Series: The Art of Dating, Love, & Relationships
Message: The Risk of Pursuing Love
Topics: Love, Risk, Rejection, Hurt, Pursuing, Christ,
Main Theme/Proposition:
Pursue the one you love even though it is risky to pursue love. Maybe each time we pursue love/accept love and get hurt we are reminded of the hurt God feels when we reject him and his love.
Text: Song of Solomon 2:3-13
Date: February 26, 2012
Pastor: David McBeath
PRAYER
INTRODUCTION
This morning I am going to dive right into the Song Solomon and attempt to draw out the deep emotional thrust of this section of poetry. But, for this to work, I need your help. I need you to make a little effort. ….You need to put yourself into these poems. If you are a male, here this morning, put yourself in Solomon’s shoes. Feel what he is feeling. Ladies, please put yourself in, Solomon’s fiancée, Tirzah’s, shoes and feel what she feels.
REVIEW
O.K., here we go! Last week we learned that Solomon had a good name and reputation. He devoted his life to God and this made him attractive to his fiancée and all the ladies of Jerusalem. It helped him connect to his fiancée at a deep spiritual level and led to them becoming companions and even best friends. Their loving companionship led Solomon to exclaim in verse 9 that Tirzah, his darling, was one in a million. So this is where their relationship is at as we dive back into this love song this week.
DEVELOPING DEVOTION (2:3-4)
As we begin to look at our text we are going to see that there is this developing devotion between these two. Let’s pick up their song in chapter 2 verse 3 and we will see this devotion grow, blossom, and lead to engagement. Listen to Solomon’s fiancée: “Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste.”
Apple Tree in Woods = One in a Million / Protection (3)
What is Tirzah saying? When was the last time you took a walk in a large woods or forest? When you were walking thru this forest, how many apple trees did you see? ….I don’t know about you but I haven’t seen any. She is saying that Solomon is one in a million. She tells him there is nobody else like you! I loves to be in your companyThe time I spend with you is sweet! ……Their relationship is growing past friendship and companionship!
There is this realization that there is something more, that this may be the one! Remember when that happened to you? Remember the flutters in your heart, the spring in your step and the smile on your faith that nobody could wipe off? Oh, man what a precious time! That is where this couple is at in their relationship! It’s beautiful!
Reminisce about when you came to the realization ….that this is the one? ….(Pause)….Where you scared? …..I mean what if he or she didn’t feel the same way? It is risky to get to that point in a relationship. Isn’t it? .......Love can be risky business!.........
Banquet Hall/Banner Over Me (4)
Let’s go on to verse 4. She continues: "He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love."
Banquet Hall
Literally Tirzah says Solomon has taken her to the house of drinking or the wine house. Hear her excitement. She says, He has taken me to the party. …He is showing me off to his friends and coworkers, and all the people that are important to him.
….It is a great feeling when your significant other wants people to know you are together! ….Do you remember going to the prom wanting to show off the girl on your arm! ….Think about when you too your significant other to meet the important people in your life for the first time, like meeting your parents? That is what is going on here! He is proud to be seen with her and she is proud to be seen with him.
But do you remember how scared you were the first time you introduced this person to someone close to you? What if your friends didn’t like her? …What if your Dad didn’t like him? …It was risky wasn’t it?
Quick piece of advice for our single and dating folks, if your significant other doesn’t do things with you in public, if he or she doesn’t seem like they want you around their friends, if you feel they may not want to be seen with you in some situations, chances are that person is hiding something from you. Chances are: that person is not right for you. It may be a sign this is not working out!
Banner over Me is Love
So they are at the party and she says, “His banner over me is love.” What does that mean? The Hebrew root of the word banner means to look at with admiration. In the Old Testament a banner was something you put up to identify yourself, like a family flag and crest. If you are like me you look at your family crest with admiration. In bible times, militaries put up banners and people looked them with admiration because it meant they were being protected.
What do I think she is saying? I think she is saying, …he is looking at me with admiration. His banner regarding me is love. He is looking at me with love in his eyes!
Ahavah Committed Love
The word for love in this verse is Ahavah. It is committed love. She is recognizing his developing devotion and friendship is turning to committed love! …..Think about when you saw this committed love in your spouse’s eyes for the first time? …..I love it when I see Paula’s eyes teeming with this! It makes me feel safe!
Paula Risk:
But is Tirzah reading Solomon’s eyes correctly? This is a risky assumption! Is she wrong? Will her heart be crushed!
I remember the first time I looked at Paula this way. We were on a weeklong mission trip called Urban Emersion in inner-city Chicago. After a week of seeing her commitment to God, I knew she was the one. She had become not just a friend but my best friend. She wasn’t just a companion. She was my soul-mate! I remember I couldn’t quit looking at her. I was looking at her with admiration and love.
But I remember it was scary. I wondered did she feel the same way about me. My heart had become hers. ….What would she do with it? ….Would she crush it, break it, trample on it?
…..Do you remember being in that risky, vulnerable position? Maybe you are in that position now
Consumed with Consummation (5)
How did Solomon’s loving look make her feel? Check out verse 5. "Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am faint with love." Well raisins and apples were considered aphrodisiacs. She is consumed with thinking about consummation.
This isn’t a bad thing! It is good when the right person comes along and you are looking forward to marriage. Don’t feel bad—our sexuality points to something spiritual and I will get to this in just a moment.
Craving Commitment (5)
Not only is Tirzah consumed with consummation she is craving commitment. She says, “I am faint with love.” In other words she is lovesick. Do you recall that feeling? That knot in your stomach wondering if you boyfriend or girlfriend felt the same way you do? It hurt didn’t it! The word love, again, is Ahavah and it means a committed love. She is aching and craving for Solomon to commit to her in a public way. She is afraid he might break her heart.
Women, how many of you remember waiting and waiting for that ring. I remember how grumpy Paula was. 1st she knew I was going to propose, but hadn’t, and she wanted me to now. Second, after I did propose, I didn’t have a ring. …She needed that ring, it showed my commitment to her. It showed I was willing to give up a couple thousand for her. She needed me to show her she was more important to me than money! Without my proposal and this symbol my professed love, she was in a risky position. Would I break her heart?
PURSUING HIS LOVE (2:8-9)
Verses 3-7 are the climax of Tirzah’s and Solomon’s developing devotion has led to her aching, longing heart that is desperate for Solomon to commit to her. Now let’s look at verses 8-13. Here we see Solomon pursuing his love, from his fiancée’s perspective.
Listen, Look, Lover, Lover, Leaping (8)
Quickly, get a load of all these L-words. Let me read verse 8. Listen! My Lover! I get the perception all of her senses are in overdrive. She is waiting for her Love to come and commit. She hears a snapping twig along the path to her home, then some rustling leaves. He’s coming! He’s coming! Her heart flutters then soars.
Then she sees him. …She shout’s to her sibling: Look! He’s not just walking. He is running. He is Leaping over the fallen logs in the path. He’s in a hurry! Could this be the night? Is it going to happen? Will he pop the question? Even if he’s not, at least he is here to see me!
Then her heart gets all proud! She says in verse 9, "My lover is like a gazelle or a young stag. Look!” Now here is an important concept. This is Hebrew for “Look at my Studmuffin!” Look at how athletic my boyfriend is!
Let me stop for just a second. Tirzah is looking and listening for signs of Solomon’s love and commitment, just like your spouse is looking for signs of your love and commitment!
What did you used to do to show your love? Did you used to take the time to write your spouse poetry? Do it again! Did you used to buy cards that expressed the way you felt, and there was no special occasion? Go, …take the time to find the perfect card. Do it this week.
Paula, still takes the time to do the little things that mean so much to me. When we first started dating, she found out what my favorite cookies were from my friends and made them for me. Just recently, she brought home a bottle of dry red wine. I kind I hadn’t had before. Why? Because she loves me! She knows me! She knows I like to try new things.
Do you hold hands anymore? You know sociologists and psychologists say that simple contact like that plays in important role in keeping love strong. It’s a statement to the world that this is my lover, and I’m committed to them! Don’t be afraid to put your arm around spouse at church. It is totally appropriate here! Kiss each other in public. Say, I love you, and not just when you are alone. These things tell your spouse that you are not ashamed to let the world know you are committed to them!
Not only is your spouse looking and listening for these signs of commitment. Your kids are too! From time to time, Paula and I tell the kids to look while we give each other a great big kiss! They say that’s gross! But they have huge smiles on their faces. They tell us they like it when we kiss. It makes them feel safe because they know we are committed! They are looking and listening for signs of our commitment as well!
You know, you don’t have to be young to do this. This longing for signs of commitment doesn’t go away when you get older. There is nothing More Sweet than to see a couple married for 50 years hold hands and kiss, is there?
I remember 1 older couple in my church growing up. They weren’t afraid to kiss or hold hands or put their arm around each other in church. It was so adorable. They weren’t embarrassed. They didn’t hide the signs of their commitment. You know what, their public display of affection actually encourage me and my faith. It showed me people could be together for 50 years and still love each other. You encourage the next generation when you do these things. And you do a great disservice to the next generation if you hide your love! MY GENERATION IS CRYING OUT, LOOKING, AND LISTENING TO SEE IF TRUE COMMITTED LOVE EVEN REALLY EXISTS. Don’t hide it! They are looking for role models…will you be one?
Back to our text. Tirzah has been looking and listening, aching for her lover to commit to her. She sees him running and leaping down the path toward her home, and when he gets there: Listen to what she says: “There he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, peering through the lattice." …She notices he can’t wait to see her. He is making a fool out of himself to catch a glimpse of her! Maybe, he can’t wait for what he is about to do!
PROPOSAL (10-13)
Take a look at verses 10-13. "My lover spoke and said to me, “Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me." Where is he asking her to go? ….Away from her home. If you recall she is on the other side of the wall. She is still in the family home. She is still under the protection and car of her father and family. Let’s continue in verse 11:
See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.
Its springtime and love is in the air, baby! Here we see a world that is teeming with new life and
growth. New life and growth are the metaphors in these verses.
She describes Solomon asking her to be his bride? He says, just look at the love that has grown between the two of us and imagine how much more it will grow when you are my bride. Let’s begin a new life together, you and me! Will you commit your life to me?
Risk
Think about when you got engaged? Do you remember the wonderful dreams you had for the new life you would share? Guys remember how nervous you were? …It was risky! You were laying it all on the line! What if she said no? What if she didn’t answer yes right away? What if she’s changed her mind about me? I remember I was so nervous when I proposed to Paula that I stole a care. Literally, I took a car that did not belong to me. Ask me about this story some time.
Tirzah will be taking a great risk to marry Solomon. What if he won’t be everything he’s promised? What if he hasn’t told her everything? Will he break her heart one day? She can stay behind the wall of her parent’s home or she can take a leap of faith.
Pursing love is Risky! Things haven’t changed in 3000 years. Our greatest pain still comes from the people we love, our spouses can hurt us the most, our children can break our hearts, our fiancés, our boyfriends, and girlfriends have the ability to crush us, even our moms and dads can cause great pain in our lives. The more we love a person, the greater the risk for pain!
GENESIS 1:27
Now I need to change gears for a moment. I am going to go thru several Scriptures very quickly. Please stay with me. You will see where I am going in just a few minutes. Turn to Genesis 1:27. Here is what it says: "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." We are created in God’s image. That means we are like God in many respects. So the question is what do our heartaches and heartbreaks teach us about God?
GENESIS 6:5-6
Turn to Genesis 6:5-6.
"The Lord saw how great man’s wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time. The Lord was grieved that he had made man on the earth, and his heart was filled with pain.”
So, God makes humanity and loves them. He loved spending time with Adam and Eve walking in the Garden. But humanity turns away from God, doesn’t walk with him anymore, and really this is the root of all sin and wickedness in the world. …Not wanting to be with God!
What is God like? How does God feel? He has a heart and it grieves! He feels great pain because the people he created to be with him don’t want to be with him! HE just wanted us to love him, but we don’t. His heart is broken.
NUMBERS 15:37
What else do we learn? Our relationships are a reflection of our relationship with him! In the Old Testament, Israel, God’s people are considered God’s bride. But they prostitute themselves to other gods by not keeping God’s instruction. Look at Numbers 15:39. In this passage God tells Moses to have the Israelites put tassels on their clothes so they will remember the way God pursued them and loved them while they were in Egypt and the wilderness.
You will have these tassels to look at and so you will remember all the commands of the Lord, that you may obey them and not prostitute yourselves by going after the lusts of your own hearts and eyes.
The tassels are meant to remind them to keep God’s commands. The heart of which is found in Deuteronomy 6:4 which asks them: “To Love the Lord their God with all their heart, with all their soul, and with all their strength.
PSALM 23:6
Fast forward to Psalm 23:6. It is a familiar psalm that many of us love. It says: "Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." The word follow really means to go after or to pursue. God says he will pursue us with his goodness and love, …even though we’ve walked away from him and broken his heart! God is pursuing us with his goodness and love! Maybe you came to church today, because God is on your tail. Maybe you see God working and pursuing one of your friends and you are here to see if you can partner with God in helping this friend come back to God.
GOD’S RISKY PURSUAL
So how does God pursue us with his love and commitment? Let me answer this question with a parable told by Soren Kierkegaard, the great Danish theologian. It was his study of the Song of Solomon that inspired this story as he considered King Solomon wining the love of the peasant girl Tirzah.
Once there was a handsome prince, searching for a woman worthy enough to be his wife and become queen of the land. One day while running an errand for his father he passed through a poor village. As he glanced out the window of his carriage, his eyes fell on a beautiful peasant maiden. During ensuing days, he often passed by the young lady and soon fell in love with her by sight. But he had a problem. How could he seek her hand?
He could command her to marry him, but the prince wanted someone who would marry him out of love, not coercion. He could show up at her door in his splendid uniform in a gold carriage drawn by six horses, attendants in tow, and bearing a chest of jewels and gold coins. But then how would he know if she really loved him or if she was just overawed and overwhelmed with his splendor? Finally he came up with another solution.
He stripped off his royal robes, put on common dress, moved into the village, and got to know her without revealing his identity and hope to win the hand of this maiden. He would live among the common people.
What a risky plan this was. What if she wasn’t interested? Or worse yet, what if she wanted nothing to do with him?
That’s the Gospel. God wants a love relationship with us, his creatures, so much that he became one of us! God himself, Jesus Christ, laid aside the robes of his glory, garbed himself as a peasant, became a human being, and moved into our village, onto our planet, to pursue us with his love.
MATTHEW 27:22-23 CRUCIFY HIM
There are two options and only two for humanity. 1 Accept his love and his proposal to make you his bride! Or, 2. Crucify him with your rejection, because it is our running away from God, our sin that put Christ on the cross. What will be?
TWO QUESTIONS
This leaves us with two more questions. What does God’s risky, loving perusal of us teach us about Him and the universe? And, what does this all teach out about our relationships?
What is the Basis of the Universe?
What do we learn about God and the universe? Well basically there are 4 different options. 1. First, some people believe there is a list of things you must believe about God, and God gets boiled down to this list. They say, “If you don’t believe everything on this list, you are not one of us. You’re not a Christian.” Now this is partially true there are some things we need to believe, but God should not be boiled down to a list.
2. Second, some people believe that God is just an impersonal force. They say things like: It was fate. It was in the cards. It was destiny or meant to be. That is how the ball bounces. God is not an impersonal force.
3. Third, other people believe that God is a Harsh Judge and Warrior. If you mess up he will shoot lightning bolts out of his eyes and get you. Yes, God is a judge and a warrior. We need his justice if we are ever going to live in a perfect world when he returns. But this shouldn’t be the primary way we see God!
Finally, we should see God as lover that wants to woo his creation into a relationship with him by becoming one of us because he wants to wrap his arms around us in a loving embrace! This is the picture of God in Song of Solomon!
What Does This Teach Us About Relationships?
What does this teach us about relationships? First, some people bounce from relationship to relationship. They are always looking for a perfect mate. They don’t commit because it is too risky! They divorce because love is too risky. Maybe their search for a perfect mate or lover is really a search for God. He is the only one who is perfect and can love us perfectly!
Second, maybe you’re married and you are placing expectations on a spouse that are incredible. They are unrealistic of a human. You have this idea of perfection and your spouse is not it. Maybe you have expectations of your spouse that should only be placed on God. Could it be that the ultimately you’re the problems in your marriage aren’t marital. They are spiritual. You want your spouse to be God. Here some news! They are not God! Why don’t you look to God for these things, not your spouse?!!
Third, maybe along these lines two people are living together, or are spending the night with each other from time to time. You know statistically, people who sleep together and live together have a much higher divorce rate. It is staggering how much higher it is. You know why? Because, they aren’t practicing for marriage! Marriage is commitment. They are practicing for divorce. Is it possible that being involved with a person to that degree but not committed to each other isn’t risky enough. You can always move out. You don’t need divorce papers, there is no vow, not ‘till death do us part, no risk not commitment. It’s not risky enough but it’s not safe enough either! Because that person has not given you everything all of who they are! You can’t be on both side of the fence. There is no foundation. It will fall apart!
Finally, if you have experienced heartache, rejection, if you opened the door of your heart and had that door slammed on it. If they have said no, or if they have committed to you, then they’ve been unfaithful. Is it possible that when we experience heartache God is saying to us now you know how I feel about you? Is this the gospel? God would risk our rejecting him even after he gave his life to us on the cross to show us his commitment to winning us back to him!
