Modern Family Pt. 1 – Give and Get
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but “Leave it to Beaver” has left, Mayberry is a distant memory, and the Waltons have said, “goodnight!” The day we live is different. The climate has changed. This modern age has impacted and shaped our families. And as we are seeing now the goal of this modern age is not really to shape but to redefine family. Unfortunately, we will never be able to go back to yesterday. Therefore, we must learn to deal with today and tomorrow. However, even though we are in the modern age I believe there are still some old truths that modern family's need today.
There are some basic beliefs that we have to have going into this series. We must be agreed upon on these items:
1. Marriage/Family matters to God and more specifically your marriage and your family matters to Him. Not only did He institute the first marriage and family He is involved in yours right now. Three’s company . . . there isn’t one marriage/family in this room that God isn’t intertwined in. It is just that there are moments when we are more aware of Him and times we are less aware of Him.
2. Happily ever after doesn't have to be a fairy tale but does require hard and consistent work. You don't stumble into a perfect marriage or family. A bad marriage only becomes a good marriage with work. A good marriage only becomes a great marriage with work! A difficult family life only turns around through hard work!
In this series we are going to talk about some very important things that will help your family to be better. However, before we do that I want to share a word from the Lord that I feel like we need to address first!
Text: Genesis 20:1-18
1-2 Abraham traveled from there south to the Negev and settled down between Kadesh and Shur. While he was camping in Gerar, Abraham said of his wife Sarah, “She’s my sister.”
2-3 So Abimelech, king of Gerar, sent for Sarah and took her. But God came to Abimelech in a dream that night and told him, “You’re as good as dead—that woman you took, she’s a married woman.”
4-5 Now Abimelech had not yet slept with her, hadn’t so much as touched her. He said, “Master, would you kill an innocent man? Didn’t he tell me, ‘She’s my sister’? And didn’t she herself say, ‘He’s my brother’? I had no idea I was doing anything wrong when I did this.”
6-7 God said to him in the dream, “Yes, I know your intentions were pure, that’s why I kept you from sinning against me; I was the one who kept you from going to bed with her. So now give the man’s wife back to him. He’s a prophet and will pray for you—pray for your life. If you don’t give her back, know that it’s certain death both for you and everyone in your family.”
8-9 Abimelech was up first thing in the morning. He called all his house servants together and told them the whole story. They were shocked. Then Abimelech called in Abraham and said, “What have you done to us? What have I ever done to you that you would bring on me and my kingdom this huge offense? What you’ve done to me ought never to have been done.”
10 Abimelech went on to Abraham, “Whatever were you thinking of when you did this thing?”
11-13 Abraham said, “I just assumed that there was no fear of God in this place and that they’d kill me to get my wife. Besides, the truth is that she is my half sister; she’s my father’s daughter but not my mother’s. When God sent me out as a wanderer from my father’s home, I told her, ‘Do me a favor; wherever we go, tell people that I’m your brother.’”
14-15 Then Abimelech gave Sarah back to Abraham, and along with her sent sheep and cattle and servants, both male and female. He said, “My land is open to you; live wherever you wish.”
16 And to Sarah he said, “I’ve given your brother a thousand pieces of silver—that clears you of even a shadow of suspicion before the eyes of the world. You’re vindicated.”
17-18 Then Abraham prayed to God and God healed Abimelech, his wife and his maidservants, and they started having babies again. For God had shut down every womb in Abimelech’s household on account of Sarah, Abraham’s wife. (I could once again preach that what you do impacts others!)
1. We give our marriages and families away!
Abraham gave his marriage away! He did it to protect himself. When you hear him tell it doesn’t it sound logical? But any way you slice, dice, or examine it . . . he gave away his wife!
This account took place thousands of years ago but it sounds like today. It sounds modern. Too many of us give our marriages/families away. The reasoning may even sound good. The excuses sound logical (although logical doesn’t equal good or right).
a. I had to make a living.
b. I couldn’t let anyone hurt me ever again.
c. I needed space.
d. We just grew apart.
e. I am too busy.
The result of the daily choices with our time, our attention, energy, effort result in us giving our marriage/families away. We trade it in for money! We trade it in for selfish ambition and for success.
Abraham made excuses but the truth is he still put his family at risk! What would have happened if the king had not heard from God? What would the cost have been? What would the result have been if the king had continued to pursue a relationship with Sarai? Death to him. Possibly death to Abraham when the king’s family found out what he had done.
Oh, by the way, Abraham had done this once before in Genesis 12 when he went to Egypt to find food during a famine. What you give away once is easier to give away the next time!
You felt guilty the first time. You couldn’t sleep the first time you checked out. Your stomach was upset the first time! The first time there was pain, there was division, there was distance, or you were headed different directions. But now you give your marriage/family away and never even hesitate! You can go months without interaction. Months without meaningful conversation. Months without intimacy and there is not 2nd thought or pause.
Abraham literally put his wife and his family at great risk to save his own neck. I wonder how many of us are putting our spouse and our families at great risk to make us feel better, successful, fulfilled, attractive, wanted, or needed? We run away from home and never leave the house!
Some of us need to have an Abraham moment where someone looks us square in the eyes and says, “What were you thinking when you did this thing?”
Have you lost your mind? Is this risk really worth the end result? Is the bigger paycheck really worth losing your intimacy? Are the goose bumps of the flirting really worth the pain it will cause him? Is the glimpse of her fake body on the screen really worth the incredible damage it will do to the trust level in your spouse? Yeah the stuff you just bought makes you feel complete and confident, but it scares the mess out of him because he is concerned about the bills piled up on the desk! What are you thinking?
You are literally giving your marriage/family away one choice, one assumption, one selfish moment at a time.
Selfishness in a marriage/family will kill a marriage/family. That is why we are told to prefer one another over ourselves! That is why the husband is told to love their wife like Christ loved the church and give himself for her.
Abraham was worried more about his own neck than he was about his wife! He avoided risk and put her at risk! Adam put Eve at risk by allowing her to have encounter with the enemy without him there to protect her. And the generations that have followed continue to pay the high price for his comfort!
Refuse to leave your spouse and children exposed to risk! Don’t give your marriage/family away!
2. God can/will give you your marriage and families back!
I want you to notice something . . . Abraham didn’t even realize he had done anything wrong until he was confronted. God in His great love for marriage/family steps in and restores their relationship. God gives the king a command . . . “Give him his wife back!”
In this modern day God can still utter and issue the same command. Give them their love back. Give them their trust back. Give them their desire back. Give them their family back. Give them their marriage back!
If God can step in and deal with a heathen (although upright) king and instruct him to restore the marriage, then He can step in today and override your work schedule, your lust, your laziness, your anger, your pain. He can and will turn anything and everything around that needs to be altered to get you your marriage/family back if you will allow Him to do it. And while He does it he can even bring a blessing to you.
A damaged marriage doesn't have to equate to a doomed marriage. A broken family doesn’t have to equate to a busted family! God still has the ability to bind up the broken and turn hopeless situations around.
Notice that in spite of his bad choices God not only gives Abraham his wife back (untouched – maybe that is the prayer we should be praying – God give me my husband back, by wife back, my kids back untouched) but also blesses him in the process. In other words, God can restore your marriage and you can be better off than you were before you made the stupid decision. God can heal the hurtful words that were spoken in anger and bring health back to your family. God can overturn all the evil and make it good. God can set you up in a stronger financial place after the mistake!
This passage reveals God’s level of commitment to our marriage/family. I will trust His level of commitment to our marriage/family even when I can’t trust yours! Some of you need to rest in this truth today. God is working on your marriage/family. He is actively involved! You have your part to do but He is on the job too!
God can protect your marriage even in the middle of bad choices. God can bless your family right in the middle of a mistake! Even if you feel like you are stuck in a rut. Even if your relationship isn't what you thought it would or should be. Even though pain has been inflicted and hope seems hopeless. Right in the middle of your modern family an ancient but timeless God can still give you your relationship back.
Prayer – some men who are giving it away. Women who are giving it away. Kids giving it away.
Spouses that want it back. Families that want God to restore back to them what they have given up!
