1 Corinthians 7:6-9 Sex and the Single
9/14/03 D. Marion Clark
Introduction
I feel like a person wading through swampy water. Each step further feels like I am sinking into territory I don’t want to be in. I would like to turn around, but now that I have started I must go on. That is how I feel with chapter 7. Going back to the two sermons that completed chapter 6, this will be my fourth sermon in a row on sexual issues. I’m only glad I took a break in the summer. But what lies before me are some of the most difficult passages to understand. One reason has to do with textual issues: What do certain words mean? What is going on in Corinth that Paul is addressing? What is his train of thought? Is he bouncing from one subject to another? Is there a common thread running through the verses?
The other reason it is difficult to reach a consensus of what is being said is the emotion that the issues engender. Sex is a difficult issue to discuss, not merely because it can be embarrassing. It is one thing to admonish couples to “do their duty”; it is another for a spouse to hear such instruction when he or she is in a bad marriage. I am about to teach a passage that speaks of sex and the single. I will try to be sensitive, but undoubtedly some things said will stir up bad memories or present struggles. For the next two weeks our subjects will cover divorce and remarriage, and unequal marriages, i.e. in which one spouse is a Christian and the other is not.
Now would be a good time to make a disclaimer. I do not preach to individuals; I preach to a congregation. What I mean by that is I do not prepare my messages as a retort to any individual person. And I never single out a person while preaching. While preparing sermons, I will at times think of individuals and how certain subjects may apply to what I know about them. I may even mold what I say to be applicable for a person or anticipate what questions someone may raise. But I will not alter the direction I think the scripture text is going, nor devote a lot of time to the concerns of one individual. For one thing, the person may not even be in the service that Sunday, which would waste a lot of effort. But my responsibility is to pastor the whole flock on Sunday morning and not use valuable time to focus on an individual.
Having said that, I know I have done my job (or I should say, the Holy Spirit is doing his job) when each of you asks, “Is he thinking about me?” You ought to be suspicious! I will let you in on a secret. If a particular person is on my mind when I make a statement, I never look at the person while making it. If my eyes fell on you, you are safe. Let’s take our next step now in the murky water.
Text
Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. Say what? In verse 5 he gave couples permission to abstain from sexual relations for prayer. That, he notes, is a concession and not to be taken as a command for couples to abstain. He wants to be careful here, because it is easy to be misunderstood. For married couples, sex is good and natural; even engaging in a spiritual discipline should not be treated as an excuse to abstain.
But what about Paul? Is he not celibate? Has he not taught that celibacy is good? Evidently he did teach in Corinth that it is, and he still holds to that teaching. He thus turns to himself: 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. What is Paul? He is a single, celibate man happy in his state. Indeed, he is so content he wishes everyone else could be as he. Paul will explain later the benefits of the single life. Right now he is clarifying what should be the proper attitude about sex in both the married and single state. As evidenced by 6:12-7:5, the Corinth believers are mixed up on the subject.
He is explaining that sexual impulses are not bad, but legitimate instincts that are appropriately satisfied within marriage. Those who are married should not feel ashamed of such passions and, indeed, should expect to give of themselves physically to their spouses. One does not become more spiritual by abstention. On the other hand, celibacy outside marriage is good. Paul lives such a life and is pleased that he has the gift to do so. He wishes everyone could have it.
That Paul’s celibacy is a gift is to the point. As he says, But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. In referring to celibacy as a gift, Paul means for it to refer not merely to being single, but to be free from the pull that sexual impulses place on most people to act out their desires. We will discuss spiritual gifts when we come to chapter 12, but suffice it for now to say that one of the characteristics of a gift is that it does not require a great deal of effort to exercise. A teacher should not find teaching repugnant, nor someone with the gift of service find serving others demeaning work. A person with the gift of giving should not struggle with letting go of money. Likewise, someone with the gift of celibacy should not be plagued with sexual impulses, robbing him or her of the joy of living the single life. Paul is a sinner like anyone else, and the sin of adultery would be a temptation for him as are the other sins of the Ten Commandments. Nevertheless, it is not a particular sin to wrestle with as it would be with most people. This is a gift God has given him because of the work God has given him to do.
Again, Paul likes the gift. It frees him to devote his attention and energy to God’s kingdom work. Thus, he thinks others who are free from marriage should see the blessing of such a life. 8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. It is good to remain single. Paul vouches for it. It may be that the “unmarried” in this verse denotes widowers. Regardless, however, of being married before, Paul thinks the single life to a good, even a preferred, way to live in order to serve God’s kingdom.
9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion.
Though Paul votes the single life as the way to go, again, he recognizes that others do not share his spiritual gift of celibacy that protects them from being aflame with passion. Thus, in their case, it is better to marry. There is no shame in doing so.
Lessons
Let’s review what we have learned. Marriage is good and singleness is good. We do not need to disparage one or the other. A person has not settled for second class spirituality by choosing marriage, nor has he or she demonstrated a carnal baseness for desiring physical relations with another. Indeed, such impulses are natural and God has provided marriage as the appropriate setting to enjoy such relations.
Likewise, singleness is good and is not a sign that God has withheld his blessing from the single person. It is not a curse to live the single life. Indeed, Paul, though he would not have described it as the superior life, nevertheless, he thought it had more advantages for service to God.
Now, let’s get to that question that many Christian singles want to ask. How does the single person who does not possess the gift of celibacy handle singleness? It is find for Paul to say get married, but what if marriage is not an option, at least for the time being. How does a 17 year-old handle singleness? How does a 27 year-old with no prospects handle it, and on we could go. It is especially difficult in our present culture to deal with sexual temptation. Sex is pushed in front of our faces and blasted in our ears everyday. It is on primetime TV, PG-13 movies, newspaper ads, grocery store magazines, and store and street ads. It is suggested in the average clothing of young women and many men. It is proclaimed and joked about on most radio stations. It is the theme of rock and pop music.
The sexual revolution begun in the sixties is over. The battle over sexual mores has been won by the libertines. The result is that most single people are not only sexually active, but those who are not are classified as repressed or just too ugly. Sex is good to be practiced with any willing partner or partners. Perhaps the only unapproved form is when it is against the will of a partner, but then, how do we really know when a person is not truly willing? Many a rape victim has lost a court case over that question. Sex is too prevalent, too expected in our society for any single person to not be affected. It has become accepted as part of a good, moral, healthy life.
How can the Christian single counteract the onslaught against his or her sensitivities? First of all, know where you stand. What does scripture teach? It teaches that sex outside marriage is sexual immorality, and it does not waver on this. There is no recognition of sexual relations outside of marriage as being legitimate. There are many examples of illicit relations, including David and Solomon, but they are not condoned.
Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality…I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God (Galatians 5:19-21).
For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality…All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person” (Mark 7:21-23).
Jesus and Paul who made these statements are merely enforcing the accepted code of sexual conduct established in the Jewish scriptures. Critics charge the Bible and Jewish tradition with stifling sexuality because of the scriptures insistence that sex be reserved for marriage only. However, we may want to respond, they are right in noting that nowhere does the Bible recognize sexual expression outside the marriage bed. In a discussion with a person advocating moral homosexuality, she contested that scripture failed to address the situation of committed, loving homosexual relations, but instead restricted itself to “sinful” situations such as homosexual prostitution. What I said to her about homosexuality applies also to nonmarital sexuality. Scripture treats sin harshly. It does not consider mitigating circumstances such as “loving relationships” or “being sincere.”
This leads to the second step to take: understand where the world stands. The world justifies behavior by appealing to the heart. Is love involved? Are we sincere in trying to do the right thing? Actually, the real question is merely Are we sincere in not wanting to hurt someone. Neither love nor a desire to do or be good is considered a necessary motive in sexual relations. Feeling and intention define for the world right and wrong. This is called moral relativism. And what I said about the sexual revolution is true of the moral revolution. The battle is over and relative or situational ethics has won. This is the moral philosophy of the day. The Christian ethic of moral absolutes has been toppled.
Not only has the Christian ethic been overthrown, it has been taken captive and recast in the world’s mold. There is a growing movement of “new insight” into what scripture teaches about homosexuality, nonmarital sexual relations, and ethics in general. Wearing the eyeglasses of feeling and sincerity, they contend that passages which condemn nonmarital and homosexual relations are really condemning unloving and hypocritical acts. Though they cannot find any scripture to condone these “extra relations,” they still appeal to passages about love and reinterpret them to apply to today’s “enlightened” understanding of human sexuality. And many Christians have bought into it. Listen to these figures taken from the Barna Research Group. Only 32% of Americans claiming to be born-again say they believe in moral absolutes. The figure is 9% for Christian teenagers. The world has won. It no longer has to contend against scripture; it has altered the way we read our own scripture so that, lo and behold, the world and scripture see morals the same way!
We’ve talked about this before. The problem with such a philosophy is that it ignores the fundamental fact of living as fallen people in a fallen world. Our hearts are marred; they are not healthy. We cannot depend on them to be accurate or truthful. The world in which we live is sick. What is good it views as bad; what is bad it views as good. It takes what is good and perverts it to either make it bad or seem bad. It takes what is bad and disguises it to seem good.
Once you know where scripture and the world stand, you – married or single – must decide with which you will stand. We Christians like to talk about taking a stand for Christ; here is your chance. As Americans, we face little real opportunity to be persecuted. Here is your opportunity, especially you singles, to be slandered, laughed at, and ostracized for following the teachings of Christ’s kingdom. You don’t need to condemn others for sexual immorality. Merely strive to be morally pure and you will reap your share of scorn. We are past the era in which you would have been respected for your principles, at least in the area of sexuality. Here is your opportunity to be a fool for Christ. I mean this seriously. It is an honor to be counted a fool for Jesus Christ.
Here further is your opportunity to demonstrate that your greatest passion if for Christ and the glory of God. Are you single and struggling with sexual passion? Then you have the opportunity to show that knowing and following Christ is worth the struggle. You have the opportunity to show that loving Christ is more fulfilling than physical passion. Are you single and struggling with the desire for physical intimacy? Then you have the opportunity to show that intimacy with Christ, abiding in him, is more worthwhile than a physical relationship without him. You have the opportunity to show that in Christ you are content in all circumstances.
You are, aren’t you? You are content being single, right? You are pleased that God would allow you to appear foolish for his sake, yes? When you sing, “Amazing love! How can it be? That thou, my God, shouldst die for me!” such a thought does override the sexual passions and desires for physical intimacy that naturally pull at you? Maybe one reason for your being in such a position is so you will glorify God by your faithfulness and your joy that you show in Christ.
We claim as Christians that our unbelieving neighbors turn to sex because of emptiness and a longing for the intimacy and happiness they are missing without knowing God through Christ. Maybe God wants to know if we live what we claim to believe. Maybe he wants us to be living testimonies for the gospel that says Jesus Christ is the fulfillment of our hopes.
You see where I am moving with this. I’ll talk more about it when we get further down the chapter, but we have got to somehow change the perspective in which we approach the way we live. We set our goals (with God’s blessings). Normally those goals include marriage – a loving, committed marriage – and then children – loving, obedient children. We also, of course, want to be good Christians. Then, our goals don’t come to fruition the way we want them to or along the time-line we have planned. That leads to questioning God. What’s wrong? We have been trying to be good Christians. We’ve set what the Bible teaches to be good goals – marriage and family. Why isn’t God coming through? Why is finding a mate so difficult? Maybe nothing is wrong. God simply does not have the same goals or same time-table you have. Maybe he wants you to wake up to the freedom he has given you to devote yourself to him. Maybe he wants you to see the opportunity you have to glorify him as a single person who goes through the same temptations and issues that other singles go through.
What makes a good card player is not being lucky enough to get good cards. It is knowing how to play well the hand that is given. Whatever God has given you, play it well. Have you been doing a bad job? Even make the best out of your failings. How? By going before the mercy-seat of God and experiencing God’s grace. You want to know the best way to deal with temptation and sin? Give glory to God for his grace. It is more effective than beating up on yourself. You must repent of sin, but you must also in turning from sin turn to the grace of God which covers your sins and keeps you in the Father’s love. That is always the hand you have. Play it well to the glory of God.
