Caring for the Family - 1 Timothy 5 - 11/2/08
Join me in turning to the book of 1 Timothy, chapter 5. Timothy is towards the end of the New Testament, in the second half of the Bible. We have been going through this book together.
I once heard a story about a little second grader who had to do a report for school about his family. He went to his mother and asked her, “Mommy, where did I come from?” The mother was not quite prepared to talk about that with him, so she used the old line, “The stork brought you.” To which he replied, “Mommy, where did Daddy come from?” She used the same line, “The stork brought him too.” and then she hurried off to her cleaning. Not to be put off, he went upstairs to Grandma’s room. He said, “Grandma, where did Grandpa come from?” She looked at him and thought that really his parents should be the ones to talk with him about those things and said, “They found him out in the cabbage patch under a leaf of cabbage.” The second grader walked downstairs to his room, pulled out a sheet of paper, and started his report: There has not been a normal birth in our family for the last three generations!
I'm sure if we would ask for stories, we could spend the whole day telling funny things that have happened in our families. Few words carry such emotional meaning and depth as the word "family." For many of us, family is everything. But for many, their family is filled with dysfunction. Ronda had a close friend whose parents would not talk to each other at the supper table. They’d each turn to the daughter and say, Michelle, would you ask you father to pass the salt. Michelle, would you remind your mother the plumber is coming tomorrow. Some families face other types of dysfunction. Some home have topics that are not discussed. Some relatives and their issues are never mentioned outside of the immediate family. I have done funerals before where two brothers would come in to the funeral home, shake hands, and then go to seperate corners for the rest of the day. But that dysfunction is never what God intended for families. God desires functional families.
And when we think about families, we understand that the family is one of the metaphors -- visual word pictures -- that God uses to describe the church, the body of Christ. God pictures the church as a holy nation, a prieshood, a kingdom, a vine and branches, a body, a temple, a flock, and in 1 Timothy 3:15, God calls it a family, the household of faith.Our desire is to be a functioning family, not a dysfunctional church family. And that is the desire that Paul gives to Timothy in 1 Timothy chapter 4.
We saw that this is a letter from the Apostle Paul to Timothy, his young protegé. Paul left Timothy at Ephesus to straighten out the problems in the church there. Ephesus was a city filled with idol worship, sexual immorality, and false teachings.
Timothy, though, is a young man and sometimes people in the church did not follow his leadership and give him the respect he deserved. Timothy was timid and shy. He sometimes was sickly, or at least was so troubled by the problems in the church that his stomach bothered him. The tension in the church had him to the point of giving up. But Paul gives him a letter to encourage him to keep on going.
Some of the church members in Ephesus had followed after the doctrines of false teachers. We saw Paul give three commands to Timothy in chapter 1:
1. Teach Sound Doctrine 2. Preach the Gospel 3. Defend the Faith
Some women were trying to usurp the leadership roles that God designed for the church. We looked at chapters 2&3 and saw what pleases God? We saw that
God is pleased when men are PRAYING! And
God is pleased when women are PROPER! And
God is pleased when leaders are PURE! Some of the men aspiring to leadership were not qualified. Paul says to test them first. We talked about leaders in the church, elders and deacons, and how they need three traits:
Desire, Character, and a Good Reputation. And we talked about some steps we each could take, even if we aren’t leaders: We can . . .
Respect the leadership of the church; Pray for the leadership of the church
Encourage others to follow God’s call on their lives; Assist the leadership of the church, and
Make yourself available for leadership
We saw last week in chapter 4, that we are to be both physically AND spiritually fit. We saw, . . .
1. Dangers We Face - False teachers are . . .• Deceitful • Hypocritical • Seared - and we saw the
2. Training We Need - spiritual maturity • requires proper nutrition • requires exercise • requires progress
Today, we want to go on to chapter 5, and see Paul’s lessons about caring for the family. Let’s read the chapter together. Read 1 Tim 5. Pray.
Sometimes, people are drawn to large churches - they have a lot of programs, they are able to hire multi-talented staff, their choirs and cantatas are great presentations, there are lot of people there. I remember once in college attending a church that had a SS class for 25 year old singles - and the class had about 30 people in it! There are benefits to being a large church.
But, there are also many, many benefits to being a smaller church. And one of the key benefits is the closeness and the family atmosphere developed in the smaller church. When you come to a large church, you are only one face in the crowd; when you come to a smaller church, you ARE part of the family. You feel connected. Remember the old show Cheers - Norm Peterson would walk in and everyone would yell “Norm!” - the theme song said “you want to go where everyone knows your name.”
Sometimes that can be hard -- did you hear about the Hunchback of Notre Dame - remember him, Quasimodo - he used to climb the cathedral tower, jump out on the bells, and hit the bells with his forehead to make them ring. He did it for years, until once they gave him a vacation. He got his brother to fill in, but his brother slipped and fell to his death. At the brother’s funeral, the crowd was gathered around the casket when Quasimodo walked up. One mourner turned and ask his friend, “Who’s that?” The friend replied, “I don’t know, but his face sure rings a bell.” Then turning to the casked the friend asked “well, what was the deceased man’s name?” The mourner said, “I don’t know, but he was a dead ringer for his brother!”
In a family, we know one another, we care for one another, the care stretches across generational lines. Children care for grandparents and vice versa. Age differences do not separate us, but they facilitate our unity. And it is the same way in the church, too, when we work together as a family. Sometimes those who are not related to you can be closer to you than your flesh and blood relative! We want to be a church that functions well as a family!
Let’s see what Paul reminds Timothy about families. First, in the family, . . .
1. Respect is Shown - In verses 1 & 2, Paul reminds Timothy to encourage respect in the church. Paul writes, Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity. In the KJV, the word used is “elder” - but the NIV captures Paul’s idea well here - Paul is not talking about a church office, but just the idea of showing respect to older men, and then contrasting that with the treatment of younger men.
Timothy was a younger man. He may have faced a temptation to either ignore the elder men or to treat them improperly. But Paul reminds Timothy to treat them with respect, just like a father. If you went out to the mall, and an older gentleman came along, walking slowly with a cane or walker, and was in front of you when you wanted to get through the door, it might be easy to be impatient. But if you were at the mall with your dad, who was in the same situation, you would suddenly have a new amount of patience -- hopefully!
The way we view someone determines how we treat them. That’s why when a couple is in “love” they seem to lose all common sense. The laugh giddily at the littlest thing. Because it was said by the one they love.
When we view others in the church like family, it helps us get along. We are to treat older men with respect due their age. God told us in Leviticus 19:32 - Rise in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God. I am the LORD. One of the ways we worship God - in addition to prayer, and giving, and singing, is showing respect to the elderly.
Think about how patient you are with those who are older. Do you treat them like you would treat Christ? Remember in Matthew where Jesus says, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’ If we really believed that, it would totally transform the way we treat the elderly. We would show a whole new level of respect.
Paul says for the older men, respect them, and don’t rebuke them harshly, but rather exhort, or encourage them. Instead of shutting them up -- and we do it in nicer terms - “don’t worry about it dad / grandpa, just go back to reading your paper, we’ll take care of it” - instead of shutting them down, it would be better to ask their advice and input.
In the church, we need to be a functioning family. We have much to learn from one another, and we need to work together as a family. We show respect to older men as we would to our fathers; we treat younger men like our brothers; we treat older women like our mothers - and remember Ephesians 6 tells us, Honor your father and mother”--which is the first commandment with a promise-- “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” So we give honor to older women as well. And we treat younger women as our sisters, with absolute purity. What does that mean?
Unlike the Greek and Roman temples in that day -- where sexual promiscuity was a means of worship - prostitution was everywhere -- in the church, we are to be above reproach about our sexual relationships. God’s design -- from the beginning, and still for today -- is one man and one woman. There are some who refrain from sexual relationships, some will never marry. But God’s plan is not for multiple partners, for same-sex partners, for swapping partners, for non-human partners. God designed our sexuality -- and he said it is GOOD, but it is only to be used in appropriate ways, in the limit of a committed marital relationship.
So in our church family, there is to be no incest! We treat younger women with respect by maintaining absolute purity. As a family, respect is shown. Also, in a family . . .
2. Care is Given - Paul goes on in verse 3 to tackle the question of widows. We know that early on in the book of Acts - chapter 6 actually - a plan is made to make sure that the widows are taken care of. James says in James 1:27 - Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress. If you want to worship God, care for widows! And it seems as we read this chapter that there was an organization of widows in the early church. Some were given the opportunity to make a pledge of commitment to the church, and were to be active in ministry for the church. We see Anna back in Luke in the Christmas story, an elderly widow, and it says this about her: She never left the temple but worshiped night and day, fasting and praying.
So, Paul gives a few details to Timothy about who should be put on the official “list” of widows. He looks at a couple qualifications:
• Needy - is she needy? Does she need help? Paul writes in verse 3 - Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need. Some widows don’t need financial help. Their husbands left them well provided for. But there are some who truly do need help. In the culture in Paul’s day, there was little work that widows could do to make money. Left on their own, many would starve.
In our day today, applying this principle, in addition to widows, we can focus on helping the poor. We know that God has much, much, much to say about helping the poor.
Proverbs 19:17 - He who is kind to the poor lends to the LORD, and he will reward him for what he has done.
Prov. 14:31 - He who oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God.
Romans 12:13 - Share with God’s people who are in need.
That’s why we have our food distribution here once a month. We know that there are many hurting, needy people in this area. I read in the Independent last week that when the Red Cross did their food distribution at the Hospital one person showed up at 9 PM the night before and waited all night just to get a box of food.
So, when we think of giving care, we ask, is the person needy? The second principle
• Isolated - for lack of a better word - is the person isolated from other means of help? Or does that person have family that they can turn to. Paul writes in verse 4 - But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God. He goes further in verse 8 - If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
So, in considering how to care for widows, and carried further, how to care for the needy, we consider whether they have family to turn to, or other sources of help. The church needs to have a balance between responsibility and generosity. We want to be generous and help others in times of need, but we also want to be responsible to make sure we are not enabling those who are just seeking to “use” the church. Paul wrote in 2 Thessalonians 3:10 - For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: “If a man will not work, he shall not eat.” There are some who are truly needy, and some who are just freeloading. As a church, we need to be wise and discerning as led by the spirit of God.
Paul’s third qualification for giving care: needy, isolated, and
• Godly - Paul says that for a widow to be added to the lists, she needs to have a godly lifestyle. Look at verse 5 - The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help. But the widow who lives for pleasure is dead even while she lives. Paul goes on to talk about her being known for her good works. We want to seek to help those who want to honor God.
Far too often, people who are looking for assistance are simply looking for someone to bail them out of their circumstances they are in as a result of poor choices. And they want bailed out so they can continue to live a life of poor choices. When we bail them out in those circumstances, we are enabling their ungodly choices. Along with giving financial help, sometimes the best thing we could give would be financial counseling, teaching them how to live on a budget. Sometimes we have to raise the hard questions and point out the unwise decisions that others are making that put them in the situation they are in.
So Paul reminds us, that in the church family, Respect is shown, Care is given, and third . . .
3. Leadership is followed - look down in verse 17 - The elders who direct the affairs of the church well are worthy of double honor, especially those whose work is preaching and teaching. Now in this setting Paul IS talking about the position of an elder - those who lead the church. And Paul says we are to honor the leaders of the church. How do we do this? Through providing for adequate pay. Look in verse 18 - For the Scripture says, “Do not muzzle the ox while it is treading out the grain,” and “The worker deserves his wages.” The sad thing is that many churches do not provide well for their pastors. One church I was at had gone through the parsonage before a previous pastor moved in. One committee member said, “I think we should buy some new drapes.” The other replied, “Why, it’s only the parsonage!”
Many times we expect our pastors to be educated with seminary training, often requiring 7 to 10 years of college, we expect them avalilable to us 7 days a week, 24 hours a day, but then we expect them to work for the same wage a high school dropout makes at McDonalds.
Now, I’m not bringing this up to get a raise, in fact the proposed budgets are already out on the table for you pick up and look over. I mention this to say that in the church -- this one and every other church -- we need to offer a high level of honor and respect to the leadership. We live in a culture that is consumer-driven. Many want Burger King mentality - you want to “have it your way” in every decision.
One of the reasons that the leadership should be followed is because of their godly life. And Paul reminds Timothy that if there are problems in the leadership, we need to deal with it. Look at verse 19 - Do not entertain an accusation against an elder unless it is brought by two or three witnesses. Those who sin are to be rebuked publicly, so that the others may take warning. Paul gives us two important principles. First, don’t overlook sin. We never want to tolerate sins. If I sin, or if another leader sins, that sin should not be overlooked. But there is a right way to address that sin. Not through gossip or slander, but through confrontation and resolution.
But the second important principle that Paul sets up is that confrontation is to be for SIN and not for Personality differences. We should not be critical of unmet expectations. Many times the gossip and criticism that sinfully fills churches and destroys church families is focused on petty issues of hurt feelings. So-and-so didn’t shake my hand during the greeting time. I didn’t get an invitation to so-and-so’s graduation party. We end up being critical of others over issues that are not sinful.
The reality is that no two people will ever see eye to eye on everything. We will all disagree at times.
In the church family, we need to follow the leadership, because in the church there will be many with differing viewpoints, but the church leaders seek to follow God’s leading and bring the whole church family into line with where God wants us to be.
Look at verse 21 - Paul says, I charge you, in the sight of God and Christ Jesus and the elect angels, to keep these instructions without partiality, and to do nothing out of favoritism. He is saying, we don’t choose to follow the leadership of the church based on whether we like the leaders; we follow because it is God’s will. If there is sin, deal with it in a godly way. But if the leaders are not sinning, follow them, support them, respect them, pray for them, help them. And in the congregational meeting coming up in a few weeks we will be talking about a vision for the church and how all of you in the congregation can work together with us as we seek to follow God. We want you to plan to be part of that meeting.
It is not an easy thing to be a church leader. We need your help and prayers.
So Paul reminds Timothy, in the church family, Respect is shown, Care is given, Leadership is followed, and . . .
4. Purity is Sought - Paul says in verse 22 - Do not be hasty in the laying on of hands, and do not share in the sins of others. Keep yourself pure. Purity can be very hard to do, because it is so easy to be impure in any of a number of ways. There’s not just one area of life to consider, but many. Paul reminds Timothy to seek to be pure.
One thing Paul encourages Timothy to do we see in verse 23 - Stop drinking only water, and use a little wine because of your stomach and your frequent illnesses. Timothy had stomach issues, so Paul told him to use wine as a medicine. This is a lot like using Nyquill when you get a cold. But Paul said Timothy had been drinking only water.
In that day, the standard practice was to drink wine mixed with water - a little wine mixed in would kill the harmful bacteria. But Timothy was only drinking water. It may well be that Timothy had been influenced by some form of legalism that said it was sinful to use alcohol. We see that same idea in some churches today.
The truth is that the Bible teaches drunkenness is a sin. But it doesn’t say it is sinful to have one drink. Now, there are many other reasons for abstinence -- and just to set the record straight, I do abstain from alcohol -- but we don’t want to go beyond the scriptures into a legalism.
Some today go to the other extreme -- I read an article in the Flint Journal last week about “Christian Brewing Companies” - they use the phrase “WWJD - What would Jesus Drink” - and they promote drinking.
We need purity of lifestyle - and we need to avoid the two extremes. We don’t want to go beyond scripture and condemn as sinful things that the Bible doesn’t address: going to Applebees because they serve alcohol; going to the movies; going dancing -- that is legalism. Neither do we want to promote indulgence and a flippant lifestyle focusing on pleasure: that is hedonism.
Instead we seek the balance between: that is purity. We always seek to do the RIGHT thing at the right time. We need to be guided by God’s Holy Spirit. Paul writes in Galatians 5:16 - This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.
And Paul closes by reminding Timothy that our righteousness or our sinfulness WILL be found out. You might think that no one will ever find out what you do -- but believe me, they will. Regardless, God sees you. But others find out as well. Solomon says in Ecclesiastes - Curse not the king, no not in thy thought; and curse not the rich in thy bedchamber: for a bird of the air shall carry the voice, and that which hath wings shall tell the matter.
The old expression “a little bird told me” - is true - -our choices will be seen. So we want to make right, godly choices that please God.
We are a family here in the church. We share our lives together. And we want to show respect, give care, follow leadership, and seek purity. May God help us grow together as a family. Let’s pray.
