Life Simplified
THE Power of Friends
November 13, 2011
INTRODUCTION
IN 2005 the average American watched 28 hours per week of Television.
In 2009 that had risen to 34 hours a week.
+6 hours surfing the internet
+1.3 hours watching video on mobile devises
We now spend 40.3 hours a week interacting with the glow of a screen.
So what have we lost? A study conducted by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, released in June of 2006, revealed that Americans have less people they can confide in than past generations.
In 1985, the average American had three people in whom to confide matters that were important to them. In 2004, that number dropped to two.
Perhaps even more striking, the number of Americans with no close friends rose from 10 percent in 1985 to 24.6 percent in 2004.
Janet Kornblum, "Study: 25 Percent of Americans Have No One to Confide In," USA Today (6-23-06), 1A; submitted by Bill White, Paramount, California
In an article for The Chronicle of Higher Education, William Deresiewicz examines the new forms of friendship that have emerged in the age of Facebook.
"Friendship is devolving, in other words, from a relationship to a feeling--from something people share to something each of us hugs privately to ourselves in the loneliness of our electronic caves."
THE CULTIVATION OF GOOD PROVERBS-DRIVEN FRIENDSHIPS ENHANCES OUR PURSUIT OF WISDOM, LIFE SIMPLIFIED.
In proverbs "Good Friendships" are characterized by qualities, blessings that produce a positive result in our lives.
The sage of Israel wrote, "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another" (Prov. 27:17).
Jesus sent them out two by two. Luke 10:1-3
Gal 6:2
The friendships of our lives will build up or tear down. Proverbs 22:24--25
Don't befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people, or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul. (NLT)
I. Consistency in Constancy
A good and faithful friend evidences constancy, a consistency.
Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity. (NIV)
A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need. (NLT)
But real friends bring a consistency and constancy into our lives that we come to know and depend upon.
A few years ago a friend of mine from another church called me in the middle of the night. He was on the way home a business meeting, where he had been engaged in a stimulating forum that included the input from an attractive woman who dealt with an affliction in her life that he also dealt with. He was calling me to do two things. Confess his attraction, though he was married loved his wife, had never cheated on her or entertained the idea of cheating, he found himself attracted. Second, he asked me to contact him the next week the evening of the follow-up meeting in which the two would be forced to work together of the same project.
A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need. (NLT)
He had been there for me in the past. Including one night when I woke him up at 3:00am and asked him to go get coffee with me or I wasn't sure I'd make to church the next day.
A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need. (NLT)
Do you have a friend who will stand with you in your day of trouble? Do you have a friend you admit you struggles to, do you have a friend who is there for you? Who will stand with you in your journey in the day of trouble?
This type of friendship is a two way street. All of us want those types of friends, are we willing to be that type of friend.
I love my neighbors, and sometimes they have gone through some really big struggles. In those days, I choose to be there with them. Why because they need a friend in their time of trouble.
These "friends of opportunity" are similar to "fair-weather" friends. "Lopsided friendship" They are of no value for real needs and support.
But some so-called friends do not "love at all times." Solomon wrote in
Proverbs 14:20, "The poor is disliked even by his neighbor, but the rich has many friends."
Are you that type of friend to another?
II. Candor in Counsel
Noun: The quality of being open and honest in expression; frankness.
A true friend possesses candor.
"Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy" (Prov. 27:6 NIV)
Proverbs 27:5-6
An open rebuke is better than hidden love! Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy. (NLT)
A genuine friend offers wise counsel, even a healthy clash of views. This counsel, even in the form of loving disapproval, as shared among friends, is healthy.
Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel. Proverbs 27:9
Friendship allows open and sometimes difficult counsel to be conveyed to our lives.
Proverbs 28:23 - He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue.
Illustration:
I had one of those little embarrassing moments the other day. One that could have been a big embarrassing moment. I was in the office on my way to a meeting when Janet said, "Pastor you need a Tissue."
Was I embarrassed? Well yeah.
Was I thankful? Oh yeah. Think what it could have been like?
Proverbs 27:5-6
An open rebuke is better than hidden love! Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy. (NLT)
Such a counselor is a friend to be cherished.
In our tolerance we have mistakenly judged Godly candor to be wrong. We have lost the ability to allow friendships to sharpen us.
III. Compassionate yet Challenging
Candor is always balanced with Compassion
I'm not as prone to manipulate people's emotions as I am to forget them.
Stuart Briscoe, Leadership, Vol. 11, no. 1.
A trustworthy friend has compassion the leads to appropriate action.
Proverbs 25: 20 Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on a wound, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.
Distresses and afflicts him the more; as he cannot sing himself, he cannot bear to hear others sing; such rather should be condoled and wept with than to have songs sung to them.
Proverbs 17:9 (NIV)
9 Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.
"Do not forsake your friend and your father's friend, and do not go to your brother's house in the day of your calamity. Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother who is far away" (Prov. 27:10).
Solomon understood that we had an obligation to those around us.
Proverbs 21:13 - If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered.
Proverbs 24:11-12 (NIV)
11 Rescue those being led away to death; hold back those staggering toward slaughter.
12 If you say, "But we knew nothing about this," does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?
Does not he who guards your life know it? Will he not repay everyone according to what they have done?
In The Masculine Mandate: God's Calling to Men, author Richard Phillips writes:
There are two statues in Washington D.C. that together tell a remarkable story. One is the massive memorial to General Ulysses S. Grant that stands at the east end of the Reflecting Pool, literally in the morning shadow of the U. S. Capitol building. Visitors can hardly miss this majestic depiction of the legendary general atop his war stallion. Grant's military leadership was decisive to the Union's victory in the Civil War, and he is considered a symbol of the force of human will, an icon of the strong man who stands against the storm when all others have shrunk back.
Some two-and-a-half miles away, in a pleasant but nondescript city park, stands a more commonplace memorial. The statue of this lesser-known Civil War figure, Major General John Rawlins, has actually had eight different locations and is hardly ever noticed by visitors. Rawlins had been a lawyer in Galena, Illinois, where Grant lived just prior to the war, and he became Grant's chief of staff. Rawlins knew Grant's character flaws, especially his weakness for alcohol. At the beginning of the war, Rawlins extracted a pledge from Grant to abstain from drunkenness, and when the general threatened to fall away from that promise, his friend would plead with him and support him until Grant could get back on track. In many ways, it was Rawlins who stood beside the seemingly solitary figure of Grant the great general. Rawlins' memorial is modest compared to the mounted glory afforded Grant, yet without his unheralded love and support, Grant would hardly have managed even to climb into the saddle.
Van Morris, Mount Washington, Kentucky; source: Richard D. Phillips, The Masculine Mandate(Reformation Trust, 2010), pp. 121-122
Galatians 6:2 (NIV)
2 Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Friends who have proved faithful for decades should be cultivated further, but some look for friendship, even with relatives, only in times of trouble. Our "best friends" will be those who are nearby -- constant, candid, counseling, and considerate. We all ought to build better friendships, providing the kind of positive influence that will help people go to heaven and build up the body of Christ.
SUMMARY
Solomon understood there were great blessings to be discovered in our pursuit of wisdom to be found in friendships.
* Consistency in Constancy
* Candor in Counsel
* Considerate in Compassion
CHALLENGE
Avoid the big stumbling blocks.
* Thinking friendships are a one way street.
* Failing to understand that good friendships are cultivated.
* Settling for lists of acquaintances rather than true friends
An article from Wired Magazine explored why AA has been able to help millions of people recover from an alcohol addiction. The article begins by stating, "Despite all we've learned over the past few decades about psychology, neurology, and human behavior, contemporary medicine has yet to devise anything that works markedly better." The question is: Why does AA help so many people find and maintain sobriety?
This article focused on one factor: the power in a small group of like-minded friends who provide support, honesty, and accountability.
The article described how honestly sharing problems with a small group of supportive friends has been shown to help people overcome their problems.
Small groups -- get involved -- Make Friend
