EXTREME HOME MAKEOVER: SINGLES EDITION
Scott Bayles, pastor
Blooming Grove Christian Church: 5/20/2012
Several years ago I was invited to speak at a weekend seminar about marriage and the family. There were several other speakers there, each discussing a different aspect of the family. I spoke about the role of the husband, while others spoke on the role of the wife, the role of parents, the role of children, etc. I made sure to invite everyone from my home church to attend the event, but out the nearly 100 adults from our church, only one person came to the seminar—Patty. She was single lady in her early forties and an enthusiastic follower of Jesus. After the first couple of speakers were finished, we broke for lunch, however, and Patty came up to me and said, “I think I’m going to head home.” When I asked her why, she said, “There just isn’t anything for me here.”
That stuck with me.
Sunday after Sunday—especially during a series like this on the home—single Christians often walk out the doors feeling the same way. Since most adults in the church are married, it’s easy for Christian singles to be left out and feel left out.
That’s unfortunate because singles make up a large section of society. In fact some 37% of adults over 18 are single. They have either never married or are single again because of a divorce or death. In fact, all of us spend a significant part of our life single—typically the first 25 years or so before we marry and some of us will spend the last 10-15 years single after our spouse dies. Some people spend their entire life or almost their entire life single.
Who knows? You may end up like Jake and Jessie. Jake was 92, and Jessie was 89 when they found each other and decided to get married. They were so excited.
One day they were strolling along discussing their wedding plans, and on the way, they passed a drug store. Jake said, “Let’s go in here,” and Jessie followed. He walked to the rear of the store found a pharmacist. Then Jake said, “We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”
The pharmacist said, “Of course we do.”
“How about medicine for circulation?”
“All kinds.”
“Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis?”
“Sure.”
“Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?”
“Yes, a large variety.”
“What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol—any of that?”
“Absolutely.”
“You sell wheel chairs, walkers, and those scooter chairs?”
“Yep, we sure do,” said the pharmacist.
“That settles it then. We’d like to register for our wedding gifts here.”
Because singleness is such a large part of life, God does have something to say about it. In fact, He says that whether the season of singleness lasts for a few years or for your entire life, you need to make the most of it. Let me share our anchor verse with you again. The Bible says, “Unless the Lord builds a house, the work of the builders is wasted” (Psalm 127:1 NLT). This verse is true whether you’re married, single, married again, or single again.
Has everyone here seen the show Extreme Makeover Home Edition? Its eight year run actually came to an end just a couple of months ago, but for a long time it was one of the best shows on TV. Ty Pennington and his design team along with dozens, even hundreds, of volunteers will remodel a house that is just inadequate for the family living there. Sometimes the house is just too small for the size of the family, sometimes the house is in need of some major repairs, and sometimes the house is so dilapidated or termite ridden that they just tear the whole thing down to the foundation and build something entirely new.
If you are single or single again, that’s where you are right now. As a single Christian, you are in the best position possible to set up spiritual walls that will serve as framework for your life and possibly your family in future. If you get it right now, you won’t have to do as much remodeling later on.
In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul devotes an entire chapter to discussing romantic relationships. He addresses Christians who are married to Christians, Christians married to non-Christians, and three categories of single Christians—that is, Christians who have never been married, Christians who are widowed, and Christians who are divorced. Throughout the chapter, Paul gives three important words of advice to these singles.
• ESTABLISH PRIORITIES
First, Paul encourages Christian singles to establish priorities.
Here’s what Paul has to say about that: “I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you’re unmarried, you’re free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God.” (1 Corinthians 7:32-34 MSG).
As single Christians, you have the opportunity to really establish your relationship with God as your number one priority. Since you don’t have all these other priorities—children, a husband, or wife—demanding your time and attention, you are free to get to know God like no one else. No other relationship can ever be as satisfying as your relationship with God.
There are a lot of websites and forums for single Christians on the internet. One testimony I found was particular pertinent. A Christian single, named Kevin writes:
“I admit, as recently as last year I was so angry and frustrated in my single state that I annoyed even myself. I was so consumed about getting a girlfriend, that I even let minor statements from friends and family about my singleness really bother me. Then I remembered something a good friend wrote to me in an e-mail: God wants 100% of you. The words made so much sense that now I’m enjoying this period of life despite the fact that I’m 32 and have never been married. I’m really letting the fact that God wants all of me sink in, and I’m enjoying it. Without my previous single-minded devotion to getting a girlfriend, I’m now freed to pursue other goals… I’m having fun and becoming a balanced Christian single—Christian first, single second.”
I think Kevin has discovered exactly what Paul is trying to get at in this passage.
And listen, if you are single again—either through divorce or death—I know that it can be incredibly difficult, often painful, going to bed alone and seeing that empty pillow next to you. I was married when I was 19 and divorce by 23. It was a terrible, agonizing experience. A deafening silence filled my empty house. I ate dinner by myself nearly every day. But going to bed and waking up alone each day taught me to talk to God. He was my only source of conversation. In the wake of that experience, my relationship with God flourished like no other time in my life.
So use the time you have as a single person to establish God as your priority—focus on your relationship with him and the countless ways that he can use you in ministry. Paul himself was either divorced or widowed, yet God used him in extraordinary ways. He can certainly do the same with you.
• EXERCISE PURITY
Furthermore, on top of establishing priorities, Paul encourages Christian singles to exercise purity. Back at the tail-end of chapter six, Paul says, “Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18-20 NLT).
Paul then goes on to add, “Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations. But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband” (1 Corinthians 7:1-2 NLT).
Let me say it this way, in case it’s unclear—if you aren’t married, you shouldn’t be having sex! Period. Unfortunately, as Paul points out, there is so much sexual immorality in our world today. You can hardly go online or turn on the TV without being bombarded with sexual temptation. Our culture sends the message that sex is no big deal, while at the same time acting like sex is the most important thing in the world. To a lot of people, it doesn’t matter who you’re with or if you even care about each other—it’s just something that feels good.
But as Christians, we dare to believe that sex is precious, and God created it to be fully experienced only in the most precious relationship—marriage. Sex isn’t casual. It wasn’t created for boyfriends and girlfriends. It wasn’t even meant for serious couples who intend to get married. Our culture actually encourages people to live together before they get married to see if they’re compatible with one another, yet studies continue to show that couples who live together before getting married tend to be less happy in the relationship and more likely to get divorced. More importantly, it’s basically like you’re telling God—I really don’t care what you want for me, I’m going to do what I want. Fortunately, God doesn’t love you any less, regardless of your past mistakes.
It’s a struggle to try to honor God in a sex-crazed culture. Christian singles will sometimes slip up; they sin. Others worry that they are going to. But you can be forgiven for messing up. You can exercise purity and follow God’s way.
• EMPLOY PATIENCE
Finally, in addition to establishing priorities and exercising purity, Paul encourages Christian singles to employ patience. Here’s what he says: “But if anyone feels he ought to marry because he has trouble controlling his passions; it’s alright, it is not a sin; let him marry. But if a man has the willpower not to marry and decides that he doesn’t need to and won’t, he has made a wise decision. So the person who marries does well, and the person who doesn’t marry does even better” (1 Corinthians 7:36-38 TLB).
If I could paraphrase this just a little bit, what Paul is saying is—if you’ve found someone that you think is a match made in heaven and you’re having a trouble keeping your hands off each other—go ahead and get married. It’s better to marry and to honor God, than to be having sex outside of marriage and dishonoring the temple of the Holy Spirit. But, if you can control yourself and exercise purity, then it’s a whole lot smarter to wait and not rush into marriage. It’s wise to take your time.
Paul gave this advice partly because of the persecution the early church was experiencing at the time. For them, it was smarter to wait because Christians were being hunted, arrested and executed for their faith in Jesus. But regardless of the circumstances, it’s always a wise idea to employ patience, to really get to know someone, and discover whether this is really the person God made just for you.
For the record, Paul gives essentially the same advice to divorced Christians. He says, “Do you have a wife? Don’t seek a divorce. Are you divorced from your wife? Don’t look for another one. But if you do get married, you have not sinned” (1 Corinthians 7:27-28 GWT). So, if you’ve been divorced, there is nothing wrong with getting married again, but it’s smart to wait—to employ patience and not rush into another relationship too soon.
Paul adds an additional clause to that command when he addresses widows. He tells them, “A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but only if he loves the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:39 NLT). Although Paul only mentions this clause in connection with widows, it really applies to all Christian singles. God’s plan has always been for believers to marry other believers. So if you’re dating or interested in dating someone who isn’t a Christian, it’s particularly important for you to employ patience. If both of you love the Lord with all your heart, then your hearts will be drawn together as you draw closer to Him.
Conclusion
So this is God’s word to Christian singles: establish priorities, exercise purity, and employ patience. If you do those things then you’ll make the absolute most of your time as a single Christian and you’ll be building on a rock-solid foundation if-and-when you do decide to marry and start your own extreme home makeover.
One final thing—since, I know a lot Christian singles do hope to get married someday; I want to help you out. I’m going to share some sure-fire Christian pick up lines that you can use when you find that special someone. You might want to write these down…
• If God made anything more beautiful than you, I think he’d keep it for himself.
• Did it hurt… when you fell from heaven?
• I didn’t believe in predestination… until I met you.
• So do you think we should read the Bible literally when it says, “Greet one another with a holy kiss?”
• Can I have your name and number so I can add you to my prayer list?
• Want to come over to my place for a Bible study? We could read Song of Solomon together.
• “Your eyes are like doves… Your hair falls in waves, like a flock of goats winding down the slopes of Gilead.” (Song of Solomon 4:1).
• I think you should go forward and confess your sin on Sunday. Why? Because you stole my heart.
There you go—I basically just handed you a date.
Invitation:
As our worship team comes forward to lead us in praise, I want to invite everyone to come back next week for Extreme Home Makeover: Couples Edition. We’ll spend the next two weeks talking about marriage. Also, if you’re struggling with sexual purity, or loneliness or you’re thinking about getting married and not really sure what God’s will for you is—then come talk to me. I’d like to help.
In the meantime, let’s stand and sing together.
