Drama Free
Matthew 10:9-15
Charlie Brown said it best: "I love mankind, it's people I can’t stand!" ...and we can all relate. Life could be so serene were it not for those pesky relational challenges. Last week we looked at the importance of the simplicity of our lifestyle, because the wrong attachment to money and material possessions can derail us from this mission. Today we are going to see the importance of relationships in this mission. It is vitally important to establish healthy relationships in your life to assist in serving God.
God works through people. God never does anything in the world except what God does through a person. Our Scripture today speaks of a “worthy” person. What does it mean to be worthy? A worthy person is an upstanding person in the community, well respected and of high moral character but that is not the same as a righteous person. A righteous person is a person who is in a right relationship with God, through their relationship with Jesus Christ. A worthy person may not have any relationship with God but they are. Why is it so important be around worthy people? Because who you associate with may well determine who you are but also what others think about you and that can impact your witness and your ministry. In an article written to pastors about how many pastors have lost credibility because of the appearance of immorality, Ed Stetzer tells the story of his doctor prescribing a sleep study as part of some health tests he was doing in preparation for his forthcoming new health regimen. The tech called me to arrange the details. Ed began to ask questions one of which was the setting—in this case, it was an office building with several faux bedrooms where they would wire him up and measure him sleeping. He asked about the staff, and she was "it." Then came that awkward moment. I knew she would not understand it, but he explained, "I can't come if it is just you and me in the building." So he skipped out on the study and had to pay the no-show charge. And then he writes, “I know too many pastors who have lost great credibility because of an accusation (let alone an indiscretion)….I am not irresistible. I have a great face for radio. I do not think that anyone will swoon over me. But I do not know the stability, morality, and disposition of people that I meet…. Guarding yourself takes work, can be awkward, and is often inconvenient. But one problem averted makes it a good stewardship of your life, ministry, and family.” Who you associate with will not only impact you and but may well impact other’s view of you and thus your ministry and your witness.
One of the criticisms of Jesus was that he hung out and ate with sinners. But what we notice in this passage is there are three characteristics about people who may not be in a right relationship with God, i.e. sinner, but that we can associate with. They are worthy people and we are sent to them to be on mission. .” So, some people may not even be aware of Jesus, but they are worthy people and in that sense, they are acting in the character of God. First, they are receptive people. They have this sense that they are responsible for more than themselves. They believe they are in the world to help meet other people’s needs. Look at Matthew 10:40 with me. Jesus said, “Anyone who welcomes you, welcomes me, and anyone who welcomes me, welcomes the one who sends me
Second, worthy people are hospitable people. A hospitable person is warm, welcoming and cordial. They give from the heart to others by serving them and their needs. They accept who God sends with a glad heart. They are sociable pleasant, friendly, and likeable. They are kind dealing with those who come our way affectionately, expressing courtesy, displaying decency, and sharing grace, helpfulness and patience. They are genuine sympathetic, tender, and thoughtful. They create a safe-space for people to enter. They are givers not takers. Also, worthy people tend to have boundaries. They respect other people. Zacchaeus was a tax collector. He wasn’t a righteous man, didn’t have a right relationship with God, but he was a worthy man. In Luke 19, when Jesus met him, he was hanging up in a tree because he had heard about Jesus and wanted to see him as Jesus went by. Jesus said, “Zacchaeus, come down because I must stay at your house today.” The reason Zacchaeus was a worthy man was because he jumped down and welcomed Jesus. This is hospitality at its best.
Third, they recognize the “Imago Dei,” the Image of God. Every person has been created in the image of God. I don’t care what their background is, I don’t care if you are gay or straight, Hindu, Muslim, Jewish, Atheist, agnostic - God created everyone in His image. God is not willing that any should perish, but all come to life. When worthy people see another person, they recognize that “holy other” and thus they see a person of value and worth.
The fourth characteristic of worthy people is they seek peace. Do you notice this emphasis on peace in this passage? Worthy people don’t wish ill will on anyone; their only offer or hope is for God’s well being for every person’s life. That is what peace is. If you went with me today to Israel the greeting you will hear on the street is not “hello” but “shalom,” which means peace, and wishing you God’s well being. It’s wanting the very best for other people.
Just as we need to surround ourselves with worthy people, we need to avoid toxic people. You all know people like this. Life Coach Cheryl Robinson says there are six kinds of toxic people. There are the blamers who are always complaining about what is wrong in their life and blaming others. Then there are the drainers. They’re like vampires who will come and suck everything out of you because they always want something from you: guidance, support, information, advice or help. There is no give and take and everything revolves around them. Then there are the shamers. They cut you off, put you down, criticize you or make fun of you in front of other people. Kids are the worst at doing this. Then there are the discounters. They discount or challenge everything you say. They have to be right and can find fault with any position. There are gossips who thrive on talking about others behind their back, most times to avoid talking about themselves. Then there are the demonizers – people who demonize those they disagree with. I don’t want to hear it. There is a lot of demonizing going on in the political climate in America.
When we get involved with toxic people we want to help, but the problem is they can’t be helped unless they want to change. What we find happens is that their toxicity begins to rub off on us and that can sabotage our own recovery and transformation, healing and witness. You need to lovingly and graciously speak to them about their toxicity. Remember, we are to speak the truth in love by saying, "I love you and our relationship is important to me but in an effort to honor our relationship, I need to tell you the truth. When you criticize me I feel drained and upset. I'd like to ask you to stop doing that so we can move closer instead of further apart. Are you willing?"
If they are unwilling to change, we have a responsibility to remove ourselves from this kind of toxic attitude and action. 2 Corinthians 6:14, “Do not be yoked unequally to unbelievers.” You become who you hang around with, folks. If you are around negativity, you will become negative. If you’re around gossip, you will gossip. If you are around people who demonize, then that is who you will become. We need to create a separation for the sake of ourselves, our spiritual walk and our witness.
But what do you do when you have someone in your life that you can’t exactly kick to the curb? Are there any biblical examples? We are supposed to have an attitude in us that is like Christ Jesus. Well, Jesus had Judas. Judas was in Jesus’ house. Judas stole from Jesus for three years. He betrayed him for 20 pieces of silver. Even though Jesus did not kick Judas to the curb, Jesus did not allow Judas to be the influencer. Do you remember the scenario when a woman came in who Jesus had healed and she poured expensive perfume on Jesus, Judas, as the treasurer, stood up and said, “Oh, stop her, this is a waste. We could have sold this and given it to the poor!” Jesus didn’t buy into Judas’ stuff. He didn’t let Judas’ toxic attitude control his sense of peace or well being. He confronted Judas and said, “Why are you bothering this woman? She has done a beautiful thing to me.” So the lesson is, if you can’t withdraw or get away from the person, confront their toxicity in love and concern and don’t let it affect the situation or you.
As we develop relationships with people you will see that it is a longterm investment. One of the problems with the contemporary culture today is that we never really invest or create deep relationships. We use the word “friend” so lightly. We really don’t have many authentic friendships, but we have a lot of acquaintances. It is because we don’t take the time. I am ashamed to say in the cul-de-sac I live in, I have never been in any of my neighbors’ houses, since I moved there in 1998. Most of the people have lived there as long as I have, and I don’t even know their last name. It is that casual “hi” and “bye” as you go down the street. Can any of you relate to this? We have barricaded and cocooned ourselves in and don’t bring people into our homes or our lives. We have a lot of acquaintances that we meet at work, at 12-step groups, church and community organizations, but we don’t have many deep friendships.
Yet, discipleship is relational. Disciples make disciples. You see, we have got to get into each other’s homes and lives where we begin to share life together. One of the problems in the church is that we have let corporate worship replace the home as the central gathering place of Christian community. In the New Testament, the home was the center of the community for the church. Acts 2:46 says, “Everyday…They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts.” So the whole emphasis is in building healthy, deep relationships as a part of this mission God has sent us on. We can’t do the faith journey by ourselves. We have got to recognize that these are not yet Christian people, but worthy people that God sends us to. We have to establish meaningful, close relationships with each other.
That means we have to take a proactive lead. In other words, we have to be influencers, not the influenced in these relationships. We do that by offering a peace which surpasses all understanding but which the world is hungry for. Matthew 10:13 says, “If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it. If it is not, let your peace return to you.” What was Jesus saying? Some people will receive your overtures of friendship and other people will not. If they don’t, then move on. In other words, withdraw from them. Our lifetime is so short that we need to concentrate on the people who are open to the Gospel. But is also means avoid toxic people along the way. Don’t let them influence you. You don’t have to carry their stuff. All of us have those kinds of relationships. Jesus says to love your enemies, but you don’t have to sleep with them. You have to create emotional safe space. Sometimes this is hard but someone else’s actions or attitudes are not going to determine my peace or my well being.
Share your story. This is what it all comes down to. It is really about you and me being Jesus’ witnesses. Look again at Matthew 10:14: “If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words…” What are “your words” that Jesus is referring to? It is your story. We’re not talking about shoving anything down anyone’s throat, just simply telling the good news of what God has done for me through Jesus. That is the Word. We are all on a mission. Did you know that right now the Holy Spirit has already prepared people who are in your oikos or network of influence, your work, neighborhood family or friends to hear your story, the good news of Jesus Christ. We are not called to sit here with the good news. Don’t sit on your assets. You are here to take the good news into the networks of our relationships. And in so doing, God can change the world through you, one person at a time.
Today, I want you to be honest with God about what toxin you need to let go of in your life right now. Something that you don’t need to be hanging on to, and you need to reclaim the peace of Christ. It may be something from your mom or dad, your ex-spouse, your sister or brother, shaming and gaming you. You don’t need that. It may be a person that you can’t get rid of like Judas. Well, today, Jesus says you are not going to be influenced by their negativity. It may be a person that you just need to get totally out of your life. Confess a toxin in your life before God, call it what it is, who it is. God, I give it to you. I repent, and I need your strength and power to move forward free of their toxicity for the sake of your mission.
