Series: Christmas is For-Giving
Message: Christmas is For-Giving 2 “Stop, Drop, and Give”
Topics: Forgiveness, Worship, Jesus, Church, Hurt, Pain, Asking for Forgiveness
Text: Matthew 5:23-25
Date: January 15, 2011
Pastor: David McBeath
INTRODUCTION
Today we begin message 2 in our series Christmas is for-giving. Christmas is for giving! Why because God gave us the greatest Gift—Jesus—who came to forgive us of our sins. So Christmas is for giving and its message of forgiving or forgiveness lasts all year long.
Last week we learned that even though Christmas has incredible potential to be great, it has the same potential to be hurtful, maybe, not as hurtful as it was for Santa in this cartoon. Take a look:
Now this guy is not just in trouble with his wife, he is going to be in trouble with millions and millions of kids. I can see the lynch mob of kids marching down his street led by my boys Ian, Gavin, and Keegan saying string him up boys. This is what happens when you mess with Santa Clause.
You know, year after year it seems Santa or the spirit of Christmas gets shot by the things people do to hurt us (you know those Psycho relatives we talked about last week). …But Santa also gets shot by you and me. We are responsible for ruining Christmases by the way we’ve hurt some of our family members.
Review
Last week we learned how to deal with the hurt and pain inevitably enters our lives around the holidays and all year long by choosing to Pray for those who hurt us, by choosing to Forgive those who have hurt us, and choosing to Bless those who have hurt us.
Preview
This week we are going to deal with a little more difficult topic for many of us: What do we do when we are the ones who have hurt those around us. How to we initiate forgiveness we’ve caused to others?
Take a look at this picture. To the Pizza Boy: forgive me wife this is the longest she’s ever been on a diet. It’s easy to ask for forgiveness for someone else. Isn’t it? But a whole lot harder to admit we were wrong and ask someone to forgive us. Just to prove this let’s take a little survey.
Survey
How many of you have wonderful people this morning, out of the kindness of your Christian hearts, have let people borrow something.
Guys, who here this morning has lent a tool to a friend or neighbor and that no good, low down, jerk never gave it back?
Ladies how many times have you lent someone a dish, baking tray, jewelry, or even clothes? The borrower, your friend, told you I’ll bring it back when I’m done and it’s been two years! Your thinking: The cake in the cake pan is rotten by now. You can’t be using it! Give it back sister!!
You know, I’m there with you. I lend book out all the time. Every time I give a book out the person taking it say, I’ll give it back to you as soon as I’m thru reading it. I’m like: It’s been 5 years!!! Are you that slow of a reader? You know what I’m talking about. Everybody that has lent an item and not got it back raise your hands. Looks like the vast majority of you.
OK, now here is another question. Raise your hand if you’ve barrowed an item from a friend or neighbor and haven’t given it back yet? That what I thought! Far fewer of us are in that category, at least from this church. Those no good thieves must go to the church down the road. My point is this: It is far easier to remember those who have hurt us than it is for us to remember when we’ve hurt other people. I’ll come back to this a little later.
TEXT
This is why today’s message is so important. It is all about how we initiate and receive forgiveness for the hurts we’ve caused others. This morning we are going to ask ourselves, “Have we wronged someone?” And, we are going to let Jesus teach us how to make things right as we consider Matthew 5:23-25. Go ahead and turn there if you like. I’ will read and you follow along:
Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.
STOP
The first thing I notice from this passage is that Jesus is telling us to Stop and acknowledge those we’ve hurt. The verse says, “…remember that your brother or sister has something against you.” In other words stop and deal with the issue!
Tops Parking Lot and Ice Cream Aisle
How many of us really do this? This is hard isn’t it? Maybe we are out doing errands, running around time and we stop at Topps Supermarket to get some things for dinner. Then we see “THAT” person we know we hurt walking into the store. What do I do? I wait in the car for ten minutes, so I don’t have to deal with the issue!
Or maybe across the store you we see the person we hurt. What do we do? What do I do? I quickly find an aisle to duck into out of site, one I don’t think they will go down. If I know they are on a diet, I am going to find the ice cream aisle and stand there 10 minutes acting like I’m trying to decide which ice cream to get. …Butter Pecan or Moosetracks? You know what I mean? People are looking at you like dude, just decide! Anyone else been there, done that? I’m sure I’m not the only one.
(Laughing) And you know the flip side is also true. They don’t want to see us! They caught a glimpse of us and said, “They will never go down the health food aisle.” They are standing in the aisle going: …Tofu or Rice Cakes and people are looking at them saying: Dude, just decide!
Christmas w/ 2 Ton Elephant
Back to family and Christmas, isn’t it amazing we will avoid people in our families or put on the “cordial smile” and don’t deal with the issues and the pain. We pretend it’s not there and that it will go away! We keep the skeletons in the closet! We don’t want to out the family secret everyone already knows about! Everyone can sense the The 2 Ton Elephant that is you that plopped down in the middle of the room! Maybe you’ve hurt someone with your prescription drug abuse, your alcohol consumption, your temper, your lack of compassion or empathy for a family member who got in trouble, your neglect of your kids when they were young why you pursued career goal, or neglect of your aging parent when they were put in the home?
Hiding behind Our Christianity
I am sure that in a church this size this morning there are a few of you who are hiding behind your Christianity and putting on a show. You know what I’m talking about, right? (Laughing) The family that walks in with their great big honkin Bibles like this! They think the bigger the Bible the more spiritual they look! They walk into church with their family. They all have smiles on their faces (make the cheesy forced smile). They act like everything is fine, but deep down they are covering up the hurt they’ve been causing their family for a while. They do this so people think we are a wonderful Christian family, but at home they inflict emotional abuse, verbal abuse, maybe even physical abuse on their family. Because they refuse to deal with their issue, they are afraid to stop what we are doing and ask for forgiveness.
What does Jesus tell them to do? What does he tell us to do? He tells us to take care of it! To get it right! He is telling you to stop and acknowledge those you’ve hurt!
What Keeps Us from Acknowledging Those We’ve Hurt?
What keeps us from doing this? What keeps us from acknowledging the hurt we’ve caused our friends and family? Here is a little insight. Generally we judge others by one thing and us another. More specifically, we judge others by their actions, but we judge ourselves by our intentions! We judge other by their actions and ourselves by our intentions or our heart!
Back to my book example: If I borrow a book from someone but had good intentions about giving it back before 2 years, I’m OK with myself. Why? Because, I meant, I intended, to give it back. But if someone doesn’t give me my books back then they are a no good thieving so and so!
Dads and Intentions
Let me give you another example. Dads, I don’t mean to pick on you, but Barna Studies show the number one hurt in most families comes from us! Grown children do not feel close to their dads and they are hurting!
Why is this? It is related to the principle I just shared. We judge ourselves by our intentions but our kids judge us by our actions. We know our hearts. We know we love our kids. We know we have good intentions, but often we don’t know how to express these intentions, or we feel uncomfortable expressing our hearts. The result: Our kids end up hurting inside because they judge us on our actions or rather our lack thereof! If this is the case with you stop and acknowledge the hurt you’ve caused so your relationship can move forward and grow! My message this morning is not meant to beat you down! It is meant to help you up! To make your life better! To help you experience the abundant life Christ promises!
Who Have I Hurt?
Here is the tough question you need to answer if you are going to experience the abundant life Christ offers. Honestly, before God, you need to ask yourself, “Who have I hurt?” Who have I hurt? Is it a family member, a mom, a dad, a friend, a son or daughter, an ex-spouse, ex-boy friend, ex-girlfriend, someone at work, at school, someone you play sports with? Who have you hurt? Take a moment or two and write down the name or names.
How Have I Hurt You?
Now let’s take it a step further. You know you have hurt someone but you don’t know how? Maybe it’s been so long you’ve forgotten. Or maybe it’s so hard to think about you buried to forget what happened? Or maybe you know God just want’s something better for that relationship. Here is the key question to ask: “How have I hurt your?” How have I hurt you? Be ready when you ask this question. Be forewarned there is not telling what you are going to get back from them.
DROP
The first thing we need to do to initiate forgiveness is to stop and acknowledge those we’ve hurt. The second thing we need to do is: “Drop Everything to Make It Right!” Look at verse 24. It says: “…leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”
Do you see that word reconciled? Do you know what it means? It means to make one! When you reconcile a checkbook, you are making sure that there is 1 answer as to how much money is in your account. You are making sure that you and the bank have 1 answer for how much money is in your account.
In John 17 Jesus prays that Christians will be one with each other? Jesus prays this the night before he dies! Why? Look at John 17:21. Jesus prays that we will be one or reconciled “…so that the world may know that you (God the Father) sent me (Jesus Christ).” Then in verse 23, Jesus prays that we will be “brought to complete unity or that we will be completely reconciled with each other in order “…to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.”
Did you get that? We are to be reconciled with each other in order to make love of God thru Jesus Christ known to the world! Now take a look at this cartoon?
Urgency
This one is not funny, is it? Back to our text, do you notice the urgency in Matthew 5:23 and 24? Jesus says, “If we are offering a gift at the alter and remember we’ve hurt someone. We are to immediately stop what we are doing. Quit worshipping and go make it right! Make reconciliation. That is what Jesus did on the cross. Yet we were the ones that hurt him. He didn’t hurt us! Yet, he makes the effort to make things right! How much more should we follow Jesus example if we’ve hurt someone? How will the world know Jesus is if we can’t be one as Christians.
If you are here this morning or watching on cable and you feel a church or someone a church has hurt you. I want to say I’m sorry. I don’t want the church to have that reputation. Come tell me how the church you were involved in hurt you! I want you to see that we are a church that desperately wants to be different and we are working on the goal of being a church, a community that is truly one with God and one with others! Friends and members here this morning, don’t let this cartoon be characteristic of us.
Why is it urgent that we make things right? Let me lighten things us for just a moment. I have a truly selfish motivation that you immediately make things right with those who have hurt you. Here’s the reason, take a look!
I don’t want any of you coming to me and asking that I chat with your friend. I don’t want to be the mediator between you and the friend you hurt who is now in a tank ready to blow you up! You what I mean! No!!! I’m not doing it!! OK, I will if I have to!!! But I will have the same look on my face that the pastor in this picture does!
It is urgent that we make things right or reconcile so things don’t get out of control like in this picture. You don’t want things to become like this between you and your friend, you and your spouse, or you and a family member do you?
Marriages
Let me give you an example from the world of marriages. So, someone hurts their spouse and their spouse hurts them right back! Then you go to bed. And you know what happens next, right?
One of you faces this way and the other faces that way! (Isn’t it amazing how cold the sheets are on a night like this—frigid!) You are both as close to the edge of the opposite sides of the bed as you can be! There is like 4 feet in the middle between the two of you!
The dog is like: Yeah I don’t have to sleep at the foot of the bed tonight—there is plenty of room right in the middle! The dog thinks he’s hit the jackpot.
You don’t talk! You can’t sleep ‘cause your mad! You make dang sure no part of your body even comes close to theirs. It’s like a game. If you do accidently touch their toe with yours—you lose big time points! And you yank it back so quick the sheets practically fall off the bed. Have you been there? Do you know what I’m talking about?
Then it is deafeningly silent. The silent game, the first one that talks—loses. And finally someone sarcastically says, “Well, are you going to act like this the rest of your life.” And things go back to normal. Except neither one of you have asked for forgiveness. Neither one of you have made an effort to make it right.
The sad thing is this, when you do this you are both losing big time!....Big Time! When you don’t make things right and just ignore them the hurt is going to build up in your marriage and one of you is going to come to my office, like this picture, because it is going to feel like your spouse is the one in the tank! I don’t want that for you and your marriage! God doesn’t either.
Realistically if your marriage gets to that point, it probably won’t last much longer. George Barna’s research indicates that the divorce rate in evangelical circles is higher than the national
average. Sad but true. Why? We are not reconciling immediately with our spouses.
Ephesians 4:26 says: "And don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry.” Matthew 5:25 says: “Settle matters quickly with your adversary.” Listen to some of the phrases from Proverbs 6:2-5 in the New Living Translation.
"…follow my advice and save yourself, …swallow your pride; go and beg to have your name erased [or forgiven]. Don’t put it off; do it now! Don’t rest until you do. Save yourself like a gazelle escaping from a hunter, like a bird fleeing from a net."
How to Make Things Right
How should we make things right? Here are a few of pieces of biblical advice. First we should do it face to face. Here is how the Apostle Paul handled a problem with Peter. Look at Galatians 2:11: "But when Peter came to Antioch, I had to oppose him to his face, for what he did was very wrong." When Peter came to town he dropped what he was doing to make it right. Now Paul is confronting something Peter did wrong and did it face to face, but I think the face to face principle holds true when we are asking someone to forgive us for what we’ve done wrong.
Let’s face it! Getting our phone out and sending a text doesn’t really get it done. I mean you can do that while you and your spouse are mad in bed facing opposite directions. My guess—its just going to make matters worse! Face to face is the way to show someone you care about the relationship. Writing a note? Well that may be OK in some circumstances. It is a little more personal, but most of the time the note doesn’t make things right! A phone call? Better! Bet not as good as face to face.
What do we say? These words are important. Write them down. The first thing you say is I’m Sorry I’ve Hurt You! I’m sorry I’ve hurt you! Now this is going to be hard! It is hard to say you’re sorry. Most of us, ppp—at least me, I am like the woman in this picture take a look.
The lady says do you have a card that hints at some wrongdoing but stops short of saying I’m sorry. That is great. You know why that is funny to me, because that is the card I’m looking for most of the time. How about you!
The first thing you say is I’m Sorry I’ve Hurt You! I’m sorry I’ve hurt you! PERIOD. Don’t add anything else. Again this is hard! Why, because we all want to say: …I’m sorry for what I did but this is what you did to make me do that! Don’t add any clauses! Don’t try to justify what you did! Come on! If you try to justify what you did, you’re probably not really sorry! Don’t say, I’m sorry for what I did but her is what is going on in my life that made me do it. Nope, don’t say it. You are cutting yourself an excuse. I don’t know how many people come to my office and tell me they are sorry for something to so and so …but…but…but! There are a lot of buts going around! And I tell them Buts are just excuses.
The next thing we say is Will You Forgive Me? Will you forgive me? I don’t deserve it. I don’t have any excuses. I’m not trying explain what I did or why I did it? I’m just throwing myself at your feet and saying I am sorry. I was wrong! Will you forgive me.
When we do this, we are vulnerable. We are putting ourselves in a position to get hurt. And we need to be OK with that! Romans 12: 8 says: "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." In other words, and this is for your notes, “Do your part and trust God with the rest!”
GIVE
If we are going to initiate forgiveness in order to heal our relationships and have the abundant fulfilling life Christ promises: First, we have to stop and acknowledge those we’ve hurt. Second, we need to drop everything to make things right. Third, we need to give our hearts and gifts to God. The last half of Matthew 5:24 says: "First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift at the altar.” In other words before we gather to worship we need to get these things right.
Reading between the lines, what is Jesus saying? He is saying you have 1 thing that really matters! One! That is it! One thing that is important!! What is it? Your relationships! Your relationship with God and with others! Love him and love them! And get this, are you ready? The way we show we love him is by how we love them, love each other. Loving others is how we show God we love him.
God is not interested in our religious activity. The show we put on for others on Sunday morning if we are not reconciled with our brothers and sisters. The Prophet Samuel put it this way in 1 Samuel 15:22:
“Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams.”
In other words, our offerings, our religious activity are nothing. They are of no value to God, unless we have asked for forgiveness. We ask God for forgiveness what we are doing is offering ourselves (our pride, our need to be right), to God, the person we’ve hurt with our sins. We are giving ourselves to him.
In the same way when we ask for forgiveness from a friend or someone we love, we are offering ourselves (our pride, our need to be right…ect.) to that person we’ve hurt. In Romans 12:1 the Bible says: "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies [our entire being] as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship.” We worship God when we give up our rights and ask for forgiveness.
If you are going to follow Christ you have to offer yourself in this way. We have to ask God and those we love to forgive us. We do this by stopping to acknowledge the hurt we’ve caused and dropping everything to make it right. This is our spiritual act of worship! If you need to worship God in this way this morning come and make it right. Come to the altar and pray. Ask God for forgiveness and then make it a point to ask the person or persons you’ve hurt for forgiveness today. Let’s pray.
