Shining The Light - Ephesians 5:23 - June 17, 2012 (Father’s Day)
Series: After The Honeymoon - #7
Folks, this morning I want to share with you a story I came across awhile back. It’s written by a woman named Patricia McGerr and it’s called “Johnny Lingo’s Eight Cow Wife.” Now don’t get all upset by the title but listen to the deeper message that comes through the telling of this story.
This is how it goes … When I sailed to Kiniwata, an island in the Pacific, I took along a notebook. After I got back it was filled with descriptions of flora and fauna, native customs and costumes. But the only note that still interests me is the one that says: "Johnny Lingo gave eight cows to Sarita’s father." And I don’t need to have it in writing. I’m reminded of it every time I see a woman belittling her husband or a wife withering under her husband’s scorn. I want to say to them, "You should know why Johnny Lingo paid eight cows for his wife."
Johnny Lingo wasn’t exactly his name. But that’s what Shenkin, the manager of the guest house on Kiniwata called him. Shenkin was from Chicago and had a habit of Americanizing the names of the islanders. But Johnny was mentioned by many people in many connections. If I wanted to spend a few days on the neighboring island of Nurabandi, Johnny Lingo could put me up. If I wanted to fish, he could show me where the biting was best. If it was pearls I sought, he would bring me the best buys. The people of Kiniwata all spoke highly of Johnny Lingo. Yet when they spoke they smiled, and the smiles were slightly mocking.
"Get Johnny Lingo to help you find what you want and let him do the bargaining," advised Shenkin. "Johnny knows how to make a deal."
"Johnny Lingo!" A boy seated nearby hooted the name and rocked with laughter.
"What goes on?" I demanded. "Everybody tells me to get in touch with Johnny Lingo and then breaks up. Let me in on the Joke."
"Oh the people love to laugh," Shenkin said, shrugging. "Johnny’s the brightest, the strongest young man in the islands. And for his age, the richest."
"But if he’s all you say, what is there to laugh about?"
"Only one thing. Five months ago, at fall festival, Johnny came to Kiniwata and found himself a wife. He paid her father eight cows!"
I knew enough about island customs to be impressed. Two or three cows would buy a fair-to-middling wife, four of five a highly satisfactory one.
"Good Lord!" I said, "Eight cows! She must have beauty that takes your breath away."
"She’s not ugly," he conceded, and smiled a little. "But the kindest could only call Sarita plain. Sam Karoo, her father, was afraid she’d be left on his hands."
"But then he got eight cows for her? Isn’t that extraordinary?"
"Never been paid before."
"Yet you call Johnny’s wife plain?"
"I said it would be kindness to call her plain. She was skinny. She walked with her shoulders hunched and her head ducked. She was scared of her own shadow."
"Well, I said, "I guess there’s no accounting for love."
"True enough," agreed the man. "And that’s why the villagers grin when they talk about Johnny. They get special satisfaction from the fact that the sharpest trader in the islands was bested by dull old Sam Karoo."
"But how?"
"No one knows and everyone wonders. All the cousins were urging Sam to ask for three cows and hold for two until he was sure Johnny’d pay only one. Then Johnny came to Sam Karoo and said ’Father of Sarita, I offer eight cows for your daughter.’"
"Eight cows," I murmured. "I’d like to meet this Johnny Lingo."
I wanted fish. I wanted pearls. So the next afternoon I beached my boat at Nurabandi. And I noticed as I asked directions to Johnny’s house that his name brought no sly smile to the lips of his fellow Nurabandians. And when I met the slim, serious young man, when he welcomed me with grace to his home, I was glad that from his own people he had respect unmingled with mockery. We sat in his house and talked. Then he asked, "You come here from Kiniwata?"
"Yes."
"They speak of me on that island?"
"They say there’s nothing I might want that you can’t help me get."
He smiled gently. "My wife is from Kiniwata."
"Yes, I know."
"They speak of her?"
"A little."
"What do they say?"
"Why, just...." The question caught me off balance. "They told me you were married at festival time."
"Nothing more?" The curve of his eyebrows told me he knew there had to be more.
"They also say the marriage settlement was eight cows." I paused. "They wonder why."
"They ask that?" His eyes lighted with pleasure. "Everyone in Kiniwata knows about the eight cows?"
I nodded. "And in Nurabandi everyone knows it too."
His chest expanded with satisfaction. "Always and forever, when they speak of marriage settlements, it will be remembered that Johnny Lingo paid eight cows for Sarita."
So that’s the answer, I thought: vanity.
And then I saw her. I watched her enter the room to place flowers on the table. She stood a moment to smile at the young man beside me. Then she went swiftly out again. She was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. The lift of her shoulders, the tilt of her chin, the sparkle of her eyes all spelled a pride to which no one could deny her the right.
I turned back to Johnny Lingo and found him looking at me. "You admire her?" he murmured.
"She...she’s glorious. But she’s not Sarita from Kiniwata," I said.
"There’s only one Sarita. Perhaps she does not look the way they say she looked in Kiniwata."
"She doesn’t. I heard she was homely. They all make fun of you because you let yourself be cheated by Sam Karoo."
"You think eight cows were too many?" A smile slid over his lips.
"No. But how can she be so different?"
"Do you ever think," he asked, "what it must mean to a woman to know that her husband has settled on the lowest price for which she can be bought? And then later, when the women talk, they boast of what their husbands paid for them. One says four cows, another maybe six. How does she feel, the woman who was sold for one or two? This could not happen to my Sarita."
"Then you did this just to make your wife happy?"
"I wanted Sarita to be happy, yes. But I wanted more than that. You say she is different. This is true. Many things can change a woman. Things happen inside, things happen outside. But the thing that matters most is what she thinks of herself. In Kiniwata, Sarita believed she was worth nothing. Now she knows she is worth more than any other woman in the islands."
"Then you wanted--"
"I wanted to marry Sarita. I loved her and no other woman."
"But--" I was close to understanding.
"But," he finished softly, "I wanted an eight-cow wife." (Kent Kessler, www.sermoncentral.com, Illustrations)
Men, if our customs were that of those islanders, there is not a one of us who would not want an “eight cow wife,” right? … The men are being very careful how they answer that question! … And ladies, again, if their customs were our customs, there is not a one of you who would not want their husband to think of them as an “eight cow wife,” either - am I correct? I want you to consider the deeper message of Johnny Lingo’s story this morning as we look into the Word of God.
Open your Bibles with me, please, to the book of Ephesians. Ephesians, chapter 5, and we’re going to begin reading in verse 22. This is the seventh message in our series on marriage and today we look at what God is calling us to be as men of faith – specifically it’s a word to us who are husbands, as we seek to build into our marriages. But ladies, just because it’s a message that’s directed at men, doesn’t mean that you can tune out today. What you can do though is this: you can take notes about the responsibility God has placed on your husband’s shoulders, and you can use those notes as a call to prayer. Come alongside your husband, pray for him, pray with him, lift him before the throne of God, for the Lord our God has placed on him a high and holy calling that is not easy to live up to in this world in which we live. This world gives us all sorts of mixed messages about what it means to be a man, to be a husband. But what we want to do today is to get down to the heart of what God says we are to be as men of faith and how that is to express itself in our marriages, so let’s begin reading in verse 22 …
“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—” (Ephesians 5:22–29, NIV84)
Now as I read those verses, there are three big things that jump out at me, both as a man, and as a husband. One is the idea of headship, the second is the nature of the love I am to have for my wife, and the third is that in both of those two things, Jesus is to be my example; the one after which I model both my headship and my love.
Headship itself isn’t something that we hear much about these days. Our culture has totally watered down, and misrepresented, what it means to be a man, let alone a man of God. We don’t have a lot of good role models to look up to when it comes to these things. Men, if you were a hockey player, which player would you look up to and aspire to be like? Or, if you’re not into hockey, then football? Or if sports aren’t your thing then in the work you do? Who would you seek to emulate in the field of sport or in the work of your hands? Who do you admire, who do you respect, because of their skill, abilities, and the passion with which they play the game or live their lives? Most of you can probably think of someone.
But how about when it comes to being a husband and a father? Who are your role models in those things? It’s probably a lot harder to think of someone, isn’t it? And if we wanted to look at that question from a completely different perspective, we could turn it around and ask, “Who would aspire to be like you, for you to be the role model on which they built their concept of being a father and a husband?” And maybe that’s a hard question to answer. Yet isn’t it even that much more important for us to be strong, godly men in our homes than it is to be skilful on the field of sport? Because men, there is a generation looking to us for guidance. There are boys, young men, right here in this church, who are asking, or who will one day be asking, what does it mean for me to be a man of God? And they’ll look for answers in the lives of those they know the best – their fathers and the men of this church. What do we want them to see in our lives?
To walk as a man of faith, a man of God, they are going to need to understand what it means when it says, in verse 23, that “the husband is the head of the wife.” And maybe you’re not sure yourself what it means for you to live out this headship in the context of daily life because you’ve never seen it modelled well. If that’s the case then let me share with you John Piper’s definition of headship. He describes it this way: “Headship is the divine calling of a husband to take primary responsibility for Christlike, servant leadership, protection, and provision in the home.” (This Momentary Marriage, pg. 80)
In other words, to exercise the responsibility of headship in your home, means for us as men, to take the initiative in seeing that our families are protected and provided for. Men, have you ever stopped and considered what a fearful thing it must be, for a woman to trust you as her husband? As Pastor Mark Driscoll puts it, “When a woman marries a man, she’s trusting that for the rest of her life he won’t hit her, cheat on her, rape her, or kill her; that he’ll work hard, pay the bills, love the children, finish the race well, and walk with Jesus till the end; that if she gets sick, he’ll look after her; that if she is dying, he will be faithful to her.” (Real Marriage, pg. 48)
Men, God has given to us the fierce some responsibility of being the heads of our homes, of taking the lead in protection and provision of those he’s entrusted to our care. But not only is it a heavy burden, it’s also an amazing privilege for, as we do so, we are emulating the very life of Christ, and a Christ centered character is being developed within us which is pleasing, and honoring, both to God, and to our wife.
So where do we get the idea of protection from? Well verse 25 calls you to love your wife, “just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” What did Jesus do on our behalf? He gave Himself up. Very literally He lay down His life – for His bride. Scripture tells us that “while we were still sinners Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) In doing so He bore our sins (1 Peter 2:24) and became a curse for us (Galatians 3:13) that in Him we might become the righteousness of God. “For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God.” (1 Peter 3:18, NIV84) He did this for you and me in order to protect us – to save us – from the wrath of God which is to be poured out against all sin. “For if, when we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!” (Romans 5:10, NIV84)
Now look to verses 28-29 with me … “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—” (Ephesians 5:28–29, NIV84) “Feeds and cares for it,” … other translations use the words, “nourishes and cherishes it.” But they both convey similar concepts – the whole idea that the husband ought to be taking the primary responsibility, the leadership, in providing and caring for, his wife and family. Does that mean that the wife isn’t to have any part in that? Not at all! Husband and wife are to work as a team looking together, like we said last week, in the same direction. But in these things the primary responsibility – not the sole responsibility – but the primary responsibility – lays with the husband. This is what God has ordained. It does not make one spouse better than the other. Both are made in the image of God. It does however recognize God ordained differences in the roles of husband and wife.
So men this is the model that’s laid before us when it comes to protecting, and providing for, our wives – to do whatever it takes – to lay down our lives as necessary – that they might receive these blessings. That laying down of our lives is the outward expression of the reality of our love. Love is the motivating factor. And that laying down of our lives – in order to protect and to provide for our wives – is going to take place on a regular basis. The day may come when you are called upon to physically give up your life in order to protect your wife. That is something you will only be able to do once. What you will find you need to do often, is to lay down your life, in ways both big and small, in order that, as Christ did for the church, you build into your wife’s life to present her both holy and radiant; to provide and to protect.
What’s that look like in day to day life? It really comes down to four major things. One, we are called upon to protect our wives physically. This is perhaps the easiest one of the four for us to grasp. If someone were to threaten your wife, or to attack her in some way, you would step in to do all that you could to protect her, right? Remember, she is a daughter of the king and He has granted you the blessing of sharing life with her. Your job is to protect her from those who would seek to do her harm. Now that doesn’t mean that a woman is powerless, but it does mean that God expects the husband to be the first line of defence; to do all that he can to protect his wife from harm in whatever shape that might take.
But men, not only are we to protect our wives physically, we are to protect them spiritually as well. This is where we are more likely to drop the ball, but also where we need to be standing strong and courageous. To be better husbands and fathers – and really that should be the desire of every one of us whom could be called by those names – to be better husbands and fathers we need to know Jesus better. We need to go deeper. We need to build the foundation stronger. There is so much that threatens to tear the fabric of the family apart these days. What are you doing to protect your family from spiritual disillusionment, from spiritual pharicaism, from spiritual drivel, from a superficial spirituality that stands in place of genuine faith? Seek the Lord until He comes and walk humbly with the Lord your God.
As a father it can be a terrible battle to instill in your children the ways of the Lord and a love for Christ; to help them understand what it looks like to walk by faith and to live as a Christian at school and in the neighborhood. You need to protect them and to equip them for the battles to come. They may not thank you for it today – in fact in the reality of their own sin they may resist you at every turn – don’t ever give up. The day may come when they give thanks to God for a father who loved them enough to do the hard things a parent needs to do and who never gave up on them!
Father’s what does it mean for you to protect your child spiritually? How about what you are permitting them to fill their minds with? What are you allowing into your house through the t.v., the internet, the movies they watch? What boundaries will you set for your child as to where they can go and the things they can do? What about when it comes to dating? What are the rules going to be when that young man comes along to date your daughter? Are you going to sit down and talk with him before they ever go on a date? Are you going to see if he is a young man worthy of your daughter filled with the Holy Spirit and seeking the things of God? Maybe you’re thinking, “that’s a high standard pastor.” Does your daughter deserve anything less? And what about the way she dresses? Have you and your wife talked with your daughters about modesty and the beauty that is pleasing in God’s sight? The world’s view of sexuality is so broken and distorted that we need to be sure our teenagers understand what it is meant to be in God’s eyes. Women are not visually stimulated in the same way men are and fathers you need to help the girls in your life understand the impact what they wear can have on how others perceive them and respond to them.
And what about with our sons? Are we having the hard conversations with them? Are we helping them to understand what it means to treat a young woman with the gentleness and care that the Lord expects? Are we helping them understand the boundaries a child of God will place upon himself and the girl he is pursuing so that together they will continue to honor God in their relationship? Are you teaching them to love and respect a woman rather than to see her as an object of lust? Are we teaching our sons to be gentle as lambs yet bold as lions? We ought to be because the one whom we follow was both lion and lamb.
Men, let us be prayer warriors – men of courage and faith who rise up and pray bold prayers of protection for our wives and children – men who seek God’s protection and God’s empowering for the battle that is being waged for hearts and souls! Let us take the lead in setting godly standards in our homes. Work together with your wife on those standards because you are partners in this together but men it is your role to take the initiative in these things. Start those hard conversations, take the first steps. And do the same when it comes to your relationship with your wife. Let no root of bitterness or hurt to grow up in your marriage but walk humbly before God and give thanks for this woman He has brought into your life.
So much more that could be said but we need to move on. Men, know this: it’s also our responsibility to provide physically for our families – to put bread on the table and a roof over their heads if you will. Again, it does not mean that a woman can not have a part in this; it does mean the initiative lies with the husband to seek to provide that which his family physically needs. Just as Christ nourishes and cares for the church so too are we to nourish and care for the needs of our families. And again, this physical element it easier to understand. We can see very concrete evidence when we get it right because there will be food on the table and a home to return to each day, it gets a lot harder when it comes to spiritual provision.
But that doesn’t change the reality that we have the primary responsibility in our homes to provide spiritually for our families as well; to take the initiative and leadership in these things. And some men have abdicated that responsibility to their wives – and God bless their wives for doing for their families what their husband has failed to do – but men, if that’s the case in your household – then you’ve failed in your God given responsibility and you are sinning. Here’s the thing – it’s hard to lead someone somewhere you’ve never been yourself. If you are going to lead and model for your family a godly life then we need to be growing in our faith as men! We can’t be satisfied with the status quo but we need to be continually reaching higher. Jesus said, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.”” (John 7:37–38, NIV84) Men, I want to challenge you to be thirsty! Why? So that those streams of living water will flow from you and spill over into your family!
Are you praying together as a family? Looking into God’s word together? Speaking of the things of God and how they touch and influence and direct the course of our lives? Are you worshipping God with one another – not just in church – but in your homes? In the book of Hebrews we read these words: “See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” (Hebrews 3:12–13, NIV84) Those words apply to us individually but they are also a challenge to us as husbands and fathers to seek to seeing those in our lives being nurtured and fed and growing up in the Lord. And again, ideally husband and wife should both be a part of this but men, it is your role to take the initiative to get these things going and to set the example.
I appreciate so much these verses in Ephesians where we read what Christ accomplished in laying down His life for His bride, which is the church. Let me read them for you again … Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. Friends, let me put it this way, Jesus wanted an eight cow wife. He took a people who were full of sin and shame and darkness, He sacrificially gave of Himself – He laid down His life, why? - to make us holy and to present us a radiant church – a radiant bride – without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish. In laying down His life and sacrificially loving us, He did for us, that which has immeasurably blessed us. And men, Scripture tells us that in this same way a husband ought to love his wife and as you do so you will be immeasurably blessing her.
Our time has passed all too quickly today. Before we go I want you to see this video clip and then afterwards, I want to invite all the men here this morning, to stand together and we are going to pray for you as we close our service today. [Show Video Clip – Courageous]
Pray for men, husbands, fathers, young men and boys.
