Just like to share with you a funny story at the start.
A man was stranded all alone on the desert island for years before he was finally rescued. His rescuers asked him what the 3 huts were that he had built on the island. It’s perplexing for one man to have 3 structures.
He said one was his house, one was his church, and one was where he used to go to church before he got his feelings hurt! He feels offended, so he left for a new church.
Conflict is inevitable, in any relationships.
• You do not need to have an enemy to have a conflict. It can happen to two good friends, even among loved ones in a family.
• Larry Crabb, a psychologist and bible teacher, said in his book ‘The Safest Place on Earth’: “The difference between the spiritual and unspiritual community is not whether conflict exists, but is rather in our attitude toward it and our approach to handling it.” If we can, by God’s grace, handle it well, then that really reveals our maturity and spirituality.
• Conflict itself does not make it unspiritual; it is our RESPONSE to the conflicts that defines it.
• When managed biblically, it can serve as an opportunity for spiritual growth as well as the maturing of the relationship.
We’re going to look at two sisters today, and the conflict that arose when Jesus was in their home.
• You see, even with Jesus in the house, you can have conflict. Even good disciples of Jesus will have quarrels. Conflict is inevitable; you just need to manage it well.
Luke 10:38-42
As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"
41 "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."
It was Martha who invited Jesus to her home. So as a good and hospitable host, she got herself busy preparing the meals for her guests.
• That’s was probably her gift, and it was good. Jesus would be well served and comfortable in her home.
• Mary was being nice too, sitting by Jesus and listening to him. That was her way of expressing her love.
• We have a tendency to simply pit the two against each other, but both were actually doing what was good, by themselves.
Differences are good, but they clash sometimes.
• If God is a God of variety and made us all so different, then such clashes will come and we need to be prepared for them.
• What must we watch out for in a conflict situation, or a potentially explosive situation? I want to share 3 statements with a HEART in them:
(1) WATCH YOUR HEART IN A CONFLICT
Jesus says Martha has become “worried and upset about many things”. He says she was “distracted by all the preparations.”
• The work has already affected her emotion. The initial feeling of gladness for having Jesus come under their roof has now been replaced by worry and distress.
• The preparation has taken its toll on her. Her composure has changed. She has become impatient and irritated.
Jesus is concerned, not for the situation (that dinner would not be ready in time), but for what the situation is doing to Martha.
• The situation is causing Martha lots of stress. She is now worried and upset.
• Jesus is concern more about the person more than the problem at hand. We tend to be concern about the problem, more than the person, in a conflict.
• We want to get our point across, even at the expense of hurting the other person or even breaking up the relationship.
Emotions are fine, but don’t let them have the upper-hand. Don’t let emotions control you.
• Prov 29:11 “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.”
• Eccl 7:9 “Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.”
• You will do and say foolish things when you are angry. Zip up when you are angry. Take some time to cool down before you talk again. Be positive, or be quiet.
Martha vented her anger and she criticised her sister openly (first mistake), and not to her directly (second mistake), but raising the issue with Jesus instead.
• How do you feel, when you have an issue with a colleague/brother, and the next thing you realised the person has made a complaint to your boss/pastor.
• It is like “pulling rank” we say in the army – getting someone higher up in rank ti back you up, to stand on your side. You buy votes.
• It was a rebuke targeted at the person but done publicly.
It was unfortunate. Watch your motivation. Watch your heart in a conflict.
(2) FOCUS ON THE HEART OF THE MATTER
Focus on the issue, not the person. Confront the problem, respect the person. This is easier said than done.
• If you can draw an imaginary line in a conflict, this is one line you must draw. Separate the issue from the person.
• Martha has a problem in hand. There was too much work to be done. She could have brought the issue up and discuss it as a team, and find the best solution.
• Without that imaginary line, we will shift from the issue to the person, and start to criticise and blame.
• Halfway into the quarrel, you’ll find yourself hitting at the person and not the problem. Sometimes, hitting the person even.
When Jesus says, “…only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better” (10:42), he was addressing the issue, and then making a ‘priority’ statement.
• We may have a few good things to do, but at this point, this is the ONE thing that is better. It was a question of priority.
• This is one area we need to think about, in a conflict situation. What is most important? Prioritize all the issues. Identify that which is the most needed. It provides clarity to an otherwise clouded situation.
Stand together – not on opposite camps – and resolve the issue TOGETHER.
(3) SEEK TO PLEASE THE HEART OF CHRIST
Martha thought she knew what Jesus wanted, but in fact, what she proposed was about her plan, her expectation, and all about her preparations.
Jesus says she was distracted. In other words, she needed some focus. Focus not on what she thinks is necessary, but what the Lord feels is most important.
• In other words, we need to focus on what God says is most needed, and not on what we think is necessary. We have limited perspective.
• In the midst of differing views, what is needed is God’s perspective. Not so much of your view or mine, but the Lord’s will on the matter.
It’s like the many elderly today, who longs to see their children and have them visit and spend time with them. The children are good. They buy food for them, give them money, send them to the day care centres, pay for the expenses… but not realising that what their parents really want is to have them spend time with them, to sit there and simply chat with them.
What does the Lord really want in Martha’s house?
• To see them busy themselves cooking Him a sumptuous meal?
• Or to have Mary, and Martha, hears Him share about the Kingdom of God and they end up having a simple meal instead?
• To see the sisters having a great time together or blaming each other?
Martha has the privilege of Jesus’ presence and his immediate answer in this account.
• For us, we pray and seek God. Our desire is to know His will and understand what He wants for that moment.
• In a conflict, pause! Call for time out and pray for wisdom and clarity of God’s will, so that we can know - not what we want or what we’ve planned for God - but what He wants and what plan He has for us.
• Jesus is glorified when we do His will, and not when we do our will.
• When we have God as a common focus, chances of reaching a common solution will be very high. God will provide us the clarity we need.
The thing that matters to Jesus is not so much what we think we need to do for Him, but knowing what He wants us from us.
• We may ask Him to give us more time so we can serve Him more, but Jesus wants us to offer that little time we have to show that He is our priority in life.
• We want to be healthy so we can do better, when what Jesus wants from us is to accept our infirmity graciously and trust that our faithfulness in little we do is already valuable in His sight.
• You see, it is not so much WHAT WE CAN DO FOR HIM but WHO WE HAVE BECOME that really bothers Him. “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things…” (v.41) Who have we become?
We’ve learnt over the past month that relationship is everything.
• Jesus prioritizes relationship above accomplishment, because success (bearing fruit) comes from Him. It is actually His work.
• Prioritize relationships. In any conflict, seek to keep the relationships and forgo your rights, if you have to. Put a premium on protecting the relationships.
CONCLUSION
When in a conflict situation, watch your heart, focus on the problem and not the person, and seek to please the heart of God.
PRAYER:
Dear God, you’ve created us for relationships. We thank you for the diversity we see in the people around us. We pray that we’ll grow and learn to appreciate the differences and be patient with one another. Help us love and accept one another, they way you’ve loved and accepted us.
Grant us the wisdom and strength to resolve the conflicts we’re now in, and give us the heart to forgive and a heart to be kind. Let us reflect the beauty of Christ in all our relationships, for your own glory. This we ask in the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
