THE CAUSES AND MANAGEMENT OF CRISIS IN MARRIAGE
Study Text: 1 Peter 3: 1-7:
Likewise, wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, so that if any do not obey the Word, they may also be won without the Word by the conduct of the wives,
1Pe 3:2 having witnessed your chaste behavior in the fear of God.
1Pe 3:3 Of whom let not be the adorning of garments, or outward braiding of hair and wearing of gold, or of putting on clothing,
1Pe 3:4 but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, the meek and quiet spirit, which is of great price in the sight of God.
1Pe 3:5 For so once indeed the holy women hoping in God adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands;
1Pe 3:6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord; whose children you became, doing good and fearing no terror.
1Pe 3:7 Likewise, husbands, live together according to knowledge, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel, the female, as truly being co-heirs together of the grace of life, not cutting off your prayers.
God has clearly defined the roles and responsibilities of the husband and the wife for a peaceful and happy co-habitation. However, neglect of one’s responsibility and failure to meet up with the required expectation often lead to one or more crisis in the home. We shall look into the study under two headings:
1. CAUSES OF CRISIS IN MARRIAGE
2. MANAGEMENT OF CRISIS IN MARRIAGE
1. CAUSES OF CRISIS IN MARRIAGE
It is not possible to generate a conclusive list of the factors capable of causing crisis in marriage. This depend on the people concern and varies from one marriage to another, but the following are very common in many marriage relationships.
1. Money.
Of course, money would be first. Money causes all kinds of problems. It doesn’t matter if you have too much or not enough money. Either way you get conflict. Usually you have one spouse that is a free spender and one that is a saver. These don’t mix. Working out a compromise that both can agree with takes time, effort and trial and error.
2. In-Laws.
Now there is a word that sends couples into hiding. There should be a written rule book about how to deal with in-laws. Even if both spouses get along great with their in-laws conflict still arises over where to spend the holidays, when to visit family and when and how often for in-laws to visit them.
3. Children.
Things are going along just fine and then comes the kids. Kids can cause conflict of all types. Deciding what faith to raise them in and how to discipline them are probably the ones that cause the most problems.
4. Sex.
It is a rare marriage where this is not an area of conflict. Women think intimacy, men think sex. There is a difference. The key is to express yourself and your needs to your spouse. Women and men are wired differently and it is important to try and understand the other persons needs and wants. Do not deprive one another, unless it is with consent for a time, so that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer. And come together again so that Satan does not tempt you for your incontinence. [1 Corinthians 7: 5]
5. Communication.
Say what you mean and mean what you say. We should all live by this. If we did maybe there would be no more misunderstandings.
6. Infidelity.
When one of the partner is not faithful with marriage vows, or when there is a suspicion of it, there will be crises in the home. This will break down the trust in marriage and will promote selfish interests.
7. Food:
Food is a very important factor in marriage and issues with food may cause serious crisis in marriage. These range from the non-availability, differences in the type and the style of preparing, and other matters about it.
Learn to accept your differences. No two people are alike and sometimes differences can be good. The key to a happy successful marriage is learning to thrive on your differences. Make it a good thing not a bad thing.
A successful marriage is built within the biblical truth of God. Remember that God is part of your marriage. “For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.†Matthew 18:20. If both spouses are believers, God is with them.
2, MANAGEMENT OF CRISIS IN MARRIAGE
1. Understand that happiness comes within. If you are one of those people that says "my partner doesn't make me happy", maybe you should consider for a moment why you thought they would? True happiness comes from within, and unless your partner is a true horror of humanity, a thoroughly unpleasant person, chances are the only reason you are unhappy is because of something inside yourself, some unfulfilled potential or hidden dream.
2. Unify your home. Talk over how you picture your home in your mind. It's important to agree on this, as if you both aspire to making the home a different way, it's going to cause long term conflict. The typical example is the man wanting his home to look like his home, with his things where he can get at them etc, and the woman wanting everything neatly filed away at all times like a show home. You need to compromise together, as it's not really fair for either of you to expect the other to live how you want them to.
3. Never compare your relationship to one from the past, or your partner to a past partner. This is never good. Firstly, no two relationships are alike. They can't be, as every couple has so many fine points of interaction, it would literally be impossible to replicate with a different person in the mix. It's like comparing your pet dog to a goldfish you used to have. Ridiculous.
4. Arrange some together time. It doesn't even need to be a particularly large amount of time, the point is that it should be just the two of you and no distractions. No TV, no company, just the two of you. This will help you retain a sense of how to interact with each other.
5. Actively reminisce about past times. The good times you have shared can act like the glue that bonds you together, and it can be genuinely good fun to talk about the past and exciting things you have done together. Another plus point to this is that the more exciting and fun things you do with each other, the more stuff you will have to reminisce about.
6. Settle differences without a third party: One sign of a healthy relationship is that all misunderstandings can be settled between the partners without a third party. However, if for the sake of saving the marriage, it is not wrong to involve a godly counselor.
7. Express your point without abusing the person. Always avoid the use of offensive words, or physical combats, thee effect may last longer than the actual misunderstanding.
8. Learn to say sorry. You must be ready to apologize sincerely especially when it is obvious that you are wrong, and even when you are not convinced, you can do it for the sake of peace. If you will need to do it, let it be in good time, sometimes it might get to late.
9. Learn to forgive and forget. Never refer to any past issues on which your partner apologized, they may open fresh wounds. Forgetting may be difficult, but possible through the grace of God.
10. Recognize the place of prayer. Develop and sustain the habit of praying together, and each partner should build up a good prayer life. So many issue can be settled through prayer by depending on the strength of the Holy Spirit.
As you've seen, having a marriage crisis doesn't necessarily mean you are going to have to divorce. Marriage and conflict? Yes, the two go together. Two people of the opposite sex cannot live together without some form of conflict. Conflict happens. The question is how do couples resolve those conflicts?
