“Building Quality Relationships: With Jesus – Develop Healthy Partners”
Eph. 5:3-8; 1 Cor. 6:9-20
Sometimes the words of Scripture hit me in the gut. In preparation for today’s message I was directed to such words, from Jesus Himself. In Rev. 2:19 Jesus commends the Church in Thyatira for her love, faith, service, and perseverance. But then, in verse 20, He throws His punch: “Nevertheless, I have this against you: You tolerate that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess. By her teaching she misleads my servants into sexual immorality and the eating of food sacrificed to idols.” The church was tolerating the teaching of sexual immorality. Why did the punch land on my gut?
According to writer Rodney Joyce, "The United States remains the sexual superpower of the world, with Americans making love more often and with more partners than any other nationality, according to one survey.…Among other findings, the survey revealed that Americans were starting earlier than anyone else, at an average age of 16. Americans also had the highest average number of lifetime sex partners, at 14." (1) The church has too long tolerated the teaching of our culture on sexuality and sexual relationships. To preach a series on building quality relationships without addressing it is to continue the already condemned toleration. We must be concerned and outspoken about developing healthy, holy partnerships.
The two passages we just read contain much of the New Testament teaching concerning a proper view of sex and sexuality. The first directive is to AVOID UNHEALTHY PARTNERSHIPS. Four such partnerships are mentioned. First, avoid a partnership with IMMORALITY. The Bible makes it clear that sex, rightly understood, is healthy. It is, after all, God’s idea. The creation of Adam and Eve in Genesis 1 and 2 teach it: “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it…A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh.” We are created as sexual beings; it’s part of God’s design. But like all of life, our sex life is to be disciplined. Just as we can misuse our spiritual gifts, or misuse our financial resources, we can misuse the gift of sexuality. THE PURPOSE OF SEX IS NOT PERSONAL SELF-EXPRESSION IN ORDER TO BE HAPPY BUT PERSONAL SELF-DONATION IN ORDER TO IMITATE GOD. Sex, as designed by God, always obligates us to the complete giving of ourselves. As Tim Keller put it, “Sex without the giving of oneself is a monstrosity, akin to walking around without a head.” (2)
A teen age boy asked his grandfather, “They didn’t have much trouble with sexually transmitted diseases when you were young, did they?” Grandfather said, “No.” The grandson asked, “Well, what did you use for safe sex?” Grandfather thoughtfully replied, “A wedding ring.” (3) That’s the meaning of Paul’s words in Ephesians. Sexually active ‘immorality’ refers to ANY KIND OF INTIMATE SEXUAL ENCOUNTER OUTSIDE THE BONDS OF MARRIAGE. (3) “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed…”
Paul tells us why. “…because these are improper for God’s holy people.” It is IMPROPER FOR GOD’S HOLY, SET APART, PEOPLE. To the Thessalonians (1 Thess. 4:3-5) Paul wrote “this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God.” Peter wrote (1 Pt. 1:14-15) “As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct.” Such sexual conduct was one of the greatest virtues Christianity introduced into the culture. In describing the distinctiveness of the early church, one writer stated, “Pagans shared nothing but their wives. Christians on the other hand, shared everything but their wives.” (4)
Second, we are to avoid partnerships with COARSE TALKING AND JOKING. (4) “Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place…” Obscenity means filth – pretty self- explanatory. And the word for ‘foolish talk’ comes from a Greek word, ‘morologia’, which means ‘moron talk.’ It covers the off color jokes, the suggestive humor, the crude sexual innuendos in speech and humor. Such repeated talk DESENSITIZES US TO THE SACREDNESS AND BEAUTY OF SEX. Would you, for example, ever tell a crude joke about communion – or baptism – or Jesus? Why then about the holy, sacred gift of sex?
Instead, says Paul, let us TALK WITH THANKSGIVING. Give thanks to God for the gift and beauty of sex. William Hogan put it well: “To joke about it is bound to degrade it; to thank God for it helps to preserve its worth as the blessing of the loving Creator…Just as speech that trivializes important things can cause us to take those things less seriously, so the giving of thanks can help us focus attention on God and keep things in better perspective.” (5) And research backs it up. According to a 2010 research study, delaying sex until after marriage improves the marital relationship. As reported in the Journal of Family Psychology (and later in the January 22, 2011, edition of The Economist), the study surveyed 2,035 married couples and asked them about their initial sexual experience together (before or after the wedding). Of the 2,035 couples, 336 couples reported waiting until they got married to have sex. The largest group of couples had sex within a few weeks of dating, and 126 couples had sex prior to dating. After analyzing the data, the three researchers concluded that waiting until after marriage improved the relationship (for both men and women) in four key areas: sexual quality, relationship communication, relationship satisfaction, and perceived relationship stability. The data showed that premarital sex doesn't necessarily doom the future marriage to failure. On the other hand, based on this research, there is no validity to the idea that premarital sex is needed to "test" and possibly improve the future marriage relationship. The authors stated that waiting until after the wedding day (what they call "commitment-based sexuality") "is more likely to create a sense of security and clarity between partners … about exclusivity and a future." (6)
The third partnership to avoid is with MAKING EXCUSES. This is what Paul wrote about in his first letter to the Corinthians. Starting in verse 12 of chapter 6 he addresses the common cultural excuses for sexual immorality. The first excuse: “EVERYTHING IS PERMISSIBLE for me…” Since I’m free in Christ, all things are lawful. For years we’ve been hearing that sex is no big deal – it’s just a bodily function like eating and breathing. It’s a natural urge so just give in to it and follow it.
But Paul says that NOT ALL THINGS ARE HELPFUL. The desire for sex is a natural urge. But all of our natural urges and desires need to be controlled; otherwise we become a slave to the desire and passion. Eating is a natural desire – but the desire to eat must be controlled or there will be significant health issues. We even teach our children proper manners of eating to help them learn this. So God has stated that sex requires the boundary and protection of a permanent commitment in the marriage bond. As C. S. Lewis put it, trying to enjoy the physical pleasure of sex without the union and commitment is like “trying to get the pleasure of taste without swallowing and digesting, by chewing things and spitting them out again.” (7)
And since we are no longer to be slaves to our passions and desires, or to live only for ourselves, we can use the appetites of our body only in so far as they do not hurt us or others. Therefore we must always think of consequences for ourselves and others. It’s a known fact that impulsive sex, sex outside of marriage leads to guilt, loss of self-esteem, unwanted pregnancies, guilt-inducing abortions, sexually transmitted diseases, AIDS, and broken marriages – to mention only a few consequences.
Dr. Richard Dobbins, in his talks with teens, used an interesting analogy. He compared the bonding capacity of the body through a sexual relationship to adhesive tape. Adhesive tape is not made to be used repetitively with a variety of surfaces. The strongest bond adhesive tape is capable of making is formed with the first surface to which it is applied. You can remove the tape and reapply it to other surfaces several times, and it will still adhere. However, with every application, some of the adhesiveness has been compromised. Finally, if you continue the practice long enough, there will not be enough adhesiveness left to make the tape stick to any surface. Says Dobbins, "God intended that the bond between [married couples] be the closest and strongest one they are capable of forming. That means that the strongest bond will be for couples who have saved themselves for one another. No wonder so many young marriages come apart. In a society where premarital sexual experimentation with a variety of partners is the rule rather than the exception, the adhesive is no longer as powerful as it once was.” (8)
Back in 1981 Dr. James Dobson sounded a warning alarm. He pointed to a study by anthropologist J. D. Unwin of the 88 civilizations that have existed in the world. His research showed that each culture has reflected a similar life cycle, beginning with a strict code of sexual conduct and ending with the demand for complete ‘freedom’ to express individual passion. He reported that every society which extended sexual permissiveness to its people was soon to perish. There have been no exceptions. (9)
The second excuse in Corinth was “Food for the stomach and the stomach for food.” APPETITES ARE MEANT TO BE SATISFIED! This is what is taught in many of our nation’s public schools. If it feels good, do it. When you’re hungry, eat. When you’re turned on, have sex. But the sexual appetite is not like other appetites. Imagine this scene. In a packed auditorium someone comes onto a dimly lit stage to loud suggestive music, carrying a tray covered with a veil. Lights begin to flash and after some enticing movements the person dramatically lifts the veil to reveal an orange. Then in a teasing way she begins to peel the orange and the crowd goes wild. Wouldn’t you think there was something radically wrong with the crowds’ appetites? Yet all across America strip clubs are filled with people watching other people peel off clothing. The sexual appetite is not like others.
In fact, Paul says (1 Cor. 6:13) THE BODY IS MEANT FOR THE LORD AND LORD FOR THE BODY; food and stomach are not eternal while body is eternal. Our bodies will be raised; they have permanent value. Our bodies are slowly but steadily being transformed into the image of Jesus.
The fourth partnership to avoid is LOSING YOUR INHERITANCE. Eph. 5:5-7 - “For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater —has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not be partners with them.” Hebrews 13:4 (NASB) “…fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” I want to make it very clear – sexual sins are not the only sins that lead to losing our inheritance. Many are listed in Scripture. But the point here is that ANYTHING WE DO WITH OUR BODIES THAT DISHONORS GOD PUTS US IN SPIRITUAL DANGER. Therefore, says Paul, (Eph. 5:7) “Do not be partners with them.” Steer clear of anything that tempts or leads you away from God’s design for sex.
But do not only avoid unhealthy partnerships; also ACTIVATE HOLY PARTNERSHIPS. (1Cor. 6:15-17) “Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, ‘The two shall become one flesh.’ But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.” UNITE WITH JESUS CHRIST. Through faith we are united to Jesus Christ. In ways we cannot fully understand there is a personal, intimate union between Jesus Christ and every person who trusts Him for salvation. As J. B. Phillips translated, “Have you realized the almost incredible fact that your bodies are integral parts of Christ himself?” Think about it – Jesus risks His reputation in us, in our bodies. Through the Holy Spirit He acts in our bodies. How people see Jesus is through us. Would you offer Jesus to a prostitute? Would you unite Jesus to someone other than your spouse? Absolutely not! To sinfully abuse our bodies is to abuse Jesus. So, says Paul, FLEE FROM SEXUAL IMMORALITY. Become one with Jesus and come under the control of the Lord’s Spirit and you will have the power to control your body.
Paul also said, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have from God?” Our bodies are the temples in which Jesus lives. Would you even think about desecrating and destroying our sanctuary or Family Worship Center? Would you treat it like a dump? Of course not Why, then, would we do so to Jesus’ temple and sanctuary? So flee from sexual immorality.
Remember, as well, that WE BELONG TO JESUS CHRIST. (19-20) “You are not your own; you were bought at a price.” On the cross Jesus purchased our salvation – He purchased our lives – body and soul. As the Heidelberg Catechism puts it, we “belong, in body and soul’ to our faithful Savior Jesus Christ. WE ARE NOT, THEREFORE, FREE TO DO AS WE PLEASE.
“Therefore honor God with your body,” says Paul. While we will look more at this element next week, for now understand that it is our responsibility to use our bodies to glorify God. We must live in such a way that our bodies are shrines that shine the light of Jesus. As The Message translates it, “Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.” As Alan Redpath poignantly put it, “If you refuse the implication of his claim upon you, then what business have you to hide in the shelter of John 3:16? You cannot have the grace of God without the government of God. Real deliverance demands real holiness. The price of His precious blood demands a practical surrender of all your body.” (10) Paul’s summary comes a few chapters later in 1Cor. 10:31 - “So whatever you drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”
Perhaps you’re feeling convicted and feel like there’s no way in the world you can ever get right with God with what you’ve done. May be you tend to believe that you were born with a high, even misguided sex drive and can’t change. Listen again to Paul (1Cor. 6:11): “And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” You can be forgiven. As Jesus said the woman trapped and caught in an act of adultery, “Neither do I condemn you…Go now and leave your life of sin.”
You can do it by forming a healthy, holy partnership, by turning to Jesus. Put your trust in Him. Re-connect with Him. Salvation and renewal will be yours. John 1: 12 – “To all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right (the power) to become children of God.” That’s why Paul could later write (2Cor. 5:17) “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.” So turn to Jesus; the Holy Spirit will take up residence in your heart and body and immediately begin to reproduce Jesus in you and empower you to live a as a child of the light. To that end, let us pray.
(1) Rodney Joyce, Reuters (11-27-01), statistics based on a 2001 survey performed by Durex, a condom manufacturer, which surveyed 18,500 people in 28 countries; From preachingtoday.com
(2) Tim Keller, “The Gospel and Sex”, © 2010 by Redeemer City to City, p. 6
(3) From King Duncan in “Only Sex?” on sermons.com
(4) From King Duncan in “About Sex” on sermons.com
(5) William Hogan, ‘On the Imitation of God’, Church of the Saviour Pulpit, © 1988 by Dr. William Hogan, p.5
(6) Busby, D.M., Carroll, J.S., & Willoughby, B. J., "Compatibility or restraint? The effects of sexual timing on marriage relationships," Journal of Family Psychology (2010)
(7) Quoted in William Hogan, ‘On the Imitation of God’, Church of the Saviour Pulpit, © 1988 by Dr. William Hogan, p.3
(8) From King Duncan in “Only Sex?” on sermons.com
(9)James Dobson, from ‘Prescription for a Tired Housewife”, Tyndale House Publisher, Wheaton, IL, 1981, pgs. 54-55s
(10) Alan Redpath, ‘The Royal Route to Heaven’, Fleming H. Revell/Baker Book House, Grand Rapids, MI, © 1993 by Fleming H. Revell, pg.78
