A Mother’s Bond
Mother’s Day 2012
Scriptures: John 2:1-10
Introduction:
I want to say to every mother present or who might read this message, “Happy Mother’s Day!” There will be very little that I will say in this message that will be new to you but I hope you leave here today knowing this fact: the relationship (bond) between a mother and child is different and stronger than that of a father and child. This is true on an emotional and physical level. I will share more about this shortly. To the men I want you to know up front that some of what I say you might not agree with and that is okay. I was blessed to have had a great relationship with my father so some of the things I will share with you are not based on my personal experience, but on fact and research. If it does not apply to you then please do not sweat it. However, if it does apply to you, please pray about making a change. Now that I have my disclaimers out of the way, turn with me to chapter two of the book of John and we will begin reading at verse one.
“On the third day there was a wedding in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there; and both Jesus and His disciples were invited to the wedding. When the wine ran out, the mother of Jesus said to Him, ‘They have no wine.’ And Jesus said to her, ‘Woman, what does that have to do with us? My hour has not come yet?” (Vss. 1-4)
This story is often referenced during wedding ceremonies and the book of John is the only book that records it. This is possibly due to the fact that what He did in this situation was so minuscule compared to the other miracles that the other authors did not think it was important enough to record. I am so blessed that John recorded it because it gives us insight into Jesus’ relationship with His mother. In this story Mary had been invited to a wedding along with Jesus and His disciples. During the wedding feast, the wine ran out which was a failure of hospitality on the part of the bridegroom and was an insult to the invited guests. This was more than a minor social embarrassment since the family had an obligation to provide a feast of the socially required standard. Also, there was no great variety of beverages as we have today as the people normally drank only water or wine. Mary came to Jesus and told Him the problem. Jesus looked at His mother and asked her “what did that have to do with us?” In other words, Jesus told His mother that it was not His problem that the wine ran out. He also told her that His time had not come yet. There are several interpretations of what this meant, but suffice it to say that until this moment, all everyone knew of Jesus was that He had just begun His teaching ministry. He had yet to perform any healings or other miracles when Mary came to Him so there was not a history from which she could base her request.
Here is what I want you to consider: Jesus had recently begun His ministry but He had not done any miracle at this point. The Bible says that this was His first miracle. If this was His first miracle, how did His mother know that He could even do it? Why did she come to Jesus when by all acknowledgements He was just “another” teacher? How did she know that He could do something about this situation when He had not done anything like this before? She knew because He was her son. She knew Him as she had a bond with Him unlike that of any other. He was her Son. I will explain more of this story later, but first let me share some facts with you about a mother’s bond with her child and how it is different from the father’s bond.
I. A Mother’s Bond
I was talking with a friend of mine last week and I asked him what he was getting for his wife for Mother’s Day. He told me that his wife was not his mother. So I repeated the question and he said again that his wife was not his mother. When I realized that he was serious, I asked him how long he had been married and how old was his oldest child. He had been married almost thirty years and his oldest child was twenty-five. I asked him if he was telling me that in twenty-five years he has never acknowledge his wife on Mother’s Day and he said no; but that he helped his kids provide gifts for her. I shook my head and then I explained to him my perspective (cause I know that is what he really wanted to hear.) I asked him was his wife the mother of his children and he answered in the affirmative. I asked him if she was a good mother, taking care of things while he was away at work. Again, he answered in the affirmative. I summarized his answer by saying that he had made his wife a mother; that she was a mother because of him; that she was a good mother who took care of the kids when he was away at work; and yet through all of this she did not warrant recognition from him on Mother’s Day! He looked in my eyes and knew that I was serious; that this was something that I personally found offensive. He told me that he never thought about it that way and that he would definitely go out and gets something for her.
I will not lie to you and tell you that I was not offended because I was. Yes I know it was none of my business but I was a momma’s boy, still am, and my mother has been gone for 26 years. I believe all mothers are special and should be acknowledged by their kids and the one who helped them become a mother (unless they were just a sperm donor and that’s a topic for another day.) In case some of you men (and young men) sitting her today have the same feeling as my friend; it is not too late to change. But I really shared this with you today because it speaks of the bond that exist between a mother and child which again is very different from that which exists between a father and child. Let me share a few facts with you.
Fetus development: When a woman becomes pregnant, the fetus forms quickly within her body. One researcher stated that if the fetus grew at the same rate throughout the pregnancy as it does in the first few weeks, the fetus would be born weighing approximately 1200 pounds. Within the first 30 days the fetus’ heart, arms and hands are visible. After nine months (on average) the baby is fully developed and is born. When the baby is born there are sensitivities that the baby already has based on its interaction with its mother’s body. Let me give you a few examples.
While the baby is in the mother’s womb, the baby is entirely dependent on the mother’s body. The oxygen, nutrients and genetic materials that the fetus requires is all transferred from the mother to the fetus during those months while the baby is in the womb. But there are other things that are transferred to the baby also. Although the mother and fetus does not share the same blood supply directly, what the mother ingests does find its way into the body of the fetus. One study showed that a mother’s diet directly sensitizes the fetus to those smells and flavors and physically changes the brain directly impacting what the infant will eat and drink in the future. If your child hates broccoli it could be based on the fact that you ate it while pregnant and the baby did not like the side effects that it gave you. Likewise if you ate chocolate while pregnant and it made you feel good (as it does for most normal people) chances are great your baby will have the same sensitivity. When a pregnant mother says she is eating for two, she really is, just not in the way the statement is intended. Drugs and alcohol also have a direct impact on the developing fetus and can carry long-term negative implications.
Non-physical bonds: What I have shared with you so far are examples of the physical bond between a mother and her fetus that has a long term impact on the baby. There is also a non-physical bond that is shared between the mother and the fetus. For example, the fetus knows when the mother is stressed. The fetus knows when the mother is happy. Whatever the mother experiences while the fetus is in the womb the fetus has an awareness of it in ways that we might never understand. While the fetus is in its mother’s womb, the fetus hears its mother’s heartbeat. I personally believe that the baby will know that heartbeat even though we might not be able to tell the difference. Consider this, when a baby is fussy and wants its mother, that baby while lying on its mother’s chest hears a very familiar sound, the heartbeat of its mother. There is a genetic difference between the heartbeats of a man versus that of a woman as a man’s heartbeat is normally slower than a woman. There is a reason that a baby can be calmed by its mother versus its father. While lying against their mother’s chest, they hear a very familiar sound and experience a sense of peace that was instilled within them during those months in the womb.
These two bonds are bonds that the father does not have because they began while the baby was in the womb of their mother. A link was established that would take a whole lot of stress to break. Even in the worse of cases where the mother is a bad mother, the signs of the link remain. Those links are not based on how good the mother is; but on the baby being formed, nourished, and sensitized while in its mother’s womb. But once the baby is born we strengthen that bond between the mother and child in our normal interactions. Let me give you some additional proof that a mother’s bond is stronger.
II. Positive Proof A Mother’s Bond Is Stronger
Have you ever wondered why there are statements that reference a mother’s relationship to the baby but not the father’s? These statements and how we live them out re-enforces the knowledge that a mother’s bond is stronger. There are many gospel songs written about a mother’s relationship with her child but I cannot think of one that is written about a father’s relationship. For example, two songs that come to mind immediately are “I can still hear Momma Praying” and “My Momma Prayed for Me.” Did the father’s never pray for their children? Think about it? Maybe you know a gospel song about a father but I cannot think of one. Consider these examples of things we say which also prove the mother’s bond is stronger:
• A face only a mother could love? Why not the father? Is the father so shallow that he cannot love and appreciate his baby when others think the baby is not attractive? Is the father so caught up in himself that he cannot see himself in his child? You will never hear the statement “the baby has a face only a father could love” because no matter how you frame it up, that mother will claim their child. The father sees an ugly baby and refuses to see himself. He secretly requests to have a DNA ran and when it comes back positive blames the wife’s family for how the baby looks. But a mother, she will look at that ugly baby and it will be the prettiest baby in the world because it is hers. The father will sit in a corner and try to figure out how not to show pictures of the baby at the office while the mother is already planning the photo shoot. When the baby grows up and becomes a star, the father will take credit for that claiming it all in the genes. There is a difference between mothers and fathers.
• Mommy’s baby, daddy’s maybe. Today this is not always the case as we have surrogates who are willing to carry a baby to term for a couple who cannot. But when this statement is made it is made in such a way that it can be very offensive. When a woman deliver’s a baby there is no doubt that the baby is hers because there are witnesses that the baby came from her body. Since the man is not the one who carries the baby, he can claim doubt until DNA proves the point. This physical bond can be so strong that even some surrogates struggle with giving up the baby after carrying the fetus for nine month.
• Not my job! There are many fathers who define their jobs as it relates to their children with these three words – “Not my job!” This response comes in a variety of situations from changing the baby’s diapers; to getting up in the midnight hours for feedings; to staying awake when the baby is sick; to attending school functions. What fathers fail to understand is that our providing the basic necessities for our children does not negate the other “needs” they have in this life. We need to understand that we too need to develop a bond with our children – but I will leave that message for Father’s Day.
• A Bad Mother! Do you realize that in our society a bad mother is far worse than a bad father? It should not be but it is. People will crucify a bad mother but will accept a bad father as part of normal society. If a father does not do his job so be it. But if a mother is not doing her job, society has no mercy on a bad mother. Even in divorce cases where the man is awarded custody of the kids, the man seldom requests any financial support from the mother. A bad mother is looked upon a lot worse than a bad father because it is expected that the mother will be the one person who will always have that child’s back. It does not say a lot about us fathers, but it is the truth.
These are just three examples of comments that are often made that signify that there is a special relationship and bond between a mother and their child that most fathers cannot understand nor will ever achieve. The good mothers today have many examples throughout history. Mothers are known for making sacrifices for their children. They have gone hungry so that their child could have food. They have been willing to die that their child might live. They have experience pains unlike those of a father even though both might be dealing with the exact same situation. The bond between a mother and her child is different from the bond between a father and his child. Let’s return to the wedding at Cana in John chapter two.
III. Mary’s Responds to Jesus’ Question
When they ran out of wine at the wedding feast, Mary came to Jesus and told Him about the situation. When Jesus asked Mary what that had to do with them as His time had not come, it appears in the story that she ignored Him. We do not know what was actually said, but let’s assume that it played out exactly as Scripture recorded it. Let’s continue reading at verse five.
“His mother said to the servants, ‘Whatever He says to you, do it.’ Now there were six stone waterpots set there for the Jewish custom of purification, containing twenty to thirty gallons each. Jesus said to them, ‘Fill the waterpots with water.’ So they filled them up to the brim. And He said to them, ‘Draw some out now and take it to the headwaiter.’ So they took it to him. When the headwaiter tasted the water which had become wine, and did not know where it came from (but the servants who had drawn the water knew), the headwaiter called the bridegroom, and said to him, ‘Every man serves the good wine first, and when the people have drunk freely, then he serves the poorer wine, but you have kept the good wine until now.” (Vss. 5-10)
Mary appears to totally ignore Jesus’ question to her. She did not respond to Him at all. She told Him what the situation was and without saying another word let Him know she expected Him to fix it. Imagine her telling Jesus about the situation and Him asking her, ‘what does this have to do with me?’ Imagine her giving Him that “mother’s look” and then turning from Him telling the servants to do whatever Jesus told them to do. Imagine her giving Jesus one more look and then leaving the room. Can you see Jesus seeing that look on His mother’s face and doing exactly what His mother wanted Him to do which was fix the problem? Mary did not tell Jesus how to fix the problem, she just let Him know that she expected Him to fix the problem and fix it now. Jesus received the message loud and clear and not only did He make good wine, He made the best wine of the feast. He did it because of the bond that existed between Him and His mother. (Now imagine Jesus telling me this story during my prayer time and laughing as He looked back on the incident – just use your imagination!)
Conclusion
I want to speak to the men and young men. Even though we cannot have the same bond with our children that a mother has, it means we have to work that much harder to establish one. It will not be given to us, we must earn it. But in the meantime, if you are married and your wife has given you children, show her how much you appreciate her being the mother of your children. Your children exist because of her and you need to appreciate her for it. For the mothers, if you do not hear it anywhere else today, I thank you. I thank you for the time you have invested in your children. I thank you for the sleepless nights when you had to stay awake because no one else could. I thank you for the labors of love that you have so unselfishly given throughout the years. I thank you for being a mother.
May God continue to bless and keep you.
