1 Corinthians 7:32-40 Single vs. Married
11/2/03 D. Marion Clark
Introduction
I’ve almost made it! I’ve waded through the swampy water of chapter 7 and the dry bank is before me. Just one more slippery step to take, one more dangerous issue. Which is better: to be single or to be married? As all married men know, I must choose my words carefully!
If we had to choose a theme for chapter seven it would be to serve the Lord in whatever condition one may be. As a follower of Christ, faithfully carry out the responsibilities that belong to your circumstance. Thus, (1-5) married couples should perform their conjugal duties. Singles (6-9) should not become fixated with getting married. The married (10-11) should not separate, even (12-16) when married to unbelievers. Indeed, instead of thinking what we could do if conditions were changed (17-24), we should be focused on living for the Lord in our present condition. In light of living in the age in which Christ may return at anytime (25-31), we need to make each day count for the Lord.
Our text continues the topic begun in verse 25. What should engaged couples do? Paul has given his counsel. He thinks, considering the present times, it is best to stay single (v. 26), if that is one’s condition. Verses 27-31 then give his reasoning based on his perspective of living in the end time. Our text continues the discussion, this time presenting practical matters to consider.
Text
I want you to be free from anxieties. Paul, the pastor, is speaking. He cares for his people. He wants what is best for them. In this case, he is concerned about the anxieties or concerns that people face in life. He wants them to be free from anxieties. Don’t we all! With that intent he gives his counsel to singles engaged to be married.
The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 33 But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, 34 and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. 35 I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.
Paul gets straight to the point. Single people are free to devote their attention to pleasing the Lord. Unlike married persons, they do not have to add the needs and wishes of their spouses to the equation.
Having said this, he does permit marriage for the same reason mentioned in verse 9 – sexual temptation. 36 If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin.
Paul recognizes the reality of sexual passion and understands that one reason for marriage is to put such passions in their proper context. However, he believes that having the ability to restrain such passions and remain single is better for living for the Lord.
37 But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. 38 So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.
Note the important caveats for the betrothed to staying single. (We need to make the point that Paul is speaking to singles engaged to be married. They have a choice. They are not singles who are unattached. If we forget this point, this counsel is very frustrating for singles who desire marriage but have not “found” the right person.)
First, this commitment to the single life should be firmly established in his heart and has determined this in his heart. He or she should not make a rash decision because of being made to feel guilty, that he would be a lesser servant by getting marriage. He or she needs to have thought this through carefully. No one should make such a decision because others have compelled him or her to do so. The decision needs to be a free one and one that the person makes with confidence and desire.
Second, he must have his desire under control. Like Paul, he must be satisfied in his single condition and not constantly struggling to control his sexual passion or his desire for married companionship.
Again, Paul does not want anyone refraining from marriage because they feel pressured to do so. He wants no one thinking that they are making a great sacrifice. They should make their choice freely, with a clear conscience that they are serving and pleasing the Lord.
He then concludes by revisiting the case of the widowed: 39 A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. 40 Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.
Once again, one is bound in a marriage to remain married. In this case, the wife is free from that binding once her husband is deceased. Then, she is not bound to the previous marital vows, but may remarry. Even so, Paul gives his opinion, based on the circumstances the Corinthians are facing and on his personal experience, that she will be happier single.
Lessons
What now are we to make of this passage? I hope you are not missing the irony this text puts us in. In our society, particularly our Christian community, singles are made to feel second-class. Marriage, we teach, is a blessed sacred union. And really, what’s wrong with folks who can’t find a marriage partner? Here, we married persons are put on the defensive. Paul states clearly that he believes one is doing better to remain single, that one can more easily serve and be devoted to the Lord, indeed, that one will be happier. He does concede that getting married is not sin, but he comes across as pitying those who must marry. You wouldn’t want Paul presiding over your marriage ceremony. He stands before the couple at the altar and sighs, “Dearly beloved, we feel for this couple who couldn’t withstand temptation and now must resort to marriage. It’s the best they could do.”
Actually, we know that Paul had a high view of marriage. It is he who speaks of marriage as the symbol of Christ’s relationship with the church (cf. Ephesians 5:22-33). It is because he had a high regard for marriage that he gives the advice that he does here. Consider what he writes in Ephesians:
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church (5:22-29).
It is not difficult to pick up that for Paul marriage means full commitment for both spouses to one another. Marriage is not a mere partnership; it is a union. And the commitment must reflect the commitment the church has to Christ and Christ to the church. With that in mind, Paul says what he does about divided interests.
One might object to the insinuation of this counsel. Is Paul contending that singles, by virtue of being single, are more devoted to God? Is it not a false dichotomy to make, since a married person serves God by serving his spouse and children? In a Christian marriage, the spouse should not be thinking how to divide service – some to God and some to spouse – but instead should see how service to God involves service to spouse.
And, do singles also not have responsibility to think of others? They also have family and friends. When it comes to making choices, should they not also think about how those choices affect others?
All of the above is true, but this scripture passage is one place where the writer is saying Let’s be practical. A helpful book in sorting out the issues of being single is Fine China is for Single Women Too, by Lydia Brownback. In this matter of freedom as a single woman, she writes:
Being set apart for God also enables us to serve God unhindered in a greater diversity of ways than married women can. A wife and mother’s primary means of serving is the care and nurture of her husband and children, and when this is done thoroughly and well, there is little time left for other types of service. As a single woman I have time to write books, lead one or two women’s Bible studies, make meals for families in my church, and work full time. Paul was clear: marriage forces women to focus on the affairs of this life. To do otherwise in marriage means that we are not fulfilling our marriage vows. Focusing elsewhere – even on ministry activities – can interfere with the married woman’s primary calling as wife and mother. It is an act of obedience for a married woman to serve God and her family; obedience for the sing woman lies solely in serving God.
Those of us who are married (and happily, I might add!) understand what Paul is talking about. We can easily make a list of ways in which marriage makes choices more complex.
Providing a home is one. The single man only has to consider his convenience. The married man must give thought to the interests and desires of his wife. What does she want? What makes her comfortable? Consider where one lives. The single woman need only consider where she wants to live. The married woman usually follows where her husband finds work. Consider work. Should a single person come to me for counsel because of being restless at work, I have no qualms concurring if he or she wants to leave the job and go elsewhere. Be careful of risks, but being single gives a person freedom to take risks. If a married man comes to me with the same issue, I may concur that it would be good to change jobs, but will counsel him not to leave his present job until he has another one. He does not have the freedom to put his wife and children in financial jeopardy just because he fills unsatisfied.
The list could go on, but you see the point. It is about freedom to make choices. The single person may think, How may I serve God? The married person must think, How may I serve God and meet my responsibilities as a husband or wife, father or mother? Let me read again from Brownback of how this lesson was learned by a single woman.
While Tara remained single, her brother and his wife settled into a big house in the suburbs and became parents. Tara was suited to her more cosmopolitan lifestyle, but she envied what he had. Driving home from family visits she would think wistfully about how easy life was for them. They never had to worry about spending a Saturday night alone, or any night, for that matter. And how blessed was her sister-in-law to be a wife and mother living a life of domesticity – so much easier than the demands of earning a living!
Tara’s urban life, formerly a source of pleasure, paled as she focused on her brother’s big yard, so peaceful and quiet. So much room for gardening and backyard barbeques. Her little apartment lost a bit of its charm and appeal each time she made a visit to her brother’s home….
It wasn’t until she and her brother were spending a rare moment alone one evening that Tara’ outlook changed…. Tara had gone up to visit that day and went out to keep her brother company while he grilled. As she felt the breeze and absorbed the suburban silence, she commented on how lucky he was to have all that. She admitted to him how she envied his life.
“That’s funny,” he said, flipping a burger. “I envy your life! Every waking hour I have is spent taking care of other people. I go to work and please my boss. I come home and tend to the needs of my family and this house. On weekends I have to grab all the time I can with the kids since I get so little time during the week. I have to mow the lawn and stock up at Home Depot. I have no time to myself except when I’m driving to and from work.
“You, on the other hand, have so much discretionary time! Once work is over, every weekend, every evening, is all your own. You can stay home, go out, cook what you want for dinner without considering what someone else wants to eat. You can sleep late on Saturday morning because there aren’t kids climbing into your bed as the sun comes up. The grass is always greener, I guess…”
The green grass of the single person is freedom. That is certainly what the married person envies. But we must not lose sight of what the Bible says about freedom. Most of what has been said, the world would heartily agree with. Free to do what I want, to live the way I want to live. Amen to that! What is so wonderful about the sexual revolution is that marriage is no longer considered necessary to handle that need.
That is not the purpose of the freedom. Its purpose is for freely serving the Lord. Look again at what Paul said: The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord…. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit….I say this for your own benefit... to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.
Singles, how are you using your freedom to serve the Lord? What are you doing now that you could not do if you were married? You should be able to answer that question. If you cannot think of anything, you need to re-examine how you are living your life. As we spoke of two weeks ago, don’t be caught wasting time. Now, in your present condition, you ought to be serving the Lord.
To the married, how are you using your marital and family responsibility to serve the Lord? You may not have the freedom of your single brothers and sisters, but you have been given marriage and family for the purpose of glorifying God through them. What are you doing for your marriage and family, and how are you as a married couple and as a family serving the Lord? Even a family is not allowed to be selfish. How together are you serving the kingdom of God?
Quite often marriage and family deter kingdom service. I know of individuals intending to serve as missionaries, but then they got married and priorities shifted. More often, couples plan to go on the mission field, but children come along and the plans change. Sometimes the reason is that they became more concerned about the cares of the world. Sometimes it is for very practical reasons: a spouse or child becomes ill. One’s aspirations for mission work must then be set aside. It gets complicated. Rightly or wrongly, decision making is not so easy.
To conclude, how focused are you on being devoted to the Lord and to serving him? Whether single or married, how intent are you on serving the Lord in your circumstance? If single, are you using your freedom wisely for the Lord? If married, are you exercising your responsibilities wisely for the Lord? That is what living – single or married – is about. Consider this: God the Son freely gave up his freedom to become our servant. He desired to do his Father’s will, and he desired to bring redemption to his people. Praise God that he used freedom to become a servant; praise God that such freedom was true joy. We have set free in Christ; let us not become slaves to the world yet again, but use our freedom to serve joyfully the kingdom of our Lord.
