When I was young, I like to go to the bookstore’s cards section and browse the cards.
• I like to read the words – especially cards for the different occasions like graduation, wedding, sympathy, love or friendships.
• The words are beautiful and well-thought out. But I like them particularly so because the words are able to express the feelings of our heart in ways we cannot.
• Especially those on friendship. Here is one I like, by an English novelist and poet in the 19th Century – Dinah Maria Craik, in “A Life for a Life” (1859)
Oh! The blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearlessly on any subject; with whom one’s deepest as well as most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely.
Oh, the comfort—the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person—having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.”
How often do you have this feeling when you’re in a group? Where you are able to share whatever that’s on your heart without the fear of being laughed at or judged, or misunderstood or rejected.
• Do you have a friendship like that? Besides Jesus, I mean.
• If we are called to be like Christ, then such a friendship is possible and it is something we need to cultivate.
• David and Jonathan in the OT model such a friendship.
1 Sam 18:1-4 “After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. 2 From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return to his father's house. 3 And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. 4 Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt.”
David had just killed the Philistine enemy Goliath (1 Sam 17). He was honoured by King Saul and was invited to stay in the King’s court.
• That provided an opportunity for King Saul’s son Jonathan to meet up with David and they became very close friends, the Bible says.
• What caused it, we do not know. It might have started with Jonathan’s admiration for David’s courage and faith in God at the battlefield. And they were probably about the same age (because he was able to wear Jonathan’s robe, tunic, and belt.) They must have spent lots of time together in the Kings’ Court.
• Whatever the reasons, the writer made it plain to us right from the beginning that Jonathan loved David as himself. LOVE IS THE CONTEXT FOR INTIMACY.
1 Sam 18:5-9 “Whatever Saul sent him to do, David did it so successfully that Saul gave him a high rank in the army. This pleased all the people, and Saul's officers as well. 6 When the men were returning home after David had killed the Philistine, the women came out from all the towns of Israel to meet King Saul with singing and dancing, with joyful songs and with tambourines and lutes. 7 As they danced, they sang: "Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands."
8 Saul was very angry; this refrain galled him. "They have credited David with tens of thousands," he thought, "but me with only thousands. What more can he get but the kingdom?" 9 And from that time on Saul kept a jealous eye on David.”
Taking on more responsibilities, David proved himself to be the greater warrior.
• That pushed Saul to the edge. He was angry and jealous. His leadership was threatened. His throne was at stake.
• The rest of the story records the sad account of Saul’s many attempts at killing David. Jonathan the son, loved David but his father Saul wanted him dead.
• Despite being sandwiched in between, Jonathan continued to trust David and did not betray his friend’s trust in him. He kept his covenant with David.
• COMMITMENT IS THE PROMISE OF INTIMACY. You are as close as you want it.
As it turned out, the friendship weathered the worse of storms.
• In fact, it would seem that God prepared Jonathan to stand by David in these dark moments of his life.
• Their friendship was firmly anchored upon trust. TRUST IS THE ANCHOR FOR INTIMACY.
• David trusted Jonathan, even though his father was the one trying to kill him.
• Jonathan trusted David, even though his succession to the throne will be shattered, by this very friend.
Listen to what the father said to his son Jonathan at one point - 1 Sam 20:30-34
Saul's anger flared up at Jonathan and he said to him, "You son of a perverse and rebellious woman! Don't I know that you have sided with the son of Jesse to your own shame and to the shame of the mother who bore you? 31 As long as the son of Jesse lives on this earth, neither you nor your kingdom will be established. Now send and bring him to me, for he must die!"
32 "Why should he be put to death? What has he done?" Jonathan asked his father. 33 But Saul hurled his spear at him to kill him. Then Jonathan knew that his father intended to kill David.
34 Jonathan got up from the table in fierce anger; on that second day of the month he did not eat, because he was grieved at his father's shameful treatment of David.
One was driven by jealousy and suspicion, the other by love and trust.
• One was driven by self-interest, the other was completely selfless.
• Trust is both a SHIELD and STRENGTH – (1) a SHIELD against suspicion and doubt; and (2) STRENGTH – they defend and strengthen each other through the trials.
In fact, both of them showed an exceptional TRUST IN GOD.
David knew by now that he was anointed by the prophet Samuel to be the future King of Israel, in 1 Sam 16.
• Yet he did not take things into his own hand and fight for the throne. That would be premature. That would be presumptuous.
• In fact, as the story unfolded, he refused to come against King Saul and kill him when he had the chances. He considered Saul was still the Lord’s anointed one.
• David trusted in God’s ways and time, even though the situation was anything but good for him.
Jonathan would likely know that his succession plan was at stake. The throne wasn’t going to be his. He did not seem to be disturbed.
• If God chose David, then he honours that choice. He could have fought for it and stood with his father in defending their family’s right to the throne, yet he did not.
• Jonathan was prepared to let David has it if that was God’s plan. He was willing to keep the friendship and let go of the kingdom.
Their trust in God led to their trust in each other!
Trust is so crucial, and that is why the first thing that the devil did at creation was to BREAK TRUST – between man and God.
• That’s the easiest and quickest way to break a relationship.
• Gen 3:1 Did God really say, `You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?"
• Gen 3:4-5 You will not surely die… 5 "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." God is hiding something from you.
Trust is the PRECONDITION for intimacy. Without that, you cannot be close. It is the oxygen that makes the fire burns.
• Build trust in all your relationships. Avoid doing anything that may compromise that – like suspicion, gossip, presumption, jumping to conclusions, etc.
• Clarify everything. Verify everything. Be open. Volunteer information. Speak your feelings. Hide nothing.
• Remember, no one is a mind-reader. You are as intimate as you are open to one another.
• Build trust and protect it. It takes years to build trust but only one day to destroy it. These are the fuels for intimacy – love, commitment, and trust.
CONCLUSION
As we close here are 2 practical things you can do:
(1) ASK GOD FOR A JONATHAN IN YOUR LIFE
• God knows what we need. In David’s darkest hours, God sent Jonathan. David needed Jonathan.
• In the same way, God will provide a Jonathan for you. Treasure the friends in your life.
(2) ASK GOD TO STRENGTHEN TRUST IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
If you want a trustworthy friend, then be such a friend.
• We can have many fair-weathered friends, but enduring friendship takes time and sacrifices. It doesn’t happen over night.
Jonathan set us a good example – he made pre-decisions to be a trustworthy friend.
• 18:3 “Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself.”
• 20:16-17 “So Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying, "May the LORD call David's enemies to account." 17And Jonathan had David reaffirm his oath out of love for him, because he loved him as he loved himself.
• 23:18 “The two of them made a covenant before the LORD.”
Notice that in this conflict between Saul and David throughout these 3 chapters (18-20), the writer told it almost entirely in terms of David’s friendship with Jonathan.
• I believe he has a purpose, and that is to SHOW how God would use their friendship to accomplish His will.
• David was staged to be the next King and no works of man or the evil One can derail it. In fact, David has to displace his best friend to the throne.
• But it would be done. And God would do it through their friendship.
Make God the centre of your friendship.
• Keep your trust in Him even when everything looked messy. He can bless you with strong, lasting friendships that will see you through thick and thin.
• And yet at the same time, accomplishing His good will. Trust Him.
