PROVERBS 17: 14
MEN OF STRIFE MAKE CONTENTION
[James 3: 1-16]
The Hebrew word translated "strife" or "contention" occurs some fifteen times in the book of Proverbs and describes the kind of person who is apt to cause an argument or a conflict, one who is predisposed to quarreling or dispute. In short, it describes a person who is disagreeable, who has not learned to disagree without being disagreeable.
The nature of strife is set forth with a vivid simile in Proverbs 17:14 where we read, "The beginning of strife is like letting out water..." Strife, then, is similar to a tiny hole in a dam releasing only a small trickle of water that gets bigger and bigger. The nature of contention is to move from "trickles to torrents!" There's a Talmudic proverb that says, "strife is like the aperture of a leak; as the aperture widens so the stream of water increases." A person, then, who continues to create little disruptions here and there, will someday be the source of an eruption of major proportions. [Three things can be said of a trickle that becomes a torrent: It lets out more water than is possible to predict, it lets out more water than is possible to control, and it lets out more water than is ever possible to retrieve.]
What then, should we do when a quarrel arises? The second half of Proverbs 17:14 gives a terse answer, " ... abandon the quarrel before it breaks out." And if the quarrel is abandoned, what will happen to it? Where there are no combatants, contention will die its own well-deserved death.
Let's look then at three aspects of contentions so well be capable of spotting it and putting it out. [The word for quarrelsome (môn) is used more often in Proverbs than in any other Old Testament book. It is also translated "dissension" (6:14, 19; 10:12; 15:18; 28:25; 29:22), "disputes" (18:18-19), "quarrel(s)" (17:14; 22:10; 26:20), and "strife" (23:29). Walvoord, John & Zuck, Roy; The Bible Knowledge Commentary. Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1983. S. 946.]
I. THE CONTENTIOUS WOMAN
Of the fifteen references to strife and contention, five of them deal with the same subject--the contentious woman. The first is Proverbs 21:9 which observes, "It is better to live in a corner of a roof, than in a house shared with a contentious woman." The woman described as having a disposition of strife and not simply a mood, which is temporary.
Whenever Proverbs labels a person, such as a man of deceit, a fool, a sluggard, etc., it is because this is his most common characteristic. So, the contentious woman is one for whom strife and quarrels are a normal part of the day. She sleeps well knowing she has caused or stirred up strife. It certainly does not mean she must remain this way, but it does give a fair assessment of her at the present time. Yet the hope exists that she would take these proverbs seriously, and thus find healing for herself.
Since the context of the verse is "the home," it is obvious that the quarrels which she precipitates are private, not public. Indeed, she may get along quite nicely with her neighbors and friends, but "behind closed doors" a different tale is told. Furthermore, the quarrels may not just be with her husband, for he prefer a cot in the attic. It should also be noted that quarrelsomeness carries its own built in penalty. The husband's preference is to live apart from her where he is exposed to the elements of the weather, and the result is her loss of his companionship. We do not seek the company and fellowship of quarrelsome people.
We pick up the same theme again in Proverbs 19:13. "A foolish son is destruction to his father and the contentions of a wife are a constant dripping." This poor man has double trouble--a bad son and a bad wife. The word "destruction" is plural, showing his life is filled with repeated unpleasantries. The foolish son delivers many painful blows to his father.
Moffett translated contentions "naggings." An old Arabic proverbs says, "Three things make a house intolerable: Tak (rain leaks), nak (a wife's nagging), and bak (bugs)." Constant dripping indicates her irritating quarreling continues relentlessly (27:16). Proverbs 21:19, 25:24 and 27:15 all reiterate the pain of living with a contentious wife.
II. THE COMPANIONS OF CONTENTION
1st Slander May Accompany Contention
Proverbs 16:28 teaches us that a contentious person sows discord even among friends. "A perverse man spreads strife, and a slanderer separates intimate friends."
The words "perverse man" are literally, "a man of upside down." This means that he upsets things, he is never straight. In English, we speak of a person who twists things. The verb translated spreads is very colorful. It is used in Judges 15:4 to described the actions of Sampson when he caught three hundred foxes and released them into the grain fields of the Philistines. The raging fire "spread" by the foxes is a vivid picture of the strife spread by a twisted or upsetting man.
What then is behind strife? Strife is caused by a person who twists or distorts the facts.
The result of spreading contention is the loss of intimate friendships. How serious is the damage of a friendship broken up by a contentious person? Proverbs 18:19 supplies our answer: "A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle." This proverb presents us with an intimate relationship. Notice the word brother as over against neighbor or even friend. By likening the offense to bars of a castle, the author is illustrating the cold, hard feeling and separation that has occurred in the relationship that will be difficult to penetrate. Obviously it is best to squelch a dispute before it begins.
2nd Arrogance May Be at the Root of Contention
Proverbs 28:25 teaches that greed and arrogance lead to contention. "An arrogant man stirs up strife, but he who trusts in the LORD will prosper.
The arrogant man is literally a man of "wide of soul" [batsa` -baw·tsah] meaning puffed up or big appetite. We have the English idiom "fat head" to express the idea of pride and arrogance. The fat head is an indicator of a person who is likely to cause a quarrel or dispute.
The one who trusts in the Lord rather than in himself or his riches will prosper (11:25).
3rd Anger May Be at the Root of Contention
Proverbs 29:22 teaches that short fused or hot tempered persons stir up strife. "An angry man stirs up strife, and a hot-tempered man abounds in transgression."
The cause of the man's anger is not given for it is unimportant--it makes no difference what his angry about. Anger is the agent that kindles strife and quarrels. An angry person can ignite at any moment under any provocation, intended or unintended. Closely allied with anger is the hot-temper. "A hot-tempered man stirs up strife ..." (Proverbs 15:18)
4th Perversity May Be at the Root of Contention
Proverbs 6:14 speaks of the man "who with perversity in his heart devises evil continually who spreads strife." The word for perversity refers to thoughts and actions that are contrary to what is right. Though he feigns sincerity, underneath he is perverted and causes dissension, drawing others into discord or strife. Quarrels flow, not from disagreements over issues, but from certain inner conditions of men. A contention does not flow only from the mind, it is ignited by a precondition of character. [Dissension (6:19) is caused by hatred (10:12), and uncontrolled temper (15:18), perversity (16:28), greed (28:25), and anger (29:22). (strife: 17:1; 18:6; 20:3; 22:10; 23:29; 26:21; 30:33.)]
III. HOW TO DEAL WITH THE CONTENTIOUS
1st We Are to Banish the Contentious
Proverbs 22:10 teaches that if the troublemaker is removed, the trouble also leaves. "Drive out the scoffer, and contention will go out, even strife and dishonor will cease."
The scoffer is the person who refuses proper restraint. This proverb faces the reality that all disputes cannot be resolved by all parties coming to some sort of agreement. There are times when banishment is the only solution. The fine point of distinction as to when this become necessary rests on the truth that disagreements many times do not arise from the facts of the situation but from the wrong attitude of the person. When such is the case, expulsion is the only solution (2 Thess. 3:6,14).
2nd We Can starve a Quarrel to Death
Proverbs 26:20-21 teaches us that strife ceases when people stop talking controversy. "For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, contention quiets down, like charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, so is a contentious man to kindle strife."
When does strife cease? When people stop talking. Just like fire can't burn where there is no wood, so strife can't continue where there are no talebearers. When gossip comes to you, refuse to listen. If gossip found no listeners it would disappear and die.
Notice that the fire is not fueled by facts but by the character of the contentious person. The contentious person uses facts for sure, but only as fuel for the fight he is stirring up. One does not need lies to create a quarrel--only facts that have been twisted!
To extinguish a fire, you must remove one of the essential elements needed for combustion (fuel, oxygen and spark). For example, eliminating what is fueling the blaze is a method often employed in fighting a forest fire. A controlled backfire is started from a cleared line ahead of the advancing flames. When the two fires meet, no timber is left to burn.
The Bible tells us that for lack of wood "the fire goes out" (Prov. 26:20). This refers to extinguishing something much more devastating than the combustion of physical elements. It's the fire of an irresponsible tongue and the resentment and pain that burn in the hearts of those who have been seared by its heat. What deep and lasting wounds the tongue can inflict on others! Families and friendships have been disrupted and individuals hurt for life because of the effects of backbiting and slander.
How necessary it is for God's people to eliminate from their conversation all contentious words! This would prevent many of the fires that ruin relationships. You can do this by letting the Holy Spirit set your heart on fire for Jesus. This will burn off all the fuel Satan wants to use and put it to good use.
By yielding our tongue to the Lord Jesus, who alone can control it, we can put out the harmful fires of slander and gossip that stir up strife.
