Doing the Harder Thing - Matthew 18:21-35 - July 29, 2012
Lord’s Supper
In one of his books Dr. Anthony Evans shares this story … One day, two monks were walking through the countryside. They were on their way to another village to help bring in the crops. As they walked, they spied an old woman sitting at the edge of a river. She was upset because there was no bridge, and she could not get across on her own. The first monk kindly offered, "We will carry you across if you would like." "Thank you," she said, gratefully accepting their help. So the two men joined hands, lifted her between them and carried her across the river. When they got to the other side, they set her down, and she went on her way.
After they had walked another mile or so, the second monk began to complain. "Look at my clothes," he said. "They are filthy from carrying that woman across the river. And my back still hurts from lifting her. I can feel it getting stiff." The first monk just smiled and nodded his head.
A few more miles up the road, the second monk griped again, "My back is hurting me so badly, and it is all because we had to carry that silly woman across the river! I cannot go any farther because of the pain."
The first monk looked down at his partner, now lying on the ground, moaning. "Have you wondered why I am not complaining?" he asked. "Your back hurts because you are still carrying the woman. But I set her down five miles ago." (Dr. Anthony T. Evans, Guiding Your Family In A Misguided World, Illustrations, www.sermoncentral.com)
And friends, this morning, I wonder how many of us are still carrying burdens we should have set down years ago? Hurts and wounds that have cut us deeply but which we have never found healing for?
Last week we looked at the story of the paralyzed man whose friends tore up the roof to get him to Jesus. We heard how Jesus forgave this man’s sins and then asked a question of all those who had gathered in that place, saying, “Which is harder? To tell this man that his sins are forgiven, or to tell him to get up, take his mat, and go home?” The harder thing was to tell the man to get up and walk because the evidence would be plain for all to see. But I think for many who worship in our churches today that the harder thing is not to minister and tend to those who are physically hurting, it’s to forgive the one who has wronged us, the one who has brought pain and hurt and turmoil into our lives. So this morning I want to talk with you about doing the harder thing, and forgiving those who have hurt us deeply. Open your Bibles with me please to the Gospel of Matthew. Matthew 18, beginning in verse 21 …
“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
“Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. “The servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
“But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’ “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.
“Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”” (Matthew 18:21–35, NIV84)
If we’re honest with ourselves, the question that Peter asked Jesus is a question that is often on our hearts as well. It’s something we struggle with. The deeper the hurt the harder it is to forgive. And we wonder, at what point do we no longer need to extend forgiveness? Peter was being generous with his suggestion of forgiving up to seven times. The religious teachers of the day taught that you had to forgive the one who had offended you a maximum of three times. Peter knows that Jesus sees these things differently and so he goes out on a limb. He doubles what the rabbis would tell him to do and then adds one for good measure. Seven times ought to be fair, he thinks to himself. But the truth is that many people have trouble forgiving the one who has hurt them even just once.
How about you? Are you carrying burdens, hurts that you’ve refused to forgive, but which you should have laid down years ago? Maybe the offence you received was a one time thing but the hurt went deep, the pain is still very real after all this time, and you have refused to forgive. And maybe you’re thinking, “Yeah, but Pastor, you don’t know what he did to me! You don’t know how she hurt me!” And you’re right - I don’t. But I do know this – the pain and the hurt and the grief and the bitterness and the resentment you are holding on to is doing you no good whatsoever. As someone once said, “not forgiving someone is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.” (Anne Lamott, Traveling Mercies)
So why is it that forgiveness is so very hard for us? Why? - because we want justice! We want the one who has hurt us to feel the same pain, the same gut-wrenching sorrow and turmoil that they have brought into our own life. Far too often we are like the little boy of 7 who had sister who was just about 3 years old. One day the kids were playing together when mom heard a terrible scream and came running. When she arrived on the scene she found out that the little girl was pulling her brother’s hair. He was crying out in pain. The mother gently removed the girl's hands from her brother's hair and said to her son, "Sweetheart, your sister does not understand that it hurts."
The son nodded okay and wiped his tears away. But shortly after mom had left the room she heard another ear shattering scream and she came running to see what had happened. This time it was the little girl crying out in pain. When mom asked what had happened her son replied, “She understands now!
Many times we are like the little boy who wants to make sure that the person who has hurt us knows what it is like to be hurt. But forgiveness means we sacrifice our right to inflict pain on the one who has pained us. (Ken Henson, adapted, Illustrations, www.sermoncentral.com) It means we make a conscious choice to let go of that “eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth” mentality that so many hold to.
Jesus says, “Not seven times Peter. That won’t do. You need to forgive seventy-seven times.” In your translation it might be “seventy times seven times.” Jesus’ point is that if you’re counting, then you don’t understand grace and forgiveness in the first place.
Look at the parable He tells. You’ve got a debtor who owes 10,000 talents – it’s the rough equivalent of literally millions and millions of dollars. The amount is staggering and would have blown the minds of those to whom Jesus was speaking. The king wants to collect on the debt, as is his right, but the man cannot pay. What would typically happen then is that the man and his family would be sold, along with anything they owned, in order to begin collecting on the debt.
The servant cries out for mercy and begs for more time to pay back the debt even though it is hopeless – there is no possibility whatsoever that he could ever pay this back. But the king takes pity on him and does the unthinkable. He forgives the debt. He absorbs the loss and the servant is free to go completely released from the debt that moments before had hung over his head and which threatened him with the loss of everything he knew and loved and held dear. You think his response would be one of wonder and gratitude, but look at what happens.
On his way home he comes across a fellow servant, someone just like him, who owes him money. A hundred denarii would be the equal to about sixteen dollars or so. He grabs his fellow servant by throat and begins to choke him demanding that he pay up. This second servant cries out with words that are hauntingly familiar … “Be patient with me, and I will pay it back,” – the very words the first servant had used with the king.
But instead of showing mercy he takes his fellow servant and has him thrown into prison until he pays off the debt! He makes a mockery of the grace, mercy and forgiveness that has been extended to him, as he refuses to extend it to his fellow servant! This second man owed less than 1 one millionth of what the first man owed – there was no comparison – and yet the heart of the first man was so hard that he refused to forgive the one who owed him.
The king hears of this and is understandably outraged – as are we! How could this man, who had been forgiven so much, be so ungracious in refusing to forgive the debt of one who owed him so little in comparison? Ought not he to have forgiven the lesser debt just as he himself had been forgiven the greater debt? And our hearts cry out, “Yes! That’s the very thing he should have done! How could he refuse to forgive someone else where he had been forgiven so much?!”
But here is the hard truth: It is we who stand in the place of the first servant. We are the debtors who’ve incurred a debt beyond our ability to master! In the pages of the Bible the language of sin is often the language of debt and like the first servant we owe to God a debt of sin that we can never repay. It is beyond our grasp and every careless thought, word and deed has added to that debt. God’s justice demands that sin be atoned for, that debt paid in full.
When Jesus died on the cross that’s what was taking place – sin was being atoned for – the penalty was being paid – the debt was being satisfied. The Scriptures tell us that the blood of Jesus was shed so that our sins could be forgiven. This is God’s grace: that we who did not deserve it, that we who could not earn, that we who have no right to expect it – have received forgiveness for our sins through faith in Christ Jesus our Lord! In Jesus, that debt is no longer held against us. It has been satisfied, wiped clean, removed from the record! We have received mercy instead of justice and for this we ought to be overflowing with gratitude and thanksgiving.
But here’s another hard truth, not only do we stand in the place of the debtor, before both God and man, but we also stand in place of the creditor with our fellow man. Sin is first and foremost against God but our sins are also often against one another as well. This is where the offences, hurts and wounds of life come in. There is not a one of us in this room who has not hurt someone else and there is not a one of us who has not been hurt by someone else. And some of those wounds go deep. When it comes to the wrongs that we have done to others we cry out for mercy rather than justice - but when it comes to the wrongs done to us we demand justice instead of mercy! That’s the very thing the first servant did to the second – demanded of him the very thing that he did not want for himself!
The heart of this parable, the message that Jesus wants Peter to hear, and for us to learn, is that God has forgiven us many times more than we would ever need to forgive someone else. The record of our offences before a holy God is multiple times longer than any record of wrongs done to us by someone else. How can we, who have received mercy and been forgiven a debt that is beyond measure – how can we refuse to forgive the wounds done to us?
Ephesians 4:32 says this … “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32, NIV84) How did God forgive us? He forgave us completely, didn’t He?! He has not held back one sin and said, “This one I will not forgive.” In God’s grace He has forgiven you all things – that written record that stood against you and named your debt in the millions – He has satisfied it in Jesus Christ. You have been set free!
Scriptures says that Jesus has come to set free the captive. Don’t imprison yourself again by refusing to forgive the wrongs that have been done to you! Someone has said that, “The world’s worst prison is the prison of an unforgiving heart. If we refuse to forgive others, then we are only imprisoning ourselves and causing our own torment. Some of the most miserable people I have met in my ministry have been people who would not forgive others.” (Wiersbe, W. W. (1996). The Bible exposition commentary (Mt 18:21). Wheaton, IL: Victor Books.) When we fail to forgive the one who has caused us hurt and heartache we put ourselves in a lifelong position of bondage to that hurt and pain. We relive it often. But when you forgive someone you set two people free – the one who has wronged you and your own self.
If you harbour an unforgiving spirit within you then you are walking in sin! I don’t say that in an attempt to minimize the hurt that you have experienced at someone else’s hands, or by their words – I say it that you might understand that it is sin - and that you might find healing from that hurt in Christ Jesus our Lord. See, when you turn that hurt over to God, when you let go of your personal need to get vengeance and trust these things to God, it’s as though you are letting go of a tremendous burden.
One of the evidences of salvation is the reality of our love for one another. 1 Corinthians 13 reminds us that love keeps no record of wrongs. The one who refuses to forgive is keeping a record of wrongs and is revisiting it constantly. When you refuse to forgive you re-live the hurt and the pain over and over again and you never find healing or release. A root of bitterness, which is not pleasing to the Lord, begins to grow within you and to color your perception of everything else in your life as well. That’s why those with unforgiving spirits are some of the unhappiest people you are likely to meet because they are living in an on-going state of pain and grief and bitterness.
How is it that you go about forgiving those who have hurt you deeply? Our readiness to forgive is directly proportional to our understanding of the extent of the forgiveness which we’ve received from God. The greater the awareness of our own sin, and the grace we’ve received, the greater our willingness to forgive those who have wronged us. So acknowledge the reality of the hurt. Your pain is real. But turn it over to God. Release to Him your desire for justice and vengeance for these things belong to the Lord. The day will surely come when all things are laid bare before the Lord our God. Refuse to be a prisoner of your own hurt. Allow God to begin to bring healing and wholeness into your life as you seek His help in forgiving others. Consider the example of Jesus who, has He hung on the cross for our sins, cried out to God to forgive those who had wronged Him. And live in light of the reality of the vast debt that you have been forgiven in Christ Jesus our Lord. Let your response to such grace be gratitude and mercy wrapped in love. Pray for the one who has injured you that they may be brought to repentance and reconciliation both with God, and their fellow man, for the Holy Spirit can use such humbleness and brokenness to draw others to God, to heal great hurts, to restore broken relationships and to release us from bitter prisons of our own making.
To walk humbly before the Lord necessitates that we walk in obedience to His words which He has given us. So this morning I ask you to consider the un-forgiven hurts in your life and challenge you, as Communion is being served, to begin letting go of those hurts, releasing the prisoners that an unforgiving spirit holds captive, to let go of the bitterness and turn the pain over to God that He might bring healing, wholeness and newness of life. Let’s pray ….
Communion
If the servers would come forward at this time please … and as they come I would remind you that the elements on this table, the bread and the cup that you will soon hold in your own hands, is a tangible reminder, both of our own need for forgiveness, and of God’s grace in extending that forgiveness to us.
The bread itself is a symbol reminding us of the body of Christ which hung upon the cross for our own sins. The cup is a symbol of the blood of Christ reminding us that without the shedding of blood we have no forgiveness for our own sins. These things are also a profound reminder of God’s love for us, for He did not leave us in sin and death, but chose to offer us forgiveness and new life in Christ.
Jesus said that we were to eat and drink these in remembrance of Him. And not just to idly remember His life, death and resurrection, but to consider what it means for us to live each day in light of these things, for He is one day coming again to call His own to be with Him.
Therefore may we, who have been forgiven so much, be just as faithful in forgiving those who have wronged us, that we might walk in step with the Spirit of God so that the light of Christ will shine through us to God’s own glory.
Distribute bread and cups …
Take and eat and drink with hearts overflowing with gratitude at God’s great mercy and love that we’ve received and been reminded of this day!
Eat and Drink …
Let’s pray …
Friends, this morning we have someone else taking the step of baptism and I’m going to ask Karen to come and share her testimony and when she’s done we’re going to head out to the pool.
Karen, if you would come and share please …
