Growing Together - Hosea 10:12 - June 10, 2012
Series: After The Honeymoon - #6
The early years of Paul and Grace’s marriage were, what we would consider to be, fairly typical. When they got married there was so much excitement and enthusiasm that they couldn’t imagine it ever being any different. They had so much in common, and so many things that they liked to do together – their friends said they were “inseparable.” They found joy and satisfaction and contentment in each other’s company, whether they were doing something adventurous, or simply lying in bed reading books to each other. As long as they were together life felt right – it was good.
Paul had come to faith in his mid-twenties. He was a very new believer when he first met Grace, but he was hungry to know God better and that passion to go deeper with God, is one of the things that Grace was first attracted to. She liked what she saw in his life.
For her part, Grace had turned to God while still a child, and now, also in her mid-twenties, her love for Jesus was vibrant and full of life. That love tended to express itself best through music and worship. When Paul first saw Grace singing to the Lord, her face just seemed to radiate love and joy, and it was so heartfelt that Paul was mesmerized and he thought to himself, “this is a woman I could love.”
They made it a practice early on in their dating relationship to pray and read God’s word together. Those were exciting times as they drew closer to God and grew closer to one another as well. Within a year and a half of that first meeting they were married and setting up their new place. Life was great – there were a few minor adjustments to make of course – there always are. Paul discovered the hard way that Grace’s feet felt like block’s of ice and she learned that when he snored it sounded like a freight train hurtling through their bedroom. But all in all married life was everything they had always dreamed it would be and more.
They didn’t notice – at least not at first – that things were subtly changing. Looking back years later they could never figure out just when the changes first began. Maybe it was when the kid’s started to come along or when Paul accepted that new job. Somewhere in there, life got busy – very busy it seemed – and amidst all that busyness the fabric of the marriage began to unravel. It’s not that they didn’t love each other anymore – please don’t hear that this morning - it’s just that after 15 years they seemed to have drifted apart in ways they weren’t even sure they could explain to themselves, let alone to one another.
Their marriage wasn’t bad – it just was what it was. The passion was gone. The excitement was gone. In some ways even the contentment was gone. They would catch little glimpses of all those things from time to time - but the reality was that in between trying to stay ahead of the bills, trying to keep up with the kids and their school work, dealing with illnesses and problems in the extended families, there was very little life left for each other.
Somewhere along the way they had shifted from really living life, to merely struggling to survive. One of the first casualties in this struggle was their intimacy – that sense of closeness that you share with the one person in the world who knows you better than anyone else. Instead of the romantic walks, hand in hand, that they used to take, or the shared laughter as they played a game together, more and more they retreated into their own separate worlds – Paul into the T.V. and Grace into her books. Every so often one would look over at the other, silently gazing at them, wondering what had happened to what they used to have, and not knowing how to get it back again. And perhaps you’ve been there. Perhaps you are there right now. Or maybe you simply fear that that is the direction that your marriage is headed in.
French author Antoine De Saint-Exupery once wrote these words, “Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction.” And what Paul and Grace had failed to do, and what so many couples struggle to do over the long haul, is to continue looking together in the same direction. Paul and Grace were looking for answers within each other, even getting to the point of blaming each other for their own unhappiness, never realizing that the very life they were longing to rediscover, was only going to be made possible as they started to look together in the same direction – turning their gaze towards God - both as individuals and as a couple.
Scripture tells us that “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12, NIV84) If two of those strands are represented by husband and wife, the third is represented by God Himself. The marriage woven together in God does not quickly unravel. But what happens is this: when life gets busy, when we’re struggling just to keep our heads above the water, not only do we let go of that time with each other, but even before that we tend to let go of our time with God – both time alone with Him – and time spent seeking Him as a couple. Here’s a question to ask yourselves: Are you growing in the Lord as an individual? Are you coming before God as a couple to seek His face? Does God talk fill your home?
What Paul and Grace discovered was that the busier life got, the less time they felt they could make for the Lord. Even the ministries that they had once served in together with so much joy became more burden, than joy. And as that time with God went by the wayside, so too did those moments with each other, and before they knew it, 15 years had passed by, and both their marriage, and their faith, had become simply a shadow of what they had once been.
And perhaps you do catch glimpses of yourself in Paul and Grace’s story. And your marriage, and perhaps even your relationship with the Lord, which was once so vibrant and exciting and passionate, has become troubled, joyless, and without life. Maybe you’re not at that point yet - and don’t ever want to get there - but you are starting to see some warning signs in your own marriage that concern you. There is a longing in your heart for something more and you’re wondering if you’re ever going to find it. If this is how you feel, I want you to understand that you are not alone. I also want to give you hope, because it doesn’t have to be this way.
This morning, as we continue in our series entitled, “After The Honeymoon,” I’ll invite you to open your Bibles with me to the book of Hosea - Hosea, chapter 10, verse 12. And once again our desire in this series is to see good marriages become great, hurting marriages to find healing, troubled marriages to find hope, and for all of us, whether married or not, to go deeper with God. But not only are we to be going deeper with God, and learning more about Him, the testimony of Scripture is that the very character of Christ is to be developed within us. Listen to these verses: Ephesians 5:1 - “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children.” (Ephesians 5:1, NIV84) Philippians 2:5 - “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 2:5–6, NIV84) From John 13 these words of our Lord - “I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. …. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.” (John 13:15–17, NIV84) And finally from the Gospel of Luke - “A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher.” (Luke 6:40, NIV84)
What do those verses all have in common? What’s the message that they convey? Simply this: that salvation is not all that God wants to accomplish within our lives. Salvation is simply a starting point. Our God wants to transform the very core of our characters. We are to be imitators - as much as it is possible – in word and thought and deed – of Jesus, so that the light of Christ shines through our lives. This is for God’s glory and for our good.
But this is what happens in so many of our lives: we come to faith and we are full of zeal and passion and excitement but somewhere along the way, we become comfortable in our faith and we settle into a rut if you will. The life that once produced fruit no longer produces as it once did. The fire that once burned hot and bright has been dulled by the busyness of life. The eyes that once looked heavenward daily are now no longer fixed on Christ. And over time we tend to take for granted, or lose sight of, or simply never discover, why it is that God has called us out of darkness and into the light in the first place.
Perhaps you’ve heard the story of the man who walked past three brick layers who were hard at work. Stopping by the first worker the man asked him, “What is it that you are doing?” “Laying bricks,” was the dejected, lifeless reply. As he came to the second man he asked him the same question. This time the worker responded saying, “I am building a wall,” but there was no joy, nor zeal in his reply, no enthusiasm for the work. The third man though, had a different look about him. There were written on his face, contentment and joy, and when asked what he was doing, he replied with barely contained excitement, “I’m building something beautiful for God.” And folks I want you to ask yourself this morning: What am I building with my life? What am I building with my marriage? Am I just going through the motions or am I striving to build something beautiful for God?
And it’s quite possible, as you consider that question, that you’ll discover that you’re more like the first two brick layers than the third. You’ve lost your vision for your life, the dream for your marriage, and you don’t know how to get it back, but the more you think about it the more you know that that is not just what you want, but what you need to rediscover. It’s no longer satisfying to simply go through the motions of life – it’s time for something more! And what is that more? What is it that is needed? Let’s look together to Hosea 10:12 where we read these simple words … This is what the prophet proclaims to a people who have lost their way - “Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the LORD, until he comes and showers righteousness on you.” (Hosea 10:12, NIV84)
I read those verses and I think of our garden. A few weeks ago it was full of weeds. They were so thick and so tall that they threatened to choke out the life of the good things we were hoping to grow. So two weeks ago I sprayed most of the garden with round up. Now the majority of the weeds are dead and lifeless and a little green has begun to appear – only this time it’s not weeds, but rather the good things like the strawberries. Yet it’s not enough. If I want to make the most out of that garden I need to do something more – I need to break up the hard soil, plow the weeds under, and plant new seed, and then I need to maintain that garden – so that that which is planted may grow abundantly.
That is something of the picture that we are being given in these verses. The Hebrew word that’s translated there as “break up” means to “crush, to burst, to tear into pieces.” And the unplowed ground represents our hearts. So the image that we are given is that we are to crush, to tear into pieces, to churn up, the hard ground of our hearts and to seek the Lord that He may come and bring new life. And we continue to seek Him until He comes and pours forth that new life into our hearts and souls that we may have that renewed fellowship with Him. And then we keep seeking Him that that renewed life with Him will overflow into our homes, and our relationships and even into our marriages, and as it does it will bring life to that which today, may appear to be, lifeless.
Friends, God’s desire for you is not simply to deliver you from your sin, but for you to be continually growing in Him. Growing in love. Growing in faithfulness. Growing in obedience. Growing in hope. Growing in joy. Growing in service. Growing in understanding and knowledge. Growing in peace and contentment. Growing in purpose. And on and on it goes.
Let’s try a little something here. If you could gauge your relationship with God – your spiritual depth, and fervor, and zeal, and passion for the Lord – on a scale of one to ten, with one being nearly non-existent, and ten being over the top 110% sold out to God – where would you put yourself on that scale right now? … And then consider where you were 5 years ago. Some of you will find that you’ve grown closer to God in that time. Some might discover that you’ve moved further away. Some might be surprised to see that there hasn’t been much movement at all. … Now think of where you’d like to be on that scale 5 years from now. That’s your goal. I hope that which you have chosen to aim for is way up on the right hand side of that scale. That’s what the apostle Paul chose to aim for. Listen to what he writes to the believers in Philippi … “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. … Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:12–15, NIV84)
If you’ve chosen, like Paul, to press on toward the goal, know that there is work ahead of you – worthwhile to be sure – but work none-the-less, because just as I have to break up the ground for my garden on a regular basis, so too do we need to be breaking up the hard ground of our hearts and seeking the Lord, if we are to see the growth in our lives, the closeness with God, that we desire.
Now, what does any of this have to do with our marriages? Keep in mind the words of Psalm 127. The psalmist writes this: “Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain.” (Psalm 127:1, NIV84) and to help us understand what that means we have a little skit this morning that will illustrate the heart of that verse for us. So I’ll invite your drama team to come forward now please. [Skit - http://www.bobsnook.org/stg/tp/marriage.htm] ….
A very simple little skit that nicely illustrates for us that as a couple looks up towards God together, as they draw closer to Him, they will also find themselves drawing closer to one another. He is the third cord that binds the first two tightly to one another, and the result in a marriage, is this thing we call spiritual intimacy. And in the time we have left this morning I just want to share with you a few ways in which you can seek to begin building this spiritual intimacy into your relationships, into your marriage. It’s not rocket science but it does take commitment.
It can start with something as simple as talking with one another. Scripture encourages us to “Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:19, NIV84) We can do that as we spend time with our spouse talking about God and what He is showing us in His word and through His Spirit. Seek to make the things of God a regular point of conversation in your home. Deuteronomy 6 reminds us that the things of God are to be upon our hearts, that they are to be a frequent part of our conversation with one another. Gary Chapman, in his book, “Covenant Marriage,” suggests some ways to get started if this is all new to you. Once a week you could share with each other something that you have read in the Bible - why it touched your heart, and how you are trying to apply it to your life. Share with one another something useful or encouraging or challenging you heard in a sermon. Discuss passages of Scripture that you have questions about and search out the answers with one another. The key is to be talking about the things of God together, sharing your heart, and listening to one another. In this way you can help and encourage each other in your Christian walk.
Praying for one another, and together, also unites our hearts before the Lord. Strive to make regular times of prayer a matter of priority in your marriage. Some couples never pray aloud for one another. They don’t take time to share prayer requests and burdens with each other. They don’t pray together for God’s direction nor for discernment in the decisions they face nor the obstacles that need to be overcome in their lives. They are missing out both on the power of God which is available to them, and the blessing of developing this incredible spiritual intimacy and closeness as they open up their souls in prayer.
Some of you may find the idea of praying together intimidating. It frightens you. You may feel inadequate. You may not see the point. Don’t make it harder than it needs to be. There are many great prayers in the pages of the Bible that you could begin to pray for one another till you grow more comfortable in prayer. Ask your spouse how you can pray for them and then lift their requests, their burdens, their needs, before God. Make prayer like a conversation between you and your spouse and God, taking turns simply praying a few sentences about each need or request, and giving thanks and praise.
Thirdly, build spiritual intimacy by growing spiritually yourself. Get into the Word of God. Let God’s will, as it is revealed there, shape not just your life, but your marriage. Wrestle through the difficult truths that you grow and emerge stronger and grow both in knowledge and obedience as well as in love. Let the word of God be the rule for your life as you build a home with your spouse. How many Christians have never read the whole Bible even just once, I wonder? Yet how can God’s word possibly be the rule for our lives if we don’t know what it says? So let the Spirit shape your life as you let the Bible inform the moments of everyday. As the psalmist writes, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.” (Psalm 119:105, NIV84)
Another great way to develop that spiritual intimacy is by serving together in ministry. Look around – is there a way that you can serve others side by side? God has given you each different gifts, abilities and passions – how can you complement one another together in ministry? Look for ways to serve together for the goal of all these things is to find yourself, and your spouse, growing closer, and drawing nearer to God, as you are looking together in the same direction.
One week during VBS a new student came in about an hour before it was time to go home. The little boy was missing one arm. The teacher was nervous that one of the other children would comment on his handicap and embarrass him. As the class time came to a close, she asked the class to join her in their usual closing ceremony. "Let’s make our churches," she said. "Here’s the church and here’s the steeple, open the doors and there’s..." The awful truth of her own actions struck her. The very thing she had feared that the children would do, she had done. As she stood there wondering what to do, the little girl sitting next to the boy, reached over with one of her hands and placed it against his saying, "Davey, let’s make the church together."
And in a way that’s what we’re doing when we’re growing in spiritual intimacy because you can’t build a marriage alone. You need one another. In your sermon notes you’ll find a number of questions to ponder and a challenge to take a step this week to begin nurturing that spiritual intimacy in your own marriage. It is a journey, but like any journey, it begins with taking that first step. So take that first step in these next few days, “Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the LORD, until he comes and showers righteousness on you.”
Let’s pray ….
