The Sanctity and honor of marriage
Ephesians 5:15-5:33
Introduction-
This morning I want to bring you the second part of Building Relationships. It is also a part of the series “Nuts and Bolts of life”.
If I can refresh your memory, I showed an image of a bridge and that bridge is our relationship with others and with God.
The problem with most is that there relationship with God is damaged and that reflects on how we treat others around us.
We looked at 4 areas of relationships
Casual-
That was the people we meet but remain at a distance.
You would not share personal things with them.
Active-
These are people that you share activities with (bowling, golf, maybe dinner as a group)
People you know at church, but do not do anything with outside of Sunday
This has not moved into a trusting relationship
Friends
You do personal things with them.
You call them if you have not seen them for awhile.
There is minor commitment
You choose to reach out to them.
Close Friends (last one we looked at last week)
You reach out to them and they respond back to you.
You know them and they know you.
They know your faults and they still choose to reach out to you.
This person is fun to be around.
They are supporter s of you and are there when you need them
You just enjoy being around them.
Now, here’s where we move on!
If you are at a close friend relationship with people of the same gender, nothing has to change- that friendship must be nurtured to stay at that level.
If this level is with a person of the opposite sex and you begin to have sexual desires and feelings that are deeper than friendship- you desire to move to intimacy. God has a word for us.
Text- Ephesians 5:15-5:33
Marriage is the most intimate relationship you can have with someone.
Friendships are built on mutual respect, trust, love, and common interest.
Marriage has its foundation built on all these qualities and our commitment to the Lord first and then to our spouse.
There must be someone in charge or there is kaios among the camp.
What if at work there was no boss?
What if you kids had no authority to look too?
What if there were no laws? People did what they wanted.
You get the point.
In marriage approved and anointed of God, there is an order of authority also. Now before you go and get all defensive, I want to clarify what God word declares for marriage.
Women before you get upset with the word submit.
Men, before you get on your pedestal and yell “I’m the boss.” Here is what God says about it.
It begins with Genesis 2:24
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and will be united to his wife and they will become one flesh.”
They will become united with each other.
King James version says cleave to each other- glued together! They leave their father and mother and are united to each other.
Two things have to happen here the day of the marriage
The parents have to let go! They don’t abandon their kids, they are there if they need them, but they must let go. The parents are in charge while under their roof, but they are no longer in charge.
Second thing- the kids have to let go of the parents. They must strive to become independent of past support and build support between husband and wife.
Trouble comes if one or both do not let go.
Couple begins to build their relationship
Both should be followers of Christ- both seeking God’s best for their lives.
Both should be looking for the Lord to lead them and guide them individually and as a couple.
Oneness-
The divine intention for husband and wife is monogamy (oneness) together they form a union that is inseparable. Sexual union is an expression of that oneness.
Alright, here we go!
(22) “wives submit to your husband as to the Lord”
(24) “Husbands love your wife just as the Christ loved he church and gave himself up for her”.
Submit here ladies is not a under the thumb do as you are told submission, it is an act of obedience as unto the Lord.
As your husband is following the Lord, you as an act of obedience to the Lord should follow
As a church is to submit to Christ, the wife is to submit to the husband.
That does not say that you have no opinion, it does not say that the husband is always right.
Husbands, you are to love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
You are to love your wife with the love of Christ
You are to sacrificially give to her of everything you have.
You are to love your wife more than you love yourself.
You show that kind of love o your wife- she will follow!
What person would not follow someone that loves her sacrificial? With a love that goes deeper than themselves.
Submit is a hard word for today’s women- add the word respect here.
Respect your husband as unto the Lord.
Women want love-
Men want respect-
When they both get what they need, the marriage with Christ works!
Husbands, submission (respect) is a response to your love. It is not an excuse to rule the home with a iron fist.
She is not a maid, hired hand that lives there. That is your wife! An extension of who you are.
Ladies, your husband wants respect- don’t belittle him or embarrass him by telling his short comings to others.
Love and respect is an act of worship to Christ. When each one gets what they need- life is good!
Happy wife- happy life!
If you are not careful, what once was burning passion becomes cold and crusty because you lost the very thing each one needs- love and respect.
Example-
You cannot ignore your spouse all night, read the paper, watch that T.V. and suddenly at 10 pm tell them how beautiful they are and how much you love them. That groundwork has to be laid before that!
Men, your wife is your ministry.
Women, your husband is your ministry.
They need to feel valuable- because they are.
They need to know that your heart beats for them.
They need to know that no one out there can steal your heart from them.
Illustration-
70 year old man from prior church use to tell his wife- “I told you 50 years ago that I loved you, if anything changes, I’ll let you know. That is wrong!
You Say that is over board pastor – too moochy I am a man!
Real men love their wives and show it.
Real women make their man feel like h is the most important person on this planet.
That was hard for me- over the years of active ministry- my wife has stopped me, put her hands around my face, looked me in the eyes, and said, I need you! I would Rather be reeled in once in a while by someone who loves me than face consequences of an unhappy person later.
Who would not want a marriage like that!
God approved and God blessed! Both people getting what they need.
Over the years, I know what buttons to push and which ones to leave alone.
Love is the cement that keeps a family together.
Let me work this to a close
Marriage does not guarantee you will be together forever. It is only a piece of paper. It takes God, love, respect, trust understanding, friendship, forgiveness, and faith in your relationship to make it work.
If you are sitting here this morning and you are in the dating process. Don’t settle for less! You look for these qualities before you stand before God. You cannot change that person! God has to change them.
It should happen before marriage.
How should you love your spouse?
Like they were the most important gift that God gave you- because it is.
You take care of things of value.
Proverbs 31:10-
“A wife of noble character, who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.”
18:22-
“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.”
Deep relationships demand deep commitment
I am going to close the same way I did last week,
How is your relationship with the Lord?
You need the love Christ working in your life.
You cannot give what you do not have.
It takes the love of Christ in your life to extend out in love to your spouse.
Are you moving too fast?- slow it down.
If it is not right- make it right.
Wrong direction- go the right direction.
Lord’s not leading- let Him lead.
Amen.
