As Christ Loved The Church - Ephesians 5:25-28 - May 27, 2012
Series: After The Honeymoon #6 / Communion Service
Recently I heard about a young lawyer who was called in from the big city to represent a large railroad company that was being sued by a farmer. It seems that the farmer’s prize cow was missing from a field through which the railroad passed. Assuming the worst, the farmer was suing for the value of the cow. Before the case was to be tried by the courts however, the lawyer cornered the farmer and convinced him to settle out of court, for just half of what he originally wanted. Without comment the farmer signed the necessary papers and then accepted the cheque.
After making the exchange the young lawyer could not resist gloating a bit about his success. He said to the farmer, "You know, I couldn’t have won this case if it had gone to trial. The engineer was asleep, and the fireman was in the caboose when the train passed through your farm that morning. I didn’t have a single witness to put on the stand!"
With a wry smile, the old farmer replied, "Well, I tell you young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because you see, that cow came home this morning all by itself!" (www.sermoncentral.com, Adapted from Illustrations on Forgiveness)
Well we can laugh a little bit at that, can’t we? It’s just a story with an unexpected twist and, because it’s just a story, we know that no one has really been falsely accused or taken advantage of in this situation. There is no wrong that has been done and no hurt that has been inflicted. The trouble is though that something not too dissimilar tends to happen in real life in the context of our relationships – each one trying to get the upper hand over some perceived injustice, hurt or wrong that has been done. Yet when these things happen in any relationship, particularly in our marriages, laughter is the last thing on our minds. Instead we may experience a great deal of hurt and pain, perhaps a sense of betrayal, a lack of trust. The wounds we receive may give rise to bitterness, to seeking revenge, to further hurt, as things escalate.
Scripture says, “If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.” (Galatians 5:15, NIV) And we see that to be true in our own experiences, don’t we? How very easy it is for us to return anger with anger, and hurt with hurt, when we feel we have been wronged or unfairly treated! In the midst of our own pain, or hurt, or disappointment, it is so very easy to treat those we love the most, as though we had no love for them at all. And last week we considered why that is – why we find ourselves doing the evil that we do not want to do, rather than the good that we really desire, to be doing.
Because we do desire to do good, don’t we? That’s what we set out to do in our marriages, isn’t it? Let me ask you a question: Those of you who are married, by a show of hands, how many of you got married to see how miserable you could make your fiancé?! …. Just what I thought – not a single hand. But here’s another question: How many of you, having been married, have managed to do just that – to bring hurt, and pain, and heartache to your spouse, at some time or other, whether intentional or not? I know I have.
Here’s how it might happen: Say Heather does something that hurts me. In the flesh I may want to speak words that I know will bring injury to her, so that she feels the same pain I feel. That’s the desire of the sinful nature. But deep down, that’s not what I really want to be doing. Deep down, my desire is for wholeness, and healing, and reconciliation, and peace. I know my angry words won’t help, and yet sometimes I speak them anyways. Yet deep down, I want to be a blessing in her life. I want to make her laugh. I desire for her to know joy and contentment. I long to see her growing in godliness with each passing day. I delight in her smile! I desire for her to be close to me spiritually, intellectually, and physically. My passion is that we would know all the fullness, and the beauty, and the wonder of marriage as God intends for us to. And yet there are times when I choose that which would destroy the very things I desire for us as a couple and as a family.
Last week as we looked at Paul’s words in Romans 7 we discovered why that is. There is this undeclared war being battled out within the heart of every genuine Christian. On the one hand there is my desire to live for God with everything I am, and have, and ever hope to be, and on the other there is this desire to satisfy the cravings of my sinful nature - which threatens to bring so much hurt and heartache into my relationships and into my marriage.
There is a story I like about a little girl who is being punished for some act of disobedience. Mom and Dad decide that a part of the punishment will be for her to eat supper alone that night in the corner of the dining room while the rest of them sit around the table. As they sat down to eat that night the family paid no attention to her until they heard her pray: “I thank Thee, Lord, for preparing a table before me in the presence of mine enemies.” (www.sermoncentral.com, Adapted from Illustrations on Forgiveness) Again we laugh, but that’s what happens when we satisfy the desires of the sinful nature. We begin to treat, and perhaps to see, those who should be most precious to us, as our enemies.
And maybe it is that your marriage is really struggling right now. Maybe it is that the one who should be closer to you than any other has become more of an adversary than an advocate for you. It seems to be that they resist you at every turn. Your marriage no longer brings the joy it once did. Day after day you feel the sting of hurtful words; thoughtless deeds. There is no longer any sense of intimacy; closeness of any kind. Your interactions are mechanical with each doing the bare minimum to get through the day. Perhaps over the years you’ve simply settled into a lifeless co-existence. Maybe it’s gone even further and you try to look to the years still to come and you just don’t see a future together. The hurts seem to be too deep, the distance between your hearts appears too great to overcome.
I truly hope that none of our marriages are in that place. But it would be naïve of me to think that they couldn’t be, or might not be, at some point in time. It happens everyday both inside, and outside, of the church. Yet it need not happen. A troubled marriage, a hurting marriage, a struggling marriage, can be brought back from the brink of disaster as the gospel is lived out within the walls of our homes.
In previous messages I’ve said to you that marriage is for our good but it is for God’s glory. I am going to change that around just a little bit this morning so we hear a different emphasis. Friends, marriage is for God’s glory but it is for our good. And that goodness is not just lived out vertically between us and God as we accept His mercy and grace, but it’s also lived out horizontally as we extend mercy and grace to each other.
Now, mercy and grace are sometimes confused one for the other, and they are often closely related, but they are not the same thing. We can think of mercy as withholding something negative that we truly deserve. For example, when the store where I worked for a number of years was broken into by a couple of kids, the store owner decided not to charge them. He showed them mercy. Grace, on the other hand, is unmerited and undeserved favor being shown to us. That same shop owner showed those kids grace by giving them jobs – they certainly didn’t deserve it – but in offering them jobs he was extending grace to them.
God has shown both mercy and grace to us. They are at the heart of the Gospel. And because our marriages are for God’s glory, and because He is glorified as the Gospel is proclaimed in the context of our marriages, we can say that our marriages are meant to be full of mercy and grace, both given and received. Turn with me in your Bibles please to the book of Colossians. We are going to read again a couple of verses that ______________ read for us earlier in the service. Colossians, chapter 2, beginning in verse 13. This is what we read there …
“And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross.” (Colossians 2:13–14, ESV)
In the ancient world in which these words were first written, the practice of the day was to write a letter of indebtedness, laying out in detail what was owed, and to whom it was owed. It was then signed by the debtor and, until it was paid in full, that letter stood between the one burdened by the debt, and the one to whom the debt was owed. For many that debt became insurmountable – it grew until they had absolutely no hope of ever being able to pay.
That’s the imagery that Paul is using in these verses this morning. There is a letter of debt that stands against us. It is God’s holy Law. That Law speaks a word against us, it shows us the reality of our transgressions and our debt. Let me give you an example from the Ten Commandments. The 9th tells us that we are not to bear false witness. If you’ve ever told a lie you’ve born false witness and made yourself out to be a liar. The 8th commands us not to steal. If you’ve ever stolen anything, regardless of it’s value, you’ve made yourself out to be a thief. The 7th says, “you shall not commit adultery.” You may not have had sex with someone who is not your spouse, but Jesus says that to even look with lust upon someone else, is to commit adultery with them in your heart. If you have done those three things, you are, by your own admission, as Ray Comfort would say in his evangelism series, “The Way of the Master,” – you are by your own admission a lying, thieving, adulterer at heart, and friends, if that’s the case, the Law of God stands against you. You have incurred a debt that you cannot pay.
We call that debt, “our sin” or, “our transgressions,” and the list of sins in our lives is written not just on pages, but in volumes! And not only does that stand against us and convict us of our guilt before a Holy God, it also stands between us, and God. That sin has separated us from the Lord God Almighty. And that separation is true of every one of us, for Scripture tells us that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23, ESV) Not just “some,” but, “all.” It also goes on to tell us that “the wages of sin is death.” In other words that debt of sin incurs a penalty that we cannot overcome by any number of good deeds, nor any degree of moral living. And the consequence of a debt that we cannot pay? The wrath of God poured out against all unrighteousness; eternal punishment in the fires of Hell.
And maybe you’re thinking something like this: “Hold it right there pastor. Those words make me uncomfortable. My God is good and loving and would never send anyone to Hell – at least not someone who tries to do the right thing like I do.” If that’s the case then I’m glad my words make you uncomfortable – they should! You’re guilty! There is a written word that stands against you revealing a debt that you can never repay, and until we understand that, in all it’s fullness, we can never appreciate our need for a Savior, nor the mercy and grace of God. Because a loving and just God cannot ignore that letter of debt – that would be neither just nor loving.
But here’s the Good News - there’s a place where God’s love and justice are both satisfied. That record of debt that stands against us, has been satisfied, it’s been paid in full, it’s been cancelled, as it was nailed to the cross. Long before you and I were born, Jesus bore the punishment that our sins demanded, that that written word, that stands against us, would lose it’s power to condemn us before a Holy God. The entirety of Romans 6:23 reads like this, “the wages of sin is death but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 6:23, ESV)
Roughly 2000 years ago, Jesus was put to death to pay the price that our sins demanded. God’s justice is shown in that our sins did not go unpunished. His mercy is revealed in that He did not give us what we deserved but instead He allowed a substitute – that is Jesus – to take the punishment in our place. His grace – His unmerited favor – is experienced in the free gift of eternal life we receive through faith in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Now here’s the question that might be on your minds: What on earth does any of this have to do with marriage? Well Ephesians 5:25 says this, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25, ESV) And if we kept reading in that passage we would see that it’s not just the men, but also the women, who are to allow the example of Christ, in His relationship to the church, to be the example of couples in their marriage.
In other words, not only is marriage a useful illustration to help us understand the relationship between Jesus and the church, but also the example of Jesus and the church is a useful illustration to help us understand marriage. And just as God’s grace and mercy have been poured out upon us, that we might have new life in Jesus, so too do mercy and grace need to be poured out in our relationships, our marriages, that they may experience new life as well.
Because here’s the thing: there is another decree that can stand between husband and wife and drive them apart. And written on that decree is every hurt, every wrong, every injury, every careless word and thoughtless deed, that you have ever experienced from your spouse.
There’s a story about a man and his friend who were talking about the fights they had from time to time with their wives. The one fellow shared that how when they argued his wife would get all hysterical on him. The other fellow replied saying, “My wife doesn’t get hysterical – she get’s historical – she brings up everything wrong I’ve ever done!” And it’s not just the women, but it’s us men too, who can become historians when it comes to the list of injuries and wrongs done to us by our spouse. This is where the Gospel needs to come into play. Those wrongs done to you by your spouse were nailed to the cross some 2000 years ago. God has extended mercy and grace to them. That doesn’t excuse or justify the wrongs and the hurts that you’ve experienced – it just helps us understand how we are to deal with them.
If you are in Christ Jesus then the written decree that stood against you and proclaimed your guilt before the world, has been paid in full; it’s been cancelled. You have received mercy and grace from on high and now it’s your turn to let that mercy and grace flow into your marriage and bring renewal and new life. Do you know what it says in 1 Corinthians 13? Let me read a little bit of that for you this morning. It says this: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13:4–7, NIV84)
Did you hear it? Love keeps no record of wrongs. Love practices forgiveness as we extend mercy – not giving our spouse what we figure they deserve for the wrongs done to us – and grace – not only withholding punishment from them but actively seeking to bless them beyond what we figure they deserve as well. Some of you may know the burden of that record of wrongs being held against you. Your spouse is always reminding you of where you’ve failed and fallen short. What would it be like to know that that burden has been cancelled? That he or she was no longer holding the past against you but was willing to move forward in mercy and grace and love? Would that not set you free? Would that not bring new life to our marriages? For as Christ loved the church so too can we extend mercy and grace to each other that our marriages be healed and the power of the Gospel be proclaimed to the world!
Friends, in a moment we are going to share the Lord’s Supper together. The bread and the cup serve to remind us of the price of sin, of the love of God, and of mercy and grace experienced. If you believe that Jesus is the Son of God, who died in your place for you sins that you might have forgiveness and eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord, we invite you to share the bread and the cup with us this morning. We will pass them out one right after another and will ask you to hold on to them so we can take them together after all have been served.
If you have not accepted the free gift of God in Jesus then we would simply ask you to pass the bread and the cup on to the one sitting next to you. And if you would like to talk more about these things at some point let me know and we can get together and look at God’s word and what it teaches us and tells us and what mercy and grace are all about.
But for now, I’ll call the servers forward and we’ll have a word of prayer.
Let’s pray … {Give thanks for Christ, for love, mercy, grace and forgiveness. Ask for power and wisdom and humbleness that we might extend those same things into our relationships, particularly within the context of our marriages that just as we experience new life in Christ so too may we experience new life in our homes.}
[Serve bread and cup – four servers.]
Brothers and sisters, you hold in your hands the emblem of God’s love for you, for Scripture tells us that “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8, NIV84) Therefore let us eat and drink this morning with a full awareness that as recipients of God’s mercy and grace we are called upon to extend a similar mercy and grace to one another and that in doing so we are proclaiming the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
[Eat and Drink.]
Father we thank you for your mercy. We thank you for your grace. We ask that your Spirit would so fill us that we would willingly extend that mercy and grace to one another as well. May this bread and the cup be a reminder of the truth of these things both now and forever more. Amen.
[Closing Song.]
