MEN BEHAVING GODLY: FOUR QUALITIES OUR HEAVENLY FATHER SEEKS IN A DAD*
Matthew 1:18-25
Big idea: There were particular qualities in Joseph that made him a good dad for Jesus and these qualities are transferrable to all dads.
INTRO
I ran across a small resource this week called “The Men’s Translator.” It implies that men don’t always say what they mean so it helps others interpret their words.
He are a few excerpts.
When a man says: "IT’S A GUY THING"
He means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with this, and you have no chance at all of making it logical"
When a man says ’OH, DON’T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT’S NO BIG DEAL"
He means: "I have actually severed a limb, but I will bleed to death before I admit I’m hurt"
When a man says ’I CAN’T FIND IT.’’
He means: "It didn’t fall into my outstretched hand, so I’m completely clueless"
When a man says "I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.’’
He means: "No one will ever see us alive again."
Now those might not be the greatest qualities in a husband or dad I admit but sadly, they still ring true.
Dads & Husbands do have some good qualities though. There are some that I would say are down right awesome and essential. You can find these qualities illustrated in many men’s lives but I think they may be best illustrated in Jesus’ earthly dad.
You see, there are some qualities that God saw in Joseph that qualified him to be the father of Jesus and those qualities might just be transferrable to all dads; let’s take a look.
MATTHEW 1:18-25
18 This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. 19 Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.
20 But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. 21 She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”
22 All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: 23 “The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel” —which means, “God with us.”
24 When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. 25 But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus.
May I give you four qualities that God desires for every dad? They are all illustrated in Joseph’s life.
But first, here’s another entry from called “The Men’s Translator.”
When a man says "UH HUH, SURE HONEY,” or “YES, DEAR"
It means: Absolutely nothing – It’s a conditioned response.
1. JOSEPH WAS DEPENDABLE
Joseph’s faithful obedience is clearly illustrated in Scripture. I find it particularly refreshing because his struggle to understand and see the bigger picture is also evident. I see faithfulness in the midst of humanness. As a whole I see in Joseph a model of a man who has a surrendered heart; a yielded spirit.
I once heard a preacher talk about “Three kinds of ‘yes Lord’ statements.”
1. There are those who say “Yes, Lord” but then never do what they say they will do.
2. There are those who say “No, Lord” but then recant and do obey the Spirit’s prompting.
3. There are those who say “Yes Lord” and God knows He can count on them to do it.
The Bible is full of men who model the latter. Joseph is one of those men. He was a man God could count on to be obedient and faithful. Joseph’s character can embody every father here today. There is no better way to lead your children to be men and women of character than by modeling it yourself.
My dad was (is) a good dad but there was one flaw that really came home to roost. Dad was a smoker and I will never forget the “talk” we had when I entered adolescence about smoking. Dad told me he better never catch me with cigarettes – while there was a pack of cigarettes in his front pocket. When I pointed out the glaring inconsistency to him his response was “Do as I say not as I do.”
That was a really bad moment. God’s plan is for fathers to model character and holiness – for us to lead by example.
I heard the story of a farmer who had toiled over a bumper crop of grain - a badly needed crop of grain - a badly needed crop that was going to pay off many creditors and secure the family for another year. But just a few days before it was due to be harvested a freak wind and hail storm ravaged the property, and the harvest was lost. The man stood with his little boy looking over the fields of destroyed grain. The boy expected to hear his father cursing in despair. But instead his Dad began to softly sing: “Rock of Ages cleft for me, let me hide myself in Thee.” Years later that boy, grown into manhood, said: “That was the greatest sermon I ever heard!”
His father had shown him FAITH where the rubber meets the road!
Dads, you are called to be obedient and faithful. You are called to be dependable. It is a quality that God looks for in those who will model character for the next generation.
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“The Men’s Translator” might help us with the next Godly quality of a dad.
When a man says "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
He means: "I can hum every bar of the intro to Star Trek; repeat every line from “The God Father” and still know the vehicle identification numbers of the first car I ever owned – but I forgot your birthday"
2. JOSEPH WAS DEVOTED
Joseph was obviously kind and compassionate. Even before he had his encounter with the angel his compassion shows itself. When he found out his fiancé was pregnant -- in the heat of the crisis -- that is when his kindness really shows itself.
Why? Because he was guided by love.
• He did not allow his anger to control him
• He did not allow his embarrassment and humiliation to control him
• He did not allow his culture and traditions to control him
Listen Dad’s, the governing force of God is love. He tells us that all other things will pass away but love will remain (1 Corinthians 13) and that His very nature is a nature of love (1 John 4:16).
When I was a young father I remember hearing James Dobson speak on fatherhood. Of all the things he said one really stuck – there was one thing he said that I immediately began to put into practice. Dr. Dobson said that our children should hear every day, from our lips, that we love them, their siblings, and their mother. The impact that this small practice had on me and my family exists to this day. It changed me and it instilled a deep and eternal value in my kids too.
It is never too late to begin telling your kids you love them.
But love is more than words isn’t it? There is no record of Joseph telling Mary or Jesus or Jesus’ siblings he loved them but, even with a broken heart (hearing of her pregnancy) he showed his love.
Think about what many men would do if their fiancé was found to be pregnant by someone other than them. The rage would be dangerous and the humiliation and exposure he would bring to his fiancé would be overwhelming. But not Joseph. Even before he knew the whole story he sought to maintain dignity and compassion.
Love does that. Love looks out for the other person even when the other person fails to deserve it. The best illustration of this love is God’s love for humanity.
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16)
“This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” (1 John 4:10)
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Mom’s and children, here’s another helpful entry from called “The Men’s Translator.”
When a man says "IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
He means: "I have no idea how it works"
3. JOSEPH WAS DISCERNING
Joseph was able to discern the direction of God. Now I must admit an angel would get my attention too. But Joseph is mentioned other times in the early years of Jesus’ life and in those cases we see, again, that He has discerned the will of God for his family.
God directs the path of His people in many ways. Sometimes God “speaks” to His children. My experience is far more “guidance” that God “speaking.” I can think of maybe a half dozen times when I sensed God “speak” to me. The rest of the time I have sensed guidance and direction.
I have become uncomfortable and wary when people tell me God “spoke” to them. I am amazed at things people say God “told” them – especially when God spoke to them about something I (or someone other than themselves) is supposed to do. It is also interesting that those who come to tell me God “told” them something do not expect their claim of God speaking to be challenged. I could provide a long list of things God has supposedly “told” people.
• God told someone in our town that He never called me to be a pastor. That I am not gifted, qualified or called and that our church is out of God’s will with me here.
• God told a young man I know to devote his entire life to youth ministry – that meant he was supposed to divorce his wife who was holding him back.
• God told a parishioner to stay home from church and mow his lawn (never mind the day before he played all day in softball games and on motorcycles).
• I used to come into my office and find letters lying of my desk chair. They were from someone in our congregation that was giving me “God’s words to me.”
I know this is a sensitive and personal subject for some but it needs to be addressed. So let me say a few things.
Sometimes people have thoughts that are good but those thoughts are not the voice of God. Even The Apostle Paul, in Scripture of all places, tells people some of what he is saying is from Him not directly from the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:10 & 12).
It seems paramount to me that people learn to talk of these things in sound ways. You can have thoughts and inspirations and aspirations that are very very good and that not mean “God told you.” Trust me – when God really speaks (which I think is more rare than the televangelists on TV have led some to believe) you WILL know and be able to distinguish it from even your own good and proper thoughts. Jesus said, “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.” (John 10:27)
Let me repeat:
1. Not every voice you hear in your head is God.
2. Not even every good or logical voice. They may be good and they may be influenced by God but they are not God “speaking” to you.
Let me also warn you, if you come to me and tell me God “told” you something I will challenge you on it. In fact, I feel a duty to discern whether or not your words are genuinely God’s or just inspirational thoughts you may be having. 1 John 4:1 says, “Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.”
That being said, I do believe God leads His people and, on occasion, “speaks” to them. So, how do you know if you are hearing from God? Here are few general principles I have discovered over the years:
1. It will be a word that fulfills or acts upon the call of God
2. It will be a never conflict with Scripture
3. On matters of morality and ethics it will never be “gray,” “compromising,” “individualistic” or inconsistent with His voice through the ages – there will be no “new morality.”
4. It can be confirmed by Godly council
I digress. Let’s get back to Joseph. … Joseph was able to discern the will of God for his family. That is a valuable quality in a dad and one each of us should/must acquire. I can assure you that Joseph’s capacity to discern God’s voice was preceded by a relationship with Him beforehand. Joseph was already in communion with God – he was a man of faith and faithfulness. He was one of God’s sheep and that’s why he knew his voice.
Dads, you, too need an ongoing walk with God. You need to routinely be in His Word, in prayer, in worship, and in fellowship with other saints. If you do not do this you cannot in any way expect to be able to discern His will for you and your family.
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“The Men’s Translator” offers us one more helpful insight
When a man says "TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD’’
He means: "I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner"
4. JOSEPH WAS DETERMINED
There are only a few verses in the Bible devoted to Jesus’ earthly father but they sure reveal a lot about him and one thing that shines forth is his determination.
Joseph did not follow the path of least resistance! Joseph did the right thing – the hard thing – not the cheap and easy thing.
Not every pastoral assignment is difficult or with difficult people; but any pastor who stays with their calling will have their fair share of difficult “opportunities” come their way. As a young pastor I naively thought everyone would agree with me, follow me, and that everyone in the flock was seeking God’s best. The idealism quickly past and disillusionment volunteered to replace it. It was then that I had one of the few moments when it seemed God “spoke” to me. I was sitting in my car in the parking lot of the church I served – which was not a good place to be at the time – and it was almost as if God was sitting in passenger seat and said. “KEN, I DID NOT CALL YOU TO BE COMFORTABLE, I CALLED YOU TO BE FAITHFUL.
That is a very simple lesson – but it is also a very revolutionary lesson. And Joseph understood it. Trust me, being the earthly dad of Jesus was not a walk in the park! It came at a cost – a high cost! I assure you Joseph’s life did not go as he had planned and it was not easy; just read chapter two. But – Joseph understood that he was called to faithfulness not comfort.
Genesis 49:3-4 {KJV} Reuben (Jacob’s first born) is described thusly: “Unstable as water, thou shalt not excel.” Reuben, you see, could fit any mold and would take the path of least resistance and the result was failure.
Fathers are often faced with tough choices and taking the path of least resistance will always result in ruin. Demanding the best from your children is not popular with them or the crowds but it is essential. Refusing to give in and compromise regarding values and lifestyle related issues is never easy – but your family is worth it. Demanding the best from your self is not easy but it is the right thing to do.
You show me a family is disarray and I will show you a family haunted by a dad taking the path of least resistance.
Raymond P. Murray wrote this piece called “Wanted”
The great want of this age is men: Men who are not for sale; Men who will condemn wrong in friend or foe- in themselves as well as others; Men whose consciences are as steady as the needle to the pole; Men who will stand for the right though the heavens totter and the earth reels; Men who can tell the truth and look the world right in the eye; Men who neither brag nor run; Men who neither flag nor flinch; Men who can have courage without shouting it; Men in whom the hope of everlasting life still runs deep and strong; Men who know their message and tell it; Men who know their business and attend to it; Men who are not too lazy to work, nor too proud to be poor; Men who are willing to eat what they have earned and to wear what they have paid for; Men who are not ashamed to say No with emphasis.
WRAP-UP
I have given you four admirable qualities that could be found in Jesus’ earthly dad.
JOSEPH WAS DEPENDABLE
JOSEPH WAS DEVOTED
JOSEPH WAS DISCERNING
JOSEPH WAS DETERMINED
These are qualities that God sought in the earthly father of His Son. They are also transferrable – He seeks them in you too – dad.
Chances are you look at the list and you see some areas in your life that need refinement and improvement. Well, I have good news! God wants to be involved in your faith and character development.
God can make a bad daddy into a good one and God can make a good Daddy into a great one.
It starts with us right where it started with Joseph – with a relationship with God.
Jesus said “My sheep hear my voice” – are you one of His today? If not you can be.
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* The idea for this sermon (but not the content) comes from Rev. Phil Morgan, pastor of First Assembly of God, Brookfield, CT
This sermon is provided by Dr. Kenneth Pell
Potsdam Church of the Nazarene
Potsdam, New York
www.potsdam-naz.org
