Where do you find it most difficult to live out the Christian life?
On the job? On the golf course? Around non believers? During traffic jams?
How about at home? What makes it difficult to live like Christ at home?
When Amy and I first got married, we had never had a major argument. I’ll never forget our first major argument that took place one month after we said, “I do.” We both got mad over some pretty small things, but our anger towards one another escalated! We had never had any heated disagreements before so we didn’t know exactly how to handle it.
Needless to say, we didn’t handle it the Christ-like way, and our tempers flared for an hour or so, and we said things we didn’t need to say.
Eventually, we both came to our senses and acknowledged to each other that we both had a part in that argument. We were so thankful to be back in each others good grace once more!
You do know the three rings of marriage? 1 - Engagement Ring, 2 - Wedding Ring, & 3 - Suffering
I’m thankful to be married to a loving, forgiving, Christ-centered woman. How do couples make it without Christ at the center? It’s difficult to have a solid Christian home with Jesus and I can only image trying to do life without Christ at the center.
Rest assured, there will be difficult times in living the Christian life at home. You have an enemy who is doing all he can to steal, kill, and destroy your home and testimony. On top of that, you are still not Mr. and Mrs. Perfect.
You may feel that there is no hope for your family, but there is always hope, because we worship and serve the God of all hope.
Will you allow Jesus to be at the center of your home life? Will you allow Jesus to be first place in your family?
Joshua 24:15 – “If it is disagreeable in your sight to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves today whom you will serve: whether the gods which your fathers served which were beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living; but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”
Let’s discover the Apostle Peter’s timeless principles when it comes to improving all relationships at home.
1 – Wives, Focus on Your Christ-like Behavior
3:1-2 - “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands, so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.”
My wife is very attractive to me. I think she is stunning. She won Miss Dublin in her early 20’s and is simply a beautiful lady.
Do you know what attracted me to Amy more than anything? It was her walk with Jesus. It’s how she loved to serve the Lord. It’s how she spends time seeking to know Christ better and better and how she lives to make Him known.
3:2 – “…be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word…”
Being a Christian means that we first and foremost have submitted to Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior of our lives. We are not over him, calling the shots, but He is first in our lives, leading the way. We are submitted to Him, His will, and His way.
A rebellious wife that is not submitted to Christ and to her husband is a recipe for disaster in the home. A wife that is surrendered to Christ and to her husband is a recipe for harmony and hope in the family.
Even if the husband is not a believer in Christ, a godly wife’s attitude may be the key to opening his heart to the Lord.
Nagging is certainly not the best way to win an unsaved husband to the Lord. Nagging is also not the best way to improve relationships at home.
One of our friends from a previous church wanted her husband to be saved and come to know Jesus as his Lord and Savior. For forty years she prayed and did all she could to get him to turn to the Lord, but he wouldn’t.
He had all the typical excuses: Church is full of hypocrites, I’m just as good as those people in the church, God hasn’t done anything special for me, etc.
Betty was wise in her witness toward her husband. Over all these years she kept loving, serving, encouraging him, without beating him over the head with a Bible.
I’ll never forget the night that Roddy came to faith in Jesus Christ. Our church rejoiced like we had never rejoiced before because we knew only the Lord God Almighty could reach down and change his unbelieving heart. We were so happy that Betty got to see her number one prayer request answered after all these years!
What if Betty would have thrown in the towel and given up? What if her faith became weak and she said, "God, this is pointless. I’m no longer believing You and I’m no longer going to submit to your will." I’m thankful she didn’t and oh, the encouragement it brought to all of our lives to see God at work. This lesson taught us all about remaining submitted to Christ, being persistent and never giving up.
Hebrews 11:6 - And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.
"For marriage and family relationships to run smoothly, there must be one appointed leader - and God has appointed the husband and father. The wife should willingly follow her husband’s leadership in Christ, acknowledging that this is his responsibility. Submission does not mean blind obedience, nor does it mean inferiority. A wife who accepts her husband’s authority is accepting the relationship that God has designed and giving her husband leadership and responsibility." Life Application Bible Commentary, 1 & 2 Peter, Jude
3:3-4 - Your adornment must not be merely external - braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
Why do we feel such pressure to appear right on the outside, but do little to be right on the inside?
Modesty is an awesome attitude Christian wives can display. Too many women come to church to draw attention to themselves instead of dressing in a way that honors God.
I know God cares more for the inside than what’s on the outside. I know some people prefer to wear more casual clothes to worship and others prefer to dress up. I know a lady can look wonderful on the outside, but be a mess on the inside and the opposite is true, too.
But, women, what is your motivation behind what you wear? To draw people to you or to honor God?
While a wife should desire to be both outwardly and inwardly attractive to her husband, Peter says that she should not major on how she looks externally, but rather, on her internal character. External beauty is something that comes from the store, but internal beauty is something that comes from the soul.
Where does the world tell women there real beauty comes from? The world will say, "It’s your hair...it’s your jewelry...it’s your wardrobe."
Ladies, take care of your inner attitudes before God. What is truly beautiful is your godly spirit, it’s the way you love and serve the Lord, it’s the way God uses you to reach your family for Jesus, it’s the way you live your life out in Christ.
Proverbs 11:22 - As a ring of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion.
Proverbs 31:30 - Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
Ladies, there is nothing wrong with wanting to look your best. But remember, what makes you valuable first and foremost is your relationship to God through Jesus Christ.
There is something awesome about a lady that is quiet, gentle, peaceful, and rich in Christ. Not only is that kind of lady precious to her husband, but also to God.
3:5-6 - For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.
Sarah respected Abraham even to the point of calling him lord, or master. Christian women must not be frightened but rather trust God to take care of them.
Genesis 18:9-15 - "Then they said to him, “Where is Sarah your wife?” And he said, “There, in the tent.” He said, “I will surely return to you at this time next year; and behold, Sarah your wife will have a son.” And Sarah was listening at the tent door, which was behind him. Now Abraham and Sarah were old, advanced in age; Sarah was past childbearing. Sarah laughed to herself, saying, “After I have become old, shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?” And the Lord said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh, saying, ‘Shall I indeed bear a child, when I am so old?’ Is anything too difficult for the Lord? At the appointed time I will return to you, at this time next year, and Sarah will have a son.” Sarah denied it however, saying, “I did not laugh”; for she was afraid. And He said, “No, but you did laugh.”
"A final cautionary note before leaving this section involves women in abusive and dangerous situations. Peter did not address women who were being threatened with harm by an abusive husband. There is no obligation to submit to sinful acts that degrade and hurt. This passage was never intended to be used to encourage women to willingly submit to abusive treatment." Explore the Bible, Adult Commentary, 1 & 2 Peter, Jude
2 - Husbands, Focus on a Limitless Love
3:7 - You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
My dad love my mom. He treated her with utmost respect and compassion. He opened the doors for her. He often asked her what her desires for entertainment, places to eat, places to visit, were. He put her first above each of us and we knew they had a special relationship.
One day, as a child, I put my mother down in front of my dad, and that was the last time I ever did such a thing. I learned that it’s wrong to put down my mother and if I ever did again, there would be a heavy price to pay!
What an excellent role model my dad was for me as a husband to my mom. I want my boys to see the way I treat Amy and know that’s the way it’s to be done.
David Dykes helps us as husbands know the "cure" for meeting our wives needs.
Every wife needs to be CHERISHED.
Every wife needs to be UNDERSTOOD.
Every wife needs to be RESPECTED.
Every wife needs to be EMBRACED.
One couple went to a marriage counselor for help. The counselor observed that the husband was showing no affection to his wife. He tried explaining the matter to the husband but he still didn’t seem to get it. So the counselor decided an example was needed. The counselor walked around his desk, put his arms around the man’s wife and kissed her right on the mouth. He looked at the husband and said, "Your wife needs that at least three times a week." The husband asked, "Which three days should I bring her in?" Some men just don’t understand the need for closeness. And that might be said about some wives as well.
A powerful, positive, purposeful home for the Lord does not happen automatically. Men, we have to be men of understanding and become that husband of understanding toward our wives.
Some principles used in strong marriages would include: Staying connected through the day (even in small ways such as a phone call, a message, a note). Keeping an element of surprise in the relationship. Keeping the passion alive. Being positive. Laughing and enjoying time together.
We are to value, honor, prize, and count as precious the wonderful wife the Lord has given us.
Proverbs 5:18 - May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
Some men think they are really being strong when they put down their wives, make fun of their cooking, talk about how they’ve gained weight since marriage, etc. That is not godly, that is wimpy. It does not make you look strong to put down your wife, it makes you look like a fool.
Can you imagine what our homes would look like if men loved their wives by caring for and meeting their needs? If men would appreciate their wives enough to put down ESPN or their video games and sought to meet their wives needs for compassion and communication?
Can you imagine what our homes would look like if wives respected their husbands enough to let them lead? If wives continually developed their inner lives of a quiet, peaceful, gentle spirit?
The best husband is one who is seeking to follow Christ and serving his wife, family the way He served others.
Jesus love is a sacrificial love. Jesus love is a selfless love. Jesus love is a sanctifying love.
Can you imagine would would happen if husbands and wives both sought the Lord together?
1 Peter 3:7b - so that your prayers will not be hindered.
Matthew 5:23-24 - Therefore if you are presenting your [a]offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your [b]offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.
Ephesians 5:25-28 - Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself.
Husbands, if we want to have heavenly homes, we must treat our wives right. We must pray for, honor, serve, and love them as Christ does for us.
3 - Everyone, Focus on Being a Blessing
I think we all dream of a home where everyone was perfectly neat. Every bed would be made. Every shirt would be hung neatly. Every meal would be our favorite. Every bill would be taken care of. Every conversation would be encouraging, hope filled, and loving. There would be no problems, no disagreements, no hurts or pains.
If that is our expectation, we’ll be continually disappointed bc that’s just not the way it is. However, our relationships can improve and our homes can be an awesome witness for Christ to all if our relationships are centered in Jesus.
1 Peter 3:8-9 - To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.
Warren Wiersbe says, "As Christians, we can live one one of three levels.
1 - The satanic level - Return evil for good
2 - The human level - Return evil for evil and good for good
3 - The divine level - Return good for evil
1 Peter 3:10-12 - “The one who desires life, to love and see good days,
must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit. “He must turn away from evil and do good; He must seek peace and pursue it. “For the eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous, and His ears attend to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”
James 3:8-10 - But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way.
Who is the meanest member in the body of Christ? It’s the tongue.
Why is it so important to watch what we say? What would happen if each person in our family spoke words of blessing, faith, hope, encouragement, instead of words of deep anger, lies, gossip, criticism, ridicule, etc.?
Our words have the power to build up and tear down and that’s so crucial to homes that seek to improve in the Lord.
Our middle child, Nathan, is not the easiest child to raise up. We love him so much and he’s precious to us. God has gifted him with unique gifts and he has the heart to share and love others. However, when he gets going into those tantrums and fits, I can easily say things that will wound him.
The best way I know how to do avoid wounding him with poisonous words is to remember what God calls me, though I am far from a picture of perfect obedience to Him.
He calls me and every single child of His, "Son/Daughter," "Dearly Loved, "Holy," "Accepted in the beloved," "Righteous," "Blameless," "Bought with a price."
I must continually remind myself of these truths and share them with my children. Their identity is first and foremost in Christ who loves them so much that He laid down His life for them.
My parents told me, "David, you can be and do anything you want to be or do with God’s help." I tell my own children the same thing today. What a blessing!
I’ll never forget their blessing and support. When times are tough, I often think of words my family, friends, ministers have spoken to me and that fires me up to move forward in Christ.
We must have the right attitudes in our homes if our relationships are going to improve. That’s why it’s so important that we seek to spend time with Jesus and become more like Him each day, starting in the home.
What if this awesome prayer from the Bible became our personal prayer and prayer for our home life.
Ephesians 3:14-21 - For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.
Our relationships at home can improve if we ask Jesus to be Lord of our lives and homes. It’s not our power, but Christ’s power that is working in each life that will make all the difference.
1 - Wives, Focus on Christ-like behavior
2 - Husbands, Focus on Limitless Love
3 - Everyone, Focus on Being a Blessing
