FRIENDSHIP: A LESSON FROM BELLY BUTTONS
1 Samuel 23:14-18
14 David stayed in the desert strongholds and in the hills of the Desert of Ziph. Day after day Saul searched for him, but God did not give David into his hands.
15 While David was at Horesh in the Desert of Ziph, he learned that Saul had come out to take his life.16 And Saul’s son Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God. 17 “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “My father Saul will not lay a hand on you. You will be king over Israel, and I will be second to you. Even my father Saul knows this.” 18 The two of them made a covenant before the Lord. Then Jonathan went home, but David remained at Horesh.
INTRO:
Good morning. I’m glad you’re here. You are very important to me.
As I start my sermon I have a quiz for you today. You might want to get a pencil and turn to a blank spot in your sermon notes.
• Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
• Name the top five news stories five years ago.
• Name the ten leaders from the biggest countries in the world.
• Name ten people who have won a Pulitzer Prize.
• Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actress.
• Name the World Series winners of the last five years.
How did you do? My point is that none of us remember the headliners of yesterday and these are no second-rate achievers either. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.
Here’s another quiz. See how you do on this one:
• List two teachers who helped you through school.
• Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
• Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
• Think of a few people who have made you feel, appreciated and special.
• Think of three people you enjoy spending time with.
The people who make a difference in your life are not the most powerful ones, nor do they have the most money or awards. They are the ones that care.
So how do you know who your real friends are?
One of the ways I would answer that comes from an old television show I used to watch: Gilligan’s Island.
There were very few episodes of G. I. that you would consider emotionally touching. But I do remember one. Gilligan had gotten his feelings hurt and decided to move away to the other side of the island. He chose to live alone in a cave.
This became a miserable existence for Gilligan—he was all alone. But also miserable for everyone else on the island—one of their own was no longer among them, in fellowship with them...and there was a terrible void. They missed him at the dinner table. They missed his jokes, his laughter, and his gentleness. They even missed his clumsy screw-ups. At one point in the episode they were sitting around the dinner table taking turns talking about the specific things they missed about him. So what did they do? Skipper decided to leave the rest and go live with Gilligan so he wouldn’t be alone. Unbeknownst to each of the others, they all had the same inclination and one by one they relocated. Eventually all seven people were together again on the other side of the island … in Gilligan’s cave.
A British publication once offered a prize for the best definition of a friend. Among the thousands of answers received were the following:
• "One who multiplies joys, divides grief, and whose honesty is inviolable."
• "One who understands our silence."
• The winning definition read: "A friend is the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out." (From "Bits and Pieces," July, 1991)
David may have initially thought King Saul was his friend. He played music to soothe the king’s fits of depression. He defeated Goliath in battle. He probably thought he had created a mutual bond between himself and the King. Yet Saul saw David as a threat and sought to kill him. David’s intentions were pure – Saul had malice in his heart.
In the midst of the crisis David discovered who his true friends were and there is one friendship that clearly stands above the rest in the stories of David … it was Jonathan; King Saul’s son.
Jonathan and David illustrate some very important elements about friendship. They also illustrate important elements of what it means for us to be the people of God – a local church. You see, the church is to be a model of community for society at large. Jesus said as much. He said people ought to look at the church, see all the differences in the people there and still be able to say “Wow! Look at how they love each other!” (John 13:35). Jesus said that was the evidence the world would have that we are his followers. We might want to make the litmus test a lot of other things but Jesus said, “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
1. A REAL FRIEND HAS YOUR BEST INTERESTS IN MIND (V. 16)
16 And Saul’s son Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God.
Mamie Adams always went to a branch post office in her town because the postal employees there were friendly. She went there to buy stamps just before Christmas one year and the lines were particularly long. Someone pointed out that there was no need to wait in line because there was a stamp machine in the lobby. “I know,” said Mamie, ‘but the machine won’t ask me about my arthritis.” (Taken from Bits and Pieces, December, 1989, p. 2)
Stages of Friendship
(Adapted from the original by Sharon Ogden, Kentucky)
In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one.
In first grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you and held your hand as you walked through the scary halls.
In second grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you stand up to the class bully.
In third grade your idea of a good friend was the person who shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus.
In fourth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who was willing to switch square dancing partners in gym so you wouldn’t have to be stuck “do-si-do-ing” with “Nasty Nick.”
In fifth grade your idea of a friend was the person who saved a seat on the back of the bus for you.
In sixth grade your idea of a friend was the person who went up to “Nasty Nick,” your new crush, and asked them to dance with you, so that if they said no you wouldn’t have to be embarrassed.
In seventh grade your idea of a friend was the person who let you copy the social studies homework that you had forgotten to do the night before
In eighth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pack up your stuffed animals so that your room would be a "high schooler’s" room, but didn’t laugh at you when you finished and broke out into tears.
In ninth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who rode the bus with even though she didn’t have to so that you wouldn’t be the only freshman on it.
In tenth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who changed their schedule so you would have someone to sit with at lunch.
In eleventh grade your idea of a good friend was the person who gave you rides in their new car, convinced your parents that you shouldn’t be grounded, consoled you when you broke up with “Nasty Nick.”
In twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you deal with your parents who were having a hard time adjusting to the idea of letting you go.
At graduation your idea of a good friend was the person who was crying on the inside but managed the biggest smile one could give as they congratulated you.
Now, your idea of a good friend is still:
• The person who gives you the better of the two choices
• Holds your hand when you’re scared
• Helps you fight off those who try to take advantage of you
• Thinks of you at times when you are not there
• Reminds you of what you have forgotten
• Helps you put the past behind you but understands when you need to hold on to it a little longer
• Stays with you so that you have confidence
• Goes out of their way to make time for you
• Helps you clear up your mistakes
• Helps you deal with pressure from others
• Smiles for you when they are sad
• Helps you become a better person
• And most importantly - simply loves you
1. A Real Friend Has Your Best Interests In Mind (v. 16)
2. A REAL FRIEND NOT ONLY ACCEPTS THE CURRENT VERSION OF YOU BUT ALSO SEES WHAT YOU CAN BECOME (V. 17)
17 “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “My father Saul will not lay a hand on you. You will be king over Israel, and I will be second to you. Even my father Saul knows this.”
Henry Ford said, "My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me."
Have you ever had a friendship that was really a bad idea? Have you ever had a friend that, it seemed, was capable of bringing out the worst in you? There was just something about the chemistry that was anything but wholesome? I suspect we all have. 1 Corinthians 15:33 “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’”
Have you ever had a friendship that made you aspire to be a better person? I suspect we’ve all had those too. Good friendships do not just let you take the path of least resistance. Real friends help you grow emotionally, socially, and spiritually. “As iron sharpens iron so one man sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17)
I have heard people try and compare their friendship experiences at a local tavern to the local church and, in each case I can remember they end up suggesting the local church could learn a thing or two from the local tavern. To this I say “poppy-cock.” They say, “The local tavern does not judge me. It accepts me as I am and loves me from who I am.” That may be true but what the local tavern also does while not “judging you” is permit (dare I say even encourage) your destructive behavior and tolerate you effortlessness and lack of responsibility.
The local church, on the other hand, accepts you and your brokenness but simultaneously encourages and equips you to become the person God can make of you.
And what’s true of a good church is true of a good friend; they love you and they help you aspire to grow and be whole.
Have you ever watched the movie “Toy Story?” It’s about friendship isn’t it? At a superficial level it’s about the loyalty that the toys have for their owner, Andy; but at a deeper level it’s about how the toys themselves become friends and bond through adversity. At the center of the story is Woody and Buzz Lightyear. Woody could see more than the Buzz that was while Buzz could only see himself by the definition that was imposed upon him. It took time, adversity and ongoing friendship before Buzz began to emerge into the real potential that he possessed. While strapped to a rocket, it began to dawn on him that, to quote woody, “Its more cool to be a toy than it is a space ranger!”
That’s a classic tale of friendship. You see, friendship, like any relationship, is messy. But friends who can look past the immediate flaws and see the real potential within are worth the effort. The real key, however, is not to FIND a friend like that – it is to BE a friend like that!
Friendships require maintenance, grace, and forgiveness. But real friendships can weather the storms.
During some point of the journey, they had an argument, and Jay punched Alan in the face. Without saying anything, Alan wrote in the sand:
“Today my best friend punched me in the face.”
They kept on walking, until they found an oasis, where they took refreshment. Alan got stuck in the mire and started sinking -- drowning, but his friend, Jay, saved him. After he recovered from the near drowning, Alan wrote on a stone:
“Today my best friend saved my life.”
Jay, who had slapped and saved his best friend, asked Alan, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand, and now, you write on a stone, why?"
Alan replied: "When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand, where the winds of forgiveness can erase it away, but when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where it can remain forever.
1. A Real Friend Has Your Best Interest In Mind (v. 16)
2. A Real Friend Not Only Accepts The Current Version Of You But Also Sees What You Can Become (v. 17)
3. A REAL FRIEND’S INFLUENCE SPANS BOTH TIME AND DISTANCE (V. 18)
18 The two of them made a covenant before the Lord. Then Jonathan went home, but David remained at Horesh.
If you read the ongoing chapters in 1 Samuel you will see the deep bond between Jonathan and David. Even though one lived in caves and the other in a palace their friendship was able to weather storms and each was able to bless the other time and again. That’s what friendship can do.
The Texan, Sam Rayburn, was Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives longer than any other man in our history (17 years). There is a story about him that reveals the kind of man he really was.
The teenage daughter of a friend of his died suddenly one night. Early the next morning the man heard a knock on his door, and, when he opened it, there was Mr, Rayburn standing outside.
The Speaker said, "I just came by to see what I could do to help."
The father replied in his deep grief, "I don’t think there is anything you can do, Mr. Speaker. We are making all the arrangements."
"Well," Mr. Rayburn said, "have you had your coffee this morning?"
The man replied that they had not taken time for breakfast. So Mr. Rayburn said that he could at least make coffee for them. While he was working in the kitchen, the man came in and said, "Mr. Speaker, I thought you were supposed to be having breakfast at the White House this morning."
"Well I was," Mr. Rayburn said, "but I called the President and told him I had a friend who was in trouble, and I couldn’t come."
(Nelson’s Complete Book of Stories, Illustrations, and Quotes, Robert J. Morgan)
WRAP-UP
1. A Real Friend Has Your Best Interest In Mind (v. 16)
2. A Real Friend Not Only Accepts The Current Version Of You But Also Sees What You Can Become (v. 17)
3. A Real Friend’s Influence Spans Both Time and Distance (v. 18)
Have you ever wondered what David might have been (or not been) without the friendship of Jonathan?
Do you think God used Jonathan to shape David into the man he needed to be?
I want you to look around this sanctuary. Every week I hear people say “There are so many people in our congregation that I do not know.” Each one is a potential friend. But there will never be a convenient time to make a new friend and solidify a Christian bond. You are going to have to make opportunities.
Take a moment and poke yourself in the bellybutton (I’d tell you to poke your neighbor, but that might get us into trouble!) Our navel is a constant reminder that we all started life connected to another human being. Sadly, many of us spend all of our lives trying to get reconnected to someone. That’s because God created us as relational people. And that is the genius of the Church. It is here that we are intended to find deep authentic relationships.
But remember “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: (Proverbs 18:24 {KJV}).
Jesus Christ never intended for any of his followers to follow him in isolation from other believers. Wherever it’s possible, Christ intends for all of us to be in this together; not just for one hour on Sunday mornings—not just during “official” church meetings, but through the day to day course of life.
David and Jonathan show the potential this has. They remained friends till the end. When David learned of Jonathan’s death he cried out, “How the mighty have fallen! I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother; you were very dear to me. Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women” (II Sam 1:25-26).
Before we close this morning I am going to ask you to do something courageous. While our team sings the song “We Are” I want you to leave your seat and take the first step to meeting a new friend. I want you to approach someone you don’t know, shake their hand (or poke them in the belly button) and tell them your name. If you are guest I want to encourage you to do this too. I was very courageous of you to come this morning, and we are honored, but right now we are all on equal footing – meet someone new.
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By now you are all familiar with the three types of human relationships that I think we each should have. Allow me review them with you:
• We all need mentors who point us towards our goal and aspire us to reach it.
• We all need fellow-travelers who are walking the journey with us.
• We all need mentees – those we are influencing and helping to reach the goal.
A Prayer For Christ-Centered Friendships
Lord, make our hearts places of peace and our minds harbors of tranquility.
Sow in our souls true love for you and for one another; and root deeply within us true friendship and unity, and agreement with reverence.
So may we give peace to each other sincerely and receive it graciously.
In the name of Jesus, Amen.
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This sermon is provided by Dr. Kenneth Pell
Potsdam Church of the Nazarene
Potsdam, New York
www.potsdam-naz.org
