MAKING HEALTY HARMONY
1 Peter 3:8-12
In a “Peanuts” cartoon, Lucy says to Snoopy: “There are times when you really bug me, but I must admit there are also times when I feel like giving you a big hug.” Snoopy replies: “That’s the way I am . . . huggable and buggable.”
And so it is with us and our relationships. We need each other, yet we annoy each other. We are like the two porcupines that were huddled close together on a cold, cold night in the mountains. They needed to be close to each other to stay warm, but when they did their quills pricked each other. They needed each other, but they also needled each other.
Peter says to a congregation of believers: Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another. (1 Peter 3:8 NIV) “All of you” pretty much covers everyone, doesn’t it? No one can say I’m exempt. Or it doesn’t apply to me. This instruction applies to all of us because conflict is inevitable for all of us, even Christians. Even the disciples, who walked in Jesus’ shadow and learned at his feet got into disputes.
When two or more people come together the potential for friction is heightened. Too much friction causes heat. Too much heat results in fire. Fire brings about destruction.
Ironically, The people we are the closest to are the people with whom we have the greatest conflict. In friendships, it seems that we are off again and on again. In marriage, it seems that before marriage opposites attract each other, but after marriage opposites attack each other. Church life can get messy and divisive.
So effort, adjustment, correction and work goes into minimizing friction and maximizing harmony. It is not easy. Our sanctuary choir and instrumentalists work hard each week so that our worship music will be in harmony. Making healthy harmony takes maturity. In fact, nothing tests your personal maturity like conflict. Intensity shows our true colors.
So, how do you eliminate fatal friction and make healthy harmony. Fortunately, Peter elaborates on this very topic in the verses that follow to show the acts and attitudes needed.
SYMPATHY …be sympathetic
When we are sympathetic we seek to understand where people are coming from, their background, their temperament and the circumstances that have shaped them. It is not the last step to resolution and harmony, but it is often the first. In Steven Covey’s book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, one of the habits is “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
When we are sympathetic, we see folks differently. Rather than seeing your neighbor as the grumpy man down the street, we see him as the product of someone with no friends. Rather than see the troublemaking teenager, we see the young man who has grown up without a father or a strong father figure. Rather than seeing a cheap tightwad, we see someone who grew up in poverty and is insecure about ever having enough. Rather than seeing a no-good addict, we sympathize with one who has given control of his life to an outside substance.
Sympathy does not that we validate their actions or ideas, but their feelings. Again, this is a beachhead to move toward harmony. Francis of Assisi’s familiar prayer includes the words, “Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace. . . . O Divine Master, grant that I may . . . not so much seek to be understood as to understand.”
We may not know all the reasons why conflict has arisen, but trying to understand the roots of it is the first step in diffusing it.
FAMILY LOVE …love as brothers…
We might think of fighting like brothers. But Peter is writing to Christians and reminds them that we are brothers and sisters through Jesus Christ. Thus, we are on the same team, in the same family. And God’s design is not for families to compete with each other but to cooperate.
A friend of mine from another church in our community said something I like about congregations working together: We ain’t fighting anyone but the devil. That is good to remember because on eof Satan’s most successful tactics is to get Christians fighting one another, thus pointing our attention inwardly rather than out to how we are to impact the community around us.
Remember, that this love is designed to be the characteristic that defines us as followers of Jesus. For Jesus said, By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. John 13:35 NIV
COMPASSION …be compassionate…
Other translations use kind-hearted or tender hearted. Compassion says, “Let’s not just talk about loving each other, and let’s demonstrate that love by what we say to each other and how we act toward each other.” Jesus’ compassion led Him to minister to the multitudes. The Good Samaritan’s compassion on the wounded traveler inspired him to come to the aid of the man. The father of the Prodigal Son saw his dirty and broken son heading toward home and was so filled with compassion he ran and met him, washed the boy up, put clean closes on him, and threw a big welcome home party.
Compassion is choosing to love rather than choosing to hurt or divide. Harry Emerson Fosdick was a well-known pastor and minister in the early part of the 1900’s. Speaking of major conflicts he experienced in his ministry, said, There are many opinions. Opinions may be mistaken; love never is. Make your mistakes on the side of love.
HUMILITY …and humble.
I said earlier that the Jesus’ disciples had conflict. A common subject was greatness. Look at these two examples.
An argument started among the disciples as to which of them would be the greatest. Luke 9:46 NIV
Also a dispute arose among them as to which of them was considered to be greatest. Luke 22:24 NIV
Those two verses read almost identically, but they happened at opposite ends of Jesus’ ministry. It was an ongoing argument about who was greatest. Jesus was much more concerned about who would be least.
If you are to have any relationship of any quality, there must be humility present. Notice that the opposite of humility is not so much arrogance or pride, but rather stubbornness. Stubbornness isn’t humble because it always has to be right, or go first, or get things your own way. Stubbornness may not be the bossy pushy type but rather be the whinners who complain until they she get their way. Neither are being humble.
A local ministry brings people with construction men together to perform home repair. Many of these men are used to being leaders. But for that the good of the project, some who are used to being in charge are asked to be humble followers. A marriage that lasts must have people who are humble enough to say things like, I love you, I’m sorry, Will you forgive me?
Humility means you are able to disagree without being disagreeable. You can walk hand-in-hand without seeing eye-to-eye.
BLESSING
Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 1 Peter 3:9 NIV Rather than returning the hurt you have received, extend a blessing back and YOU inherit a blessing.
I know I cannot get into the mind of Simon Peter, but I wonder if, when he was writing these words, he was thinking of words he heard Jesus say:
You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. Matthew 5:38-39
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:43-45 NIV
In any relationship there will be times of disagreement and conflict. At those times we are faced with a choice. We can reciprocate, retaliation, revenge and repay. OR we can, as Peter prescribes, repay evil and insult with a blessing. Just as Jesus said, The way to conquer people who are mean is with kindness.
Much of that blessing comes in our language. Peter turns to quote from Psalm 34:
“Whoever would love life and see good days
must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech.
No trash talking. No mud slinging. If we want to have harmony in your relationships, we are going to have to master our mouths, watch our words, and tame our tongue.
Peter summarizes the pursuit of harmony in v. 11: Seek peace and pursue it. The language of divorce sometimes says a couple has irreconcilable differences. God’s heart and desire is not that we never have differences, but that, when we do have conflict, we work to reconcile them.
God wants us to be Peacemakers. Among the beatitudes, Jesus said, Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God. (Matthew 5:9 NIV) Note he said peacemakers. The job of peacemakers is NOT to start conflict nor intensify conflict, but to do all that is within his/her means to diffuse conflict and resolve harmony. Romans 12:18 says it well: If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. And, in order to do that, we must pursue peace with a passion in our relationships. We must actively work hard at settling quarrels and not starting them.
Why is this so vital? Because by making healthy harmony we are like God.
Did not God choose to sympathize with us by walking in our shoes by coming to this earth?
Did not God demonstrate his love for us by going to a cross to die for us?
Did not God give us a blessing by granting us abundant and eternal life?
Did not God take the initiative to bring people together, reconcile them, as a peacemaker?
We can only experience peace with others when we know peace with God through Jesus Christ. Dave Ramsey closes his radio show on financial council with an affirmation that the only way to financial peace is to walk with the Prince of Peace, and that’s Jesus Christ. I appreciate that statement, but there is more. The only way to spiritual peace, and the only way to emotional peace, and the only way to relational peace is to walk with the Prince of Peace.
If we all look first to Jesus, to be at peace with Him, to be in harmony with him, to be in tune with Him, then we will be in tune with one another. Why? Because when we grasp the lengths Jesus went through, the humility, the loss, the pain, so we could be in harmony with God, it makes what we need to do to be in harmony with someone else seem so small by comparison.
