Barna research shows: That divorce in the church is just as common as outside the church. In the church 33%, outside the church 34%. Protestant churches overall is at 25%.
The divorce rate amongst the generations is also a bit of surprise:
Seniors (73+) = 18%
Builders (53-72) = 37%
Boomers = 34%
Busters = 7% (Most of these are not old enough to marry yet).
What does this say about marriage in America? Is it old fashioned. One scholar said that long term marriage commitment isn't good for modern day America. An author suggested that our first marriage should be a starter marriage in the same since that our first homes are starter homes.
I disagree. God disagrees. Marriage, in the context of the Bible's design for it, is still not only good for America, but necessary!
In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul talks about marriage and divorce. The Bible has very specific instructions in many different books and passages. This Chapter is a bit mysterious because it talks about special historical events that where happening in Corinth and some questions that were raised about the particular times and how to address them. Verse 26 says "concerning the present distress" . Historians mention the great persecution that had in those days when thousands of Christians were killed and persecuted. So in this chapter we have both advices for those days mixed with spiritual principles that apply to our present time.
Today I would like to talk about five different things regarding marriage, divorce and also singleness.
1. God called us to live in peace,
2. How to affair proof your Marriage.
3. What to do in case of a divorce.
4. The Blessings of Singleness
Marriage is not a contract; it is a covenant. In a contact, the two parties remain separate (Party of the first part and party of the second part). Like salad dressing, oil and water, shaken up and mixed together, put never really one. Left alone and still, salad dressing will eventually separate into their original respective parts. In a covenant, the two become one in the same. The Marriage Covenant is a lot more like mashed potatoes. How do you make mashed potatoes? Take 2 potatoes, skinned them alive, cut them up, put them in hot water to soften their temperament, and mash them together into 1!
Most people today see marriage as a contract and this is the reason why divorce rates are so high. Let us learn together some of the principles taught by the apostle Paul in the book of Corinthians.
1. God called us to live in peace.
1Corinthians 7:2-6
2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command.
We can see on verses 3 and 4 that the emphasis on the passage is that there are marital duties and have clear safeguards in what relates to sexuality. In order to maintain a healthy relationship couples need self-discipline. Galatians 5:23 says that the fruit of the Spirit is self-control.
As a Christian the most important thing you have to identify in your marriage is the spiritual level that both you and your spouse are in.
1Corinthians 7:12-16 12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
Note that Paul starts by saying that he and not the Lord have an advice to the Church. This is not to be read as a commandment but as he says on verse 6, a concession and a godly advice.
Let me put it in simple words. If you are married to a man (or a woman) with no spiritual life you have a choice to make. Verse 15 says "God called us to live in peace!" If you don't have peace and there is no possibility of salvation you might have to choose between being used for the salvation of your spouse's soul or you may have to go separate ways. If there are children involved this is always a tuff choice so think about Eternal things before you make a stupid decision in your life.
There are no perfect marriages. Speaking of Adam and Eve, someone has suggested that they had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
2. How to affair Proof your Marriage
The Bible, the word of God takes a very dim view of adultery. In the Old Testament the punishment for cheating was death by stoning. I've said before that while it may not have been a deterrent, it sure cut down on repeat offenders. In the New Testament Jesus spoke about Adultery being the only acceptable reason for divorce.
Here are a few suggestions so you can affair proofing your marriage.
1. Control your thoughts. Long before an affair happens physically it happens mentally. Adultery isn't something that happens with the act but it happens months beforehand. It's an attitude.
You might even say "But they are only thoughts" sure they are however Jesus told us in Matthew 5:28 "But I tell you that if you look at another woman and want her, you are already unfaithful in your thoughts."
2. Control your actions. Don't start up the ladder of affection with anyone other then your spouse, did you hear that, don't start up the ladder of affection with anyone other then your spouse. Proverbs 6:27-29 "Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? So is he who sleeps with another man's wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished."
3. Consider telling your spouse. If someone begins to quietly come on to you, then fink on them. Tell your partner that very day, don't wait until tomorrow to see if it happens again, tell your spouse before you go to bed. Your spouse is supposed to be the most important person in your life, let them help you deal with the problem. If your spouse is naturally jealous use caution on how to do it. Wisdom is key on marital relationships.
4. Don't spend time alone with someone from the opposite sex. Don't place yourself into a situation where there is temptation or where temptation can be acted on. Jesus said in Matthew 6:13 Lead us not into temptation. Only sometimes we don't need a whole lot of leading do we? We can do a pretty good job of finding temptation all by ourselves. Beware of getting emotionally attached to someone of the opposite sex who is not your spouse
5. Recognize that eventually you will get caught. If you are involved in a suspicious relationship right now, maybe nobody knows about it. It's a secret. You may think you are getting away with it. If you believe that you are the exception and you are wrong. You will get caught! The enemy of our souls will make sure that you will be exposed at a time you do not expect.
3. What to do in case of a divorce.
1Corinthians 7: 10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
Divorce is never pleasant both to people and to God.
Malachi 2:16 (AMP) For the Lord, the God of Israel, says: I hate divorce and marital separation and him who covers his garment [his wife] with violence. Therefore keep a watch upon your spirit [that it may be controlled by My Spirit], that you deal not treacherously and faithlessly [with your marriage mate].
The first thing I want to mention is that in case of a separation or divorce because of lack of agreement there are some Biblical rules that most Christians don't follow either because of ignorance or because they don't want to listen to what God has to say about it. God hates divorce but doesn't hate people that are divorced. God loves you no matter what!
1Corinthians 7: 15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.
So let's say you are a Christian and your non-Christian spouse left you. You are not bound.
1Corinthians 7:39 A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.
If you widowed you are free to get married with the condition that your future spouse belongs to the Lord.
If you are in a process of separation or already divorced let me tell you that God is not against you.
Matthew 19:9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery."
4. The Blessing of Singleness
As we've seen earlier the circumstances in which Paul was writing this letter were really difficult. Because of the uncertainty about the future Paul tells them that it was better to remain single rather then getting emotionally attached to someone in a time of war and persecution.
1Corinthians 7:7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
Paul is saying that for him being single is a gift from God. Note that Paul was previously married because he was a former member of the Jewish Sanhedrim and a condition to belong to this group of Scholars was to be married.
God called us some to be married and some to be single.
Picture it: rural area, Sunday morning, church is packed and the devil decides to pay a visit. The doors burst open, and a rolling black cloud rolls in with the devil in its midst. People jump out of the pews and run outdoors, screaming - all except for two. One is the Pastor, the other is an elderly farmer. Satan is a bit perplexed. He points to the Pastor and says, "You! I can understand why you didn't run away, you are in your Lord's house, you preach against me everyday and you aren't afraid of me. But YOU (points to the farmer), why didn't you run out scared like everyone else?" The farmer crosses one leg over the other and drawls, "Why, I'm surprised you don't recognize me...I've been married to your sister for 36 years!"
Believe me, it's better to be single than having a wife like this old farmer...
Singleness gives you the opportunity to have intimacy with the Lord in a much higher level.
1Corinthians 7:32 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband.
If you are single the simple rule of life given by God is not to give yourself to an ungodly person. God knows you and loves you.
1Corinthians 7:17 Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches.
Conclusion
On their 50th wedding anniversary, a couple summed up the reason for their long and happy marriage. The husband said, "I have tried never to be selfish. After all, there is no 'I' in the word 'marriage.'" The wife said, "For my part, I have never corrected my husband's spelling."
