Trouble in Paradise - Matthew 5:31-32 - January 15, 2012
Series: Kingdom Life – A World Turned Upside Down #14
This April I will have been in full time pastoral ministry for some 10 years. In that time I’ve had the privilege of literally preaching several hundred messages. I’ve spoken in churches, care homes and hospitals. I’ve brought messages at men’s breakfasts, weddings and funerals. And some of those messages were difficult to deliver. I knew that what the Word of God said would not be popular with those I was speaking to. Yet despite the truth of all those things I do believe that the message I bring this morning will be the most difficult I’ve ever had to preach. In fact I cannot think of another topic in Scripture that is more difficult to talk about than the one we will look at this morning.
It will be difficult for a number of reasons. First, because it affects people that you and I know and care about very much it is emotionally charged. Secondly, because it is deeply personal and touches the lives of almost everyone here today. Thirdly, because while Scripture touches on it in a number of places, it is far from exhaustive on the subject, and I confess that I don’t have all the answers I would like to have this morning. Fourthly, well known and respected pastors and theologians have come down on different sides of this issue. Fifthly, because there is no possible way we can deal with this issue thoroughly in just one message. Sixthly, because it will not be a popular message and some of you will not want to accept it.
Despite those things, or perhaps even because of them, it is a Word that is worth preaching. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 tells us that “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” (2 Timothy 3:16–17, NIV) And that’s what we want, isn’t it? We want to be thoroughly trained and equipped for every good work that God has prepared in advance for us to do. We want our worldview to be molded by God’s Word so that when we see the need, or the hurt, or the sin, that we see it as though through God’s own eyes so that our response to it is godly to the very core. We want our families and churches to be shaped by the Word, to be refined and purified by it if you will, so that they are pleasing before God – our lives a living sacrifice unto Him. And that means that we can’t just turn to those passages that speak truths that are easy to accept. It means we have to look at those passages that challenge us, that “rebuke” us and “correct” us, passages that set us apart from the world. That’s what holiness means – to be set apart – and that’s what we are to be. Peter writes these words, “But just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”” (1 Peter 1:15–16, NIV)
That being said, please open your Bibles with me to the Gospel of Matthew. Matthew chapter 5, beginning in verse 31. This morning we return to our series in the Sermon on the Mount. I’ve called this series: Kingdom Life – A World Turned Upside Down, because that’s what Jesus is revealing to us through His words. A world where the priorities, values, and beliefs of our society are turned upside down when compared to the life God calls each of us to live. Life in the Kingdom is at odds with, is different than, life as many live it today and we need to ask ourselves, “Where am I going to take my cues for living from? Will it be from the World or will it be from the Word?”
We need to remember that all these verses we are looking at in this series are part of a bigger picture. They are all part of one message that Jesus preached one day up on a hillside. What has gone before cannot be separated from what comes after. So we need to be reminded this morning of what has gone before. Jesus started His message with what we call the Beatitudes. These are the things where we are going to find a true and enduring happiness – these are the things that will bless your life and mine and the fellowship we share. He moves from the Beatitudes to two word pictures. He takes things we are familiar with – salt and light – and He tells those who would follow Him that they are the salt of the earth and the light of the world.
From there He reminds us that He has not come to do away with the Law and the Prophets – what we would consider the Old Testament – but rather to fulfill them. And He speaks some hard words there because He tells us that unless our righteousness is greater than that of the Pharisees we will not enter into the Kingdom of God. How can we possibly be more righteous than these Pharisees who lived for righteousness? It’s a good question to ask, and the people of Jesus’ day were asking it as well, and as they listened to Him explain all these things, Scripture tells us that they were “amazed at His teaching, because He taught as one who had authority.” (Matthew 7:28-29, NIV) Jesus teaches with the authority of God.
Knowing that the crowds don’t understand this greater righteousness that He is calling them to, Jesus gives them six examples of what that greater righteousness looks like. And what we discover is this: This righteousness isn’t bound by the letter of the Law; rather it is bound by the spirit of the Law. And under the spirit of the Law, hatred becomes murder, for it is hatred that so often leads to murder. Lust becomes adultery because when you look at someone with that lust in your heart – you would if you could. If you could get away with it you would do it. You don’t fall into adultery – you lust your way there. And what we begin to see is that the spirit holds us to a much greater standard than the mere letter ever could. And yet the spirit of these things is what we need to grasp and live out because this is where God’s heart has been from the very beginning of. Which leads us to our verses this morning. Matthew 5, verse 31 …
“It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” (Matthew 5:31–32, NIV)
Would you join me please, for a moment of prayer? Father, how we pray and ask that your Spirit would guide us wisely and truly as we look into Your Word together this day. Grant to us an understanding in accordance with Your own heart. Help us to comprehend what this means for our lives, our families, our churches, our futures. We realize that the harsh reality of divorce has affected, in varying degrees, nearly everyone in this room. There is pain, and hurt and sadness, perhaps even bitterness, anger and despair. And it’s not just those who have experienced divorce firsthand who might be feeling those things. It could be that there are some in marriages even now where they’re asking, “Is it worth it? Can things ever be different?” Father, to the hurting bring comfort and healing. To those despairing grant to them grace and patience and hope, not just for tomorrow, but for today as well. In all these things help us to understand them, and see them as You do, that we might be of one heart and mind with You. In the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus, we pray, Amen.
“It has been said …” This is similar to how Jesus is going to introduce each of these six examples that deal with righteousness. In other words, “This is what you have heard …” “This is what you believe makes you righteous in the sight of God.” When it comes to murder, then, you believe that righteousness means not killing, when it comes to adultery, it means not having sex with a person other than your spouse, and when it comes to divorce, righteousness means you must give your wife a certificate of divorce before you send her on her way. If you do this you will have met the standards of righteousness that God demands. This is what the people had heard, this is what they had been taught and it all goes back to the words of Moses in the 24th chapter of the book of Deuteronomy.
In that chapter Moses makes a concession that a man may divorce a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something “indecent” about her. (Deuteronomy 24:1, NIV) But Moses insists that any man who does so must write his wife a certificate of divorce. This was meant to provide some measure of protection for a woman by allowing her to remarry without the stigma of being an adulteress. It was a legal document and helped preserve a woman’s rights. (The New Testament Mililieu, du Toit, et al.)
The reasons for which such a divorce could be granted though are somewhat difficult for us to completely understand. Just what qualifies as an “indecency” that would make such a divorce possible? Two schools of thought developed over the years in answer to that question, both of which would have been well-known and taught in Jesus’ day.
On the one hand you had those who followed a rabbi named, Hillel, and he taught that a husband could divorce his wife if she did anything that displeased him. So if she burnt the toast in the morning, and you didn’t want to put up with that anymore, then you could put her away, divorce her, and move on with your life. If a man found someone more attractive than his wife he could state that he was displeased by his wife’s appearance and again, he could divorce her. In essence Hillel taught that a man could divorce his wife for any, and every, reason.
On the other hand you had those who followed the teachings of another rabbi named Shammai. Shammai taught that the only legitimate reason for divorce was when one of the spouses committed adultery.
Now, the Pharisees, whom our righteousness must be greater than if we are to enter into the kingdom of heaven, believed that as long as they wrote their wife a certificate of divorce that all the requirements of the Law, and therefore of righteousness, were being met. They understood that at that point both they, and their now ex-wife, were each free to marry someone else with no consequences or moral censure. This is what was happening in Jesus’ day and this is what in essence is taking place in our day as well.
Along comes Jesus and says, “This is what you have heard – that you must write a certificate of divorce,” … “But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife … makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” (Matthew 5:32, NIV) And understand that Jesus isn’t coming along with a new law here, a new command. He’s going right back to God’s original intent for marriage. This is the way it has always been. In Matthew 19 Jesus makes it clear that while Moses may have permitted divorce that it was not that way from the beginning. Genesis 2 makes it clear for us that ever since the time of Adam and Eve God’s intent has been that marriage be a lifelong commitment between one man and one woman. When a man and woman come together in marriage, and in the sexual union that that implies, there is a bond that is formed between them that God takes very seriously. In February we are going to begin a series on marriage and we’re going to look at that bond in greater detail but for now let me simply remind you of the seriousness of that bond in God’s eyes, for in the Gospel of Mark we read that Jesus says “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Mark 10:9, NIV) Marriage is meant to be for a lifetime.
Depending on your translation, Malachi 2:16 states that “God hates divorce.” He hates it for a number of reasons, among them these … Man and woman are made in the image of God. When they come together in marriage that image is realized in it’s fullness. Divorce shatters that image and destroys the witness that God has meant for our marriages to be to the world. He hates it because of the hurt and the pain and the bitterness that leads up to divorce and that results from it. Divorce brings brokenness where God desires wholeness. And He hates divorce because in most cases divorce leads to even more sin and more brokenness, not just for those directly involved but brokenness for their families, their children, and their friends as well.
Jesus says that if a man divorces his wife he makes her the victim of, or causes her to commit, adultery. Many of the men of the day would have believed that in writing their wife a certificate of divorce that they were fulfilling the letter of the law and showing some concern for her future welfare. They would have reasoned that because she had a certificate of divorce she was free to remarry some other man who would come along and take care of her. Truth was that there weren’t a lot of options for the women of that day. Without that certificate of divorce, most of them would have been forced to beg or to become prostitutes.
But Jesus says that that certificate of divorce doesn’t mean a thing before the throne of God because it takes more than a piece of paper written by man to break the bond that was formed when that marriage was consummated in the first place. Instead of taking care of her by giving her that certificate of divorce the man who sent his wife away was in reality putting her in a horribly difficult situation. To survive she is likely going to need to remarry, but when she remarries she becomes an adulterous, as does her new husband, for in God’s eyes the bond that joins her to her first husband, is still in place. The man who divorces his wife not only sins himself, but makes two others the victims of, and participants in, that sin as well for his ex-wife and her new husband would have entered into marriage believing that because they had that certificate of divorce, this new marriage would involve no sin.
In the book of 2 Corinthians we read that God has made us ministers of a new covenant “not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” (2 Corinthians 3:6, NIV) And so it is here because as the men of the day lived by the letter of the law, and wrote these certificates of divorce, they brought a kind of “death” to those around them. If they had lived by the Spirit they would have brought “life.” It comes down to this: That which God has joined together is not so easily done away with by the hand of man. A man or a woman who divorces their spouse and then remarries commits adultery. That’s the teaching of Jesus who taught with the authority of God.
This teaching shook the people up. It’s not what they wanted to hear. It was contrary to the popular teachings of the day. In fact it shook up the disciples so much, that when Jesus talks about these things again in the 19th chapter of this Gospel, the disciples say to Him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.” (Matthew 19:10, NIV) And you know what? In a way, they are right! Today people are entering into pre-marital agreements before they tie the knot. These are legal documents that spell out who gets what if, or when, the marriage ends in divorce. If you are entering into marriage, and in the back of your mind you’re thinking that divorce is always an option if it doesn’t quite work out how you would like it to, then it probably is better for you not to marry. Marriage is not a commitment for the half-hearted. It can be wonderful and amazing and beautiful and exciting and satisfying – but it takes an awful lot of hard work and if you’re not committed to the hard work it is going to take, then again it’s probably better for you not to marry. From Day 1 God has intended marriage to be a lifelong commitment of one man to one woman and if you aren’t on board with that, it really would be better for you, and everyone around you, if you did not get married. This is a hard teaching but that bond between husband and wife is not easily broken by the hand of man.
In fact I’ve only been able to find three instances in Scripture where that marriage bond is destroyed and it appears that a person is free to re-marry. The first is the death of a spouse. Scripture makes it clear that when a spouse dies the other spouse is freed from the bond that bound them to the other person in life. 1 Corinthians 7:39 … “A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 7:39, NIV) So the only constraint put upon a believer whose spouse has died is that if they desire to marry again that they must marry a believer.
The second instance where that marital bond is broken is the case of a unbeliever married to a believer. Scripture teaches us that a believer is not to marry an unbeliever – it’s called being “unequally yoked.” So the situation that we’re talking about here comes about when two unbelievers are married and then one of them later comes to faith in Jesus. If the unbelieving spouse wants out of the marriage at that point the believing spouse is free to go - they are no longer bound. 1 Corinthians 7:15 … “But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.” (1 Corinthians 7:15, NIV) However, the believing spouse is never to initiate the divorce and is called to live with their spouse as long as their spouse is willing to continue in the marriage. Divorce is certainly not mandatory here by any means.
The third set of circumstances that break that marital bond is set out as an exception clause in our Scripture passage this morning. Jesus says, “But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery.” (Matthew 5:32, NIV) We need to understand this in conjunction with Matthew 19:9 where Jesus says, “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:9, NIV)
The general rule of thumb is that anyone who divorces and remarries, or anyone who marries a divorcee, commits adultery. The exception to that rule is when one of the spouses gets involved in sexual immorality. In essence they have made themselves an adulterer, or an adulteress, and that bond of marriage has been broken. In that instance divorce is permissible. But while it is permissible it is not required. I cannot begin to imagine the pain that an unfaithful spouse must inflict upon their husband or their wife. The sense of betrayal and shame and hurt must be indescribable to anyone who has not experienced that hurt themselves. But not every instance of adultery has been the end of a marriage. Some have seen it as a time for confession and cleansing and renewal and – it’s taken some time – but their marriages have emerged stronger than ever before as they worked through these things together.
These are the only three circumstances where that bond of marriage is broken and remarriage is made possible. If a person divorces for any other reason Scripture says that person is to remain unmarried or to seek to reconcile with their spouse. (1 Corinthians 7:11, NIV) So what does this mean for us who are here today? The truth is that we can’t even begin to address the vast number of scenarios that have lead to divorce and remarriage and seek to answer all your questions in the time we have before us. I can only try to touch on a very few of the situations people might find themselves in today.
For those who are considering marriage, or who would like to be married some day, these verses serve as a warning not to enter into marriage lightly nor without a great deal of forethought and prayer. For those who are married and wondering if they married the right person the answer is this: The person you are married to now is the person whom you are bound to in the eyes of God. Marriage isn’t just about marrying the right person, it’s also about being the right person. If you are married then the person you are with is the one with whom you need to make your marriage work. The answer is not to start looking outside of your relationship to find what you need.
Fight for your marriage with everything you’ve got! God’s heart is always for reconciliation rather than divorce, for wholeness rather than brokenness. If you don’t do that the time may come when you begin to hate, or despise something about your spouse and you will begin to lust after someone else because the grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence. And that lust will lead to brokenness and perhaps even to divorce. That’s the order Jesus has been building to in His examples, isn’t it? Hatred, lust, divorce.
For those of you who have been divorced I understand this may have been a difficult word for you today because it may be that your divorce or remarriage has no biblical grounds. And you’re wondering where that leaves you. I don’t have all the answers for you. I wish I did, but I don’t. In fact I think I have more questions than answers myself. I can only be guided by general principles. Many of the divorces and remarriages that take place today do not meet God’s guidelines and are therefore not acceptable in God’s sight. God hates divorce but I also fervently believe that He loves the divorcee. I can only conjecture that we must treat an unscriptural divorce and remarriage as we would any other sin. It must be agreed and confessed before a Holy God that we have sinned and broken faith, not just with our spouse, but with God Himself. We must be humbled and broken by our sin seeking the grace and mercy of our God and understanding that while our sin may be forgiven, it often carries with it consequences that we need to live with and in the life of the church Scripture would seem to indicate that divorce may bar you from serving in such roles as elder or deacon. That is a topic for another day. But know this - sin always leaves a scar.
For those who find themselves spiritually single – that is, they are married and they are believers but their spouses are not – do everything you can to make your marriage work. It may be the avenue through which God brings your unbelieving spouse to faith in Jesus. You are not to initiate divorce proceedings but you are to build into that marriage as long as your spouse is willing to remain with you.
I’m sure you have many other questions – I do to. We need to seek to understand the deep value that God places on our marriages and we need to know that it takes more than a piece of paper written by the hand of man to break that bond in which husband and wife are joined in the eyes of God. We can fight for our marriages and we can seek to live in all godliness and love as we do life together.
Let’s pray …
