Marriage – Marriage is more than a gift… it is God’s plan for His church
Sunday 10th June 2012 – 9:45 – St John’s, Hedge End
Readings NT – Ephesians 5:15-32
OT – Jeremiah 31:31-34
Gospel – Matthew 19:1-12
Now, O Lord, take my lips and speak through them;
Take our minds and think through them;
Take our hearts and set them on fire with love for Yourself, Lord Jesus.
Amen.
So, what am I doing here? Apparently I was christened here just under 31 years ago, I can’t remember it, but I am told this is true. My parents were married here some 33 years ago, again, I have no memory of this, I was not even thought of yet, except by God. Much more recently my wife, Nicki and I have been joining with you here at St John’s in worship for about 6 months. We would like to thank you all for a very warm welcome and a real insight into your church life. Evidently the “welcome course” Chris has been running has been working wonders.
This service marks an official end to our time here. So when I was asked to speak it seemed fitting to talk about transition. The ultimate transition we face is death, marked in church by a funeral service. This seemed to me to be slightly morbid, bearing in mind that it seems I have survived 6 months at St John’s I thought something a little less final. Another obvious transition that springs to mind would be Jesus’ ascension. But with Pentecost being only a fortnight ago this seemed, to me, to have been well covered lately. So what to speak about then, it then occurred to me that this is not just a transition but a journey, I began to think and pray about what it might mean to speak about the Exodus and pilgrimage, only to realise that Chris might not be too fond of you all getting up and wandering off through the wilderness.
It became apparent that a massive transition many of us face and a long and winding journey for all those who embark upon it, is that of marriage. Marriage ticked all the boxes for me and with this being the place my parents were married it seemed ideal, but what to say about Marriage? Surely we all know about marriage and weddings? Well so I thought…
By the way, if any of you are not familiar with us yet, my wife can be spotted by the blinding radiance from her very new shock of pink hair. I may well be speaking about forgiveness in marriage in a few moments.
What is Marriage?
The oxford dictionary says marriage is, the formal union of a man and woman, typically as recognised by law, by which they become husband and wife. The Pastoral Introduction in the Common Worship marriage service reads, …Marriage is intended by God to be a creative relationship, as His blessing enables husband and wife to love and support each other in good times and in bad… marriage is also an invitation to share life together in the spirit of Jesus Christ. However according to the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale marriage is the 3rd most stressful thing that can happen, only 5 points less stressful than the death of a spouse and amazingly 25 points more stressful than a prison sentence of 1 year or more. It is possible that the studies used here are looking more at weddings than at the lifelong marriages themselves. But nevertheless there is a definite sense that marriage is not something to be taken or entered into lightly.
What the Bible says
Our readings this morning were all relating to a covenant of sorts, or more significantly a marriage. To fulfil our part in a covenant requires dedication. Last Tuesday 5th June at the thanksgiving service to mark Her majesty Queen Elizabeth II’s diamond jubilee, the Archbishop of Canterbury Dr Rowan Williams talked at length about dedication. He said that to be dedicated means to remove ourselves from all other uses, to be totally available to that purpose. That the joy, pleasure and fulfilment we can receive is in working towards the benefit of those we are in covenant with. In our lives this ought to be God and in the case of our marriages, our spouse. It is this level of dedication that is required to enjoy the full fruits of the gift of marriage.
Our Gospel reading this morning was from Matthew 19. This was another of those occasions when the Pharisees were trying to trap Jesus into false testimony and blasphemy. Jesus, being the fulfilment of the mosaic law, had radical but not alien responses to their questions that drew on the Hebrew scripture to bring the people closer to God’s will for their lives. I just want to take a few moments to look at some points from within this passage before I move on to what I believe God wants me to share. In verse 4 we read Jesus saying “have you not read…” this is in response to a vital question about life’s most important institutions, marriage and family, Jesus quotes as His authority the account of creation in Genesis. This suggests to me that Jesus viewed the creation record as historically true and divinely inspired.
In verses 4 and 5 Jesus quotes two different passages from genesis. Verse 4 relates to Genesis 1:27 and verse 5 to Genesis 2:24. Modern critics often argue that these first two chapters of Genesis are two different and contradictory accounts of creation. However Jesus happily quotes both accounts in one statement, making them complimentary and of absolute authority. After all He was there at the beginning, so He ought to know!!
In verse 6 we hear “let man not separate” the creation account is the foundation for the institution of marriage which was validated by the Creator Himself and established to be a lifelong union between one man and woman who were commanded to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28)
Verses 7 and 8 are Jesus confirming Moses’ authorship of Deuteronomy (Deuteronomy 24:1-4) while negotiating around a testing question, verse 8 states that the relatively easy divorce allowed in the Mosaic law was not intended in God’s original plan. Verse 9 goes on to elaborate that the only allowable grounds for divorce according to Christ is adultery. The Greek word for fornication, porneia, could include any sexual sin committed after the betrothal contract. On the other hand, Jesus did not even allow this exception in Luke 16:18. The conclusion here is that even though adultery or fornication are permissible grounds for divorce and then remarriage, it is still better to salvage the marriage if possible (Romans 7:2&3, 1 Corinthians 7:10-15)
So, onto the real subject of this message.
Marriage is a gift
3 ideas that make marriage special.
1. Marriage is special because, as I have already mentioned, it was god’s plan for us from the beginning. We have looked at 2 verses from Genesis that talk directly of marriage, there are many, many, more throughout scripture. The fact that it is an integral part of the plan for us and the lives we are called to lead makes marriage special, as are all of God’s callings.
2. Secondly, marriage is a gift. In verses 10-12 we learn that for some people marriage is not available. This, I feel, makes marriage a gift, just like prophecy, teaching, musical talent or any other gift that appears in the many lists throughout the New Testament. We are called to use our gifts and will be judged, or held to account, for how we use them. The way a gift is judged is by the fruit it produces. The fruit of a Godly marriage would appear to be yet more gifts, mainly hospitality, witness and children (Genesis 1:28 again). This is not to say that the unmarried or childless are not godly. We are all given different gifts and called to use them for God’s glory, think of the parable of the talents and the fact that we are the many different parts of one body.
3. Lastly, marriage is a model, or picture, for how we, as the contemporary church should respond to Christ. Ephesians 5, our New Testament reading today, tells us that about wives submitting to husbands. This passage has been used multiple times as a weapon in gender equality debates, but many times, although well-meaning, the true and beautiful nature of this passage is missed. When prayerfully considered this passage becomes less about how wives and husbands respond to each other, but more about how the church should respond to Christ. It makes the comparison between the wife, or bride, with the church (Ephesians 5:21-33. Logically then we as church need a husband, or groom. We read in Mark 2:18-20 that Jesus refers to Himself as the Bridegroom in a response to Pharisees challenging Him over His disciples not fasting. So if we are the Bride and Jesus is the Bridegroom, and wives are to submit to their husbands, and husbands are to love, nourish and cherish our wives. Then it seems safe to say that as church we must submit to Christ, as he in turn will love, nourish and cherish us.
Marriage is more than a gift… it is God’s plan for His church
So we have seen that marriage is more than being dedicated, it is a special gift from God. It is mentioned throughout the bible over 70 times. The cross is only mentioned around 50 times. This must mean that it is a key part of God’s plan for us. Let us look at some parts of the process of how a relationship forms and grows into a marriage;
1. A couple meets, sometimes it is love at first sight, other times a bond grows and develops over a period of time. Then follows a season of courting, or these days, dating. In this time the couple find out what they might have in common. Make some plans for the future and learn about each other’s past.
2. If all goes well in that first phase, a couple may become engaged. Over recent years this has meant less than in the days of Jesus. A couple today may become engaged with no intention of getting married; it acts like a status of romantic purgatory. But in biblical times the laws and rituals involved in betrothal were serious and it was the first formal step toward a marriage.
3. At the end of the engagement we have the marriage ceremony, or wedding, this is a public and formal event. Where a couple exchange vows to each other before God.
4. Part of the ceremony is to exchange rings. The ring serves as a reminder of the vows taken, but also symbolises the eternal aspect of those vows. The ring being continuous, or unbroken.
5. Preferably after the marriage, although these days pre-marital co-habitation is common, the couple embark on their lives together. Loving and supporting each other in sickness and health etc.
6. As surely as time marches on, all seasons must end. All marriages too must come to an end. Usually through the death of one of the couple. In the twilight years before this, the couple might look back and reflect on a life shared. A life made richer for the sharing. And a life fulfilled due to the dedication to one another.
These themes are similarly reflected when we look at how we can respond to Christ in our own lives.
1. Instead of meeting a partner, we discover the Gospel. We are naturally attracted to Jesus and His love for us. It may be a love at first sight experience, such as the blinding road to Damascus conversion of Paul. Or it might take some time, like most of us who found out a little more about Jesus each time we heard a sermon, read the Bible or prayed a tentative searching prayer.
2. We are not called to become engaged to Jesus, but as we discover more of his heart and truth many of us will have prayed some sort of sinner’s salvation prayer. Asking God to look beyond our sinful nature and our awkward past. Through grace he does just that and we slide into a mutual relationship with the Creator of the universe.
3. We do not marry Christ in an earthly sense, apart from being the church set aside as His bride, the ceremony that marks our commitment to Christ is baptism and for us as Anglicans confirmation. These are normally public affirmations of our commitment and dedication to follow God’s will and calling on our lives.
4. The ring that symbolises the eternal quality of our vow is a glimpse of the eternity of God. We read in Revelation 1:8 that He is “alpha and omega, beginning and end… … who is and who was and who is to come, the almighty”. God never changes. Neither does his perfect plan nor will for us.
5. As we enter into a lifelong commitment to Jesus, we are called to follow Him. To become like Him. To love as he loves and to spread His good news to the ends of the earth. We find in Matthew 5:19&20 Jesus calling people to leave their homes and follow Him, He will make them fishers of men
6. As we end our earthly life with God we get so much more than we have if our relationship with Him was just a marriage, we get to share in eternal life with Him and all the saints in glory forever. The Old Testament reading today was from Jeremiah 31:31-34. The only reference in the Old Testament that uses the wording "new covenant" is found in this passage.
Behold, days are coming when I will seal a new covenant with the House of Israel and with the House of Judah. It will not be like the covenant I made with their forefathers when I took them by the hand to lead them out of Egypt, because they broke my covenant, though I was a husband to them," declares the Lord. "This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel after that time," declares the Lord. "I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people. No longer will a man teach his neighbour, or a man his brother, saying, ’Know the Lord,’ because they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest," declares the Lord. "For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more."
This prophet’s word refers to the birth of Jesus Christ and his atonement on the cross (Matthew 26:28), as well as the expounding of proper interpretation of the law, based on principle rather than rule (Matthew 21-48).
Finally let us look at Revelation 19:7-9.
Let us be glad and rejoice and give Him glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His wife has made herself ready.” And to her it was granted to be arrayed in fine linen, clean and bright, for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints. Then he said to me, “Write: ‘Blessed are those who are called to the marriage supper of the Lamb!’” And he said to me, “These are the true sayings of God.”
This beautiful promise of the union still to come between Jesus and his church gives us the hope for our eternal life with Him whom we worship. We are all invited, all who accept the invitation are the bride and we will all be celebrating and worshipping together for all eternity.
One last thing to consider, if it is to be a wedding feast for all the church and departed saints, is who will be footing the bill? Tradition dictates that the father of the bride pays for the wedding. We find here a beautiful transaction that is the root of the Gospel. Our Heavenly Father does indeed pay the bill, not just for the feast but for everything, including our lives. The cost to Him was everything, even death on a cross. The price for our salvation is also the cost of our union with Christ. Our wedding present is our Bridegroom. For us to be with Christ has cost Christ. This makes him the perfect Bridegroom, Husband and Sacrifice. Marriage is not just a special gift, it is an illustration of how we should respond to the Gospel, of how we should submit to Christ and how Christ has more than done His part. To say that God’s plan for us relies on what we do is to think too much of ourselves, but we need to live as if it does, submit to Him as much as he loves us and remember that everything we enjoy and look forward to is a glimmer of what will be and that it is all only possible because our loving Father in Heaven has made it so. Marriage is more than a gift… it is God’s plan for His church.
Amen.
