and direct the way we live our lives. So what we talk about this morning is going to be for everyone – it will apply to our marriages, yes, but it will also apply to any relationship in general - a friendship, an acquaintance, a family member – and it will apply to, to our churches. So while I may focus on the marriage union in light of this series, remember that God’s truth is truth for all, and that as we grow in God’s word we grow together as the church.
Now you may remember from previous messages that the purpose of marriage is two-fold. First, marriage is for God’s glory. God chose marriage as the living illustration of Christ’s relationship with the church. Jesus is the bridegroom, if you will, and the church is His bride. This is the imagery we find in the Bible. And in that relationship, in that union, we learn a lot about the significance of marriage in God’s eyes. The world does not hold marriage in much regard these days – God, however, esteems it highly. And as a wife is to willingly submit to the headship of her husband, so too is the church to willingly submit itself to the headship of Christ. Now, for a woman, that idea of submission can be daunting. It can evoke anger, and fear, and bitterness. It can bring forth pain, and distance and rebellion. But it can only do those things when that headship is being abused. Because the other part of the relationship is this: Jesus so loved the church that He lay down His life for her. And husbands, we are called upon to love our wives in the same fashion – not demanding and taking, but lovingly leading and laying down our lives again and again that we may bless our wives and so honor God just as Christ as has done. Marriage is for God’s glory but He’s only glorified when we do marriage God’s way.
Secondly, marriage is for our good. Scripture tells us that it was not good for Adam to be alone. That’s the testimony of Scripture. It was, however, good for Adam to have Eve in his life and for the two of them to share life together as husband and wife. Why is that? Because as we do life together in an intimate union like that, we are living out the truth of the Gospel message which we have received. We are, by necessity and hopefully by desire, practicing grace, forgiveness, love and mercy in the context of that union. And sometimes your spouse acts as a mirror that reveals the work that God is trying to do in molding and shaping you for His glory and His work. As we respond to that we are growing in our faith, and in relationship with Jesus, as our attitudes, thoughts, values, priorities are transformed and redeemed by Christ.
So those are the two purposes of marriage that we have talked about during the course of this series. But those purposes open up a whole new world of questions that we desire to have answered, don’t they? Questions like this: What exactly is God’s plan for marriage? After all marriage isn’t a manmade institution but rather a God created union between one man and one woman.
How is it that marriage is for our good? We’ve talked about that a little bit but the truth is that a marriage may be fantastic, yet even the best of marriages is going to have those moments when we find ourselves wondering, “what good can come of this?”
How do we make our marriages the very best they can be? When you’re first married everything is new and exciting and we tend to see the world through rose colored glasses. But as the years pass maybe some of that excitement wanes. Maybe children come along and all your time and energy, or that of your spouse, has been poured into raising the children – and you wouldn’t trade those kids for anything, well maybe some days you would!, but generally speaking you wouldn’t trade those kids for the world, but it’s changed your relationship with your spouse. Or perhaps your spouse begins to suffer from an illness or a disease and new challenges have entered into the life you’re doing together and its put an incredible strain on your relationship. Maybe one or both of you have become workaholics and you’re never home to connect with each other. Or perhaps you’re both at home and you’re just not speaking much – the hurt and the heartache that you’ve experienced is threatening to tear the two of you apart. So how do we recover from these things? How do we make our marriages the best they can be?
Or, if we are not yet married, but one day desire to be, how do I prepare myself to enter into marriage? How do we honour God in our marriage? What does the Bible have to say about our sexuality? How do we deal with problems in our marriage? Is marriage the end all and be all of relationships? What if I’m not married? What if I never marry? What if I choose singleness? Can God be honored in this as well? Those, and many more that we don’t have time for this morning, are questions that we’re going to seek to continue answering over the weeks to come because we want to get this right. The truth is that marriages are hurting, families are suffering, people are being broken because again and again we are not getting this right. And because the consequences of not getting it right can be so very devastating, we’re going to go to the source, to God’s word, as we seek to grow in our understanding of what marriage is all about and how we are to live God’s truths out in our lives.
So I’m going to ask you to open your Bibles with me this morning, to the Song of Songs. Now this is a book that is not preached from very often in most churches. If you’re not sure where to find it, it is on page 1156 of my Bible! More practically for you perhaps, it’s found in the Old Testament, just after the book of Ecclesiastes and just before the book of Isaiah.
I remember speaking to a woman years ago and she asked me if I would ever preach a message from the Song of Songs, and when I said, “Yes, of course!,” she was absolutely horrified. She felt that such a book had no place in any self-respecting church. But friends, whose word is this? [Hold up Bible] … That’s right – it’s God’s word and what does Timothy tell us about God’s word? “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” (2 Timothy 3:16–17, NIV84) And isn’t that really what we should each be hungering after? To be trained in righteousness so that we are thoroughly equipped for every good work that God would set before us? We can’t do that unless we’re willing to let the whole counsel of God shape our lives.
So let’s begin reading this morning in Song of Songs, chapter 2, verse 14. This is what we read there: “My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely. Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.” (Song of Solomon 2:14–15, NIV84)
And that’s as far as we’re going to read this morning but having read it we’re left scratching our heads and asking: What on earth is all that about? More importantly - what’s that got to do with my life? Maybe that’s another reason this book isn’t preached a whole lot because it is difficult language – very flowery and poetic – and we can’t rightly understand what is being said, and how it applies to our lives, until we understand what is going on in this book as a whole. The Song of Songs is a story, a poem, a dialogue that tells the tale of a man and a woman who have fallen in love. It speaks of their engagement, their wedding, their love, and their struggles. They share their feelings in intimate detail and through the process we begin to learn about love, and marriage, and sexual intimacy from God’s point of view and along the journey we discover the way He intends them to be lived out and expressed for our good and for His glory.
But back to the verses we just read. Unfortunately there are almost as many different theories about what these verses are talking about as there are commentators who want to talk about them. As I’ve wrestled with them I would like to suggest to you that trouble has entered paradise. This couple who started out their relationship full of joy, excitement and enthusiasm, has seen some time pass and things have crept into the relationship that have destroyed the intimacy they once enjoyed. There is a distance that has grown between the two of them.
Look at what the Scriptures say. It speaks of the cleft of the rock. What is a cleft? The cleft of a rock is a hiding place where a dove might find refuge. And we don’t need to physically leave a location to retreat to a refuge like that. It’s entirely possible to shut yourself off from those around you without going anywhere. Consider this: Have you ever turned your face away from your spouse because of anger or hurt? Have you ever walked away from them or given them the silent treatment? Or maybe you’ve just shut your heart off and are just going through the motions – doing the bare minimum to get by. Maybe they’re making overtures of peace towards you but you don’t know if you can trust them anymore – trust them not to hurt you with their words, or actions or their thoughtlessness – and so you stay distant – hidden away as it were in a cleft of rock as you try to protect your heart. You’re no longer willingly doing life with them but merely co-existing in the same house. If you’ve experienced any of those things, I think you begin to get a glimpse of what’s going on in these verses this morning. One of the two has hidden away their heart from the other and as a result the intimacy has been shattered. They no longer gaze upon one another in love, no longer making eye contact, no longer speaking, no longer enjoying what they once had.
The good news is that at least one of them wants to work on it, wants their relationship to be what it once was. One of the most troubling things I face in ministry is when a marriage is falling apart. Too often a couple doesn’t come to the pastor until they’re at the very end of their ropes. Many times it’s when one or both of the parties involved have already decided to move on. I think one of the saddest things I have to wrestle through with a couple is when one wants to make the marriage work and the other just wants out – out of the relationship, out of the future they once envisaged, out of the dreams they once shared. I would plead with you, if your marriage is struggling, if you are growing more distant from one another, don’t wait – do something about it now because things don’t have to stay the same as they are. God has this amazing plan for our marriages and He wants your marriage to succeed even more than you do. Because marriage is for your good and for God’s glory.
In the time of trouble one has turned away from the other. It’s something of a picture of what we do in our sin – we try to hide ourselves away from God. It’s what Adam and Eve did when they first sinned in the garden. They hid from God and like them we too often choose to forgo fellowship with Him because of a guilty conscience, we try to hide away for we know what we have done and are ashamed of it, burdened by it, perhaps overwhelmed in the midst of it.
But the good news is this: God came looking for Adam and Eve in the garden to restore fellowship with them, and He’s come looking for you and me in the person of Jesus to do the very same thing. The Bible tells us that “God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8, NIV84) Why did He do this? Because apart from Jesus, and in the reality of our sin, we are without hope and without God in this world. And I cannot imagine a more despairing or desolate place to be than being without hope and without God, for we are made for fellowship with Him. And Jesus died that we may have peace and life in Him and so that we may have that true fellowship with the Father.
And in our verses today the man is pursuing the woman, as Christ pursues us, pleading with her to return to him and to work through their problems. Verse 15 really gets to the heart of what I want us to look at together this morning. Let me read it for you again, “Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.” (Song of Solomon 2:15, NIV84) Think of those vineyards as your marriage – the joy, the excitement, the love, the intimacy, the laughter, the dreams – everything that’s all wrapped up in that idea of a marriage – that’s the picture we’re being given here. That’s the vineyard that you’re meant to be tending and caring for.
Now vineyard owners have trouble with foxes. The foxes come in, they eat the blooms and the vineyard is destroyed. So they have to do battle with the foxes, to catch them and to do away with them so that the vineyard is safe, that that which has been destroyed can be renewed, that that vineyard can be everything it was meant to be.
And I want you to understand this morning that there are little foxes that work away at our marriages, our friendships, our families, and our churches. Not real foxes of course, but seemingly little things that ultimately become big as they steal our hope, destroy our joy, and rob us of laughter and love. There is no way that we could name them all today but I do want to give you a sampling so that you begin to see what I’m getting at. After that it’s going to be up to you to start catching those foxes and removing them from the vineyard whether that vineyard is found in your home or right here at church.
The key thing to remember about these foxes is that they usually start out as little things. I’m sure you’ve heard that saying, “Don’t turn a molehill into a mountain.” Far more churches have been torn apart, and marriages ruined, by little things then have been destroyed by the big things. More churches have been split by the color of the carpet or the style of music than doctrinal issues. More marriages have failed because of little irritants and thoughtlessness than by adultery. Why is that? It’s because we see the big things coming and try to get out of the way. But if we’re not careful it’s the little things that blindside us and catch us unawares. Something as small as a virus can ruin your health. In sufficient numbers, something as small as a tick can kill something as large as a moose. And again, something as small as a termite can destroy a home. So it is with the little foxes in our relationships and churches.
Let’s start with those things that are to characterize the life of a Christian. Turn in your Bibles with me please to the book of Galatians. Galatians 5 beginning in verse 13 - “You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.” (Galatians 5:13–15, NIV84) And then down to verse 22 … “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.” (Galatians 5:22–26, NIV84)
In those verses we discover several things that ought to characterize our lives as Christians – serving one another in love, loving our neighbour as ourselves, and beyond love we are to have joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. If we are living those things out in our friendships, our marriages and our churches then we will be blessed as we do life together – there will be a peace, a unity, an intimacy in marriage that is pleasing to each and every one of us. What are the foxes then? The foxes are those things that work against us living love out in our lives, things that we allow to get a hold of us and which begin to erode the love, trust and intimacy that we are to have in our marriages.
Let me give you some ideas of what these foxes might look like in practical terms and then we’ll try to put a name to some of those same foxes and figure out how we can catch them and render them powerless. Those foxes might creep into your marriage with something as little as differences in how the money is handled. One partner might spend indiscriminately while the other wants to save, or pay off debt. Over the years, resentment, bitterness, anger, and frustration begin to creep in on both sides and the unity and peace of the home is destroyed.
It might be all those little things that your spouse does that annoy you – when you were first married they seemed cute and endearing – but now they’re just plain irritating. Maybe it’s the way they leave the toilet seat up, the lights on, the cap off the toothpaste, the toilet paper roll the wrong way. Maybe you’re a neat freak and your spouse just doesn’t care about tidiness the same way you do. Little things to be sure – but they’ve been eating away at you for years and now your patience is short, your frustration and resentment are high and you’re beginning to lose your temper. A mole hill has become a mountain and something has come in to steal your joy and destroy your peace. In your anger you began to verbally lash out at your spouse, or your children, or maybe you withdraw and hide yourself away in the cleft of the rock.
Perhaps your heart is to get into God’s word together and pray more often but your spouse is resisting you every step of the way and you’re growing discouraged. Maybe you have different ideas about how to discipline the kids and the constant friction is eating away at your intimacy. Maybe intimacy itself has been an open door for the foxes to get in. Perhaps you or your spouse wants to share sexual intimacy more frequently but because of health, or weariness, or stress, or whatever the case may be, you’ve resisted it and the distance between you is growing.
Often the foxes that ruin the vineyard are often found in the things we say. Lies, backstabbing, gossip these all erode our relationships. Nothing upsets the unity in a church quicker than gossiping tongues, grumblings behind people’s backs, constant complaining or nitpicking – and it’s similar in a marriage. Constantly nagging or criticising your spouse is not conducive to creating intimacy and closeness.
Scripture says we must catch – the verb used there means to “seize” or “to lay hold of” these little foxes because the little things can destroy the bigger, more important things, if they are left unchecked. How about you? What are the little foxes that threaten your marriage? Your friendships? Your church? We can put a name on some of the more common ones that are too often allowed to run freely in the vineyards of our lives. Things like a lack of courtesy for one another, thoughtlessness in our speech and in our actions, thanklessness, harsh or critical words, nagging, spiritual apathy, misplaced priorities. In the our Bible Study this last week we read about a couple of more in the book of James – things like bitter envy and selfish ambition. Pride, lack of trust, the very attitude with which we approach one another, and an unforgiving spirit, these can all be the foxes that threaten the very things that are closest to our hearts.
So let me ask you again - What are the little foxes in your marriage? What are your grievances, irritants, that, if left undealt with, may bring a world of hurt later on? Catch the foxes – lets deal with the issues in our relationships so we can enjoy everything we are meant to have in a marriage, in a friendship, in a fellowship. Understand that those little foxes aren’t necessarily your spouses’ issue – many times they are your own issue that needs to be dealt with. Where do bitterness, anger, and envy and all that type of thing come from? They come from what’s in our own hearts. Those little foxes are often the warning signs that something isn’t right within us. And we need to watch out for those little things that will gradually wear you down, destroy your home, ruin your marriage, disrupt your church, shipwreck your faith, detract from your witness, hinder your prayers – those things that turn your heart from God, to the world.
Consider where you are at in your marriage. Where would you like to be? Perhaps you’ve been hiding in the cleft of rock but you’re really longing to come out and find a newness and a joy in your marriage that has been sadly lacking, a renewed love for, and intimacy with, your spouse. How are we going to do that?
In the book of Ephesians, Paul reminds us that when you came to faith “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love just as Christ loves us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” (Ephesians 4:22-5:2, NIV84)
And then from James, “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up.” (James 4:7–10, NIV84)
I count nearly 50 things in those verses alone that we can do to catch the foxes before they ruin the vineyard. And we could go on and on but I think you get the point. If the foxes are the things that oppose God’s work in our lives we overcome them by identifying them and replacing them with the very thing they are trying to destroy. In other words we allow our lives to be shaped and moulded by God’s own word and His spirit works within us to bring forth that fruit, that relationship, that intimacy that is pleasing to Him! We need to talk more about that at a later date, as for now, our time is gone. So let me simply ask you agian: What are the foxes in your marriage? What are the foxes in your relationships? What are the foxes in our fellowship? What are you going to do to catch the little foxes so that the vineyard can grow?
Let’s pray!
