PROVERBS 18: 24
A TRUE FRIEND
[1 Sam. 18:1-4; 19:1-7; 20:1-42; 2 Sam. 1:25ff]
Few things enrich life like a good friend. To have someone with whom you can share your deepest thoughts, feelings and longings –someone who can ask anything of you and of whom you can ask anything –provides a wonderful encouragement to the meaning and joy of life.
Most people do not have many close friends. It takes time, trust, and perseverance to develop meaningful relationships. To have friends, you must be a friend. But although making and sustaining friendships can be difficult, the benefits are tremendous.
In the Hebrew text the word used for neighbor and friend can be the same word ( -resa). Close physical proximity and closeness in relationship differ and the context determines which meaning should be used but we will look at uses were resa is translated both ways for our study. Being a true friend is much more than being neighborly but friendship starts by being neighborly with those God has placed in your path. Hopefully through this study we will learn how to be a true friend as well as how to recognize a true friend (CIM).
I. A TRUE FRIEND IS SENSITIVE.
II. DISTINGUISHING YOUR FRIENDS.
III. A TRUE FRIEND IS NOT CRITICAL BUT HONEST.
Proverbs 3:29 warns that participating in a plan that harms a friend violates his trust. "Do not devise harm against your neighbor, while he lives in security beside you."
This Proverb reminds us that we should never pose a threat to a person who is our friend. The realm of security extended to a friend should be emotional, psychological and physical. We should provide a relaxing, safe environment for those who are our friends or neighbors. A true friend does not betray a confidence. Friendship are build around trust so don't take advantage of it.
Proverbs 25:17 reveals that excessive frequency or length of time of visits is also an issue in nourishing a friendship. "Let your foot rarely be in your neighbor's / friends's house, lest he become weary of you and hate you."
A friendship can be ruined by failure to respect a friend's privacy and down times. "Familiarity breeds contempt" is the concept found here. If we are to grow we need room. This space comes from privacy and solitude. Too much closeness is oppressive and smothers the closest of relationships and should be avoided. A person should refrain from frequently visiting his friend, to avoid being a nuisance, but he should visit enough so that his visits are valued.
Proverbs 27:14 teaches that timing and sensitivity to others schedules is important. "He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him."
A man who forces his early morning boisterousness on another demonstrates his lack of sensitivity toward his friend. Your friend may need to warm up in the morning with a cup of coffee rather than be shocked awake by a jubilant greeting. A good friend is sensitive to the moods and needs of one he respects.
Proverbs 26:18-19 warns us not to try to avoid owning up to our actions by saying we were only joking. "Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows and death, so is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, ‘was I not joking?'"
A good friend is sensitive enough to people and the situation to let us know when a joke or teasing is being carried too far. You all know of the reckless person who gets carried away and offends another and then replies "I was only kidding!" Such an excuse is totally inadequate especially if harm was done by the barbs. Friends help their friends fine tune their sensitivities and do not allow our irresponsible behavior to go on unrecognized for what it is. Like the prayer of the little boy who asked God to make the bad people good and good people nice. A true friend will not be insensitive to our sensitivities.
[Proverbs 14:21 warns us to be gracious to and not despise a poor friend. "He who despises his neighbor sins, but happy is he who is gracious to the poor."
It has always been easy for those who are better off to take on a superior attitude toward the poor. Yet a true friend is gracious to the poor indicating that he does not reject the man who has fallen on hard times financially. He does not "rub it in" but treats him in a kind and encouraging manner. Notice the thought that being happy is the result of being gracious to the poor. If you don't have a happy disposition; it could be because you don't have enough poor friends.]
II. DISTINGUISHING YOUR FRIENDS
Some people have many friends but all friends are not alike. Proverbs 14:20 warns of wanting rich friends and refusing to associate with friends that are struggling. "The poor is hated even by his neighbor, but those who love the rich are many."
We are tempted to select who we want to be friends with based more on what they possess than on their personal character. If you have to continuously curry their favor you could call them fair weather friends.
Proverbs 19:4 & 6 speak of false friendships. "Wealth adds many friends, but a poor man is separated from his friend. Many will entreat the favor of a generous man, and every man is a friend of him who gives gifts."
This is a realistic observation about the differences wealth creates. Some people befriend another considering only what they can get out of the relationship. If there is nothing they can gain from the relationship, friendship is not extended.
Some people are truly blessed to have a truly loyal friend. Proverb 17:17 says, "A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity."
The words at all times stress the idea of constancy. True friendship has a lasting quality that does not depend on material success or the circumstances the friend is going through. A true friend is always a friend. In a crisis one can always be certain of help from a brother. In the crisis a brother makes his loyalty evident. As we say blood is thicker than water, but there is a friendship that is even thicker.
Proverbs 18:24 warns that popularity can lead to ruin. "The man of [many] friends comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."
A contrast is made between casual friends and friends who are closer than even a brother. The concept expressed is the superiority of having a genuine friend rather than many friends who come and go. Superficial or casual friendships cannot be counted on, but a true freind stands by us through thick and thin.
III. A TRUE FRIEND IS NOT CRITICAL BUT HONEST.
Proverb 11:12 teaches us that silence is preferred to belittling our friends. "He who despises his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding keeps silent."
As true with many Proverbs and Psalms, the second line clarifies the first. The man who despises stands in parallel to the man who keeps silent. One man opens his mouth in criticism, the other keeps quiet. We all have weaknesses and faults and a real friend recognizes this and makes no mention of it. He guards or controls his mouth so that he says only what will be helpful and not belittling or degrading.
Proverbs 27:6 advises us as to the integrity of true friendships. "Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy."
Who would prefer a friends wounds to an enemies kisses? Any who would consider the source. A friend should always have your best interest at heart, and enemy obviously does not.
The kiss of an enemy or signs of affection, represents a pretense of friendship. An enemy may say flattering words but send you on your way to harm. Needed corrections can seem like a wound, yet a faithful friend is honest with you even if wounds occur as a result of it. This is not a license to wound our friends by pointing out their faults. What it does mean is that we are to be straight-forward with them at all times. This calls for bravery and honesty on both sides.
Proverbs 29:5 warns of seductive talk that deceptively flatters but is intent on taking advantage. "A man who flatters his neighbor is spreading a net for his steps."
Friends do not falsely build someone up either. They give them encouragement that keeps them striving onward, not flattery that makes them think themselves superior or gives them reasons for pride.
Proverbs 27:17 discloses the shaping sharping characteristic of friendship. "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
True friends help us to become all we can be. There is a mental sharpness that comes from being around good people. And a meeting of minds can hone people so that they see their ideas with new clarity, refine them, and shape them into brilliant insights. This sharping requires discussion partners who can challenge each other and stimulate thought - people who focus on the idea without involving their egos in the discussion; people who know how to attack the thought and not the thinker. If we're not disagreeable and ready for a give and take discussion we can learn more by disagreeing than by giving in and refusing to contribute what we really think by speaking the truth in love (Eph 4:15). Two friends who bring their ideas together can help each other become sharper.
Proverbs 27:9 & 10 show that genuine advice and support should be a part of a long-term friendship. "Oil and perfume make the heart glad, so a man's counsel is sweet to his friend. Do not forsake your friends or your father's friend, and do not go to your brother's house in the day of your calamity; better is a neighbor who is near than a brother far away."
We are blessed by our friends and in return we are to be true friends to them. Like oil & perfume friends are valuable and their counsel is an anointing to us. We are to listen to their advise and be faithful to our and our family's friends. A true friend in the hour of adversity is like a lamp on a pitch black night, like the radiance that shines through on an overcast day.
CONCLUSION
We should extend our friendliness to a friend. For, "He who would have friends must show himself friendly." A happy family, encouraging friends, and good neighbors are great blessings from the Lord! Let's be sure we do our part to make these blessings a reality in our lives and the lives of others.
