“It is impossible that no offences should come” (Lk 17:1) The word for offence is literally where we get our word scandal from, and Jesus is making a very clear point that scandals, offences, temptations to sin will come. “But woe to the one through whom they come”.
Depending on your translation it may sound like this is about sin in general, but it is actually specifically about relational actions and words that cause a person to get angry and want to get revenge. It says in the next verses if he sins against you. These are personal offenses.
In the end times which we are in, Jesus also says in Mt 24:10-13, “And then many will be offended, will betray one another, and will hate one another. Then many false prophets will rise up and deceive many. And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold. But he who endures to the end shall be saved.” One of the greatest marks of a Christian according to Jesus is the ability to tolerate, endure, bear other people’s junk without retaliation. So much so that Jesus says to love your enemies.
Here’s one way that can work (do pushing demonstration).
We live in a fallen world full of sinners saved or not, who are all going to say and do things that hurt or offend us at some point. Not one of you in here has not done so yourself. In other words Jesus is saying expect it, why should you expect otherwise from fallen people? Now since it’s going to happen, don’t act like it shouldn’t, don’t deny it when it happens, deal with it appropriately as I instruct. And fortunately he gives us ample instruction.
And yes it will come from other Christians and even from your pastor. David says in Psalm 55, “For it is not an enemy who reproaches me; then I could bear it. Nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me, then I could hide from him. But it was you, a man, my equal, my companion, my familiar friend. We used to take sweet counsel together; within God’s house we walked in the throng”.
The worst offences come from the people closest to us, the ones we don’t expect it from, and nowhere else does this have such a lasting impact than in families and in the church. That is why God needs to give us instruction, but more importantly we need to follow His instruction, because the same nature that causes us to hurt and offend others is the one we will use to react to the offence. Two bads never make a good.
Now this word for offence, “skandalon” originally referred to the part of a trap to which the bait was attached. In this context it is a trap devised by our enemy Satan, to bring people into captivity. Look at 2 Tim 2:24-26:
24 And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, 25 correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, 26 and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.
The worst part is that we are rarely aware that we have been taken into captivity. We are not aware of our true condition when we hold on to bitterness and unforgiveness, and you will never grow up spiritually or emotionally until you are willing to honestly examine your inner life.
There are two types of offended people, 1) those who have been treated unjustly or 2) those who believe they have been treated unjustly. The last category is very common and their conclusion is often based on inaccurate information, or accurate information that has led to a distorted conclusion. They judge by assumption, appearance, and hearsay.
At the core of all this is the selfish and prideful nature of the human heart. We don’t want to see the truth about ourselves sometimes. So today I want to look at the various aspects of this trap in an effort to help us look accurately at ourselves, and then next week we will talk about the cure.
The first thing that needs to be addressed is False Assumptions. I’m not sure there is a more prevalent problem in relationships than this. And it is why we always need others speaking truth into our lives. We all have a tendency to react to incomplete information with assumptions that often have no basis in reality. We love to read motives into things people say and do, and most often we are wrong.
Just a very basic example. You get angry and yell at your child for something they did, and your child assumes you are doing it because you don’t love them. Of course nothing could be farther from the truth, but if that behaviour is looked at in isolation, it may appear to be true. We need to be very careful about reading motives into something another person does or says, and if you think you’re a good mind reader, let me assure you, you are not. So many issues can be avoided or reconciled very quickly by avoiding assumptions.
Another is Expectations. Very often we have expectations of others based on what we would do or think. We think that because that is how we think and behave, it is the right and only way, and everyone should be like that. Why? As soon as you start using shoulds with other people you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Even if you’re right, and people should think or act a certain way, it doesn’t mean they will, in case you haven’t figured that out.
If you are going to have expectations of others, expect that they will surprise you and do the unexpected. Treat them as though you expect the best from them, but make sure you are aware that they might surprise you in a negative way. This is how you can protect yourself from being offended and caught off guard.
If people are sinners, and if most people are wounded at some level of their being, why should we expect that they will always treat us with respect, or not hurt us?
It is completely illogical and unhelpful to believe that people will always give you good service, that they will always believe you, that they will always be friendly, that they will always care about your opinion. So think the best of people, but don’t expect them to be any certain way, then you will not be so affected when they don’t live up to your expectations.
What about Pride? Here’s how pride operates in offence. “How could they do that to me.” And there is the key phrase “do that to me”. People do things and most of the time it has little to do with you. Somebody insults you and you feel offended. What you don’t know is that they just got a phone call that they lost their job or their mother died.
They are not doing anything to you, they are being angry and upset about something that has nothing to do with you. Is it fair that people should treat you badly because they’re having a rough time? No, but there’s another faulty expectation, that things should always be fair. Would you not want grace for maybe not being what others want you to be, when you’re feeling really bad?
Pride says that the world revolves around me, when people don’t treat me right, I have a right to be upset and treat them the same way. But the spirit of God in you knows that the word of God says the opposite, when someone treats you badly or offends you, you are secure enough in Christ to have compassion on them, even when they persecute you. Pride is the manifestation of insecurity.
I’m not talking about taking a healthy pride in what you do, but the pride that says other people should treat me well all the time and I don’t care what they’re feeling. “I would never treat someone that way”. Are you sure about that? If you were in their shoes and been through what they have, and grown up in a situation like them, are you sure you wouldn’t be like that?
Pride is simply self-centeredness, and the opposite of pride is a strong, confident, and healthy concern for others above yourself. Not to be a doormat, but to be able to see another’s pain ahead of your own. Just like Jesus. We’ll talk more about this next week.
I’m going to say this next point from a place of experience. When we fall into the trap of offence, often it is because of our own Disobedience. There may not be a more prevalent problem in the Christian church than that of disobedience to God’s Word. First of all if we were being obedient to God’s word we would rarely offend others. But being offended can actually be a sign of our disobedience as well.
I firmly believe that God will intentionally allow relational problems in our life when we are out of his will and rebelling against Him. There is no other place in our lives where we can practice being Christlike and obedient more than in relationships.
If you find that you are having more relational problems than you should, and you feel like a victim often, check your own obedience to God’s word.
Our sin and disobedience affects more than ourselves, and often God will bring people into our lives that are mirrors of ourselves showing us what we need to work on. But if we stay in victim mode, if we stay blaming others, we don’t see it and we miss the opportunity to change and get closer to God’s will.
If we allow ourselves to ask, “what is this telling me about me when these people keep doing this to me”, often God will show us and give us a way to change ourselves for the better. Very often the things that other people, including our kids, do that irritates us the most, is resembling something that we do and don’t even see it. Search yourself, remember verse 3 in Luke 17, “Pay attention to yourselves when your brother sins against you”.
This very thing, obedience is what distinguishes a maturing Christian. This is why a person can be in church for 20 years, be able to quote Scriptures, and have heard hundreds of sermons and still be in spiritual diapers. Whenever there is a situation that requires obedience to God’s word they seek to protect themselves rather than submit to the Word they know. As Paul says in 2 Timothy 3:7 “they are always learning and never come to a knowledge of the truth”, because they don’t apply it to life, especially in difficult circumstances.
This can often lead to the next trap of Self-preservation. There is a false sense of self-protection in harbouring an offence. It keeps you from seeing your own character flaws because the blame is deferred to another. Forgiveness can make you feel vulnerable to further offence and taking ownership of your contribution to the problem. But it’s commanded nonetheless
People often leave churches and relationships because of offence. And the way you leave a church or relationship is the way you will enter your next church or relationship, and you will ultimately find that it is the same as the one you left. Because wherever you go, there you are. You may have heard the well-known parable…
Too often we run away from opportunities that God is giving us to heal past hurts. Unfortunately if you are stuck in the offence and bitterness, you just filter everything through that offence and become a lonely vagabond because you keep getting the same results and running from each situation blaming others, rather than dealing with it and releasing the original offence. This isn’t God punishing you, it is his way of trying to heal you, but you must participate in emotional healing.
Finally we have to look at Revenge. Many people have wasted large pieces of their lives with trying to get or fantasizing about revenge. Holding onto an offence is like holding a debt against someone, we will not be satisfied until the debt is paid. But according to Scripture, revenge is one of the biggest sins we can commit, even the thought of revenge or anger toward a brother or sister are considered sinful.
Jesus paid all the debts - your’s and others, on the cross. Claim Him, and the debt you think someone else should pay is no longer relevant, it’s already paid.
Romans 12:17 says not to repay anyone evil for evil. A couple verses later it says not to avenge yourselves, leave it up to God to dole out the justice. The Lord’s Prayer tells us to forgive others their debts or trespasses as we are forgiven.
Turn the other cheek, if someone steals from you, give them something else, if they make you go a mile with them, go two. These are Jesus commands and they seem like absolute nonsense to the human mind. And I know some of you are sitting there saying “come on”, you can’t really take this stuff seriously, Jesus doesn’t mean this literally. Probably not, but what if all people did take it literally? Would the world be a better place?
Bitterness is unfulfilled revenge and the writer of Hebrews directly addresses it in ch. 12:14-15, “Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled.”
Your own bitterness and unforgiveness defiles you and usually doesn’t do anything to the other person. But the beginning of that verse is the real point of all these crazy commands, “without peace and holiness, no one will see the Lord”.
If you’re ever unsure about God’s will, and why obedience is so important, remember that His will is very simple and very clear, that none should perish and all should have eternal life. No matter what, as Christians, whatever you do, if it aligns with God’s primary will to have an eternal relationship with all of his creation, it is the right thing to do.
That verse of Hebrews is so profound, you pursuing peace and good relationships with all people, and being holy, are two vital and necessary components for people seeing the Lord. So if we know nothing else about the will of God, we can know and strive for this one thing. If we have the desire to truly see God’s will be done like we have prayed hundreds of times in the Lord’s Prayer, we will seek to be holy and seek to be peaceful with all people.
Are you holding onto an offence from the past, maybe even from childhood? I bet you God has given you opportunities to work it out, to let go of it. Are you willing, are you willing to be free of that offence and yes, maybe let the other person off the hook. It doesn’t mean you have to have an ongoing relationship with them, you may not even have to talk to them, they might even be dead. But you can let go of the offence and the bitterness and find the freedom of forgiveness in your heart.
Next week we will look specifically at ways you can do this. But this week ask yourself, “Am I willing?” “Do I want to be released from Satan’s trap?”
